Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4

by Victoria Snow

  He was leaning forward and had her hand in his palm. “I swear to God, the psychic said this line was related to your libido.”

  What the fuck?

  Bella laughed. “I suppose the fact that it’s long is a good sign for you.”

  “I was hoping it stood for stamina.”

  “Not length?” she quipped.

  Jesus, is she talking sex with another man?

  “If I’m lucky it’s both.” He shifted slightly when he let her hand go and I realized it was Dylan Colby, one of the managers in the marketing department.

  “You don’t know?” Bella asked.

  Dylan leaned forward toward her. “Let me take you out on Friday and if that goes well, maybe you’ll be able to find out.”

  Hell no!

  Bella smirked and then waved her hand at him. “I don’t know. My line isn’t that long. Aren’t you afraid you’ll be disappointed?”

  She was flirting with him, and I could hardly stand it.

  “Not at all.” He shook his head and laughed. “I’m sorry. That was lame. I’m not a douche, I promise.”

  She cocked her head in a way that I could finally see her face. Her expression suggested he intrigued her. Well, why wouldn’t he? He was closer to her age and more importantly, willing to follow up his interest in her. I should have been relieved she was open to his attention and that she accepted that she and I could never be a thing. But the awful truth was, I wasn’t happy about it. She gave me her virginity, God dammit. That meant something. So why was she already looking for another man? I shook my head because I knew the answer. I told her to move on. I told her I’d never be able to love her. Of course, she’d find someone else. But in the office? Under my nose?

  Stop being a pussy, I told myself. She wasn’t mine. She could be with whoever she wanted, except me. I moved away from the door and headed to the elevator to go home.

  By the time I arrived home, I’d put Bella out of my mind and instead, focused on being a father to my sweet Lily.

  “Papa, papa,” Lily cried out as she ran to me when I walked into our apartment.

  “Lilybug!” I scooped her up and carried her to the kitchen where my mother-in-law was cooking dinner.

  “Patsy. Thank you for covering today,” I said as I looked over her shoulder to see what she was making for dinner.

  “You know it’s never a problem to take care of my granddaughter.” She served up three plates of spaghetti.

  “Jim isn’t coming?” I asked after my father-in-law.

  “It’s bridge night.” She handed me a plate and then took hers and Lily’s to the dining table.

  “What is spaghetti in French?” Lily asked once she was in her booster seat.

  “I don’t know. Do you know Patsy?”

  “No clue. Lily is sure taken with French and your assistant. She seems pretty special, don’t you think Blake?”

  My stomach knotted and all of a sudden I wasn’t sure I could eat. “She’s a great assistant and was very nice to Lily today.”

  “She got me my favorite cookies and then we made a sped-sheet of cookies,” Lily told us again. “I like her. Can I come to your office again, daddy?”

  “Bel— Ms. Hanson’s job is to help the company, honey.” My stomach was too tied up in knots to eat, but I twirled the spaghetti around my fork to eat as a distraction.

  “I can help her. She can teach me French and then I can talk on the phone like her. Did you know they use different words?”

  “I did,” I said washing my food down with some water.

  “Why?” Lily’s little face pinched as she questioned me.

  “Why do they use different words?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  I looked to Patsy for help, but she shrugged. “That’s just what they use.”

  “I want to speak it when I get big. And to be pretty like her.” Lily took a bite of her garlic bread.

  Patsy’s breath hitched, and my heart went out to her. It couldn’t be easy to hear your grandchild wish she looked like someone other than her mother.

  “You’re already pretty like your mother,” I told Lily.

  “Bella looks like Snow White. I want to be a princess like that.”

  “How about Cinderella?” Patsy said. “I know a place that does princess makeovers. Would you like to do that sometime, Lily?”

  “Yay.” She bounced in her chair with excitement.

  “Hard to believe she’s shy,” I quipped.

  Lily finished her dinner and then we excused her to find her princess costume. That left Patsy and me to have coffee and a chat.

  I put a hand on Pasty to get her attention. “That thing she said about wanting to look like Bella, I’m sure it was just—”

  Patsy waved my comment away. “It’s okay Blake. I understand. And she’s not wrong. Bella is a striking young woman.” She studied me, and I felt my skin get hot. I was sure she’d see some sign of what I’d done with Bella. “And good with Lily.”

  “That’s not why I hired her, although she came through in a pinch.”

  “She seems very competent.” Patsy stood. “I should get the dishes clean and head home.”

  I rose from my chair. “I’ll take care of it. You get home to Jim.”

  “It’s no bother.”

  “I know, but Jim will want you home before it’s too late.”

  I called to Lily. She ran out wearing a pink tutu and a tiara. “I’m a ballerina.”

  “Well, miss ballerina, your grandma is leaving.”

  Lily hugged Patsy. “Bye Grandma.”

  “Bye, my princess ballerina.”

  An hour later, Lily was asleep in bed, and I took a moment for myself and had a stiff drink. The only problem was, being alone allowed room for thoughts and feelings I shouldn’t have. Thoughts about firing Dylan if he touched Bella. And the feeling that I was going to fucking combust if I couldn’t have her again. Those feelings led to self-loathing and guilt. I responded by pouring another drink.

  9

  Bella

  There was a saying about best-laid plans going awry or maybe I was thinking of one about the road to hell being paved with good intentions. Maybe it was just Murphy’s Law about everything going wrong. Whatever the quote, it was true because all my attempts to accept that Blake wasn’t the man for me weren’t working. Every time I saw him, my skin heated and my heart tumbled in my chest.

  I liked Dylan. He was nice, funny, handsome, and unlike Blake was showing interest in me. Knowing I wouldn’t ever get over Blake if I continued to mooning over him, I remained open to Dylan’s interest in me. We chatted in my office, and later that evening, I got a few texts from him, about nothing important, but it felt good that he’d wanted to connect with me.

  When I went to bed, I turned my mind to Dylan, but when sleep came, my brain didn’t cooperate with my plans. I dreamed that I was in my office, and Dylan was sitting on my desk, showing me his hand with his “libido” line. Except when I looked up it wasn’t Dylan, it was Blake. And instead of his hand, I was looking at his dick. This time I followed through with my urge to suck it. I didn't know how to do it, but in dreams, I supposed it didn’t matter. I put his large dick in my mouth and Blake made those growls and grunts that he made when he’d fucked me.

  My clothes were uncomfortable on my hot body, so, as it happened in dreams, they instantly disappeared. I kept my mouth on him, sucking and stroking him. I loved the soft feel of his cock’s skin as I ran my lips over it.

  “Jesus fucking Christ… I’m going to come,” he said the words he’d said that night while he took me on the couch.

  I whimpered because I wanted him to come in my pussy which was burning hot and throbbed with need. In the next scene, his dick was in me, stroking hard and fast, and I came so hard it woke me up.

  God, did I just have an orgasm in my sleep? I lay in bed embarrassed, even though I was alone and no one would know I just had the female equivalent of a wet dream. I realized that my will wouldn�
��t be strong enough for me to move on from Blake. But I couldn’t abandon my plans to try.

  I was certain that there was nothing I could do to change Blake’s mind about giving me a chance. His body might want me, but his mind was steadfast that Joanna was his one and only, even in death. I couldn’t compete with that. And I supposed it would be cruel to try. He was clearly tormented after he fucked me. I hated that he felt like he’d betrayed his wife. And I felt sorry that he was committed to a long lonely life without love from any other woman. I hoped that someday, perhaps with more time, that his resolve would change. But I wasn’t the woman who would bring about that change, and it would be foolhardy for me to try.

  The next day when I arrived at work, Blake was already there, holed up in his office. Since our encounter last week, he was arriving early and leaving late, making me wonder if he was trying to avoid me. That was probably just as well. Perhaps if I didn’t see him as much, my feelings for him would diminish.

  I buried myself in the multitude of tasks that needed to be done, and instead of taking materials to him, I did as he did and used his secretary as a courier. It felt silly and a little immature, but I also didn’t want to see him and have all those yearnings for him surface again.

  God, how I wished my mom was here to help me through this. What would she tell me? What remedies would she have to help me get him out of my system?

  Missing my own mother made me think of Lily and I had to be grateful I had my mother for as long as I did. I knew Blake was a good dad, but sometimes girls needed their mothers. I supposed her grandmother could fill that role. I could do it if only he’d give me a chance. I did a mental facepalm. Stop wishing for a chance, you nitwit.

  I took out the France project. If things all went to plan, we’d be ready to ship products in the next six weeks or so. This was another reminder of Blake’s wife’s hold on him. The goal to export JoXander Cosmetics to France was her dream, as was the natural, organic line that Danica Lane would be endorsing. Nearly everything he did at the company, I suspected, was with the thought of what his wife would have wanted. If she were alive, she wouldn’t want him sleeping with his assistant, so it made sense that what we’d done bothered him.

  She wasn’t alive, and yet he continued to live for her. It was sweet and sad and maddening at the same time.

  Shaking my head to clear thoughts of my personal torment, I turned my attention back to the Paris deal. Blake talked about going to Paris, but instead, a few representatives would come here. I went through the list of things I’d need ready for that presentation, and hopefully, the contract signing.

  I left the building for lunch and found a little café. When I’d been in my office, I was surrounded by my work, which by extension included Blake. In the café, I was alone and away from all of that, which gave me a little bit of peace. It made me wonder if I should look for a new job. It was still early in my forget-about-Blake endeavor, but it would be harder to move on seeing him every day than it would be if I didn’t see him at all. He’d have to stop appearing in my dreams, but if I didn’t see him daily, hopefully that would decrease as well. At least that was what made sense to me.

  The problem was that I really enjoyed my job. Yes, I lusted after my boss, but the job itself was exciting. Blake gave me a lot of leeway to do my work. I felt like he trusted and respected me, which wasn’t easy to find in the business world for a twenty-three-year-old woman. Would it be better to lust after my boss but feel valued, or to work in a place where I wasn’t respected but didn’t care for my boss? Another wave of sadness spread over me that my mother wasn’t here to help me with this.

  After lunch, I returned to my office and got back to work. This time I worked on the little couch tucked away in the corner of my office. I went through spreadsheets and smiled remembering Lily and her cookie spreadsheet. I just finished reviewing a report on a new cream the company was developing for dealing with acne when there was a knock and “hello” at my door.

  “Dylan.” I was happy for the distraction and to have another attempt to rid Blake from my system.

  “Finishing up?” he asked with a smile. I wondered if he was always so jovial or if he was just glad the workday was through. Maybe he was happy to see me. Wouldn’t that be something?

  “Is it that time already?” I checked my watch and realized it was nearly six.

  He walked in and sat next to me on the couch. “How do you keep your brain from melting when looking at all this?” He nodded to the papers on my little coffee table.

  “Melting? All this is code for dollar bills.”

  He laughed.

  “Besides, some of this is about your department.”

  “Marketing is cool. It’s all about psychology and manipulation.”

  “And data,” I added.

  He made a face. “That’s not my job. My job is to create promotions that make women want to cure all their beauty woes with JoXander products.” He tugged on a tendril of my hair. “Products you don’t need.”

  I smiled. “Are you trying to flatter me?”

  “Is it working?”

  “Maybe a little. It’s definitely better than the libido line.” I did like hearing I was beautiful. It felt good to have a man show an interest in me. But my mind, heart, and libido didn’t respond to Dylan as they did to Blake. It was maddening. Why did I want a man who didn’t want me and not the man who did? Cupid was a sadist.

  Dylan smiled like he won a victory.

  I quirked a brow at him. “Unless you’re using psychology and manipulation on me.”

  He laughed and I enjoyed how free it sounded. Blake was always so intense, and while I’d seen him smile, and even laugh a little, he never really let loose. He always had his guard up and kept himself in total control.

  “No tricks, Bella,” Dylan said as his finger traced my cheek. “It’s the God’s honest truth that you’re pretty. You’d be as good of spokesperson as Danica Lane.”

  I snorted. “Except I’m not a model.”

  “You could be.” His gaze raked over my body in a way that suggested he liked what he saw. My hormones, though, didn’t care. They stayed quiet. Crap, I was doomed.

  “Ms. Hanson?”

  My head jerked up to the voice in my doorway. “Mr. Alexander.” I stood, feeling guilty for fraternizing on company time, even though it no longer was.

  “Can I see you in my office for a moment before you leave?” Blake looked at Dylan and then back at me. His tone sounded even, but there was something in his expression that suggested he was angry. I looked at my watch again in case I’d read it wrong and I was still on company time. It was just after six, so the workday was done. Had I done something wrong?

  “Yes, absolutely.” I turned to Dylan. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He stood and gave my arm a squeeze. “Do you want me to wait? I can walk you down.”

  “I’ll see Ms. Hanson down.”

  I quirked a brow at Blake’s comment. Not because I believed he wouldn’t escort me out of the building. He was a gentleman, I knew he would. What was strange was that he insisted on doing it.

  Dylan’s expression toward Blake matched mine. Then he turned to me. “I can wait if you want.”

  I shook my head. “No. That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Mr. Alexander,” Dylan nodded as he passed Blake toward my door.

  “Have a good evening, Mr. Colby.”

  I went to my desk to get the usual items I brought with me to Blake’s office when we met. While I was there, I picked up some reports I’d gone through that day.

  “You won’t need those.” He turned and followed Dylan out the door.

  “Huh?” I set the items back down on my desk. Panic built in me. Was he going to fire me? Why? Anger crept up behind the worry. Was he really going to get rid of me after he fucked me? After I helped with his daughter? I wasn’t the type of woman to seek revenge, but it would be wrong for him to fire me for that. I liked my job and wou
ld fight for it. Then again, if he was the type of man to oust me because he’d fucked me, maybe I didn’t want to work here.

  Knowing the answer lay in Blake’s office, I headed there. Dana had gone for the day, and the silence around us suggested that everyone else on the floor had left as well. I entered his office, ready to hear what he said, and prepared to fight for my job.

  “Shut the door, would you?” He stood by the window, looking out over the city.

  This was going to be bad. But I did as he said and shut the door. “Is something wrong, Mr. Alexander?”

  “Yes.” He turned toward me then. “I noticed you’re spending a lot of time with Dylan Colby.”

  My brows furrowed as I wondered what business it was of Blake’s what I was doing. But this was his company and the time I spent with Dylan was in the office. At least so far.

  “During breaks and the end of the day for a few days now.”

  Blake moved away from the window, taking slow, yet purposeful strides toward me. “Are you seeing him?”

  “Do you mean dating?”

  He nodded.

  I cocked my head, wondering why he’d care. I thought he’d be happy. He didn’t have to worry about me mooning over him or causing him trouble. “Not yet, but maybe.”

  “You think he’s the man who can give you what you want?”

  No. “I don’t know. Maybe. Mr. Alexander, what is the problem?”

  He stepped closer to me. Heat and annoyance radiated off of him in waves. But why? “Last week you were a virgin and now you’re ready to fuck just anyone?”

  Instinct flashed through me and before I could think, my hand flew out until it landed on his cheek with a loud crack. When I realized what I’d done, I knew I should beg to keep my job, but I was so angry. Had he really just suggested that since I’d given him my virginity, I was sleeping my way around the office?

  He looked down for a moment, and when he looked back up, I thought I saw remorse. “I deserved that. I’m sorry.”

  I swallowed. I thought I should apologize too, but I wasn’t sorry. I’d never known him to be an asshole, so this exchange made little sense.