by Dawn Brazil
I run the long narrow passage wall and punch each of them. I step back, out of breath, anticipating a reaction.
Nothing happens.
I’m hoping one of these buttons accomplished what I came in here to do. Now, I have to find a way out. The most obvious exit is the one I came in. Except, it means going back down the ladder.
This second trip will be easier. The gunk that’s stuck to them won’t surprise me this time.
I shine the light on the ladder, prepared to step on it. A shiver splinters through me. The entire frame of the MegaHex vibrates. What the Houston is going on now?
One of the buttons on the metal wall falls to the floor, rolling and landing at my foot. Everything shakes violently like I’ve been tossed in a can full of marbles.
Chapter 46
I scramble to the wall to clutch one of the enormous buttons so I don’t fall back down into the labyrinth of darkness. The wall offers little support, but it does shield me from some of the debris that’s tossed about. I’m nearly catapulted into the air by the strong vibrations. With a death-grip, I cling tight to the button. The bot shakes and rattles more. Before I realize what’s happened, I’m upside down. My fingers cramp from the strain as I dangle in the air.
Someone is beating the robot like a piñata and I’m the stuffing.
My grasp on the button is shaky. Sweat drips from my brow to my aching hands. I’m going to fall deeper into the robot and there’s nothing I can do to alter it.
The underside of the big button is metal, and it tears into my skin. Blood trickles down my arm and trails across my limb like a parade of ants. My right hand falls off the button. I dangle in the air and scramble to grab hold of it again, but I can’t.
My hands and legs thrash wildly as I cascade in the air toward uncertainty. I knock my head against a metal flap that protrudes from the side of a wall. Cords run along the base of the wall and I thrash wildly to catch one between my fingers as I fall up. Miraculously, I manage to grab and hold tight onto one. I push myself into a fold in the flap of the robot and hide behind the cords in a tight corner.
My head screams for me to move from this spot. Admit defeat and die with a measure of dignity alone, my heart says. My heart and head battle for position. My heart is the victor. The time I’ve wasted in here has certainly sealed any chance of me seeing Ryan. It might have also cost Ferris and Joe their lives.
Again. I’ve done it again.
I should have forced them to leave. My heartbeat accelerates, my breathing increases, and I’m sure I’m going to pass out. But I don’t deserve to not experience this gut-wrenching ache. Tears sprint down my cheeks as images of Joe's and Ferris' broken bodies, crushed beneath the MegaHex, repeat themselves in my head.
I am good for nothing but destruction. I am living, breathing disaster. I am unleashed chaos. I must be stopped. I can rid the world of me by doing what my heart says—stay hidden.
“Please let the nothing wash over me.” I say aloud, as if, my plea will be answered once spoken out loud.
I don’t feel anything. The nothing is a gift I don’t deserve.
Objects whiz by on a deadly collision course with other objects. A colossal bang slams loudly into my ears, then all is silent. Tucked away still, I dare to peek around the flap.
No objects fly by, so I venture out. I stumble over fallen metal parts. I lost the flashlight earlier, in my attempt to hold onto the large button. Light floods the space I’m in, though. I tread in the direction the light cascades. A red metal tube is the source of the light. I scramble across broken glass and fallen debris to examine the opening that wasn’t there before. I pull myself up to peer over it. Dry, musty air smacks me in the face. I found an exit.
I plop down beside the opening. Maybe I should sit here and collect dust. Maybe I should rid the world of my insidious nature. What will I be returning to anyway when I leave VOLT? If Ferris and Joe are gone, do I want to be in VOLT without them?
San Diego! This defeated mentality has to stop. I’ve got to try for some positive thoughts, or else I might want to curl up and die here. But that’s not what I really want anymore. That’s not what Joe and Ferris would want for me. They’d want and expect me to fight to the death. I’d expect the same from them.
Sitting here lamenting my circumstances won’t change them. I shake my head and peek back through the red hole.
As my head emerges, my name is shouted. My heart leaps. Joe and Ferris are beneath the opening to the left. They are crouched out of sight, but Ferris waves frantically for me.
Heavy tears cut across my face. For the first time in a long time, my tears aren’t preceded by scars. Joy at their ragged frames bursts through me—like I’ve gotten a shot of pure adrenaline. I’m higher than I’ve ever been. The universe doesn’t hate me, after all.
“Don’t look down, Sam,” Ferris yells. “Just jump.”
I squeeze myself forward in the metal tube. My weight loss makes this process easier. I push forward with my long legs and inch closer to the musty air in front of me. Then I see it. A sharp piece of metal protrudes from the opening to freedom.
“Good. Keep coming,” Ferris says. I stop moving. What’s his deal? Does he think I need a pep talk through this?
I lean my head forward as I reach the edge of the tube. “No, Sam. Just jump,” Ferris squeals again.
I ignore his grunts. I peer over the side of the thing, confused. I’m high, not touching the clouds high, but up there enough to understand Ferris' concerns about my fall. Not enough for me to fear it, though. There’s nothing but the earth below me. And this shiny blade ready to cut me on my way out.
I push back and weigh how this will work. If I heave myself through the opening, I’ll be impaled. If I scoot to the left as far as I can, I might not get stabbed to death. Only a minuscule wound. Maybe. If I lie flat, the fall will be insane from this height; I won’t be able to control it at all.
A quiver rips through the MegaHex, shoving me forward. That’s my signal to get a move on and stop my deliberations. Balanced near the edge of the hole, I position myself into an almost-squat. With my back legs, I push straight off the metal monster and toward the ground below. “San Diego.” I can’t see it, but I hear the tear in my flesh as I heave myself through the opening. Blood trickles inside my onesie. San Diego, it hurts like Houston.
The ground is firm enough to snatch away my breath when I make contact with it. Ferris and Joe reach out to help me, but I push them back. The wind is knocked out of me, and I thrash on the ground for a few seconds as I attempt to gain control over the aches stabbing through my torso.
Soon the pain starts to subside, but barely. I lie flat with my eyes closed. A shudder from the MegaHex drives a vibration through me. My eyes spring open.
Joe and Ferris stand above me, smiling, like I’m about to share a winning lottery ticket with them. They each grab an arm and pull me away from the monster. Every step they take sends excruciating pain radiating across my side where the blade cut me. I don’t say anything about the gash, though.
“I was sure you wouldn’t jump after looking down,” Ferris says.
“I told you not to worry. You’re such a girlie boy,” Joe says, laughing.
“What were you worried about?” I inquire.
“That you might panic and land wrong. I know the ground is kind of soft in this area, but I was sure you’d fall and hurt yourself.”
“Ferris. I live in the country. I’m a tomboy. I wasn’t afraid.”
“I was worried.” He ducks his head. “I can’t imagine something happening to you.”
I scoot closer and give him a light squeeze. “Thanks for caring about me… for looking out for me.” I lean forward and kiss his pale, slender cheek. His hand flies to his cheek where my lips touched.
The ground underneath me quivers again.
“Ugh. I don’t think I turned him off?”
Joe and Ferris grunt their agreement and we back away from the quivering robot even fur
ther. The robot hasn’t said anything in a while. Maybe one of those buttons controlled its speech. Still, I push myself back even more. Joe and Ferris follow me into my alcove of safety—which isn’t much more than a giant purple and green cactus.
Suddenly, the MegaHex’s arm fidgets. The monster tilts to the side, then falls over. It hits the ground like a clap of thunder. We watch in awe.
Its entire frame thrashes, like it’s having a seizure.
Now what?
Chapter 47
The robotic arm that jerked wildly suddenly stuffs itself inside of its own frame, only to be replaced by a wheel. The other arm rises at a blistering speed, then tucks itself inside, too.
Ferris grabs my hand and we hold onto one another, sitting on the ground beside Joe. We don’t speak or move. My side throbs from the cut I haven’t had time to inspect. For the moment, not even the cut can contend with the once-astronomical robot transforming into a… car.
“Holy San Diego,” Joe says. Ferris and I both laugh. “I used it right, didn’t I?”
“Yes. You did.”
I’ve never witnessed anything so magnificent in my life. I’m speechless. Obviously, Joe and Ferris share my sentiment for the moment. They watch with their mouths hanging open.
“What the hell happened?” Joe asks.
“Well… it appears as if the MegaHex is actually a transformation robot. It can transform from a robot to a car,” Ferris says.
“Thank you for that scientific analysis, Chief Apparent Einstein,” Joe says. The engine roars to life.
We stand.
The engine revs again. “That’s an SSC Ultimate Aero. The fastest production car in the world,” Ferris drools. Joe and I exchange a look. Ferris doesn’t seem the type to be abreast on muscle-car trends.
“Chris, please, I offer my aid. Where shall I take you?” the car asks. It’s a monotone sound, like autotune, but toned down considerably from what it once had been. Still, it clearly said Chris’s name. I’m dumbfounded.
Without warning, the car spins to face us head-on. “Chris, why are you frightened? Your eyes are dilated, your heart rate has increased to ninety-five beats per minute, and you have begun to perspire at a rate of twenty percent. Is there a problem?”
“Um… I’m not—" Joe pinches my hand. “Pretend to be this dude so you can get the ride,” he whispers.
I glance at him, confused for a second, then back at the car. “Um, sorry. I was… startled. That’s all, I guess.”
“You and your companions are seeking a remote location. I can accommodate the three of you. Can I please escort you to your destination?”
I don’t move, speak, or acknowledge it's said anything to me. I’m not sure what to do. The thought that we might actually make it to The End and see Ryan makes me want to vomit. Or hide. It definitely scares the Florida out of me.
“What’s the problem? Let’s go,” Joe says. He’s hurt and tired, and wants to get back on with his life.
“I’m not sure if we can trust it, Joe. You can leave if you want, but I’m not sure.” My throat swells with the desire to cry. I don’t want him to go, but I can’t keep him from leaving if he wants to. I also feel sicker than a pollywog crossing the equator at the thought of Chris.
“I’m not leaving you. And you’re not passing up this opportunity.” He shoves me forward. I take a reluctant step.
“How do I know I can trust you?” I speak to it.
“How do we know we can trust you?” Ferris asks.
“What?” I turn, startled by Ferris' words.
Ferris grabs both my arm and Joe's, and pushes us away from the car. “That thing can tell your heart rate, how much you’re sweating, but can’t tell that you’re a girl and not a guy. That doesn’t make sense. Why does this thing think you’re a guy?”
“Damn, bro, that’s actually a good question,” Joe says. Both he and Ferris turn to me with their arms crossed.
Them knowing this was inevitable. It was always going to happen. I simply needed the right time or the right lie to be exposed. “Chris isn’t a guy. You made an assumption.” I bite the inside of my lip because that’s not going to fly with them.
“One you didn’t care to correct,” Joe states.
“It’s my business, Joe. I wasn’t in the sharing mood.” My heart is sprinting because I’ve got to tell them now. I don’t have a choice.
“The truth shall come from thine lips today or I shall have to bid you adieu.”
“Stop with that madness. You don’t have to pretend anymore, remember?” Joe hits Ferris in the back of the head. “You gotta tell us right now, Sam. I might be forced to hurt Ferris if you don’t.”
I lick my lips. “It’s my fault…” I stop talking. No. No. No.
Not the right place to start. I take a deep breath, trying to push the fear my words will cause away. How do I talk about something that makes me feel like I’m going to lose it? Like I might spontaneously combust?
You do it. Period.
“Chris is… was… my twin sister. Christina.” I sit because I suddenly have no strength to stand. I’m not sure if it’s from blood loss or my distress at the story I have to relay. Both Joe and Ferris squat beside me but don’t speak.
Joe grabs my hand and Ferris snatches the other into his. I’m overwhelmed by their touch and have to push back the bulge in my throat a few times before I continue. “I’d asked my dad to go to the base to see an art exhibit. At that time, art was my life—something that set me apart from Chris. Aside from basketball, it was the only thing, actually. She hated art especially. I ended up bailing on them because I wanted to sneak out with this guy who lived next door. Ryan.”
I stop for a second to collect my thoughts so I can tell the story correctly. “I tried to back out, but my dad was too excited about going. He wasn’t home a lot. Most of his tours were sea duty, so when he was stationed on the Virginia base, we were ecstatic. We cherished our quality time. I begged Chris to go as me. Dad had no clue. Once he realized it wasn’t me with him, he was halfway to the base. We did stuff like that all the time.”
I smile and pools of tears amass beneath my eyes. “Dad called me, upset, from the car. He had Chris call, actually. I answered and yelled at her for not keeping our secret. I told her I hated being her twin. Hated how everyone referred to us like we were one. Hated not being an individual. I didn’t give her time to explain or respond before I hung up. She called back and I let it go to voicemail. I figured we’d have it out when they got home. Except they never even made it to the base. A drunk driver killed them before they could get there.”
Chapter 48
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Joe asks. I shake my head because I don’t know what to say.
“Because she doesn’t want to bother people with her issues. They’re hers,” Ferris says.
I nod. “We’re your friends. Friends are supposed to be there for you in tough times,” Joe says. “How can we do that if we don’t know what’s going on with you? How can you think what you did was so horrible after what I told you?”
I shrug. “Because what happened with my father and sister was because I was being selfish. You were protecting your sister. No one can find fault in that. Me, I’m selfish, always have been.”
“That’s not true, Sam,” Ferris says. “You’re kind and generous. I’ve only known you for a few days, but I would never call you selfish. We have your back. I thought maybe we’d proven ourselves. You can trust us not to judge you. None of us are innocent, but none of us are totally guilty, either. Not of what we think we’re guilty of. You have to stop beating yourself up.”
“It’s not that simple. I—I do feel like we’re friends now. Still, it’s hard to let others in—to show them my pain. I keep it for myself because I don’t want anyone to feel like what I feel like on the inside. And I don’t think you’ll judge me because I’m unbalanced—I was afraid you’d think I was sorry because I chose a guy over my father and sister. It takes everything in me to
tell you this. It takes everything in me to smile and behave like a decent human being. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to ever be happy again when they can’t… why should I have the privilege of a smile? I should be content with breathing.”
“Everyone deserves to be happy,” Joe says.
“But I’m a monster. I destroy everyone I love. Or who loves me.” I squirm, uncomfortable on the dusty road. “One year before that accident, both sets of my grandparents were flying to see me. I was playing ball in a championship game and insisted they all come. They never made it. All four of them died in the small plane they chartered. They died because of me. I should have known then that there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t.” I shake my head.
“I’d say that’s some pretty messed-up luck, but not your fault,” Joe says.
“Six months before my grandparents' accident, I pretended to be sick so I wouldn’t have to go on this field trip with my class. We were grouped in pairs for the trip. My partner wasn’t able to go because of me. She was hit by a car and killed on the way home from school that afternoon. If we had gone on the field trip, we wouldn’t have been back yet.” I look up at them both. “I’m… deadly. People die around me. Period.”
“Wow,” Joe says. Ferris hits him on the arm. I laugh. They both stop moving and peer at me, then quickly look away like I can kill them with my mind.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t need your pity. I don—"
“Whoa, calm down, Yosemite Sam. Give us a sec to process,” Joe says. I rub the scar on the side of my face. “The thing is, I bet in each of these instances you can give a reasonable explanation for what happened. I mean, yeah, it’s messed up your dad and sister were killed in that accident. But you said it was a drunk driver. That’s not your fault. It’s the drunk driver’s fault. You said your grandparents had a chartered plane. Unless you’re a witch or possess some black magic you haven’t told us about, you couldn’t have caused the plane to crash.”
