Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  “No, Sam, it’s just that Tyler . . . Tyler! Fuck!” He holds his head between his hands. “How did I let this happen? I never should’ve kissed you!”

  “What?” He drives a knife into my heart.

  “Sam, I’m sorry. This is a huge fucking mistake.”

  “A mistake?” Did he actually say that? Is he fucking kidding?

  “God, Samantha, we need to get to the hospital. Tyler! That’s why I’m here. Why I was waiting for you. When I saw you, and you were upset . . . I’m so sorry. We have to go.” He scampers to the ladder. “Come on.”

  His words sink in. Tyler. Hospital. He wasn’t asking me if I wanted to talk earlier, he was telling me something. At least trying to, but I wouldn’t listen. Fear settles into my bones, making me shiver.

  “Cole, I’m scared.”

  “I know.” He jumps out of the clubhouse and extends his hand to me. “Trust me. Everything’s going to be alright.”

  Chapter 2

  Cole

  We walk hand in hand to my car in silence. My heart races so fucking hard and fast. I kissed her. After a year of thinking about it and imagining it, I finally bucked up the nerve and kissed her. It was everything I imagined and then some.

  Her lips, her body, they’re soft. Supple. I didn’t want to stop. I don’t know how I pulled myself off of her. I could’ve gone for days before taking a break. Her tongue met mine and moved in perfect unison. Like her sweet mouth was made for me.

  Thinking about that skilled mouth, I have a triple X vision of Sam on her knees running through my head.

  This is so fucking bad!

  I press a button on my key fob, unlock the car doors and hold hers open. She takes a peek at me and hesitates. I wonder what’s going through her mind. Does she hate me for what just went down? I couldn’t help kissing her. It just happened, and before I knew it, a taste of her warm, delicious mouth wasn’t enough. I needed to feel her curvy body beneath me.

  Like a jackass, I took advantage of the situation. I’m pissed at myself. I wanted to help, to hold her until whatever hurt was better. This was my opportunity to do that; to be there and comfort her. Normally I keep my distance, because Tyler’s around. He’s always watching, breathing down our necks.

  "What’s wrong with my brother?” Samantha’s trembling voice breaks through my thoughts.

  The sound squeezes my chest. I want to take that fear, that uncertainty, away. I want to hold her, and kiss her again until the world and everyone in it disappears. Until nothing exists but the two of us.

  She shivers and rubs her hands up and down her arms.

  “He’s okay. I mean he will be.” And I just made things a whole lot worse by hitting on you. I reach into the backseat, grab my sweatshirt and hand it to her.

  Sam pulls the hoodie over her head and hesitates before getting in. I’m sure she’s just as aware as I am that this is the first time she’s getting in my car. The first time in a year that we’re spending any time alone together. That’s on me.

  Truth is I’ve been avoiding her. I’ve been keeping my distance from my best friend’s cock-blocking kid sister since she got those damn braces off and the little baby fat she had shifted to her tits and ass. Since then, our easy going, playful relationship changed because in an instant she morphed from Tyler’s kid sister, into the girl I want but can’t have.

  *

  “Hey, Ty, I’m waiting in the living room,” I yell up the steps, as I head toward the couch.

  Bam! Something hits me in the face. It’s not hard, just unexpected.

  “What the fuck?”

  Laughter. A girl’s laughter. It’s Tyler’s bitchy sister Sam. She does anything she can to annoy me lately. She’s lucky she’s not my sister, because girl or not I’d be beating the shit out of her right now.

  “You think that’s funny? Blindsiding me like that?”

  “No.” She shakes her head, and struggles to keep from laughing. Even though I’m pissed, I can’t help but notice how adorable she looks. “I know it’s funny. Damn funny.” She swings at me again, teasing me, taunting me with her laugh and sparkling eyes.

  “Oh yeah?” I lunge toward her and grab the pillow from her hand mid-strike. Leaving her defenseless. There’s a twitch in my pants. I reach for a second throw pillow and use them both to hit her, alternating the assault from left to right.

  “Stop!” She yells, through a fit of giggles, holding her arms in front of her face to defend herself.

  “Oh, no! You asked for this! You wanted me, you got me.” A quick shift of my weight in her direction and she leans back. I take advantage of my position and straddle her, pinning Sam beneath me. “You’ve been begging for me to take you down a notch all freaking week.”

  Another twitch, and I’m a breath away from sporting wood.

  For a split second she stops laughing. Her eyes grow wide with fear. Is it because she feels the change in me? Shit, did I just cross a line? I need to apologize.

  Staring down at her, I’m frozen, lost in the green of her eyes. The color of her iris is bold and darker than normal. It’s the green of jade stones. The colored flecks are vibrant and never-ending.

  And her lips. How did I not notice these lips before? She’s not wearing makeup but they are a deep shade of pink. They contrast perfectly with her creamy skin. These damn pillowy lips call me to kiss them. Beg me to take a taste. If I dip my head down just a little further . . .

  I hear a noise. A throat clears. It’s not coming from either Sam or me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Tyler and the dark look on his face. I don’t know how long he’s been standing there, or how much he saw, but I turn my head enough to notice his death glare focused on me. I’m in deep shit trouble.

  I climb off the girl that’s too young for me and rub my neck. “Next time don’t fucking hit me!” I say, with my voice too gruff. I sound angry, not playful, and the smile on her face disappears. It’s replaced with sadness.

  Shit. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I can’t console her now. Not with her brother watching my every move.

  I don’t know what happened, why my dick jumped to life or why I wanted to kiss her. She’s a kid. A tomboy I used to play catch with in the back yard and help catch frogs at the lake. All I know is from here on out, I need to stay the hell away from Samantha Stone.

  *

  I peek over at the passenger seat to make sure she’s okay. Sam’s eyes are downcast. Her fingers poke out of the too long sleeves of my sweatshirt. She wrings her hands in her lap and picks at her nail polish. She’s nervous. Me too.

  I look at her face for a second before turning back to the road. Even rain soaked and tear stricken, she’s gorgeous.

  And young, I remind myself. Too fucking young to have her heart destroyed by some jack-off who’s not sure if he’s into guys or girls.

  Too young for me.

  Knowing that she’s willing to let me look and touch doesn’t help one bit. No, I’m fucking semi-hard when my head should be one hundred percent focused on driving and not on how much I wish I could pull over and finish what we started.

  I want her with a desperation I've never felt before. It's like my body knows it can never be satisfied until I have her; until I've touched and kissed every inch of her skin, until she screams my name so loud the windows rattle and the earth shakes.

  It's like she's a disease, a poison running through my veins, and the only way to survive her, is to have more of her; to have all of her. Maybe that’s how I get her out of my system once and for all.

  If I had any doubts before, tonight is proof that I need to keep away from Samantha. It’s the first chance I had to get close to her with no one looking, and what did I do? It took a whole thirty seconds before we made out hot and heavy, right in the open where anyone could see. And then feeling her body under me, I almost came in my pants.

  So much for semi-hard. My dick could smash diamonds right now. This is bad. So, so bad.

  I FUCKED UP!!!

  Tyler�
��s going to kick my ass. Nah, an ass kicking is too kind. He’ll kill me if he finds out.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened to my brother?”

  “Oh, yeah. Of course. He and Caitlin were out."

  “They’re back together? I swear those two go back and forth like a yo-yo.”

  “Yeah, sort of. They were at a party and Tyler got pissed at her and left. At least she thought he did, but she found him half an hour later passed out by his car.”

  “Ohmygod! What happened?”

  I go rigid. I hate being the one to tell Sam, but I’m the only one here. The only one that even thought someone should be there to tell her in person when she got home instead of a in a text message.

  “Most likely what he smoked didn’t mesh well with the alcohol and oxy.”

  “WHAT?” She’s shocked. I can’t blame her. He did a great job of hiding most of what he’s been doing, I knew about the weed. But the rest of it? I can’t believe we’re talking about the same Tyler I’ve known all these years. “Tyler’s on drugs?”

  I nod. “Looks that way.”

  “Since when does Mister-keep-your-nose-clean-or-else-I’ll-kick-your-ass do drugs?”

  I shrug and let out a long breath buying time. Tyler made me swear not to tell anyone, but the points moot now. Everyone knows about this hiccup. At least they will by this time tomorrow. He’s going to have to own up to his shit.

  “He’s been pretty fucked up the last few months.”

  “As in stoned?”

  “No. I mean, yes, I guess. But it’s because of his emotional situation.”

  “Whatever. He did it to himself with all this Caitlin drama. I hate her. He’s so miserable since she came into his life. He never let a girl toy with him like this. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.”

  “Sam.”

  “No. She’s like a leech he can’t peel off. She dangles him from a string, calling and texting him all the damn time. And he doesn’t do anything to stop it.”

  “What do you want him to do?”

  “Ignore her.”

  “You think that will solve all the problems? Just pretend she doesn’t exist?”

  “Yes.”

  I peek over at her through the corner of my eye. “He can’t. There’s a lot going on between them.”

  “It doesn’t matter what’s going on. Either he loves her and they work their shit out, or he should break up with her for good. And that means cut her off cold turkey.”

  “It’s not that cut and dry.” Here comes another bomb. “At least not since he found out Caitlin was pregnant.”

  “Pregnant?” Samantha’s mouth drops. “Are you fucking kidding? Is that why he’s been so unbearable? Why he freaked out every time Doug picked me up?"

  I nod. “Yes. But, there’s more. Caitlin had an abortion before he even knew about it.”

  “No!” Samantha covers her mouth with her hand.

  “She was acting strange and he knew she was hiding something. Honestly, your brother thought she was cheating on him. That’s why he broke up with her. She claims the break-up spurred the abortion. He’s drowning in guilt over it. How was he supposed to know? I mean she never even hinted that she was pregnant.”

  “Then how’d he find out?”

  “She called him crying when she woke up, after the fact. It wrecked him.”

  “What a bitch!”

  “They’ve been trying to work through all this. That’s why they’re on and off.”

  “It’s her fault!”

  I nod. “I know. She’s racked with guilt and wants him to say it’s okay and forgive her. He won’t because he’s angry and feels betrayed. The real kicker is that through all of this they say they can’t walk away. They claim to love each other, and want to work through this.”

  “That’s not love. That’s just, I don’t know, not being able to let go.”

  “Maybe. It’s hard to say. I’ve never been in his shoes and hope to God I never will be.” A heavy quiet settles between us before I speak again. “Sammie, I know you love your brother, and you want to support him,” I squeeze her hand, “And you have your own shit going on. But Tyler and your parents need you to be strong right now. Think you can do that?”

  I glance over to check on her and she’s looking at me with narrowed eyes.

  “What?”

  “I don’t believe you!”

  I’m clueless. She’s suddenly annoyed with me and I’m not sure why.

  “This is why you’re being so nice to me? Why you acted like you gave a shit and kissed me? Because I need to hold my shit together and you feel bad for me?” The words are spit at me with acid.

  My stomach sinks. “What? No!” She can’t possibly believe that. Can she? “I didn’t act like I give a shit. I care about you. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

  “Whatever.” She shakes her head and looks out the window.

  “Not whatever. I care, Sam.” I squeeze her hand again. “I mean I’ve known you since you were what, ten?”

  “Maybe that’s the problem.”

  She lost me. I get what I told her is tough to digest, but she’s making leaps and bounds that just aren’t making sense.

  “What problem?”

  “You said you made a mistake. That’s your problem.”

  “I’m sorry. I crossed a huge fucking line. I already said I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t know what more to say.”

  “Because it was a mistake?”

  Why the hell is she so stuck on that word? I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t lead her on and let her think there can be anything more. Besides, she’s rebounding. That’s all I am to her, just a guy to help her move on to the next one. A guy she can use to tell her how beautiful and desirable she is.

  She doesn’t realize that I have feelings for her. That the reason I haven’t dated anyone seriously over the last year is because I can’t get her off my fucking mind. None of the girls compare to her.

  Maybe once things settle down with Tyler I can talk to him. Convince him that I have genuine feelings for Sam and promise to be good to her. Until then, I can’t add to his shit. I need to be there for him. And her. That means Samantha is off limits.

  I nod, feeling like a fucking coward because it’s all I can do.

  “Asshole,” she mutters under her breath. “Do you know how long I wanted that? Imagined one day you’d realize you loved me and kiss me the way you did? Like I am the air you breathe? Do you even care that I still have the scent of you in my nose? Or that my body still aches for you, everywhere?”

  Her words fill me with a strange warm feeling. But they also scare the shit out of me. She’s over emotional from the night. She doesn’t mean what she’s saying. She can’t.

  “Sam, I’m sorry.” I let go of her hand.

  “I don’t want you to be sorry.”

  I don’t answer. I can’t. Any way I go is a trap. I want her. I care about her. Did she just say love? She can’t love me. She’s just out of high school. And . . . love? That’s what’s destroying Tyler. I’m not going to hop on that fucking train. Oh hell no!

  I pull up to the emergency room entrance and let her out. "I'll be in as soon as I find a spot."

  "Don’t bother. Since I’m a mistake, I wouldn’t want you to compound kissing me with acting like a friend, or even a decent human being." She slams the door, turns and walks away.

  *

  I make my way past the moaning group of people waiting for care, over to Samantha. Her head is down. Chocolate waves cascade over her shoulders as she picks at her purple polished nails. She’s been doing that so much tonight I’m surprised she has any left on them.

  I stop and look at her. Look at her the way I’d look at any other pretty girl that catches my attention and not my best friend’s sister. I’m blown away. If she were anyone else, I’d pursue her with everything I’ve got.

  She’s still wearing my hoodie. It looks good on her. Like she should always be in it.
A possessive feeling I never had before overwhelms me. I feel like as long as she’s wearing my sweatshirt, she’s mine. Off limits to the rest of the world. And I like it.

  “Hear anything?” I say slipping into the hard, plastic chair beside her.

  “He’s stable. They won’t let me back, though. I don’t even know why I’m here if I can’t see my brother,” she complains, keeping her eyes glued on her fingers.

  “Do your parents know you’re here?”

  “I messaged my mother.”

  “I’m here for as long as you need me.”

  “I don’t need you,” she snaps and looks directly at me. “I’m not your fucking charity case!”

  Sam’s pissed. That comes across loud and clear as she gets to her feet and takes a seat on the other side of the room, as far from me as she can get. The problem is, she’s drawing the attention of everyone around us. That’s the last thing either of us need.

  I feel the weight of the surrounding stares. It feels like every eye in the place is on us. After a minute, I join her on the other side.

  “Why are you following me? Can’t you take the hint? I don’t want you here!” Her voice is loud and now everyone isn’t just looking. They’re listening too.

  “I’m sorry, Sam.”

  With an ache to touch her again, I rest my hand on her knee. She looks down at my hand as if it’s the most horrifying thing she’s ever seen. I think she’s going to get up again, or slap me. Or just yell at me to fuck off. Instead, her face softens. With a long breath and a soft sigh, her posture relaxes.

  "Thank you for driving me here."

  “Of course.”

  "I'm sorry I snapped.”

  “It’s fine.” I reach my arm around her shoulder and pull her close. “I want to be here for you.”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean why?”

  "Cole, I need to know,” she turns her head to me and we’re face to face. Our lips almost touch. We're so close, if either of us leans in an inch, we'll kiss. It takes every ounce of self-control to keep that from happening. “Is this about Tyler, and you being a good friend to him? Or is there any part of you that’s trying to comfort me for other reasons?”