Cjiena: Beginnings

by Patrice Caraway

  Once the hut was empty save us and the man, he walked over to us and placed his hand upon our forehead. “Ama-sin, look at me.”

  My attention snapped onto him, and the man jumped back. “I see the one who comes after you,” he whispered, “whoever you are, you must be extremely powerful for me to see. It is rare one can actually break through the memories and be noticed in the past.”

  He seemed to talk directly to me, however, Ulgog or Ama-sin as I finally learned his real name never took notice. He continued to wreath in pain, and finally I let the memory fall away. ~

  When I came to, I finally realized the understanding of controlling the voices, was really the same as the power that I used to reach into other’s minds. It was like being in a room full of hundreds of people and only focusing on one.

  “Find the weakest,” a voice whispered inside my mind, “then you may know their true hearts”

  Without thinking I did what the voice commanded and found the one who seemed to have the faintest of line connected to me. When I reached out to touch them, I heard every word his mind thought, without his knowledge that I was even there. “I hope she gives us the memories,” he thought, “pray that she gives them to us, so we might be what we once were. The Ulgog before last betrayed his people by not sharing the knowledge.”

  I withdrew. “So that is why they are so desperate. They depend on me to share my memories. No”, I thought,” they depend on whoever holds the memories for they have none of their own.”

  “See now the truth,” the voice within me said, and a tumble of memories whipped through me.

  NAMZU

  The man who I had seen in Ulgog’s memory, was the Great Ulgog before him. His name had been Namzu, and he was born to a people far to the south of us. When his people came to our steppes for trade, he had become lost from them in the woods, only to be found by our sister tribe, and was taken in half starved.

  And when his people failed to find him, nor the sister tribe find them, he was adopted by their tribe’s chief, and given a home.

  Soon however, it became apparent that Namzu shared the gifts all Ulgogs must have and was made an apprentice to the Ulgog of his tribe. And when that Ulgog died, he was given all the memories of all the Ulgogs who came before, or so he thought.

  Unbeknown to him, another one of our sister tribes had been receiving the memories of the other Ulgogs, but never adding any of their own. For generations they had built up their knowledge and memories, plotting to one day take over all the tribes as a whole, and be ruler to us all.

  In the meantime, a couple had come to Namzu, for he seemed to be the wisest of them all, and was given the honor of naming their baby son, whom he named Ama-sin, after his brother whom he had lost, for he had felt a strong connection, and in his wisdom, he knew the child would one day be an Ulgog like himself.

  Recognizing the boy’s gift, Namzu kept a close watch over the child, and when Ama-sin’s powers became more noticeable, he convinced the Ulgog of the boy’s tribe to train him.

  By this time, the Evil Ulgog, whose memories were ruled by those who plotted decided the time was right and began to take control by murdering all the other Ulgogs, and one by one he poisoned them with no one the wiser.

  When Ama-sin’s Ulgog died, he was given the memories, and was told by his Ulgog to trust only Namzu, as something was afoot amongst the others.

  When Ama-sin came to and was able to relay his warning, Namzu immediately set out to find the perpetrator, but by the time he found them, only he, Ama-sin, and the Evil Ulgog remained.

  Both Ama-sin and Namzu used all the knowledge they knew, and in the end, it happened to be a Winged One that took the Evil Ulgog down. Briefly, I saw the face of my father before he faded into nothing. Only his eyes could I see in the shadow, the eyes that had followed me for so long.

  With the Evil Ulgog vanquished, Ama-sin and Namzu made an agreement to return to the old ways, when the knowledge of all the Ulgogs were held by one, and the rest were servants to the people, healing them and guiding them. In the end, it seemed like the Evil Ulgog had gained his wish to pass the memories on, even if it wasn’t the way he wanted, but he did offer his memories to Namzu, in the hopes that his memories would defile him and cause Namzu to finish his evil plot, and he would rule with an iron fist. But Namzu kept fast in his faith, and his vision, to provide servitude to all the people of all our tribes, not rule them all.

  Namzu and Ama-sin then chose people to replace those that had been lost. They were not as talented as the Ulgog’s that had been lost, however those who were lost had to be replaced. Both taught their extensive knowledge of healing and prayer to the Ulgogs they trained.

  With Namzu’s death, Namzu’s true power was revealed, for not only had he given Ama-sin the memories of the Ulgogs, but also the memories of his own people, that had been given to him by my father. And with that my birth followed soon after, and just as Namzu had seen power within Ama-sin, Ama-sin had seen the power in me, and knew that I would one day replace him.

  APPRENTICE

  As the memories faded, bringing me back once more to the present my eyes slowly opening to the world around me. I saw all the Ulgogs had now opened their eyes and were staring at me rather curiously. By the lines that connected us, I could almost feel all that they were about to say, their hearts were open and I could read their emotions based on that which the light given off by the lines that connected us.

  They became anxious, and the line faded from blue to orange, and finally the one who had made the original demand shouted out. “We know you have them, why not give them to us?”

  My eyes snapped to him. “You know perfectly why I will not give you the memories. Ulgog didn’t choose you, he chose me, because he knew you better then you probably know yourselves. None of you...” my voice trailed off as my eyes followed another connection that had grown towards me. A pale purple light burned brightly more than the rest. I knew it without really knowing, that it was Anari who spied upon us. It was she who would be chosen, just as I had been and as Ama-sin had been.

  “None of you are worthy, except her,” I said as I pointed to the trees.

  For a few moments we waited in utter silence, until Anari gained the nerve to step forward. When she came into view, all the Ulgogs gasped in either disgust or displeasure, but I watched Anari’s light fade from purple to a brilliant white, and I knew that in this, she was the right choice.

  When a few announced their displeasure, I reminded them it was I who had the memories and could choose anyone I wanted. “But you must die in order to transfer them” one said, but I only replied with a knowing smile.

  “You either accept her to be trained, or I will depart with the memories and you will have nothing, not even the sacred pouch”

  By this time, all the Ulgogs had jumped to their feet and huddled around each other for encouragement, but even with each other, they could see that they were weak in their power, and could never hope to overcome me in either strength or wisdom, as I now held all the memories.

  Begrudgingly, they accepted my terms, and one by one they left, without looking back. As they walked, the light that connected to us continued to shine, but faded into almost a mere wisp. Only when they were out of earshot, did I place my hand on Anari’s shoulder and stare deeply into her eyes. “It is now up to you,” I stated, “It is your choice.”

  “If I choose no, what will happen?” she asked.

  “I was told by Ulgog that should I withhold the people’s memories that the tribe will eventually die out, and more than likely, they will part ways for forever more.”

  Understanding the importance of her choice, Anari nodded. “I shall go pack my things.” She said knowingly. I nodded to her, and respecting her privacy, I let her return to camp alone so she could fully grasp her situation.

  I whistled softly for Quilari, who hadn’t wandered far, and we both set off to return to the village, which had now been turned to a graveyard. I knew that with my leaving
, the remaining others would pack their things and either merge with another group or try to remain on their own. Either way I would be leaving them, and only when she was trained, would Anari return to them.

  When I entered camp, death still seem to hang in the air, and the people had already begun to pack their things. I watched as Anari approach her mother and whispered some words in her ear. Her mother angrily turned to look at me.

  “You took everything from me” she cried, “You took my whole family without even a second thought, and now you take my only remaining daughter as well. May the Mother curse you.”

  I took a deep breath and refused to reply, simply guiding Quilari back to my hut so I could add to the packs I would place on her back. In time Mori’s cries turned to merely tears, as she accepted the role her daughter would play for the people, and she began loading up packs as well.

  I was deeply surprised when she was finished, she loaded up two horses, one for riding and the other for backup. I could tell that even in her sadness, she understood what was to come, and thanked her silently for her strength. Mentally I reached out to her and told her I would protect her daughter above all things. For a moment she was startled, until she turned to look at me. Her glare was accusing, but she finally nodded, acknowledging she understood.

  With both Anari and I packed, we mounted our horses, beginning our trail into the unknown.

  And with that, a new story begins.

  I sat back from the computer and contemplated what I had already written. Taking several deep breaths, I wondered if even now the events that passed was what led to the downfall of the Yamnaya people as they are now known. I wonder if Ulgog and my mother had ever been found by anthropologists and prayed that they had long since been taken into the earth and left in peace. I knew they walked in the Undying Lands, but I could not bear to see their physical remains. Not even now after so many centuries.

  I took a deep breath and exhaled, annoyed at myself. One thing that irritated me above all was the fact that I still suffered from human emotions. Even after so many centuries, I was unable to distance myself from the feelings that washed over me constantly.

  My mother had said that my father seemed devoid of emotions, almost as if he seemed to mimic them rather than feel them. I had wondered if somehow this was a result of his relationship with the Great Mother, that the Winged Ones lacked the ability to comprehend the complexity in what makes humans human. But if I were to believe the story that Ulgog had told me so many years ago, that the Winged Ones or Watchers as they had become known had been changed to reflect the extremes of humans.

  One thing I had noticed of my kind is something I have never been able to explain. Those of us who had wings were neither good nor evil, we seemed to take more after our human parentage, while those who are born without wings, or at least those whom I have suspected of being born from the watchers, seemed to be born with the pure evil or good that was bestowed upon them by their fathers. I still do not know if that was a gift or a curse given to us by the Great Mother, but I do know that it has made it rather hard for myself and others with wings. Thankfully, I had been given the power to make it easier for myself, a gift that I had taught to others whom I encountered through the centuries.

  I shook my head. I need a break, a break from myself and my life, if only for a moment. I need to clear my mind.

  AKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  To my husband who spent countless hours letting me speak my ideas aloud and offered feedback as well as inspiration. Your endless encouragement made this story possible.

  To my amazing children, who not only listened to the never-ending history lessons as I did my research, but who gave me the space to write when I needed it, and who’s childhood dreams helped me to keep dreaming.

  To Morgyn, my daughter, who read my book and compared it to her favorite series, which was the biggest confidence boost of all.

  To my stepmother Marilyn who spent a great deal of time encouraging me and editing my book to help me achieve my dreams. Without you, this book would never have made it past the first draft.

  To my dad Chuck, who told me he would publish my book if I didn’t. Thank you for believing in me!

  To my sister Jenny whose enthusiasm, feedback, and the countless help with edits, gave me that final push I needed to publish my book. Thank you for reminding me of my courage.

  Randi Shaw, who’s faith in me has been unbounded and who’s light helped me find the way.

  To the wonderful people who read and gave me feedback on my book: Cassandra Lynch, Tiffany Heitz, Kelly Boone, Ginny Trueman, and Gabby Skeldon.

  My incredible group of family and friends who continued to support me with their excitement. Thank you for believing in me.