Preconception

by Aliyah Burke

  Because if we didn’t, we’d have to sneak around forever and I couldn’t stand the thought of that. Mind you, we’d shared news of our loves and relationships in the past, had talked about the men or women we’d been seeing, so me being with Leon wasn’t much different, was it?

  Keeping the secret had wreaked havoc on my nerves, especially the past couple of weeks. Jen had seemed suspicious as to why I wasn’t going out with her as much—trips to the shops for new clothes or makeup, stuff like that—and had even asked if she’d done something wrong. I’d assured her she hadn’t but I don’t think she bought it.

  Besides, the irritation of not being able to reach out and touch Leon in any way other than in friendship grated on my nerves too. The man was on my mind twenty-four-seven, so to pretend he wasn’t had become a bit of a bind. At times I’d had to stop myself planting a kiss on his cheek or holding his hand while we drank ourselves silly with our gang. He’d slipped up once or twice too, putting his hand on the bottom of my back or absent-mindedly rubbing my thigh if we were sitting at one of the tables.

  Things had to change. Whether the others liked it or not.

  I pushed through a group of rugby players, assaulted by the overpowering smell of deodorant and aftershave where they’d obviously had a post-game shower. The mix was cloying, and I’d swear they pressed around me, trying to block me in. One of them pinched my bum, and I turned in a tight circle, studying all their faces to determine which one held a guilty look.

  “Who did that?” I asked, frowning. “Don’t you know it’s rude to do that?”

  “Rude’s our game,” one of them said, a short fella with cauliflower ears that would look right at home on a plate of Sunday roast.

  “Well, whatever your game is, I’m not playing. Could you move, please? I’d like to get past.”

  “We could,” Cauli Ears said, “but I don’t think we will. You fit more than nicely there. What’s it like being surrounded by a load of sexy blokes?”

  Sexy? They were average as far as I was concerned, but judging by their expressions they all felt the same as Cauli. God’s gift and all that. I found their attitude boring. How many years had I gone out with men just like them, thinking they were the kind of men I deserved—or, to be honest, the only kind of man available?

  Too many to count.

  “I wouldn’t know what it’s like,” I said. “Because I’ve never been surrounded by them.”

  Cauli narrowed his eyes. I’d hit a nerve. He reminded me of a man I’d slept with just before I’d started seeing Leon. The type who thought he was the best-looking man on the planet and that I should have been grateful he’d chosen me to fuck. At the time I’d been exceptionally pleased he had—stupid cow—but since then I’d learnt that people like him were in abundance and long-lasting relationships weren’t something they seemed to want. This Cauli was no different, I suspected.

  “That was a bit bitchy,” Cauli said.

  They pressed closer to me, so much so my arms were trapped by my sides. I glanced over at my friends, trying to catch their attention, but they hadn’t seen me come in and were deep in conversation.

  Fuck it.

  “It was,” I said. “And me screaming would be even bitchier because then you’d most probably get kicked out. So if you want to finish your pints…”

  No way was I going to be cowed by the likes of Cauli and his cohorts. Those days were well and truly bloody gone. It helped that I was a regular here and that any shout from me would have several people running to sort them out.

  Thankfully, they got the message and stepped back—but only enough so that I could squeeze out of their circle into another throng. How many men were on a sodding rugby team anyway? Or were their fans in here as well?

  Annoyed and relieved at the same time, I pressed on and made it to my friends. I stood by Leon—probably more for comfort than anything else—and pulled a face to show them I wasn’t best pleased.

  “What’s up?” Jen asked.

  She lived in a flat next to mine above the Chinese restaurant down the road. Since the night I’d first fucked Leon, she’d been seeing Gary—and she thought I didn’t know. I’d often pondered on the fact that we were both keeping secrets from one another—something we’d vowed never to do—but had let it go. Maybe it was time we grew up and moved on from the high-school mentality of always telling one another the ins and outs of the cat’s arsehole with regards to our lives. I didn’t find the prospect alarming but had a feeling Jen would find it difficult to mind her own business. I loved her, I really did, but she was a nosey mare.

  “Them lot,” I said, jerking my head to the side to indicate the arseholes behind us.

  “Oh, I know.” She stared at them over my shoulder, giving her best no-nonsense glare. Men had been reduced to withering wrecks by it in the past. “Rolled in half an hour ago as though they own the bloody place. Loud bastards, too.”

  “Pissing me right off,” Leon said.

  I looked at him to determine how pissed off he was—and realized he’d possibly caught part of the rugby players encasing me. If they’d given me any real trouble he’d have stepped in. If we were going to keep our relationship secret, he had to act as he would if we were only friends, and that meant intervening only when a friend should.

  “Me too,” I said. “Anyway, I’ve got something to tell you all.”

  Leon turned away to lift his pint from the bar and take a sip. We’d discussed this before we’d met up tonight. I was to make my announcement then he’d casually make his.

  “What’s that?” Jen widened her eyes, her face alight with interest.

  “I’m going away for a week,” I said. “By myself.”

  “What?” she shrieked. “Who the hell goes away on their own?”

  “I do.” I smiled. “I thought I’d take some time out. You know, get to know who I am.”

  “Discover your hidden self,” Marshall said. “Going all zen on us, are you?”

  I laughed. “No, nothing like that. I just want…” I couldn’t think what to say. Me going away was like a nun gleefully diving headlong into an orgy—it just didn’t happen.

  “Going away myself,” Leon said, saving me. “Work.”

  “Since when did you go away for work?” Gary asked, winking.

  “Since yesterday.” Leon took a gulp of beer.

  Shit, are they going to rat us out?

  “Boss usually sends some other bloke but he’s off sick.” Leon sniffed casually. “So I said I’d go. It’s only to Blackpool.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake!” I said, hoping the response of surprise I’d practiced earlier hadn’t come off as fake. “I’m going there!”

  “Well I’m buggered,” Leon said. “They say real life’s stranger than fiction.”

  I couldn’t look at him. I had a feeling we’d been too transparent. Instead, I stared at the others in turn. From what I could see, none of them seemed to have caught on to our subterfuge.

  “We could meet up if you like,” I said, busying myself by fumbling in my bag for my purse. I needed a stiff drink—a large one. “But if not, no worries.”

  “Nope, that’ll be fine,” he said. “May as well. I won’t have much to do in the evenings. Hadn’t liked the thought of spending it watching TV in the hotel.”

  “But they have porn channels, mate,” Gary said. “You could watch a whole series of them. Whack-off heaven.”

  Jen gave him one of her cutting glares. I stifled a laugh and smiled at Leon.

  When we got back the plan was to make out that we’d suddenly found we wanted to be together. Telling them we’d had a wild week in Blackpool that had surprised the hell out of us was better than saying we’d been carrying on behind their backs for months. Not that it was any of their business that we had, but belonging to a group of friends who usually shared most things meant I’d felt a fraud and a horrible person for keeping it from them.

  “So that’s the zen angle out for you, Mandy,” Marshall said,
grinning. “You know, being by yourself and all that.”

  “It is.” I pushed between him and Gary. “’Scuse me a sec, I need a drink.”

  I propped my elbows on the bar and caught the server’s attention. I ordered my usual vodka—a double, though—and that first sip was heaven. My mouth had gone dry with lies, but now it was sufficiently wet I turned to face the group again. Leon gave me one of his secret looks—‘I need to speak to you for a minute…’—and I let out a dramatic sigh.

  “Why does that always happen when I get in here?” I said. “I need the bloody loo again.” I put my glass on the bar. “Watch that for me will you, Jen?”

  Without waiting for a response, I wandered through the crowd toward the toilets. I had to go past Cauli and his friends so kept my gaze ahead and my chin high. As the bodies thinned out a bit, I breathed easier and took a left down the corridor that led to the ladies. About halfway down I heard soft footfalls on the carpet and smiled. Leon had gotten away quicker than he usually did. Once at the end of the corridor I turned to face the entrance—to find Cauli right in front of me, his width filling the space along with his cheap-smelling cologne. My heart skittered a bit, but I was well used to dealing with men like him.

  “Um, excuse me?” I said, sidestepping to make it clear I wanted to get away.

  “Why, have you had a lapse in the arse department?” He smiled, one of those smarmy efforts that told the world he found himself most amusing.

  “And you think a woman’s going to find you attractive when you say things like that?” I shook my head. “No wonder you’re single.”

  “Married, actually.”

  “Poor her then,” I said, glancing down at his hand to see no wedding ring or evidence that he’d ever worn one.

  His expression changed from smug self-appreciation to something sinister. My stomach muscles tensed and I had the urge to shove at his chest so he went sprawling.

  “You are one of those bitchy types, aren’t you.” He stepped forward.

  His chest was inches from mine. One of his shoes nudged my boot. He didn’t scare me—probably because I knew Leon was on his way—but in another situation he might have. What gave him the right to do this, to follow me then menace me in a corridor? Anger ignited, and I lifted my knee, connecting it with his groin. He crumpled a bit but not as much as I’d hoped. Moving closer, controlling his grimace, he pressed me against the wall. I did what I’d wanted to earlier and pushed at his chest, but he wasn’t going anywhere. All muscle, he stood his ground.

  “Married I might be,” he said, beer breath in my face, “but at least she isn’t a cow like you.”

  “Which makes me wonder why you’re even bothering with me. If she’s so wonderful, why the need to pick up other women? Fuck off out of my way.” That kind of line had worked in the past—being a loud-mouthed ladette had had its advantages.

  He moved—quickly—going backwards with such speed it took me by surprise. Until I saw he’d been dragged away from me by Leon then carted to the other end of the corridor. Leon said something to him, right in his ear, but I couldn’t make out what it was. Going by Cauli’s face, it wasn’t anything pleasant. A surge of pride went through me, and I wanted to whisper ‘My hero!’ and flutter my hand at my chest like some long-ago film star.

  I refrained.

  Instead, heart going crazy, I swallowed and watched. Leon shoved Cauli, who disappeared from view, then turned to stare at me down the corridor. I could have just run to him, thrown myself into his arms for saving me, kissed him madly then told him I was his for the taking. His masterly behavior had got me going, but having it away in The Rusty Nail wasn’t an option. Not one I’d contemplated before anyway.

  There’s a first time for everything…

  Leon stalked toward me, his face full of thunder, his fists bunched. I went weak at the knees and flattened my palms to the wall, my breathing unsteady. Fuck, he was gorgeous. He reached me, pushed his body into mine and gripped my wrists. Holding them up over my head and to the wall, he kissed me hard, taking away my ability to think of anything else but him. I kissed him back then reality kicked in. We were in The Rusty Nail. We could get caught. I snatched my mouth from his.

  “Stop it,” I said. “We could be spotted and I—”

  “I don’t care anymore.”

  He stared at me with such intensity in his gaze it had me realizing all over again why I loved him, why he turned me on like he did, why he was the man I wanted to be with. If I were bolder I’d let him fuck me right where I stood.

  He broke our connection. Glanced to the door on his right. Gestured to it with his head. “You up for it?”

  I looked at the door. It had a sign on the front. Staff Only.

  “What’s in there?” I asked.

  “No idea.” He opened it.

  A clatter of tinny thuds filtered out. I couldn’t see where it led but Leon smiled.

  “Sounds like the cellar’s down there,” he said, letting the door go. “Like I said, you up for it?”

  Was I? Could I have a bit of one-on-one time with him beside the beer barrels and their hissing mechanisms knowing someone might come down at any time?

  Yes, I could. I was Mad Mandy, after all, the woman who was seen as crazy, wild and up for anything.

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  About the Author

  Aliyah Burke is an avid reader and is never far from pen and paper (or the computer). She is married to a career military man, and they have a German Shepherd, two Borzois, and a DSH cat. Her days are spent sharing her time between work, writing, and dog training.

  Email: aliyah_burke@hotmail.com

  Aliyah loves to hear from readers. You can find her contact information, website and author biography at http://www.totallybound.com.

  Also by Aliyah Burke

  Through The Fire

  Seducing Damian

  Code of Honor: A Marriage Of Convenience

  Code of Honor: The Lieutenant’s Ex-Wife

  Code of Honor: A Man Like No Other

  Code of Honor: When Stars Collide

  In Aeternum: Casanova in Training

  In Aeternum: Harbor of Refuge

  In Aeternum: Protected by Shadows

  Interludes: Temporary Home

  Interludes: Alone With You

  With Taige Crenshaw

  Kemet Uncovered: Talios

  Kemet Uncovered: Devi

  Kemet Uncovered: Linc

  Kemet Uncovered: Saffron

  Kemet Uncovered: Taber

  Kemet Uncovered: Ashia

  With McKenna Jeffries

  McKingley: All the Wright Moves

  McKingley: The Best Thing Yet

  McKingley: Risky Pleasures

  McKingley: Pure Harmony

  McKingley: Irresistible Forces

  McKingley: Seduction’s Dance

  Totally Bound Publishing