Thorns Before Roses

by Hanna Ruthie

  “I uh, I have practice,” I say, feeling a little awkward.

  “Okay,” she says softly. “We can meet again tomorrow to make up for the time we lost today in tutoring if you want?”

  “Yes, please,” I reply, grateful for the extra time. I squeeze her hand again and then release it.

  “Have fun at practice,” she giggles.

  Her laughter makes me smile. “Yeah I… I’ll try.”

  I stare at her for a little bit until she gives me a playful push.

  “Go,” she says, smiling. “You’re going to be late.”

  “Yeah yeah I’m goin’.”

  I let my eyes wander over her for a few more seconds and then, with a sigh, I turn to go. I’ll try Josie.

  Chapter 13

  Josie Virginia.

  My phone buzzes on my nightstand with a text. I finish the sentence of the book I’m reading and then set it down against my chest. I reach across the bed for my phone. As soon as I open up my phone and view the text, I’m smiling.

  Matthew: Hey.

  Me: Hi :)

  Matthew: So listen, I have a tournament from Wednesday to Thursday this week so it looks like I’m gonna miss tutoring.

  Me: Shoot, that’s too bad, we only have a few weeks left ‘till semester’s over

  Matthew: Yeah I know, anyways, just wanted to give you a heads up

  Me: Can you study on the bus?

  Matthew: Haha good one

  Me: …

  Matthew: Oh you were serious?

  Me: Yup

  Matthew sends me back a thumbs down emoji.

  Me: Come on, it won’t be that bad

  Now he sends two thumbs down emojis. It makes me giggle to myself.

  Me: What if I write up just a couple pages of notes for you? Will you at least read over them?

  Matthew: I guess

  Me: You guess?

  Matthew: Yes, I’ll read over them.

  Me: Thank you!! I can drop them off before you go?

  Matthew: I’ll come pick them up on Tuesday, I already know where you live anyways

  Me: Okay but it has to be a little later. I have to visit Cammy on Tuesday. How does 6 sound?

  Matthew: Good. I’ll be there.

  * * *

  The days leading up to Tuesday come and go quickly. I spend most of the day at the Hospital, sitting and talking with Cammy. It’s getting harder and harder to go. She looks worse every time I see her. The chemo and radiation has made her so fragile. It’s killing her. Everything is killing her. I hate seeing it. I almost had a breakdown when I left her today. I just got through the door and all I want to do is watch a movie and pass out. I flop down onto the couch and release a heavy breath. When there’s a knock at my apartment door, I almost cry. I hardly have the energy to get up, but I force myself to. I go to the door to answer it, surprised to see Matthew standing there.

  “Hey,” he says. He has a baseball cap pulled over his eyes, a black hoodie on with blue jeans.

  “Hi?” I say, confused.

  Then I remember. “Oh my gosh, you’re here to pick up the notes!”

  “Yeah,” he chuckles.

  “Of course! Come on in.”

  I open the door for him and go to the kitchen table. I hear the front door close and Matthew soon joins me in the kitchen.

  “Sorry it’s such a mess,” I say, looking through the piles of bills for my notes.

  “No worries.”

  I search through bills and bills from the hospital. Shuffling them around again and again, never finding my notes. It’s not until Matthew’s hand touches my shoulder that I realize I’ve been hyperventilating like a psychopath.

  “Josie,” he says softly. “Relax.”

  “Oh my God,” I say, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I just… I had a long day.”

  “It’s okay,” he says softly.

  “You know what, I think the notes are in my room. Why don’t you hang out on the couch and watch some TV and I’ll bring them when I find them.”

  “You sure?” He asks, his hand rubbing my shoulder gently.

  I nod. “Yeah, go ahead.”

  He goes to the living room and I hear the television click on. I head to my room and spot my backpack on the bed. Relieved, I search my binder and pull out the bio notes I made up for Matthew. Then I head back to the living area.

  “Okay here are-”

  “Wait wait,” he interrupts. “Come here, watch this play.”

  I sit down on the couch next to Matthew, noticing he has a basketball game turned on.

  “Look, he goes for a layup and… bam!” He says.

  I smile and yawn, snuggling a little closer into Mathew’s side.

  “Man I’ve been waiting all day to watch this game. Mind if I stay for a little while?” He asks.

  “No no, of course,” I say. I place his notes on the coffee table, curling my feet up on the couch.

  I’m close to Matt, like really close. Like, my leg is pressed up against his close. I can feel his warmth close. But it feels good and I’m so tired, I don’t have the energy to move. Matthew puts his arm up on top of the couch and his fingers are about an inch away from brushing against my shoulder. I yawn again.

  I’ll just close my eyes for a minute.

  I shut my eyes and sigh sleepily. I swear they’re only closed for a little while when I begin sliding and then snuggling into the warmth next to me. In the back of my mind, I know it’s Matthew, but I don’t have the energy to care. He can wake me up or push me the other way if he doesn’t like it. Instead, his hand does come down to my shoulder, and he brushes his fingers against me in soft little circles.

  I hear the basketball game playing over the TV and slip into sleep next to Matthew’s warmth.

  * * *

  My eyes open in the wake of bright light. I groan and shift in my spot. Then, I freeze. There’s a distinct smell surrounding me, and it’s one of Matthew. My head is resting on something very firm. Turning my head, I look up at Matt sleeping peacefully.

  Matthew?

  Matthew!

  Oh my God. Oh my God. My head is on Matthew’s lap. I fell asleep on Matthew’s lap? No, I distinctly remember falling asleep against Matthew’s side. I must have slipped down during the night. During the night?! Matthew slept over! Oh my God! My head is on Matthew’s lap!

  I sit up quickly, taking note of the blanket thrown over my legs. The blanket that Matthew put there.

  Oh my God!

  “Matt,” I say, shaking my friend who’s becoming much more than a friend.

  “Matthew.”

  “What?” He groans.

  “We fell asleep.”

  “What?”

  “We fell asleep Matt. You have your tournament today, you’ve got to get to the bus.”

  He groans louder, rubbing his eyes as they open up.

  “What time is it?” He asks.

  I look over at the kitchen clock. “Five minutes to Ten.”

  “Shit,” he says standing up. “I’ve got to go!”

  I pick up his notes from the coffee table and hand them to him, still squinting from the sun.

  “Thanks,” he says, running to the door.

  “Good luck at your tournament!” I call.

  He closes the door shut but not before I hear a grumble from him. It makes me laugh. It’s very… Matthew. Smiling, I drop my head down to the couch and get back to a peaceful slumber.

  * * *

  Five hours later, while I’m washing the dishes, I get a call.

  “Hello?” I say, answering without looking at the caller ID.

  “What the hell does this mean?” A voice asks.

  Confused, I hold the phone between my ear and shoulder while I dry my hands off. “Uh, may I ask who’s calling?”

  “It’s Matt, who the hell else would be calling?”

  “Ohh,” I say. “That explains the grumpy voice. What’s up Matt?”

  “I don’t understand something you wrote in your notes.”<
br />
  “Okay, what is it?”

  “Something about enzymes?”

  I giggle, setting down the rag I used to dry my hands, gripping the phone in my hand again.

  “Well, you’ll have to be a bit more specific Matt.”

  “I don’t know! You wrote all this fancy shit about cofactors and coenzymes and I don’t know what the fuck any of it means!”

  “Okay, chill out Matthew. We can go over it slowly if that’s what you need.”

  I hear him sigh over the other line.

  “I can’t do this when I’m not in person with you. You explain it well with your little diagrams and I like when you try to compare it to basketball.”

  I smile. “Well I think we’re discovering you’re a visual learner.”

  “I guess,” he replies.

  A few seconds go by before Matthew clears his throat.

  “Sorry I’m being so crabby. We lost our first game. And I went to look at the notes and just got frustrated. But now I’m thinking that maybe I just wanted to hear…”

  Hear what? My voice? Certainly not… right? He stops himself before he can get too far. I put my phone on speaker and continue washing the dishes, keeping the water low so I can hear what he’s saying.

  “Anyways,” he says, clearing his voice. “What are you doing?”

  “I thought I was tutoring you,” I reply.

  “No, we’ll just go over it when I get back.”

  “Alright. Then I guess I’m washing the dishes.”

  “I love washing the dishes,” Matt shares.

  “Really? I hate it.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “My roommates think it’s weird but I just like the place to be clean.”

  And then, incredibly, he gives me a little piece of himself. “It wasn’t really clean where I grew up.”

  “You mean the neighborhood?” I ask, careful.

  “Yeah the neighborhood and my house.”

  “Oh,” I say softly.

  It’s quiet for a minute and I can tell the moment has passed. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

  “So what are you doing?” I ask.

  “Nothing much. The guys are all down in the hotel pool. I just stayed in the room to study a little.”

  “You don’t what to join them?”

  “Not really,” he admits. “They’re fun but… I’m a little rough after a loss and I know they don’t want to deal with that.”

  “And I do?” I ask playfully.

  Matthew chuckles. “You deal with it better.”

  “Fair enough,” I say. “So why’d you guys lose?”

  “It was no one’s fault really. It was a tough loss. We played hard, but we lost by two points in overtime.”

  “Oh that’s tough.”

  “Yeah it sucked. But we’ll be able to make it up tomorrow.”

  “You get back on Thursday?”

  “Yeah really late. We have two games tomorrow.”

  “That’s a little demanding isn’t it?”

  “I guess,” he replies. “But sometimes we’ll play more than twice a day. There was a tournament I went to and my team made it all the way to the finals, so we had four games in one day.”

  “Four games… wow, I couldn’t do that.”

  “Well you do plenty of stuff that I couldn’t do,” he says.

  “Yeah? Like what?”

  “Like spending all day at the hospital.”

  I go quiet after that. Matthew fills the silence.

  “Yesterday, when I came over… you seemed… frazzled.”

  “Matt,” I sigh.

  “No, no, I didn’t mean it in an asshole way. I just meant… I could tell you had a long day is all. And I respect you for doing that.”

  “For doing what? Going to the hospital?”

  “Yeah. Going and taking care of your sister. And paying her bills and all that.”

  Aw man, he saw the piles of hospital bills on my table. I cringe a little.

  “And anyway,” he continues. “I just think it’s really cool of you. To look after your family like that.”

  “Thanks,” I say softly. “That means a lot.”

  Finishing with my last dish, I turn the water off and dry my hands.

  “Do you have any siblings?” I ask. I turn the phone off speaker and bring it back up to my ear.

  “Nope. Just me.”

  “Well that might be me soon too.”

  It’s a terrible thing to say, and I gasp after it comes out of my mouth. I don’t know why it flew out. It was an awful thing to even think.

  “Oh my God, I don’t… I didn’t…”

  “You didn’t mean it Josie, it’s okay,” he says softly. “I know what you meant.”

  “Really?” I ask, biting my finger.

  “Yeah,” he says quietly. “You’re under a lot of stress, it’s okay.”

  I nod my head, hearing the words of comfort he gives me. And speaking of being under a lot of stress…

  “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you last night.”

  “It’s okay,” he chuckles. “I fell asleep too.”

  “Yeah but I was totally snuggling.”

  “You were,” he laughs. “But I didn’t mind.”

  I bite my finger again, this time in excitement. “You didn’t?”

  “No…” he says softly. “It was kinda nice.”

  There’s a few seconds pause and then he adds,

  “And if you ever tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it.”

  “I swear, one of these days, I’ve got to find myself a tape recorder and start carrying it around.”

  Matthew chuckles. We fall silent for a few minutes as I go to my bedroom, lying down.

  “Now what are you doing?” He asks.

  “Lying in bed…”

  “Ooh, what are you wearing?” He wonders, his tone letting on that he’s messing with me.

  I blush furiously. “Ha-ha, nice try buddy.”

  I hear him laughing on the other end and moving around a little bit.

  “Hey Matt?”

  “Josie…”

  “Do you think I… could I possibly come to one of your games? You can totally say no, I know it might be weird to have your tutor there.”

  “Nah it’s cool,” he replies. “Besides you’re not just my tutor. You’re my friend.”

  His friend! I’m Matthew Steele’s friend. His friend who snuggles with him and is beginning to hold some serious feelings for him.

  “Shit,” Matthew laughs. “I can’t believe I just said that.”

  I laugh. “Yeah it did sound a little weird. But it was nice to hear.”

  “That’s good. Because I am… trying, you know. To be nice.”

  I smile. “Did you just shutter at the word nice?” I ask, teasing him.

  “Chill went straight down my spine,” he plays along.

  I laugh, enjoying this conversation so much. The ease of it all. The fact that he can call me and we can just talk about anything, and we can joke with one another and laugh with each other.

  “So I can come to one of your games?” I ask, just making sure he’s cool with it.

  “Yeah for sure, I’ll let you know when our next home game is.”

  “Yay,” I say softly, smiling to myself like an idiot.

  I hear him chuckle and then he says,

  “Hey Josie, I’ve got to go, some guys are knocking on my door. I’ll catch you later yeah?”

  “Oh yeah, of course!” I say, trying my best not to sound disappointed.

  “Bye Josie,” he says, and he hangs up before I have a chance to say it back.

  Chapter 14

  Josie Virginia.

  I’m exhausted. Between tutoring Matthew, trips to the hospital, and working at The Burger Joint, my brain is fried and my body is exhausted. I need a break. There’s a theater in the city which has cheap Friday features, so I look up the times and decide to catch a movie for a little much needed me time. It looks like the movies are mostly cult class
ics today, so I pack up my things and head out to catch the next showing of one of my favorites.

  I go all out at the theater, buying a tub of popcorn and a large soda to reward myself for all my hard work. I’m just heading into my theater when someone familiar walks towards the theater across from mine. I peak over, putting a name to the face that I see.

  “Chris!” I call. “Hey!”

  They just got home from the tournament last night, and I can’t help but wonder how it went. And if Matthew is here somewhere. Chris looks over at me and recognition covers his features. He’s with a girl- scratch that, a model. A beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed, big lipped woman who takes one glance at me and smiles lightly. Obviously she knows I’m no threat.

  “Josie!” He says. He comes over to me and grabs me in a big bear hug, taking me totally off guard. I clutch my popcorn and drink in hand as he pulls away from me, nodding to the woman by his side.

  “She’s totally smokin’ right?” He asks, loud enough for her to hear.

  I laugh nervously. “She’s beautiful.”

  She hears this too and smiles at me.

  “Are you here for Pulp Fiction?” She asks, pointing to the theater that they’re heading into.

  “No, but that’s a great one. I’m a sucker for Fight Club,” I reply, nodding to the theater behind me.

  Chris scoffs. “Lame.”

  “Leave her alone Chris,” she says, jabbing him in the side.

  He grabs her and pulls her into his side, kissing her cheek.

  I clear my throat, ready to make my exit.

  “Alright well…” I find myself trailing off when two more figures walk up behind Chris. It’s Thomas, and he walks out with a girl glued to his hip as well. He laughs at something she says and leans in to whisper something in her ear. I tear my eyes away, my heartbeat accelerating. Chris is here with a girl, Thomas is here with a girl, Matthew… will he be here? Will he be here with a girl?