This Moment Is Your Life (and So Is This One)

by Mariam Gates

  Try It

  Just One Breath

  Right now, pay attention to the next breath you take as it goes in and out through your nose. Notice everything you can as you breathe in. Focus on the point where air enters your body. Is the air cool? Is it warm? Breathe in fully.

  Exhale. Do you notice movement in your chest and ribs? Does your abdomen rise and fall?

  Now for the next two breaths, breathe slowly and feel your complete inhale—let the breath fill your stomach all the way to the very top of your torso, and then feel your complete exhale.

  Breathe in . . . Breathe out . . . 1

  Breathe in . . . Breathe out . . . 2

  Now just breathe normally. Notice how you feel.

  This moment is okay exactly as it is.

  So, being present is not loud or dramatic, but it does have a radical effect on your life. As we’ve seen, the constant stream of worry and distraction drains you mentally and physically, and impacts your ability to manage what is in front of you. It can even rob you of your ability to change and grow and see what you are capable of. With mindfulness you bring all of your intelligence, creativity, and skill to the moment you are in. Right now. You have awareness and acceptance of whatever you are experiencing. You have kindness and compassion for yourself and the fact that your mind operates just like everyone else’s. Whatever you’re feeling, countless people have felt that way too. Mindfulness is a practice for every emotion, every experience. You don’t have to change yourself or how you feel; you’re just bringing awareness to it. If you are here, where life is happening, you can handle anything.

  Calm and awake.

  Just noticing.

  Paying attention to this moment with curiosity and acceptance of what is.

  Here and Now.

  THAT IS MINDFULNESS.

  When I pause and focus on my breath and how I am feeling, I end up feeling better. My soccer team lost in the finals and I really felt like we should have won. In the car on the way home I didn’t try to tune it out like I would have before. I paid attention to my breath and felt how my chest was almost burning. By the time we got home, it’s not like I didn’t care, but I was not furious anymore and I did not feel so hot in my chest. I could have dinner with my family rather than just going to my room. I texted my friend who was the goalie to tell him he still did a good job even though we lost.

  —Leo, age 13

  When I try to pay attention to where I am right now, I usually stop worrying about things as much. I feel more separate from my problems instead of feeling like they are on top of me. I can be freaking out about whether a friend of mine told someone who I like. But when I realize I am in my room with my feet on the rug, listening to music, it feels more obvious that my fear and worry is mainly in my head. That whole situation is not happening here, in my room. Then I feel like, well, I’ll deal with that if I need to. It’s all more okay.

  —Sophia, age 14

  MINDFULNESS TOOL KIT

  This is a collection of tools and techniques for practicing mindfulness. Use all of these exercises or just pick and choose the ones that appeal to you right now. Remember, mindfulness is a skill and a habit that is not hard to develop, but it does take practice. These exercises can help you feel better about being right here right now—whatever you are experiencing. Go at your own pace, be open, and see what happens.

  Create Your Own Mindful Space

  Try creating a peaceful spot in your room that will serve as a reminder to pause in your day. Maybe it is the top of your dresser, or a part of a shelf. When you look at it, it is your cue to notice how you are feeling now, in the present moment.

  To create it, choose:

  an item that has meaning to you

  an item that makes you feel calm

  an item from nature (which could be from outside or a photo or drawing)

  This spot is now your visual reminder that all you need to do is pause, take a breath, and be here now.

  Water Exercise

  The shower is a great time to practice being in the moment. Next time you take a shower, pay attention to the water’s temperature and the feeling of the beads of water on your head and skin. Notice the sensations. Notice everything you can about the smell of your soap, the texture of your shampoo, the steamy air around you. Be totally present for the experience.

  You can do this same exercise while brushing your teeth. Feel the scrub of the bristles across your teeth and gums. Focus on the strong taste of the toothpaste. Notice every aspect of brushing your teeth. It is great practice for being present. You can even try brushing with the opposite hand. Breaking your regular routine brings you into the present moment, instead of operating on autopilot.

  Squeeze and Release

  This exercise can be done while you are reading right now. Just take your time and follow the prompts to notice and release any tension in your body.

  Take a deep breath in and fill your body. Exhale completely.

  Squeeze your feet. Curl each toe and hold it tight. Take a deep breath in and let it all out. Relax.

  Now try squeezing your feet and toes while flexing your legs. Get as tight as you can. Squeeze. Take a deep breath in . . . and a long breath out—release.

  Squeeze your feet, tighten up through your legs and stomach, and bring your shoulders toward your ears. Deep breath in . . . and a long breath out—release.

  Now you are going to squeeze everything: feet, legs, stomach, shoulders, arms, fists. Even squeeze your face: scrunch your mouth, nose, and eyes. Make it tight, tight, tight—squeeze.

  Take a deep breath in . . . then let it all out with a big sigh.

  Shake it out. You are done.

  How do you feel?

  Color Your Word

  Choose a word that expresses how you feel right now. On a piece of paper, write the word in big bubble or block letters. Now choose your favorite pens or pencils to color it in.

  Take your time. Pay attention to the shape of the paper, the smooth, flat surface and pointy edges. Get so quiet you can hear the sound of the pen or pencil on the page. How does it feel to move your hand across the paper? What colors are you drawn to?

  Pay attention to how it feels to fill in the letters deeply and how it feels to just add a light brush of color. Vary it. If you find yourself criticizing your work, just notice that and remind yourself that there is no right way to do this. Keep going.

  Eating Mindfully: The Chocolate Experience

  Use this seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting exercise to be completely present . . . with chocolate!

  Get a piece of chocolate. (If you can’t eat chocolate, use a raisin.)

  Take time to look at the colors and shapes on the packaging. (If the food is already out of the wrapper, skip to 5.)

  Feel the weight of the chocolate in the palm of your hand.

  Listen closely to the sound of the paper as you slowly unwrap the piece.

  Hold the chocolate up to your nose and smell. What do you notice?

  Before you eat the chocolate, notice if you have any feelings of impatience, distraction, excitement, or anything else.

  Now take a bite (or put the whole piece in your mouth). Resist the urge to chew it, and notice everything you can about the texture, temperature, and taste. Is it all sweet, or is there some bitterness? What other flavors do you taste?

  Savor it. Notice everything you can about how the chocolate feels in your mouth and on your tongue. Is it still in one piece? Is it starting to melt?

  Enjoy the moment.

  A Mindful Bite

  You can bring the same awareness and focus from The Chocolate Experience to any meal. It is helpful to t
ry having one mindful bite in each meal.

  FOR JUST THAT ONE BITE, NOTICE:

  The color of the food

  The smell of the food

  AS YOU SLOWLY TAKE THE MINDFUL BITE, NOTICE:

  The temperature of the food

  The consistency of the food

  Each of the different flavors (spicy, salty, sweet)

  How quickly or slowly you chew, and for how long

  Music on Your Mind

  Choose a song or piece of music that you are familiar with, and see what it is like to focus on it completely. Play the music, and as you do, give it all of your attention. Listen as closely as you can and try to hear something you haven’t noticed before.

  What instrument do you hear first?

  What other instruments do you hear? It doesn’t matter if you know what they are called; just listen so closely that you hear something new.

  Do you hear more than one voice?

  Pay attention to where the music changes: where it gets faster, slower, louder, quieter.

  What do you feel when you listen to this music? Take a moment to focus only on your feelings.

  Body Scan

  Read all of these directions first, and then lie down to do the exercise. Keep the book next to you if you need to review. (After doing this exercise a couple of times, you won’t need to refer to the book.)

  You can lie down on your bed or on the floor. (It can be helpful to choose a harder surface like the floor, but do what is comfortable.)

  Close your eyes. Feel your breath as it comes in and out. Inhale. Exhale.

  Bring your awareness to your feet. Notice the bottoms of your feet, the tops of your feet, your toes.

  Now bring your awareness to your ankles. Shine your attention like a spotlight there, and feel any sensations.

  Bring your attention to your legs. Notice where the backs of your legs are touching the bed or the floor. Notice the sensations there as if you have never paid attention to your legs before.

  Feel your attention move to your hips.

  Let it move into your back, then your stomach, then your chest.

  Now shine that spotlight of attention onto your arms and all the way down to your hands. Be aware of each finger. Notice any sensations.

  Choose now to shift your attention to your shoulders. This is often a place of tension and stress. Just notice anything you can here. Don’t try to change anything right now; just notice it.

  Now bring your awareness to your neck. The back of the neck, then the front, then the throat.

  Feel your attention move up to your face. Your jaw, your lips, your cheekbones, your nose, your eyes, around to your ears, back up to your forehead, and to the top of your head.

  Now bring your attention back to your breath. Inhale. Exhale.

  How do you feel?

  Mindfulness at School

  Door Handle Exercise:

  Ahead of time, pick one class, one room where you are going to pause for a mindful moment. When you enter this room, notice your hand on the door. Does it have a knob, or is it a handle? Is it cold to the touch, does it move easily, or do you have to work it? This is your cue to pause and notice your surroundings and how you feel. Notice what you hear. If the door is already open, do the same practice when you sit down. Use your senses to notice your surroundings, feel your breath in and out, and be aware of how you are feeling. Whatever it is.

  When you get home, reflect. Get out your journal and start writing:

  In ________ class, I noticed ________ .

  One Breath:

  Take a moment during your day to notice one breath in and one breath out. It does not need to be more complicated than that. Just check in, at some point—in math, at your locker, walking down the hall—to feel this moment. Notice one full breath in and one full breath out. See if you feel a little clearer, more focused, and better able to handle whatever is in front of you.

  When you get home, reflect. Get out your journal and start writing.

  I paused and focused on my breath

  when I was ________ .

  I noticed ________ .

  Journaling

  (You will need a journal for this next exercise)

  Go outside

  Find a comfortable place to sit, and plan to stay in this spot for ten minutes.

  Look very closely at your surroundings. Write down everything you see, everything you feel, everything you hear, and everything you smell.

  Write about the physical environment, the weather, and also your emotional state. Observe and put down everything that crosses your mind. If you want to, sketch what you see as well.

  Take your time. Look very closely at your surroundings.

  I see ________.

  I smell ________.

  I hear________.

  I touch ________.

  I feel ________.

  I am thinking about ________.

  I didn’t expect ________.

  Mindfulness for Anger and Other Difficult Emotions

  We all have experiences that are unfair or infuriating, such as arguments with family or friends. When you are feeling angry, the idea behind mindfulness is not to stop being angry but instead to be comfortable with how it feels (even if it’s intense).

  The next time you are angry or having any emotion that feels difficult:

  Pause for a moment and pay attention. You may be having a lot of thoughts about the situation. That is fine. Let them be there.

  Pay attention for a moment to what is going on in your body. Is there tightness in your chest? Do you feel any tension in your neck, jaw, shoulders, and down your arms? Where do you feel the emotion in your body?

  Reflect: Get out your journal and start writing.

  Right now the way I feel anger in my body is ________ .

  You don’t need to do anything right now other than be aware of what is going on inside. Feel it fully. You don’t need to change the situation or anything that you feel about it. You can wait to act until you feel clear. Just keep noticing what is happening inside you—not pushing it away or trying to dampen it with distractions like television or your phone.

  It can be helpful to write down the things that are making you the most angry, and also what you are noticing about how you feel overall.

  What happened? Describe the situation in your journal.

  What about it in particular makes you angry or scared?

  Present, you can handle anything. Present, you will gain perspective on how to respond (or not if you decide you don’t need to). But the only way to get clear is to let yourself feel.

  Breathe.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Mindful Yoga

  What most people think of as yoga is someone standing on one foot or getting into challenging poses. But yoga is not just a physical practice. Doing yoga creates a clear mental and emotional state as well. The word yoga means “union.” It comes from the Sanskrit word yuj, meaning “to yoke or join.” Yoga uses the relationship (or “union”) between your mind, body, and breath to help you be present in this moment.

  Obviously your mind and body (and your breathing) are connected. You can’t separate one from the other. So if you feel good physically, it affects how you feel emotionally. In the same way, mental stress creates stress in your body. We’ve discussed how, when you are nervous or upset, your brain releases stress hormones and your muscles tighten for defense. Sometimes you can notice it right away because your hands clench and your neck and shoulders hurt. Other times, stress builds up gradually, and you don’t realize it is happenin
g until you have a headache or other pain in your body.

  As we have seen, stress is a mind/body issue, so it requires a mind/body solution.

  Being present therefore requires mind/body awareness.

  This is where yoga comes in.

  Try It

  Mind/Body Connection

  Feel the immediate connection between your body and your mind.

  Right now, cross your arms, clench your fists, hunch your shoulders forward, round through your back, and drop your chin to your chest. How do you feel? How would you feel if you stayed like this for a long period of time?

  Take a breath with your chest constricted like this. How easy or hard is it to breathe deeply?

  Now press your feet into the floor, push down through your sitting bones, lengthen your spine, uncross your arms, relax your hands, roll your shoulders back gently, and open up through your chest and heart. Take a deep breath in through your nose all the way into your abdomen and let it out slowly through your mouth. How do you feel? More energized? More awake? More positive?