Better When He's Brave

by Jay Crownover

  “You didn’t give me a chance to hit the control for the window. The people in the building across the street probably just got one hell of a show.” It was really early in the morning, but still.

  He pulled the condom off and situated himself back inside his pants. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with eyes that once again looked summer-sky blue. “I wouldn’t have let you hit the tint. I want the people watching us to see.” He said it so matter-of-factly that it left me stunned. He knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted Conner to see what we were up to, wanted my ex to see us together like that. It hadn’t been about us at all. He told me he needed to take a shower, but I couldn’t really hear him over the sound of my heart yet again blowing up because of this man.

  I was never going to learn. Or I would learn, but it was going to be too late by the time the lesson took hold to keep it from breaking me.

  Chapter 10

  Titus

  I FELT LIKE A stranger had taken up residence in my body. He was doing things, saying things, making choices I would never make. I wanted to chalk it up to being tired, to the stress of almost losing my brother, to the frustration of figuring out too late who Roark was and exactly why he waging war on my city. But the truth of it was that I had grown up on these streets, had fought my own fight to survive and become the man I was, so there was just as much dirt and grime under my fingernails as the next guy’s. The rough parts of who I was and how I had become him had always been buried deep down inside of me, covered by my sense of honor or my drive to make the world around me a better place for the innocent and unprotected. The layers that covered up the darkness and brutality were getting thinner and thinner, and what was starting to get exposed was the heart of the man I really was.

  The soul of that man had no qualms about getting in as deep and as far as he could with Reeve. She made the edges that poked at him less sharp. Those navy-blue eyes brought the calm, and that mouth, the things she did with it, made the buzzing from every bad thing that followed me home go quiet for a few minutes. She was like belladonna. So pretty and soft on the outside, so delicate to the touch. But once she was on the inside, once you had any part of her, you knew she was strong enough and deadly enough to kill you. She was just as dangerous on the inside as I was, and I was pretty sure after that round of purely animalistic sex in the living room, I no longer cared. I didn’t have any desire to search out reasons and logic to stay away. I liked being with her. I liked that she wanted to make sure that I was okay. I liked that she looked at me like I was everything and then in the next blink dared me to give her all that I had. I was done trying to make myself feel bad for the attraction that pulled me toward her. I wanted to feast on it instead.

  I was always careful during sex and not just with protection. I knew I had a tendency to get intense, to forget that my partner didn’t need the escape, need the oblivion in the same way I did. More than once, sex had ended badly when I let the leash slip and the act turned into more than the girl could take. Reeve didn’t care. She didn’t just tempt the beast that lurked inside of me, she poked the needy bastard with a stick and demanded he come out and play. She called to the parts of me I often forgot existed. She demanded more and more.

  It was that same beast on the inside that demanded that I show Roark exactly what he was missing. I wanted her, and I had known that I was so exposed, so unsteady with emotion after Bax had finally woken up, that any kind of sympathy or kindness on her lovely face was going to have me climbing all over her. It was an added bonus that I got to cram that fact right down Roark’s throat. It was crude. It was classless and she and I both deserved better than that, but the second she told me everything was going to be okay, I lost it. I may have taken it too far, lost my mind with hunger and need, but the end result would’ve been the same. I would have taken her. I was bound to lose myself in her whether Roark was watching or not. It was an added bonus that the stab of revenge felt good. I just hoped she wouldn’t hold it against me. I planned on explaining it all to her and clarifying my moment of insanity and lust once I got a few hours of sleep and my brain didn’t feel like it was made of cotton candy.

  I got out of the shower, rubbed a towel over my head, and wrapped another one around my waist. The bed that lived on the massive elevated platform looked like heaven and I could hardly keep my eyes open as I stumbled toward it. I was so tired I didn’t even notice that Reeve was sitting on the end of the mattress until I flopped down and almost kicked her. She had changed into a pair of skintight black pants and an oversize sweater that fell off of her shoulder and bared way too much creamy skin for my liking. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail on the top of her head and for all the world she looked like any normal, hot chick on her way to work at some trendy salon for the day. Nothing about this woman was normal and all the things that made her so complicated were the things that made her so tempting.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” My voice sounded sluggish and heavy to my own ears.

  “I need to run an errand. I’m going to have Booker take me. I need to get out of here for a few hours.”

  She had been cooped up the entire time I was at the hospital. She was probably going stir-crazy. She was following orders and laying low. I was such an asshole for not thinking to borrow a phone or to even use the landline in Bax’s room to let her know what was going on. She deserved a break and a chance to get out of the loft, but selfish bastard that I was, I wanted her to stay with me. I wanted her to tell me it was going to be okay over and over again and I absolutely didn’t want her anywhere near Booker after what had just gone down between us in the living room. If I was functioning at full capacity, I might have been able to put all of what I was feeling and struggling with into words she could understand. Since I was only at half capacity I reverted back to the guy I always seemed to be around her, the one that was unhinged and greedy with want and need. The one that took without asking. The one that forgot to be civilized.

  I levered myself up so that I could get my hands around her upper arms and pull her with me as I fell back on the bed so that she landed mostly on me. I rolled so that I was on my side and her back was pressed firmly against my front. The towel had been lost at some point but I was too exhausted to care and her rigid posture as I held her to me indicated she wasn’t the least bit interested in the fact that I was naked and holding her close. I didn’t care. I felt my heartbeat start to settle, felt my limbs start to get heavy and lax. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled her flowery and girlie scent. Nothing in the city smelled that good.

  “I need to sleep. Stay with me for an hour then I’ll take you wherever you need to go. I need to head back to the hospital anyway.” I sounded sleep drunk and I wasn’t sure the words made it out or if I just thought them as darkness started to pull me under.

  She wiggled a little against me until I squeezed my arms even tighter around her and put a hand on her flat belly to keep her still. I made sure every inch of her was pressed up against every naked inch of me. That was what a real-life dream felt like.

  “You’ll sleep better if you have the bed to yourself.” She whispered the words but I heard them loud and clear.

  “No, I won’t. Everything seems to be better with you close by. Just give me an hour, Reeve. Please?” I inhaled her and knew there wasn’t going to be any fight left in me as soon as I exhaled. I always seemed to be asking her to give me things, which was so against my character. I never took for myself—at least I hadn’t until she came back to town.

  I couldn’t stay awake any longer to see if she agreed to stay or not, but when sleep finally claimed me I went under thinking about a peaceful meadow and a sky that was about to turn midnight blue.

  When I woke up the loft was dark and it was well into the afternoon. I had definitely slept more than an hour according to the digital clock next to my wallet, gun, and badge on the nightstand. I woke up alone. It shouldn’t have surprised me after the way I had manhandled her and been all
over her like a maniac. She was tough but every girl needed a little bit of finesse and I had given her none. No matter what she may have done in the past, or the choices she made that kept us on different sides of the law, she still deserved what every other girl that was willing to give of herself deserved, and I had given her nothing when she deserved everything for taking care of me.

  Swearing at myself, I threw an arm over my eyes and tried not to think of every single thing I had done wrong where Reeve was concerned. It all started when I turned her over to Roark to begin with. I shouldn’t have let a badge automatically lead me to believe he was one of the good guys. I knew better than that. It had been dirty cops that had dragged me beaten and bloody to Novak. Cops that had been on the crime bosses’ payroll since before I had even made detective. The good guys were getting harder and harder to come by and yet I had been so blinded by revulsion at her actions, so outraged that such a pretty girl had done such ugly and illegal things, that I wanted her out of sight and out of mind. I thought with her in the marshal’s hands the desire that kicked at me when I looked at her would stop warring with my head screaming at me that she was bad news. I wanted her to be someone else’s problem because I felt guilty for wanting her. I thought she was bad news but that didn’t stop me from admiring her bold honesty about the pretty messed-up things she had done. The push and pull of my feelings toward the troublesome beauty had me shoving her off as quickly as I could before I did something foolish like take her to bed or fall in love.

  I heard the front door open with a quiet snick and then the click of shoes on the floor. I could tell she was trying to be quiet in case I was still asleep, so I called down to her, “I’m up.”

  She didn’t reply but I heard her steps change direction as she headed up the stairs. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked like you needed the rest.” Her head cleared the landing and her eyes skimmed over me before a flush worked into her face.

  I looked down at myself and had to smirk. I was still on top of the covers and still very naked. All it took was her being in the same room to have my dick twitching in interest.

  “I did. I wasn’t thinking very straight. Did you take care of whatever you needed to do?”

  I could have sworn something that looked like guilt danced across her dark eyes, but then her attention landed on what was happening below my belly button and her expression shifted to something else.

  “I did. Booker took care of it for me, and I also stopped and got you this.” I grunted a little as she pulled a small box out of her purse and tossed it in my direction. It landed on my chest with a thump. I picked up the cell phone and lifted an eyebrow at her.

  “You got me a phone?”

  She shrugged and took her purse off her shoulder. It hit the floor with a thud and she winced a little. I frowned at her and shifted so I could swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I wasn’t used to having anyone do anything for me, and every time I turned around she was doing something thoughtful and kind like that.

  “Thank you.”

  “Well, you said you didn’t have one and I figured you needed a throwaway since Roark is probably tracking everything you do. It’s no big deal.” She bit down on the lush curve of her lower lip and my cock went instantly hard. There was no pretending I wasn’t paying attention to every little thing she did now. I was stripped naked in more than one sense and she could see it all. “Wanna get dressed and go see Bax? I’ll tag along if you don’t mind. I kind of want to check on Key.”

  I rubbed a hand across the fuzzy lower half of my face and cranked my neck to the side. The popping noise it made was loud enough that she heard it from where she was still standing at the top of the stairs. “Key?”

  “Keelyn . . . Honor, whatever you know her as. She used to come into the salon I worked at before . . .” She trailed off. Before and after always seemed to be such important indicators. “Anyway, she’s never had it easy and she doesn’t have many friends because she’s kind of a bitch, but I’ve always liked her. I think she might like seeing a friendly face.”

  “Friendly? Weren’t you trying to beat the crap out of each other last week?”

  She shrugged again and moved a little closer. She licked her lips again, her gaze locked firmly on the erection that was now standing tall and straight between my legs.

  “There are only a few shades of difference between friend and foe in the Point. Sometimes the same person plays both roles.”

  The tension between us popped and cracked like it was a living thing. Electricity arching and bouncing from me to her and back to me.

  “Reeve, come here.” My voice dipped low and heat started to pool thick and dense in my veins.

  She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at me just a fraction. “I don’t think so. I gave you your hour, Titus. I don’t think I’m up for giving you anything else right now. I know you want Roark to make his move. I know you’re furious he almost killed Bax, but no one wins a game like this if everyone playing is a pawn.”

  Shit. I knew she was pissed about the windows, and even with that she had stayed with me while I slept. That made me want to grab her and put her under me forever.

  “You aren’t a pawn, but I am an idiot. Look, when I walked in that door I had so much stuff going on in my head . . .” I trailed off and took a deep breath. “I was barely holding on waiting to see if Bax was going to make it, and then he opened his eyes. I had to explain to all the people that matter to me that Novak’s legacy is still fucking with our lives. I had to tell Bax he has another half-sibling out there besides me, and this one wants him dead.” I shook my head slowly at her. “All of that had to go somewhere and that somewhere was you. I wanted you, Reeve. I came here to you instead of going back home or to the apartment in the city. I screwed up, but what happened between us is very much about you and me and has nothing to do with him.”

  She wrinkled up her nose like she was considering the validity of what I was saying to her. So I held out a hand in her direction. “Come here and I’ll prove it to you. The windows are dark. There is no one in this room but you and me. I want you whether we have an audience or not. I’ll show you if you just come here.”

  She was wavering. Her eyes told me she wanted to take those few steps that separated us but the way her body was stiff and the way her hands involuntarily curled into tiny and fierce fists told me she wasn’t completely buying my assertion that our previous interlude had been based on lust and overwhelming passion rather than macho pride and bitter vengeance. That made me feel like an utter tool bag. Now that I wasn’t sleep-deprived and strung tight with too many emotions to name, I knew that in this moment I absolutely wanted her more than I wanted revenge for what Roark did to my brother.

  I asked her softly, “Have I ever given you reason to doubt me before this morning?”

  Her fingers finally relaxed a little and she took one step closer to me. “No, but we haven’t really known each other very long.”

  “I don’t have any kind of hidden agenda here. You know I want you and that it’s complicated because I need you to get at Roark. I can admit that neither one of us was really playing pretend when it came to acting like we were attracted to each other and that something between us was bound to break loose. Now that it has, I’m done trying to stop it. You want me, you got me.”

  She took another step closer and reached out her hand so that her fingertips brushed mine. “It’s not the want that’s the issue, Titus. It’s everything that’s more than that.”

  She wasn’t wrong but I couldn’t think about that until Roark was off the streets. That was a different battle that was going to have to be fought and I didn’t know what kind of shape the warriors were going to be in when it was time to fight or throw up the white flag. Since she was close enough to touch now, I snagged her wrist and pulled her so that she was standing between my legs. My dick twitched happily in her direction, and I put my hands on her hips and leaned my head forward so that it rested right belo
w her breasts. She tunneled her fingers through my hair and nothing had ever felt so nice. She was trying to soothe me, but I wondered if she knew that the gentle way she handled me had the opposite effect. It made me want to eat her up, which is exactly what I was going to do.

  “I can’t do more right now, Reeve, so this is all we’ve got. It’s this or nothing.” I reached around her and pulled her closer with a hand on her ass. When she was as close as she could get, I started working my hands up underneath the back of her loose sweater. She didn’t seem to have anything on under the flimsy material. There was no bra to get in my way as I smoothed a palm up the delicate divots of her spine, taking the fabric with me.

  She let go of my head and brushed her hands over my shoulders. Her touch made me shiver, and once I had her top all the way off of her, I clasped her to me and pulled her back on the bed so she was sprawled over the top of me. I needed to get her as naked as I was, so I flipped her over so that she was on the bottom and went to work on her pants before she even gave me the green light. Her tummy sucked in as she breathed in deeply when I started to pull the stretchy fabric down her mile-long legs.

  “I guess it’s this.” Her voice was husky and kind of smoky-sounding as I tugged her boots off and then crawled back up over her prone form so that I was hovering over her, my erection rubbing enticingly against the soft skin of her stomach. She always felt so good even when I wasn’t really touching her.

  I looked down at her and promised with everything I had in me, “I will make this worthwhile. I will make this enough until we can tackle more. This matters, whatever it is, and for now this is everything, okay?”

  She regarded me solemnly for long moment, long enough that my dick got impatient and moved against her like it had a mind of its own. That made her lift a dark eyebrow at me and everything inside me surged when a sweet half grin lilted up the sides of her mouth. “Okay. This with you is more than more was with anyone else anyway.”