Love or Lust 3

by Rachael Brownell

  It was different than it was with Jace. It was different than any other kiss Lennon and I had shared.

  He didn’t ask for permission. He commanded the kiss. His actions demanded I kiss him back. And I did.

  Without a second thought.

  His kiss stole my breath at first, but then I gave it willingly until my chest constricted so tightly I had to pull away.

  I’d never been kissed like that before. By anyone.

  And I liked it.

  I liked that he took charge. It made me wonder if he was like that in all aspects of his life. I mean, as a lawyer I can see him controlling the courtroom without even trying. His stature alone can be intimidating. His mere presence has me turning my head to look at him. I imagine women fall at his feet, and they don’t know anything about him.

  They want to, though.

  They should.

  It’s his eyes that give him away. I can’t look into them and not see the sweet man beneath their gaze.

  And when I finally found the strength to pull away from him last night, I couldn’t help but get lost in them. Then, for a brief second, I let myself fall. Because it could have easily been Lennon and not Jace.

  But it wasn’t.

  Jace was the one who crawled into my bed last night. It was his arms that were wrapped around me when I woke up. His body pressed against mine in the shower. His name I was screaming as I came undone.

  Yet I can’t shake the vision of Lennon’s gaze from my memory.

  I also can’t keep Courtney and Teegan’s words from tormenting me.

  Telling me I couldn’t have both of them. That it was unfair to everyone else.

  As if I planned to put myself in the middle of a freaking love triangle.

  Still, every moment I spend with Lennon or Jace has their words echoing through my mind.

  Am I being selfish?

  Even though I made my decision.

  And shared that decision with both of them.

  Made sure I was clear about what I wanted. Who I wanted.

  Does it mean I’m cheating at the game if I don’t push Lennon away? If I let him kiss me and then kissed him back?

  “You okay this morning?” Jace asks.

  Staring into the cup of coffee I have poised at my lips, I shake my head, and set it down. He made me breakfast, but I’ve barely touched it. The thought of food makes me queasy.

  It’s the guilt. The guilt is eating at me.

  “What’s wrong, Presley? Are you getting sick? You look a little pale.”

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I just . . .”

  Just what? Kissed Lennon last night and feel like I should probably tell you before you find out when they broadcast it on TV.

  Yeah, that.

  “Are you sure you’re not sick?”

  “I kissed Lennon,” I blurt out, looking down at the coffee in front of me.

  I can’t make eye contact with him. I can’t see the hurt on his face. The betrayal in his eyes. It might just cause me to break.

  “And?” Jace asks, sounding unaffected by my outburst.

  “Last night,” I mumble. “I kissed him last night.”

  “So? I kissed Teegan last night.”

  He what?

  My head flies up so fast it takes me a second before I can focus on where he’s sitting two feet in front of me.

  “Before you freak out, I did it to shut her up.”

  “Pressing your lips against hers will definitely shut her up.”

  “Not like that. She has it out for you. You already know that. She’s made it her mission to get you kicked off so it can be her and Bella next week. She doesn’t see Bella as a threat, but you . . . you have what she wants. Me. I’m not saying that to sound full of myself or anything. This is all straight from her mouth.”

  Leaning back in his seat, Jace waits for me to respond, but when I don’t, he continues, “I kissed her because she needed an incentive to stop coming after you. I may have also lied to her and told her I was using you and that Lennon and I had been stringing you along this whole time. She bought it, ate up every detail. Which meant I had to get a little creative. She now thinks it’s going to be me and her at the end of this. Together. Forever.”

  My breath hitches in my throat.

  Poor Teegan.

  Wait, what? No, she’s been nothing but a bitch to me. I shouldn’t feel sorry for her. In fact, I should be smiling even bigger knowing she’s going to be pissed when she learns the truth.

  But I can’t.

  Because that’s not the kind of person I am.

  “You should tell her the truth. I know you two started out rocky last night and that you thought it was a good idea, but it wasn’t. Her not having your attention hurts her enough. Lying to her wasn’t necessary.”

  Jace stares at me like I’ve grown a second head and then reaches across the table and takes my hand in his.

  “You really are the best person I know.”

  Brushing his lips across my knuckles, he gently kisses the back of my hand before releasing me and gathering our plates. “I’ll talk to her later this week. Poor Lennon has to deal with her on Saturday night. I’ll tell her after that. I don’t want him to have to deal with her after she finds out I lied.”

  The mention of Lennon’s name has the hair on the back of my neck standing at attention.

  “About Lennon . . .”

  “I expected you to kiss him, Presley. He’s told me on more than one occasion that he wasn’t giving up, and I know he’s told you the same thing. If he hadn’t tried, I would be surprised. If he hadn’t gotten constant calls from work the night you had dinner, he probably would have tried to kiss you that night as well.”

  Jace keeps his back to me as he talks, but I can still see the shift in his posture despite what I hear in his voice. The thought of me with Lennon bothers him, as it should. The same way the thought of him with Teegan kills me inside.

  “He told you that? Why?”

  “Because we’re friends. He respects that, but he also likes you. In the real world, he would respect the boundaries, but that’s not the case. If the situation were reversed, I’d have done the same.”

  He’d have fought for me the way Lennon is. The thought warms my heart, and I instantly want nothing more than Jace’s arms wrapped around me. Moving to stand behind him, I wrap my arms around his waist, and he swivels, returning my embrace before kissing me on the top of the head.

  “Should we get ready for game night?” He mumbles against my hair.

  “We have six hours before we have to be there.”

  “I know, but we could have our own little party in the hot tub. Plus, I promised to play bartender again, so I have a few things I need to gather and set up.”

  “You really like mixing drinks, don’t you?”

  “Something like that.” He pauses but I know there’s more he wants to say. “You know that conversation I’ve been trying to have with you for over a week now? Do you think we can have it today, in the hot tub? Just the two of us.”

  “I don’t see why not. I doubt anyone else will be down there yet. It’s not even noon.”

  My voice is filled with confidence, but on the inside, I’m freaking out a little. I have no idea what he wants to tell me and why he feels the need to share it with me so intently, but it worries me that it’s going to be something that will break me. I’m not ready to let him go yet, so all I can do is have a little faith that I’ll survive this talk.

  God, are we having our first talk already? Isn’t it a little early for that?

  After changing, Jace and I walk down to the pool area hand in hand. As expected, no one is in sight, not even a cameraman, which is rare these days, especially where Jace and I are concerned. Maybe it’s because there are fewer of us to follow. My overactive imagination still has me looking over my shoulder at all times for someone lurking in the bushes.

  Jace turns on the jets while I grab each of us a bottle of water from the minibar. As
soon as I slip into the water, he pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me, and kisses my cheek.

  “So I’m going to say this before anyone can interrupt us again. I need you to listen until I’m done, and then you can ask me all the questions you want.”

  Leaning back against his chest, I close my eyes and nod my head.

  “I’m not a bartender, exactly. Yes, I know how to make drinks. I went to a specialized class to get certified in mixology, which is a fancy word for learning how to mix alcoholic drinks. After that, I started hopping from bar to bar, staying a few months and learning all I could. I liked the quick easy money, and if I didn’t stay in one place too long, no one would remember my face or my name. Which was all part of my plan.

  “The places I worked were in desperate need of help, not just behind the bar. They were high-end nightclubs that the owners were running into the ground. Miami has a huge drug network, and the bars and clubs are part of the network. It also means that most of the owners are users and don’t know how to manage their money. That’s where I come in.”

  Jace sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly before continuing.

  My mind is running a million miles a minute trying to keep up with him.

  Not a bartender—check.

  But he is a bartender—also check.

  Drugs in Miami—double check.

  “Once they get in too deep, I step in and offer to take the club off their hands. I pay a fair price for them and then shut them down, completely remodel them, and reopen under my umbrella company. No more drugs. The network has one less person to help distribute their product. There’s only one catch. No one knows who I am. No one knows my face. So I work behind the bar at the clubs so I can keep an eye on them. I do everything an employee would do, even screw off from time to time.”

  “Like what?” I ask, interrupting him like I promised I wouldn’t. Oops.

  “Like . . . showing up late every so often. Picking a fight with the other employees over stupid shit.”

  “And that what? Makes it so you fit in?”

  “Basically, but there’s more to it than that. I pay people good money to manage my clubs, and I have to be able to keep an eye on them as well, so I serve as a spy for myself. I’m able to watch the little things, make sure no one is skimming money or taking advantage of the fact that I’m never around.”

  “But you are around.”

  “But they don’t know that. They’ve never met me before. As far as they know, I’m some rich prick that lives in the Keys and can show up at any given moment. If I needed to reveal my identity I would, but until that happens, they’re going to continue to think that. Or until this episode airs, and then I guess my identity’s no longer a secret.”

  Glancing around for a cameraman, I don’t see anyone, but that doesn’t mean we’re not being recorded right now.

  “Why tell me then? Why risk it if you wanted your identity to remain a secret?”

  “Because if I’m going to spend my life with you, you need to know what you’re getting into. I want you to know everything. I want you to be the first person I tell the complete truth to. I know you can handle it. Which reminds me there’s one other thing I’d like to talk to you about.”

  But he doesn’t get the chance because Teegan and Milo appear out of nowhere. Bella’s only a few minutes behind them, and then Jace is mixing drinks, flirting with Teegan in front of me, and an impromptu pool party has officially started. The only person missing is Lennon.

  “Hey,” I call over my shoulder to Jace as I pull my sundress on over my damp suit. “I’m going to see what’s holding Lennon up.”

  He nods and goes back to his conversation with Milo while Teegan fucks him with her eyes.

  She’s going to be sadly disappointed when she learns he lied to her. Heartbroken is more like it.

  I’ve knocked twice and still no answer. When I check the handle, it turns, and his door opens. I call out to him, but I’m met with silence. The bedroom and bathroom smell of Lennon, as if he may have just taken a shower, but he’s not here.

  When I return to the pool, I’m surprised to find Lennon sitting on the edge, dangling his feet in the water.

  “Where did you come from?” I ask, taking the seat to his right. Bella’s on his left, and Milo’s on the other side of her.

  “What do you mean?” Lennon asks, not looking in my direction.

  “I went to your villa to see where you were, and you weren’t there.”

  “Oh, I went for a walk. Why were you looking for me?” he asks, glancing in my direction but refusing to make eye contact.

  “You were the only one missing. I was worried.”

  He shrugs his shoulder and then pushes off the side, sinking into the water. I watch as he swims across the pool without looking back. When I look to Bella and Milo for an explanation, neither of them is looking in my direction. Bella is watching Lennon swim away, and Milo’s eyes are focused on Teegan’s ass.

  Of course they are.

  Her bathing suit shows more than it hides. Her breasts would fall out if she bent over, and her bottoms are barely enough fabric to cover one butt cheek let alone both of them.

  Teegan’s still fawning all over Jace when I walk over to the bar.

  “Are you taking orders yet?” I ask, sliding onto the stool furthest from Teegan.

  “Nope. We only have one drink on the menu tonight,” Jace replies, stepping away from Teegan, her hand falling from where she had placed it on top of his.

  Don’t be jealous, Presley. It’s a game. Just play nice.

  “I guess I’ll take one of those.” My voice is perky, and there’s a smile on my face.

  Even when Teegan whines and asks for another drink.

  Even when she pushes Jace in the pool and holds on to him so she follows, which backfires since her knee collides with his crotch on the way down.

  I’m even perky and smiling when she throws herself at him as we’re playing our second hand of poker after the producers forced us into the game room. I mean, we’re on their schedule after all. How dare we deviate from the plan! It’s not like we left the property or are hiding from the cameras. If that were even an option.

  I smile through it all. Watching her drape herself on him. Flirt without shame. Kiss him on the cheek and attempt to hold his hand. I’m even smiling when she pretends to be drunk so he’ll carry her home hours later.

  Why?

  Because I know what’s coming and she doesn’t.

  Because I know within two minutes of dropping her off at her door he’ll be crawling in my bed.

  Because the second he walks in my door I’m making him shower off all her germs. And I plan to be the one to wash his back.

  But when two minutes turns to five and then ten, I start to second guess everything.

  My decision.

  What’s coming next.

  Him showing up at all.

  Chapter Three

  Day 32

  Sleep didn’t come.

  I tried to convince myself it was because I wasn’t used to sleeping alone anymore. That without Jace in my bed I wasn’t as comfortable. That his warm embrace is what lulled me to sleep.

  The truth was that I was angry.

  My mind wouldn’t turn off knowing that Jace was with Teegan. That if or when he finally did show up, he’d smell like her.

  How far was he willing to take his lie? Was he going to sleep with her? Lead her on until the very end?

  Was he really leading me on?

  Was what he said to her the truth and I was the one being lied to all along?

  My heart cracked as the thought crossed my mind. He wouldn’t do that to me. Neither would Lennon. Unless they were the best actors on the planet, there was no way they were both using me.

  I wanted to text him, but I had his phone. He’d left it sitting on the bar in the game room, so I snagged it and brought it back with me thinking he would be here minutes after I arrived.

  It
was close to five o’clock in the morning when he crawled in next to me, kissed me on the cheek, and rolled away. He didn’t try to pull me into his arms. He smelled like he was fresh out of the shower, his woodsy scent surrounding me as he got comfortable.

  My mouth opened and closed a few times, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him anything. I was too afraid of the answers he would give me. They would either be another lie or the truth.

  Both have the ability to destroy me right now.

  So I did what I swore I would never do again.

  I ignored the sinking feeling in my gut and closed my eyes.

  “It’s not what you think,” Jace pleads with me again.

  I didn’t ask. I didn’t accuse.

  I didn’t say anything at all.

  Nope. I’ve been sitting quietly sipping a cup of coffee since we woke up an hour ago. He’s the only one who’s been talking. More like begging me to say something, but I haven’t.

  “I swear to God, nothing happened. You have to believe me.” The panic in his voice rises with every word.

  The thing is, I want to believe him. I just can’t bring myself to ask where the hell he was if he wasn’t with her and he wasn’t here with me.

  Pacing the length of the kitchen again, he stops to refill his coffee mug, the sound of the single-cup machine the only noise filling the tense space between us, and then lets out a sigh.

  “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. I should have come right back here. I told you I would be right behind you, but she wouldn’t let me leave, and then after she finally passed out”—

  She wasn’t even drunk I want to yell. She had two drinks and was acting!

  —“I went back to find my phone. I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it, so I went to my place to see if it was there. I still couldn’t find it, so I woke up Lennon, and he helped me check the pool and game room again. It never occurred to me that you would have it. That you picked it up and brought it back here.”

  Then why did you shower?

  He doesn’t offer an explanation, and I still don’t say a word.

  My stare says it all. I won’t meet his eyes even though I’m looking in his direction. There’s this cute little scar above his left eyebrow I never noticed before. It’s perfectly circular and barely visible except for the fact that I’ve been staring at it the entire time he’s been talking. Now it’s all I can see.