Balance (The Chicago Defiance MC Book 6)

by K E Osborn

  I turn to face him. He and Trax are equally concerned as I lean back resting my ass on the edge of my desk. Folding my arms across my body, more for comfort than anything else, I try to figure out where to start. “Neve and I are over.”

  Torque’s eyes pull together tightly. “Okay… why?”

  I glance at the file again, then pick it up and hand it to him. He hesitates then opens it. I watch as his eyes scan the information.

  Then I see it.

  The moment it all clicks into place for him.

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  Trax seems like a lost puppy wondering what’s going on as Torque hands him the file. Trax reads it while Torque rubs the back of his neck. “So, where did this come from?”

  “A damn reporter looked into Neve and me. Apparently, he’s keeping his mouth shut.”

  Torque starts to pace the room. “Is this shit for real?”

  I shrug. “I can’t be sure, but I think so. It makes sense. We never knew who Maya’s father was growing up, it was just something no one talked about.”

  Torque grunts staring back at me. “Find the information, Ace, and bury it. We can’t have it leaking.”

  I round my desk with fucking purpose. If the information’s out there, I’ll find it and get rid of it for fucking good. “I’m on it, don’t worry.” I sit on my computer chair waking up my screens as Torque and Trax look at each other, having some sort of conversation without saying a word. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but I have a task, and fuck if I’m not going to find out if this shit is for real or not, because if it’s bullshit, there’s no fucking way I’m staying away from Neve. But if it is legit, I’m getting it the fuck out of reach of anyone but us. The information will be so out of touch there will be no trace of it—like it never existed.

  How I didn’t know of its existence before now, I have no idea, but even if I have to be stuck in this cave for a century, I’m going to figure this shit out. The problem is if this shit is real and I need to ‘deal’ with it, even then I don’t know if I could go back to Neve. I don’t know if she would be with me if she knew the reason why we could be together again—why the threat of Eric breathing down our necks would have suddenly vanished.

  She would figure it out.

  Would she see me differently?

  Could she look at me the same?

  I doubt it…

  Either way, we’re screwed.

  It’s legit.

  Fuck!

  The judge is Maya’s biological father, and he did everything to try and hide that fact. Why? Because he’s married with a family of his own and my aunt, Maya’s mother, is not his wife. In fact, from what I could dig up, my aunt and the judge had an almost eight year-long affair obviously resulting in Maya. Then when Maya was born, the judge ghosted my aunt.

  She never heard from him again.

  Yeah, stand-up guy.

  When it came to my court appearances, they used the judge to pull strings. They blackmailed his relationship with my aunt to make sure he was assigned as my judge. Then when Maya came along, I was over eighteen, he stood in again and found me not guilty of burglary, siphoning gasoline from a truck, and attempting to cash a stolen check. All petty crimes, but when put together, carry a jail sentence, and I’m just inside the statute of limitations. So, if this information was leaked, not only could my cases be pulled for retrial, but the judge, my father, and my aunt could all go down for bribery and corruption of the courts.

  This is a fucking shitshow.

  It took some time, but I traced every possible reference I could. Every avenue I found links to Maya, my aunt, my father, the judge, me, everyone, and every link there was, I erased it. It was fucking hard and took a shit load of effort and time. I even called in a favor from our brothers across the ditch to make sure I got everything. I made a call to a brother from the Satan’s Savages MC in Australia. His name’s Techie, and he’s as good as me. I asked him to try and track down anything related to the judge and me. I didn’t give him the specifics, just names, dates, etc. He came back saying there’s nothing on the dark web, on press sites, on personal servers, anywhere in the world. His words were ‘it’s clean.’

  If I can’t find it, if Techie can’t find it, there’s nothing to be found.

  My past is gone. Erased.

  The only people who know are Defiance, Neve, Julian, and that damn reporter.

  And I need to find out how much he really knows.

  Did he keep copies?

  And I must know who else he’s told because the threat needs to be contained.

  No matter the cost. Which happens to be my relationship with Neve.

  I can’t control this the way I need to, and then expect her to accept me for the man I am. She can’t have any controversy hanging around her with who she is. I can’t expect her to accept my demons.

  She’s too perfect for that.

  There’s no way she’d want to be tarnished by my dark side. I understand that, so once I make my past truly disappear, there’s no fixing what’s broken between Neve and me. I don’t like it, I loathe it actually, but I accept it. I wish I could fight for her. I wish I could throw down everything and lay my life on the line for her if it came down to it. But the thing is, she needs a guy who’s a knight in shining armor, not a man with a devil on his shoulder and ghosts tucked away in his past.

  I want to be the man she needs, more than fucking anything, but because I care about her so damn much, I can see the writing on the wall. I must let her go, so she can live the life she’s meant to—in the limelight—while I stick to the shadows.

  The cost is high, but it’s the price I must pay.

  For me, but more importantly, for Neve.

  The Next Night

  I feel like shit. It seems like fucking days since I’ve talked to Neve. We sort of discussed whether this ‘breakup’ was the non-communication type. But I figured if the press is watching her, it’s probably safest to keep a low profile right now. I didn’t think it would be this hard, but I also feel like even though we half-agreed on a clean break, the break is too clean, and I need a little more from her. It could be dangerous for her and me, but I need a proper goodbye. I can’t get Neve out of my damn head and knowing I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to is eating me up. So, I make the judgment call I know I probably shouldn’t and start typing out a text.

  Me: Neve, you gotta know how shitty I think this all is… I don’t claim to know much about Hollywood, but I’d like to think in another life, in another time, we could have had our happily ever after…

  I read the message over curling my lip at how much of a fucking pussy I sound like when I read it, but decide fuck it. It’s the damn truth. So I send it taking in a deep inhale as I sit back against my headboard waiting for her to reply.

  I know she will.

  Neve: And that right there, Tarzan, is why I will never forget you… ever. To your brothers you put on this hard exterior, but for me, you’re this amazingly sweet man. A man I’m going to miss so fucking much. I can’t even tell you how much this is killing me…

  I clench my eyes shut rubbing my temple as an ache forms deep in my chest. I know right now there’s no other way we can get through this. To be apart is the only safe option for me to stay out of the press. To keep my family and the judge’s family from having repercussions from any type of unwanted news breaking regarding my past. I can’t let that happen. With Neve having paparazzi around her all the time, I have to focus and find a way through this, or simply let her go. Right now, I have to do the latter even though this is ripping me to fucking shreds.

  Me: Me too. I hate that we have to say goodbye, the word feels so damn final… makes me goddamn cringe.

  Shaking my head, I exhale as her reply message comes through.

  Neve: I feel like this is going to be the last time I hear from you?

  My stomach plummets as I run my fingers through my hair mulling that over. If we spend our ti
me messaging each other, the odds of someone—a journalist—finding out and digging into me is even higher. She’s right, this has to be the last time we talk. The more we talk, the higher the risk. Even though everything in me wants to say fuck it all and to risk my entire life to speak to her every day, but it’s not just my life I’d be playing with, it’s her career, there’s my cousin to think about, my aunt, and my parents. Not to mention the innocent family of the judge who still probably doesn’t know about his indiscretions. So many others could be affected. I can’t think only of myself and my needs.

  The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few – Thanks for your logic, Spock, you asshole!

  Me: I hate it, but it’s probably the best… for everyone. But don’t think for a second that I won’t be thinking of you, every second, of every day, Neve. You’ll never leave my mind. Know that in your heart, promise me you’ll know that?

  My heart begins to race as she takes her time in replying. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I know if she’s feeling the way I do now, she’s devastated. I’ve never felt so damn heavy in my life. It’s like a ten-ton weight sitting on my damn chest making it hard for me to simply breathe.

  Knowing I’ll never see Neve again, except for maybe in her movies, is making me feel all kinds of wrong and angry as fuck.

  I try to picture my life without Neve.

  All I see is black.

  A dull void of nothing.

  No excitement. No contentment. No life.

  She makes everything better, brighter, more luminous. She makes it easier for me to breathe. Without her I’ll be a shell of the man I am today, but it is what it is. It might sound like I’m being a pussy, like I’m a whipped little bitch, but Neve has me in her web, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stand tall or shatter on impact when my world stops turning.

  Neve: As long as you know that it’s the same for me, Ace. You’ve been the best thing to happen to me, and my world doesn’t feel right without you. But I understand. I only want what’s best for you. My world won’t allow that, and if it means I have to give you up so you are safe, then I’d rather that than you going down, Ace. I want you to know just how much I care about you. It runs deep. I wish we could have made this work. For the first time in my life… I felt like I was home.

  I shake my head. “Goddammit.” I pick up the alarm clock on my side table and hurtle it across the room. It smashes into the wall breaking apart as I let out a frustrated groan and sink further into my bed feeling nothing but grief and loss over the woman I can’t have.

  Taking in some deep calming breaths, I close my eyes trying my hardest to keep my cool. This is bullshit. I can’t stand that it’s come to this. But it has. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I have to say goodbye. Dragging this on is only hurting us both.

  Me: You’re my home. Always will be. I care about you too. So damn much, but this will be the last time we talk. It’s safer that way… for both of us. I’ll miss you. Take care and if you EVER need anything, ask Cindi to tell Noah. If you need me, or a brother, we’ll be there. I will always protect you if you need it, Neve. In another life Natalia Villa, in another life…

  Inhaling sharply, I send the message. My chest squeezes as I hate myself a little bit more. Ending things officially with her grates on my very last nerve. I had something, someone so undeniably perfect, but the force of life won’t allow me to be with her. Fuck you, karma. I might have been a shithead kid, but this payback does not suit the crimes.

  Neve: In another life Aaron Carver… goodbye Ace. xo

  A pain so undeniably overwhelming rips through me making me hunch over. My top lip curls while my fingers type out the reply.

  Me: Goodbye, Neve. xo

  I hesitate, my body shaking slightly knowing that once I send this text, it will truly be the end for us. I’m not ready to let her go, but I know I have to. I exhale letting out a garbled groan as I hit send closing my eyes just trying to hold my shit together.

  Neve and I are officially done.

  And I feel like a piece of me is done too.

  After being occupied with trying to erase my past from the World Wide Web, now it seems I have some spare time on my hands, and I have something I need to do.

  Hopping off my ride at the hospital, I stroll in to find the right place. I’ve been here a bunch of times when brothers are too fucked up for Chills to patch up at the clubhouse, and they’ve needed to come here, but still it makes me anxious. Not sure why but hospitals give me the heebie-jeebies. Pretty funny considering I’m one of the medics when Chills isn’t around.

  Walking up to a nurses’ station, I notice a nurse with short, curly, black hair and a radiant face. Pretty sure I’ve seen her before, and they call her Tiny. She appears far too happy to be working night shift. “Hey, can you help me?”

  Tiny looks me up and down. “Dayuuum, you one of those bikers that come in here every so often? I swear, man, I need to find out where you guys keep coming from ‘cause they breed you men H.O.T.” She accentuates the last word by spelling it out as she fans herself.

  I continue to stare at her not really knowing how someone so innocent, sweet looking, and freaking small can have so much courage and sass.

  She starts to giggle. “Cat got your tongue, gorgeous? Do I need to admit you, check you over?” she quips.

  I pause, a little stunned. “Ahh, no. I’m searching for someone, two people actually. Officers Marshall and Grier. I heard they’re in this floor somewhere?”

  Tiny’s face tightens as she folds her arms over her chest. “You going to start some biker-cop feud in my floor, Jax Teller?”

  I scoff tilting my head at her. Why does everyone compare me to him? “Nope, no fued, and I’m no Jax Teller. Marshall and I go way back. We went to school together.”

  Her nose twitches cutely. “Your hair is way better than Jax’s, what shampoo do you use?”

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I begin to get annoyed. “Marshall and Grier, what room?”

  Tiny beams so wide I think she might burst. “Can I just touch it to see if it’s as smooth as it looks?” She leans forward to touch me, and I recoil back putting distance between us.

  “Fuck this. I’ll find them myself.” I turn storming off down the hall.

  She giggles like she’s having the time of her life. “I love watching you guys squirm. Heeley always says to play you guys to your weaknesses, and it will be a good show.”

  I turn back to her. “Heeley’s gonna be in for a stern talking to when I see her next.” Heeley, also known as Foxy, the first Old Lady of the club, likes to mess with the brothers on occasion. She works with Chills, the head doctor at the club, and obviously this nurse here at the hospital, so Foxy’s told the nurse not to let us boss her around.

  Foxy knows us so well.

  Guess that’s what you get for being the first Old Lady.

  “I bet you look good giving people a stern talking to,” she calls out.

  “Goodbye, Tiny,” I reply.

  She gasps. “You know who I am?” she yells peering down the hall.

  “I know a lot of shit. Except for where my friends are in this fucking hospital,” I yell back about to round the corner.

  She giggles like a school girl. “End of the hall, room 204!” she calls back.

  I stop, turning around. She giggles as I dip my head at her in thanks. Then I round the corner to find the room while a cleaner in the hall watches me, mopping the same spot twice. I ignore him as I walk briskly observing the room numbers as I go noticing the police guard in front of the room. Walking faster, I don’t miss it the moment the guard spots me and moves his hand to his waist near his gun.

  Asshat.

  As I approach the room, the guard watches me completely at attention. His eyes never leaving me as he takes in my cut. “Move it along, cowboy,” he grunts.

  I try to see into the room, but he shifts to the side blocking my view, so I stare him right in his stubborn-ass f
ace. I’m not in the fucking mood right now as I fold my arms over my chest glaring at him. “Look, I know what this cut represents to you, but can you for one second stop being an asshole and let a childhood friend in to see his buddies. I want to make sure Grier and Brody are all right.”

  He narrows his eyes, looking me up and down. “I don’t have the authority to let you in.”

  Exhaling, I decide to just say ‘fuck-it’ to the world. I’m angry at how this is playing out. If I didn’t ask Brody and Grier to step up to protect Neve, they wouldn’t be in here right now. Them being here is on me. So, I make a move. I don’t fucking care about consequences right now as I push forward, past the cop. He yells at me as I rush inside the two-bay room as fast as my feet will carry me. There are two beds, Brody’s in one and Grier in the other, as a hand grabs my cut from behind yanking me while Brody’s eyes open taking in the scene.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” the guard yells yanking my arm up behind me as I take in Grier’s face. It’s fucking black and blue. Around her jaw is still bandaged up from I’m assuming her surgery to fix her broken jaw as she sleeps soundly.

  My stomach falls seeing her like this. She’s usually so strong, so assertive, so full of authority that seeing her knocked out for the count like this, because of me, because of something I did, makes me sick to my stomach.

  “Let him go, Jones,” Brody’s voice echoes through the room gaining my attention. My eyes flick over to Brody to see him watching me as I let out a long exhale.

  “You sure, Marshall?” Jones grunts yanking my arm a little higher just for his own pleasure I’m sure.