Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  I take too long to answer. Her creamy cheeks turn crimson and her eyes glass over. I’m in so deep over my head I don’t know what to do. A tight swirling takes over my stomach as I focus on her heart shaped lips. God, do I want to kiss her.

  I can’t go there again. I shouldn’t. I turn away.

  "Never mind. I didn't mean that . . .”

  “Yes,” I clear my throat, getting a hold on my emotions. “You did.”

  “No.” She shakes her head and shrugs out of my hold. “It didn’t come out right. I just meant . . ." she babbles, trying to get herself out of it. “Please, forget I said anything.”

  “Yes.”

  She nods and lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” She looks down at the floor. A heavy silence falls between us again. True to form, I can’t leave well enough alone.

  “Yes. I’ll do whatever I can to be a good friend to Tyler. He’s my best friend and he needs the support right now.”

  “I understand.” Her voice cracks. She presses her lips into a thin line. Her large eyes water. I want to make it better. Take all the sadness away.

  “And yes.” It’s hard to get the words out because I know there will be a hefty consequence to them. “There’s a large part of me that wants to comfort you for other reasons.”

  Her eyes open wide in surprise, as if she doesn’t believe her ears. I want to prove to her she heard right and kiss her here in front of everyone. But I can’t. If there’s a chance at anything for us, and I act on it now for the world to see, it’ll blow up in our faces.

  I cover her hands with one of my own and keep my voice down so only she can hear me. “I’m here for you. I want to be the one you turn to, Sam. The guy that makes you smile and wipes away your tears.”

  “Oh, Cole!” She throws her arms around my neck and holds me tight for a long moment.

  When I pull back, she smiles and her eyes are lit. The wet tears she was about to shed shine and sparkle in her large green eyes. I love that I’m the cause of it, and I hate that they’re about to change.

  “The thing is,” I pull away and rub the back of my neck. “The timing isn’t right.”

  “I don’t care about the timing.”

  “I do.” I do my best to keep my voice down. “Even if it’s a cold day in hell and Tyler gives us his blessing, you’re a lot younger than me. Your father will have my balls. Especially right now.”

  I can see the sting of my words and I hate myself. She shakes her head and closes her watery eyes.

  “He won’t. He likes you.” she says, in an excited tone.

  “Yes. As Tyler’s friend. Not the guy that’s dating his daughter.”

  “It’s okay, Cole. My parents will be okay. We’ll make them understand.” I see the hope in her eyes. Hear it in her voice.

  I shake my head. “I don’t think so. But, Sam, I do care about you. A lot. And I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. I wish I could do it again.”

  “Nothing’s stopping you.”

  I run my pointer finger down the side of her flushed cheek. “You know that’s not true.”

  “You know what I think, Cole Andrews?” She moves as far away from me as she can while staying seated. “I think you took some of my brother’s shit, and now that you’ve sobered up, you’re coming up with one excuse after another to pretend that for five minutes tonight, you didn’t want me.”

  “No. Samantha.” I lean in and take her chin between my thumb and forefinger. I stare into her eyes. “I’m stone-cold sober,” I say, firmly, hoping I can to get through her thick skull. “And I wanted you. I still do.”

  “Prove it.”

  She stands and walks out the ER. Out of the revolving glass door. I want to rush out there after her. I want to apologize and kiss her silly showing her exactly how much I do want her. Instead I stay glued to my seat and let her go.

  Chapter 3

  Samantha

  It takes about two minutes before the drizzling rain turns into a downpour. I hoped Cole would follow me. If he meant what he said he would’ve come after me. He didn’t. He stayed right where he is.

  Like I said earlier, if I disappeared, no one would care. Everyone around me is too engrossed in their own world, and I don’t seem to fit into any of it.

  I hug my arms around myself. Even though I’m wearing his sweatshirt, there’s a coldness coming from inside me. Mix that with the rain and I’m a ball of goose bumps. Rain wasn’t in the forecast for tonight. Then again, tears weren’t either. Just when I think the rain can’t come down any harder it does.

  My phone buzzes. I don’t bother looking at it. It’s either my best friend Abby who’s been texting me since I left the bonfire, or my mother. I don’t feel like speaking to either of them.

  I know I’m acting like a brat. Too bad. Too much happened. I need some distance from everyone while I process it all. Then I can decide how I’m going to first, deal with Callie and the poisonous shit she’s saying about me. Second, if I’m going to rat my lying, cheating, womanizing jerk of a father out. And finally, how I’m going to handle the Cole situation.

  I touch my still swollen lips as I replay the night in my head: kissing Cole, and getting dizzy from not being able to breathe. Cole wiping my tears away. Confessions I made to the guy I’m head over heels in love with.

  Oh no! Did I let that slip?

  I said I wished he’d realize he’s in love with me. Same shit. It’s not a far leap for him to realize that’s because I’m in love with him. God I wish I could go back a few hours and sew my mouth shut. What the hell was I thinking?

  Shit! I threw myself at him!

  No it’s worse than that, I practically begged my brother’s best friend to . . . what exactly? To kiss me. To touch me. To have his way with me. I asked him to be my first.

  And he said no.

  Not once. Not twice. At least three times he rejected me. Alone and in front of a room full of strangers. Well, maybe not full but there were other people in the waiting room.

  Forget figuring it out. I can’t face him ever again. I can’t look into his blue eyes, or touch him. Not even a simple pat on the back. His very thick-corded-with-muscle-back. I’ll have to make a point to avoid him. At all costs.

  Fucking wonderful. He’s probably laughing at me right now, just like everyone else in this stupid town. I’m so fucking done here. Done with all these petty people that whisper and laugh behind your back.

  I can’t wait to go away to college and leave the whole judgmental lot in Bakersfield. They all think they’re better than everyone else. Until a rumor starring them is spread. Then they fall on the sword for a day or two depending on how fast they can turn the spot light onto another unsuspecting victim.

  My ringtone sounds through the heavy pelting of raindrops against the ground. Guess who ever is trying to reach me gave up texting and decided to call. I glance at my screen to see who it is. Abby. I’m not ready to speak to her. Or anyone for that matter.

  I shove my phone back in my pocket. I shiver and look around me. I’m half way home. How the hell did I get this far? I’m too far to turn back, but home is still a good ways away. I should’ve stayed at the hospital. Then at least I’d be warm and dry. And I’d still be with Cole.

  “Sam!”

  I close my eyes and tell myself to stop thinking about him. Stop wishing Cole would come after me.

  “Samantha!” His voice is louder this time. I turn my head toward the street. The window of Cole’s black sports car is down and he’s driving at the same slow pace I’m walking at. I stop. So does the car.

  I shouldn’t let him see how weak I am when it comes to him, but I can’t will my feet to move forward. The hazard lights blink as Cole gets out. I take a deep breath and swallow down the lump of emotion in the back of my throat.

  I stand frozen. Mute. I watch him move. Stare at his tall athletic frame as he comes around and approaches me. I’m mesmerized as the rain soaks his t-shirt, causing it to hug his broad shoulders and hard ch
est.

  He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t touch me, but I feel him nonetheless. I’m confused. I don’t know why he’s here, but the fact that he is lifts my spirits. Neither of us move for a few long moments. Minutes maybe.

  He reaches for my hand and my stomach does somersaults. He followed! He couldn’t let me walk away.

  “Your parents have been calling you.” He tugs on my hand and leads me to the passenger side of the car. “They came out to let you know what’s going on. I lied and said you went to get coffee.” I’m not sure what he’s getting at. “Anyway, they’re going to be at the hospital all night with Tyler. They want you to go home.”

  Hope swells in my chest as he opens the car door for me. “Can you ask your friend Allie—”

  “Abby.”

  “Can you ask Abby to stay over tonight?”

  The air gushes out of my lungs, the way it escapes from a blown out tire, fast and furious. I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

  “Yeah, sure.” I say, not moving to get in.

  “Sammie,” he says my name with so much emotion, I can’t help but wonder what’s going through his head at this moment. He takes a step closer to me. I see fire in his eyes. The same fire I noticed earlier in my clubhouse.

  His lips part as he cups my cheek in his hand. The hot, smoldering look in his eyes has my heart racing. I stare, into his blue orbs unable to move as a drop of rain drips off his long, dark eyelashes. I think he might kiss me again, and I wait for it. I hold my breath, waiting for his next move until his eyes dart away. There’s a slight shake of his head and the outline of his jaw grows tight.

  “C’mon, let’s go.”

  That’s not what he wanted to say. But I’m a sucker for him and can’t find it in me to say no. I get in the car and pull my seatbelt over my shoulder.

  “Are you texting Allie?” Cole shakes the excess water out of his hair with his hands.

  “Yes.” I force my eyes off of him and the sexy way he moves. I pretend to type a message. I’d rather be alone tonight, thinking of Cole, than stuck with a babysitter. Even if said babysitter is my best friend.

  We don’t speak again. Silence creeps in around us and fills the air. It’s uncomfortable. Heavy. The exact opposite of the drive to the hospital. I reach over and put the radio on just to hear something besides the pumping of blood in my ears. Anything.

  Just my luck, it’s a slow, mushy love song. I swear this this night is going to be the death of me.

  *

  Cole parks in my driveway. I expect he’ll pull away the second I’m safely in my garage. He doesn’t. He cuts the engine and flips his headlights off. Confused, I stand still and stare, until he joins me.

  “Why do you look surprised?” He asks, with a panty melting grin.

  “Because I’m home,” I answer, walking into the kitchen. “And you’re still here.”

  “You’re home alone.” His eyes twinkle with mischief. “Where else would I be?”

  “I don’t know.” I turn and take a few steps away from him. “Home. Meeting up with a girl.”

  “Meeting up with a girl?” he growls, using my arm to turn me around. “Is that what you think?” His eyes lose the playful glint they held a moment ago. They’re fiery. Angry. “That I’d kiss you, then go off and be with someone else?”

  I swear my neck hurts from the major case of whiplash from this boy.

  “Honestly, I don’t’ know what to think. I mean kissing me was a mistake, so . . .”

  “Never mind.” He sounds annoyed. “I’m just waiting until Allie gets here.”

  “Abby,” I correct for the millionth time.

  “Abby,” he snaps back.

  “Seriously, Cole, you don’t have to stay.”

  I don’t understand him. One minute he wants to be my hero, the next he’s too virtuous to get involved with me. I wish he’d stop with the mixed signals.

  “I don’t want you to be alone. All right? You had a rough night.” He kicks his shoes off and sets them down by the door leading from the kitchen to the garage.

  “So?”

  “Tyler’s not the only one that needs support.”

  “You really want to be the one to support me?” I question with a raised brow.

  “I already answered that at the hospital.” His eyes shift down before meeting mine again. “Look, if you don’t want me here, I’ll wait in my car—” He turns his head and takes a step toward the door.

  “I want you here, you jerk.” I pull on his still damp t-shirt and give half a smile. “I’m just not sure you want to be alone with me.”

  Everything changes with that simple truth. The air in the room sizzles.

  “I can’t think of any place I’d rather be.”

  Cole smiles. My heart beats so hard I feel it in my ears. Feel it in every cell of my body. I forget every negative feeling I’ve had tonight. They’re wiped away. Erased. I watch the rise and fall of his chest for a few breaths before he speaks again.

  “Besides, we won’t be alone for too long. Allie’s coming, right?” He asks, with a smirk.

  “Nope.” I challenge his resolve, wondering if my confession will send him running. “I never texted her.”

  “But I told you, your parents don’t want you to be alone.” His voice trails off at the end. “And neither do I.”

  “Well then, guess you’ll have to make a choice. Leave me alone. Or it’s you and me. All night long.”

  Yes, I said the last part suggesting a whole lot. I just don’t know if he picked up on my subtle, or not so subtle innuendo.

  “Trying to frighten me, little girl?” He takes a step closer and crosses his arms over his chest. His blue eyes shine and sends me heart into a frenzied rhythm. Oh yeah, he picked up on what I said.

  “Not at all.” I flutter my eyelashes at him. “But, you never know what might happen. I mean, what if I attack you?” I place my hands on his chest and back him up against the wall.

  “I’ll use my superpower to stop you,” he grabs my wrists.

  “And what’s your superpower?”

  “With you, princess, it’s this.” In a swift move, he spins us around, pins my arms above my head and leans his chest against mine so that I’m pressed into the wall.

  We stare at each other, frozen. I pull in a stunned breath.

  His eyes drop to my lips. Questions race through my mind, but my mouth won’t move. His hooded eyes are a dark shade of blue, I’ve never seen. Sapphire blue.

  They stare down at me, hot and hungry. My lips part to speak, but it’s no use. Before I could get a word out, his hands reach under my hair, and his mouth covers mine.

  Cole trails soft kisses across my jaw, to the area behind my ear. I’ve never felt my heart beat so hard and hurried in all my life. Every touch, every brush of his lips makes my skin tingle and my toes curl. I moan and whimper holding him tight.

  His hands travel down my neck, and cause tiny bumps to cover my skin as his mouth meets mine again. Demanding. Dominating. Full of passion. Cole releases my hands and cups my ass, pressing his hips into me.

  “Sam?” My name is a breathless whisper on his lips.

  Even though my insides quiver and I’m not one hundred percent certain that my legs will hold me up, I nod, and give him permission to take things further.

  His hands crawl up my lower back, under my shirt. With a feather light touch, his fingertips graze over my skin moving to my stomach and then up to my breasts. His hands warm me and leave an electric trail in their wake.

  “Cole wait!” Pulse racing, heart hammering, I push against him.

  He backs up and meets my eyes. There’s something unfamiliar there. It takes a heartbeat to recognize uncertainty and fear.

  “I’m sorry. I went too far—”

  “No!” I take his face between both of my hands and give him a quick kiss on the lips to stop him from speaking before he says something I don’t want to hear. “I just . . . I need to know, if something happens, are you going to r
egret this?”

  His lips press into a thin line. “Nothing has to happen, princess. I don’t mean to pressure you.” Cole places a gentle kiss on my lips.

  “That’s not what I asked. And why do you keep calling me princess?”

  He smiles. His eyes are full of emotion. “Because, that’s how I see you. As my princess. Is that okay?”

  I think of all the times I traded my fancy dresses for sweats and jeans so I could play in dirt with my brother and his friends. I swapped glitter for mud and repressed my girly instincts to tag along because it bought me time with my brother’s best friend.

  It paid off, too. Instead of avoiding the slimy frogs, Cole helped me catch them. I had his attention. Mission accomplished. The only problem, I worried my plan would backfire. In being one of the guys, I feared he’d never see me as a girl.

  I nod and run my hands under his shirt, up to his chest. His skin is warm and hard with a light sprinkle of hair on it. His heart pounds beneath my palms. It’s beating just as hard and fast as mine. I close my eyes and soak in the moment.

  I’ve wanted to touch him like this since I was thirteen and he tossed his sweat-drenched shirt off while playing football with my brother in the backyard. Cole developed faster than the other boys. His upper body boasted lean muscle and definition while the other boys looked like they had sticks for arms.

  It was the first time I remember getting a nervous tumbling in my belly from seeing a boy with his shirt off. Especially one my brother’s friends.

  “Tell me to stop . . . and I will.” He trails kisses from the top of my head down the side of my face. Weak in the knees I lean into the wall for support. “Or, if you want me to leave . . .”

  “No.” I pant, and use the belt loops on his jeans to pull him closer, keep him near. “I just . . . I don’t want to be a mistake.”

  He freezes. Pulls back to look at me and cups my face in his hands. There’s a slight shake to his head as he speaks. “No, Sammie. You’re not a mistake.” He wraps me in his arms and it’s the only place I want to be. Smoothing my hair and kissing the top of my head he speaks softly. “I’m an asshole. It came out wrong. I was upset with myself because I want to be here for you, but like right now, I couldn’t keep my hands off of you. This isn’t what you need. I’m not what you need.”