The Bull Rider's Fresh Start

by Heidi McCahan

  “She fell asleep.” His voice was low and soft. Buttery.

  Kelsey squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to think about obstacles she had conquered. Deep-water jumps. Swimming underwater until she thought her lungs might explode. Floating prone for five minutes—anything to make her feel the opposite of how she felt when she heard his voice. Anything to escape the reality that the same Landon she’d tried so hard to forget was back in her life, and she could no longer avoid the fact that they shared a child.

  “Want me to put her down in the crib?”

  “Yep.” She opened her eyes but refused to turn around. Drawing a deep, calming breath, she silently willed Landon to carry Adeline down the hall. Instead, he hesitated. Her skin warmed as she sensed him watching her. She tightened her grip on the counter and battled back the urge to face him.

  Stay strong. Don’t let anyone see your weakness. They’ll only use it against you.

  The wisdom once offered by a seasoned officer echoed in her head. Except her heart refused to listen. Why didn’t the advice she’d clung to in her military career translate to her personal life? Because inside, deep down, she longed to turn around. To risk being known. To have a partner. To be an essential part of an unbroken family.

  Finally, Landon’s boots clicked slowly down the hall to the bedroom with the crib. Kelsey sagged with relief, then quickly buzzed around the kitchen like a worker bee, diligently organizing the bounty of supplies piled on the counter. When Landon returned, she avoided eye contact and stayed in motion.

  “Anything else I can help you with before I go?”

  “Nope.” She flashed him a polite smile. “I’m all set, thanks.”

  His brows tented. “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.” She stowed an extra roll of paper towels and a box of trash bags in the cabinet under the sink, then moved on to the plastic cups, utensils and paper plates. Wow, they’d thought of everything.

  He lingered until she glanced at him over her shoulder. “Is there something else you wanted to discuss?”

  Irritation flashed in his eyes. “No, I guess not.”

  She narrowed her gaze. Why was he annoyed? Oh, right. She had offered to share some of the food. Except sitting with him while he ate was the last thing she wanted to do. Too much opportunity for conversation. “Did you want to take some food with you?”

  “No, thanks.” He turned and ambled toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Kelsey opened her mouth to protest, then remembered she had a sleeping baby in the house and clamped her lips tight. She didn’t have the energy to argue, anyway.

  As the front door clicked shut, she slid to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. She did not need him to stop by and check on her. Or tell her what he thought was best for Adeline. Now that she had agreed to stay here, she’d hoped he would spend all his time working on the farm and leave her alone.

  She tipped her head back against the kitchen cabinet and closed her eyes. This arrangement was the worst idea ever. They’d almost had an argument over a baby swing, so how would they ever agree on a care plan for Adeline?

  Time was not on her side. She needed to act quickly. Tomorrow she’d call her mother and convince her to plan Wade and Maggie’s memorial service ASAP. Folks here were sweet and thoughtful, but she wasn’t going to spend another minute longer than she needed to in Merritt’s Crossing.

  * * *

  Landon squinted into the golden sunlight splashing across the basketball court behind the elementary school on this late July morning. The well-loved ball glided across his fingertips as he took a shot. He leaned sideways, willing the ball to sink through the hoop. Instead, it clanked off the side of the metal rim then bounced on the pavement.

  “That’s an S,” Gage called out, jogging after the ball.

  No kidding. Landon scowled at his friend’s back.

  Gage retrieved the basketball then turned around, dribbling in between his legs, and grinned at Landon.

  “Thanks for rubbing it in.” Landon rested his hands on his hips. Man, he couldn’t stand losing. Especially a game of H-O-R-S-E.

  Gage chuckled then took a giant step toward the hoop. “I’ll go easy on you.”

  Landon bit back another snide remark. That was the problem. He didn’t want anyone to go easy on him. He wanted to win, especially since the rest of the guys would show up in a few minutes for an intense pickup game of five on five. Having to leave and slink to his truck while everyone else stayed and played was humiliating. Losing three straight to Gage only piled on the shame. His back would never tolerate the running, pounding and the quick change of direction from a full-court game of basketball, but he hated sitting on the sidelines almost as much as he hated losing another game of H-O-R-S-E.

  With kids and teachers on summer vacation, Gage, Landon and a dozen other local guys met twice a week to use the vacant court. The sound of the ball bouncing at Gage’s feet echoed off the one-story school building nearby. Gage dribbled back and forth between his left and right hands, eyeing Landon.

  “You’re not quite your cheerful self this morning. Something on your mind?”

  “I need to convince Kelsey that Adeline stays with me.”

  Whoa, okay. That sounded just as ridiculous out loud as it did in his head.

  Gage scooped up the ball and trapped it against his torso. “Do you mean overnight? On weekends? Every other week—”

  “I mean permanently. Once Kelsey goes back to Hawaii, I want Adeline to stay with me.”

  Gage’s brows lifted. “How do you think she’ll respond when you ask?”

  “She’ll say no.” Landon kicked at a pebble on the pavement and sent it careening into the grass at the edge of the court. “That’s why I need your help. Do you know anything about parenting plans or family plans and how all that works when one parent is enlisted?”

  “She’s probably required to submit a family care plan to her commanding officer.”

  “That’s what she told me—something about proof that her child was being cared for properly so she could fulfill her commitment to the navy.”

  “And you feel you can provide Adeline with the love and care she needs?”

  “Of course. I’m her father.” Landon glared at him. “And I’m a much better option than Kelsey’s mother and stepfather.”

  Gage held up one palm. “Easy. No judgment here. I’m on a fact-finding mission.”

  “Sorry,” Landon grumbled. “This whole thing has me all torn up.”

  “I get it.” Gage shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Skye and I had a rough time sorting out all the details about Connor’s care. When does Kelsey plan on separating from the navy?”

  “Next October.”

  Gage launched an effortless jump shot. The ball arced through the air, then slid through the net. “Fifteen months is a long time to be a single dad.”

  “I’m going to be a single dad for a lot longer than that.” Landon retrieved the ball and moved toward Gage’s position on the court. “Kelsey and I aren’t together.”

  Gage stepped out of the way so Landon could mirror his position. “Not yet, anyway.”

  “Ha. Not ever again.” Landon aimed for the faded square on the scuffed metal backboard. “She can’t stand me.”

  “And yet, you’re both here. Living less than two miles apart with an adorable baby girl forcing you to bond.”

  That last comment really got under his skin and trampled all over his confidence. He shot the ball then groaned as it collided with the front of the rim and ricocheted onto the court. It rolled across the pavement and bumped against the front tire of Gage’s pickup truck parked nearby.

  “Forced is a good word for it. The woman wants nothing to do with me.”

  “Give it time,” Gage called over his shoulder, jogging toward his truck.

&
nbsp; “Yeah, whatever.” Landon trudged after him. When he missed that last shot, he’d added an E to his dismal score. Gage had beat him again.

  Gage picked up the basketball. “You want some water?”

  “Sure.”

  Gage opened the passenger door, set the basketball on the seat then pulled two bottles of water from the small cooler on the floorboards. He handed one to Landon then cracked the other open for himself.

  “Thanks.” Landon twisted the cap off and took a long sip. After he’d finished, he wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his T-shirt. “Now that Wade and Maggie are gone, Kelsey has to submit a new plan. I want to be Adeline’s guardian. I deserve the opportunity.”

  “Hey, you don’t have to convince me,” Gage said. “I’m totally on your side. Did the navy give her a deadline?”

  “Sixty days until she has to report back to base and submit her new plan.”

  He’d done everything he could think of to help Kelsey feel comfortable at Laramie’s place. His friends and family had gone above and beyond the call of duty with food, household supplies and more than enough baby equipment to keep Adeline happy. He hadn’t raised his voice or threatened to hire an attorney. So why had she behaved like a frightened, caged animal yesterday when he’d offered to stay and help with Adeline?

  “Skye and I couldn’t agree on a plan at first, either.” Gage twisted the cap back on the bottle. “Even though we both had the same goal—keeping Connor safe and healthy—we had completely different approaches.”

  “So you’re trying to tell me all this conflict and tension is totally normal.”

  Gage grinned. “Exactly.”

  “How’d you finally agree?”

  “I kept my promises, showed up on time and never gave her a single reason to doubt my commitment.”

  “Well, when you put it like that, this should be a breeze,” Landon scoffed. “I mean, I don’t even know why I’m worried.”

  Gage chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. “You’ll both figure this out. God’s got this, by the way. He already knows what’s best for all three of you.”

  “Right.” Landon drained the rest of the water. He’d leaned hard on the Lord’s promises over the last couple of years. While he wasn’t about to turn from his faith now, the old familiar doubts were creeping in, like pests threatening to destroy a plentiful crop.

  “Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.”

  “Thanks.” The rumble of approaching vehicles kept him from saying more. “I’ve got to get going.”

  Understanding flashed in Gage’s eyes. He knew Landon couldn’t play five on five with the guys and that it tore him up to sit out. “See you around.”

  Landon’s tired legs carried him toward his own vehicle. He wanted to leave before he had to struggle to make small talk with his friends. Or worse, had to pretend not to care that he couldn’t join them. He threw a casual wave in the direction of the first car pulling in beside him, then slipped behind the wheel of his truck and drove away.

  As he headed back to the farm, Gage’s words echoed in his head. Kept my promises, showed up on time and never gave her a single reason to doubt my commitment.

  There was only one small problem with those tidbits of wisdom. No matter what, Kelsey would never see him as trustworthy. She’d doubted him since day one. He had to find a way to rebuild what he’d shattered when he’d left her, pregnant and alone.

  Chapter Six

  Kelsey spread the striped blanket on the grassy area near the community park’s playground, then sat down. Landon claimed the opposite corner and placed Adeline beside him. She immediately fussed, her smooth face wrinkling as she grabbed at the brim of the white sunhat Kelsey had put on her head.

  “I brought some toys.” Kelsey quickly opened the backpack they’d been using as a diaper bag and pulled out a vinyl book with pictures of jungle animals, her favorite shaker that sounded like rain when she tipped it on its end and the container of puffy rice snacks she often devoured.

  Adeline ignored the toys and pushed out a few quick breaths, pointing toward the snack.

  Landon chuckled. “Nothing wrong with a snack before playtime, right?”

  Except she’d just eaten lunch before they left the house. Kelsey popped the lid off then passed him the container. He sprinkled a few onto the blanket.

  “Oh.” Kelsey grimaced. “How do you know this blanket’s clean?”

  Adeline’s mouth formed an O as she grasped one of the puffs between her thumb and first finger then held it out for Landon.

  “A little dirt never hurt.” Landon rolled onto his side and propped up on one elbow, his long denim-clad legs stretched out in front of him. “That’s what my mom always said.”

  Kelsey couldn’t look away as he made a playful growling noise then pretended to bite Adeline’s little hand.

  Her adorable belly laugh nearly dissolved Kelsey into a puddle.

  He was so good with her. So good that she almost felt guilty for doubting him and his ability to be the father Adeline needed.

  Kelsey’s phone pinged with an incoming text. She pulled it from the side of the diaper bag and glanced at the screen. Her commanding officer was checking in.

  This is a reminder that you have 50 days to file a new care plan for your daughter. I hope you and your family are well. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help facilitate this process.

  She shoved the phone back in the bag without answering.

  Landon studied her. “Everything okay?”

  “Yep. Everything’s peachy.”

  “That must be why you’ve got that groove between your eyebrows again.”

  What groove? She touched her finger to her forehead. There wasn’t a groove.

  Tipping her head back, she admired the white cotton-ball clouds dotting the blue sky. The midday sun warmed her skin. Adeline had taken a long morning nap, so when Landon asked if they could meet at the park after lunch, Kelsey felt confident saying yes. Sure, Adeline had resisted wearing her sun hat, but that was to be expected. Right? At least she and Landon hadn’t argued. Yet. Why ruin a peaceful outing by discussing their daughter’s future?

  Guilt soon niggled at her. Even though she’d rather not mention the care plan, they didn’t have the luxury of avoiding the subject forever.

  “That was my commanding officer, reminding me the clock is ticking and I only have fifty days to submit my new care plan.”

  A muscle in Landon’s jaw flexed. “Have you given any thought to your new plan?”

  Kelsey picked at the clover blooming on the ground beside the blanket. “My mom and stepdad aren’t capable of taking care of Adeline. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Realistically, probably not ever again.”

  Not ever? That hardly seemed accurate. Her stepdad’s health might improve. She ignored his comment and tried a more pragmatic approach. “I know you think you can handle being a single dad, but you’re busy, too. A farm is a huge responsibility and no place for—”

  “We have help.” Landon pushed into a sitting position. “My parents are healthy. Dad still does quite a bit, and he’s teaching me everything I need to know to take over when he decides to retire. Most of our equipment runs by computer and GPS anyway, so farming is much more efficient than it used to be.”

  “But somebody else would have to take care of Adeline most of the time while you’re...planting stuff.”

  His mouth twitched. “Is that what you think I do all day? Plant stuff?”

  She sighed. Now was not the time for his jokes. “I have no idea what you do all day, but you don’t seem like you have much free time to hang out with a baby.”

  “I’m hanging out now, aren’t I?”

  “And I’m trying to discuss our limited options, but I’m afraid we’re going to argue.”

  “We’re not ar
guing, we’re having a conversation. I’m asking important questions about our daughter’s future.” He dipped his head and forced her to meet his gaze. “I’m not the enemy.”

  “Yet you want to keep our daughter in a situation that I’m not comfortable with.”

  Irritation sparked in Landon’s eyes. Then he shook his head, stood and lifted Adeline into his arms. Adeline squealed and grabbed a fistful of his gray T-shirt. “I’m taking Adeline to try the swings. Don’t worry, I won’t let her fall on her head.”

  Kelsey stared after him, a snarky comment dying on her lips. He might not be her enemy, but they certainly weren’t on the same team. Despite the heat of the summer day, a shiver of unease raced down her spine. This was an impossible scenario. She couldn’t take Adeline to Hawaii, but she couldn’t leave her here, either. Now that her family couldn’t help, she didn’t have any other reliable caregivers.

  Lord, please help. I’m scared and confused.

  Prayer hadn’t come easily for her. A friend from her small group in Hawaii had shared that she’d struggled with prayer, especially since her relationship with her dad wasn’t great, either. Kelsey appreciated the empathy, but empathy didn’t solve her problems. What she needed was an answer. A defined plan that guaranteed Adeline’s safety and security.

  Was that too much to ask?

  * * *

  Landon double-checked the buckles on the blue-and-red plastic baby swing. “There. All good.”

  He gave Adeline’s bare leg a gentle squeeze. Her hat had slipped off and fallen in the dirt under the swing. Oh well. A few minutes in the sun wouldn’t hurt.

  She jammed one finger in the side of her mouth and chewed on it, blinking her big blue eyes at him. Ack. She could have anything she wanted if she kept looking at him that way. Visions of buying her a pony filled his head. Didn’t every little girl want her own horse at some point? He quickly squelched the notion. Kelsey would definitely raise a stink about that.