Love or Lust 3

by Rachael Brownell

  Which is fine.

  Because if I look him in the eyes, I’ll be able to tell whether he’s lying to me or not, and I’d rather not see the lies. I want to believe that his words are true. That I didn’t spend the last four, almost five, weeks falling in love with someone only to leave here heartbroken.

  No, I didn’t come here to find someone. The fact of the matter is, I did, and I was happy with that until about twelve hours ago.

  “Say something, Presley. Anything. Tell me you hate me. You don’t believe me. You want me to leave. I don’t care what you say, just say something so I know you’ve heard me. I need to know I haven’t lost you completely. That there’s still a chance to save this. To save us.”

  My resolve slips, and I make eye contact. Tears are forming in his, and I can feel the ones that have already slipped past my barricades.

  “You showered.” It’s all I can muster.

  “I smelled like her. She was all over me. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. I couldn’t get rid of the smell, so I showered. The last thing I wanted was for you to smell her on me and get the wrong impression, though I think that happened anyway.”

  “What was I supposed to think, Jace? You were with her. I knew you were with her. She was drunk,” I practically shout, using air quotes even though they’re not necessary. “She was all over you yesterday. I knew she was making a move. I knew you lied to her and told her you were available.” Again, the air quotes aren’t necessary, but now I’m fired up and talking with my hands. I’m flailing them around for no other reason than I want to pound my fist through the wall and this is a better option. There are cameras watching. They’re always watching. “No matter when you came back here, I was going to be angry. Not because you smelled like her but because you were with her. The more time passed, and you still weren’t here, the angrier I got.”

  “I was only with her for ten or twenty minutes, I swear. You can ask Lennon. I woke him up about an hour after we left the game room.”

  The thought crossed my mind, but there’s no telling if he would cover for Jace or not. Or if they already talked and he was part of all this. They could be on the same side, plotting against me.

  This is starting to feel a lot like a game of chess. I’m the queen, but I’m trapped in the middle of the board, unable to move. Jace is one king, Lennon the other. I know which way I want to go, but there is only one way to get there and it’s dangerous. All the pawns are out to get me, and there is no way to avoid getting hurt.

  In the end, that’s what scares me the most.

  Being destroyed at the hands of a man. Again.

  It felt like I would never survive the damage Wren caused. I did, but there’s still a chink in my armor. One more heartbreak and I won’t survive.

  Jace has the power to destroy me. To crush me completely.

  Heart and soul.

  “I want to believe you, I do. It’s not about Lennon backing your story or anyone else. Last night, when you weren’t here, I realized that there was a point in time where you wouldn’t be there. To hold me. To sleep next to me. With your arms wrapped around me protectively. It was an eye-opening moment that led to me being pissed off because you could have been here. We both know our time is limited. It could be over any second, and yet you chose not to be here.

  “Whether you were with Lennon or Teegan, you still weren’t here. Everything you’ve ever said to me leads me to believe that you want this to continue after this is over. I want that too, and I want to believe you want that, but your actions said otherwise. I can’t risk the heartache I know will follow if you walk away from me, so I need you to answer this one question and we can pretend last night never happened. But please, if you care about me at all, answer me honestly.”

  His expression is pained as he nods his head once. Sucking in a deep breath, I ask him the one thing I need to know. The one question that will tell me what’s real and what’s not as long as he answers me honestly.

  “Did you mean it when you said you were falling in love with me?”

  Jace doesn’t hesitate.

  “I did and I am. More and more every day. Every second I spend with you makes me believe in something more, something bigger than I ever imagined possible. A love greater than you find in stupid romance novels. Yes, Presley, I meant what I said, but now . . . now I am in love with you.”

  My heart swells in my chest, and I’m up and moving before I even realize what I’m doing, walking straight into Jace’s waiting arms. Tears are freely streaming down my face when there’s a knock on my door ten minutes later. Neither of us makes a move to answer it, ignoring the visitor until they’ve knocked three more times.

  “You’re my date today,” Jace begins as he unwraps his arms from around me. “Why don’t we make a day of it? Cuddle up on the couch and watch movies all day, eat junk food, and ignore the outside world.”

  Another knock, this time more urgent.

  “After I kill whoever is out there right now,” he grumbles as he steps out of our embrace and heads to answer the door.

  Lennon.

  Of course.

  Because who else would be beating on my door? Not once has Milo or Bella ever come over unannounced. Teegan wouldn’t dare at this point. There was only one person who it could be, so I wasn’t shocked to see Lennon’s smiling face as he breezes into the living room without being invited.

  “Did you need something?” Jace growls, leaving the door wide open as he walks back over to me.

  “Just wanted to make sure you found your phone. I stopped at Teegan’s, and she didn’t have it.”

  “I had it,” I say brewing a fresh mug of coffee, doctoring it up with cream and sugar before offering it to Lennon. He declines so I take a sip, burning my tongue.

  “What did Teegan have to say?” Jace asks. I don’t miss the uncertainty in his voice.

  “Not much. She played it off like she didn’t remember anything about last night, but we both know she wasn’t drunk.”

  Jace nods but doesn’t say anything else. The room falls silent, and then both of them are staring at me expectantly. As if I’m supposed to say something about last night. About Teegan. And honestly, I have nothing nice to say, so I just shrug and keep my mouth shut.

  After Lennon leaves, Jace and I do exactly as he suggested. We binge a variety of movies until the sun sets and my stomach growls for real food. We’ve been eating chips and drinking soda most of the day.

  “I’ll make sandwiches if you want to load up the movie you had to pick for tonight,” I offer, hopping off the couch.

  “Sounds like a plan. I was going to make daiquiris to go with whatever snack you had planned. I can still make them if you want me to.”

  “You do realize you don’t have to play bartender all the time, right?”

  “It’s kind of my thing. Plus, everyone thinks I’m a bartender, so why correct them?”

  “I get it, but you could let me make the drinks for a change, ya know. Or don’t you trust me?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder to where Jace is still situated on the couch.

  I expected to find him searching for the movie. Instead, I find his eyes locked on me. Watching. Admiring. Loving me with his stare.

  “I trust you, Pres, but I also want to take care of you.”

  “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. Well, at least I’ll be able to in a few months after I find a job.”

  Jace claps his hands together, startling me.

  “I forgot we were interrupted. I wanted to talk to you about that. How do you feel about Florida?”

  “I feel like it’s humid, and hurricanes scare the shit out of me. Why?” I ask, drawing the word out as I turn to face him. Not for dramatic effect. Not because I’m confused about why he’s asking.

  I draw the word out because as I’m saying it, it hits me what’s coming next.

  “No,” I quickly yell and turn back away from him. I focus my attention on the cold cuts in front of me. I ne
ed to make sandwiches right now. There’s nothing more important. We need food.

  Date night is starting.

  No more serious talk.

  No talk of the future.

  A million different excuses to avoid having this conversation with Jace run through my mind, but I’m having a hard time breathing let alone speaking. When he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, I suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “I get that this is scary. That things are moving really fast. And I’m not saying you need to make a decision right now, or next week, or even next month. I want you to know the option’s out there. That I want you where I am when you’re ready. And since you’re looking for a new job, I wanted to let you know that I can offer you that.”

  “Okay,” I manage to squeak out, not sure what else to say.

  Gee, thanks. I need a job and I’m willing to take whatever you have to offer.

  You’re so sweet. What would I do without you?

  Nope. I’m my own woman. I can find myself a job. Will I potentially look in the Miami area? It’s a possibility. I want to see what happens after I get back home first. After we’ve spent some time apart. To see if this lasts once the real world comes crashing down around us.

  “Come on,” Jace says, taking the plate with our sandwiches on it in one hand and my hand in the other, tugging me toward the couch. “It’s date night. Not our last one, but the first of many to come.”

  “You’re laying it on kind of thick tonight, don’t you think?”

  “Well, considering the movie I picked, I figured I should butter you up a little.”

  My eyes fall to the TV screen and I cringe. “I’m fairly certain I wrote down how much I hated this movie when I filled out the stupid survey they gave me before I was selected.”

  “You did.”

  “And you decided to pick this movie, why?” I ask, sliding onto the couch and pulling a blanket over my lap. Jace takes the seat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He doesn’t answer me, hitting play on the movie before handing me a sandwich. “You realize I refuse to watch more than ten minutes of this movie, so if this is a joke, I’m failing to find the humor in it.”

  “It’s not a joke. Eat up.”

  Rolling my eyes, I take a bite of my sandwich and stare at the TV as the opening credits of the movie play. The sunrise barely peeking over the water. The man rowing his boat. I make it maybe sixty seconds, until the birds are flying toward the large white house, before tears well in my eyes. And there she is, standing in the window watching.

  I used to love this movie. It was one of my favorites. Naomi and I would watch it any time we needed a good cry. Or anytime we had girls’ night.

  Then I watched it with Wren. He criticized every aspect of the movie, ruining it for me. I can’t watch it without hearing his voice in my head, pointing out every flaw. And even if I can’t hear his voice, I notice the little things now. The unrealistic aspects of the story.

  “Had enough yet?” Jace asks as Noah says my favorite line in the movie.

  I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that’s enough.

  It hits me in the feels every time. It always has. It’s the one part of the movie Wren didn’t comment on, and I’m thankful because I want to believe that love is enough. Enough to make you happy. Enough to make life worth living. If you have the right person, loving them becomes enough.

  Looking to Jace, I give him a weak smile and wonder if he’s the right person. Will loving him be enough? Will he make me happy?

  “I hate this movie,” I say, even though he already knows it.

  “They said I had to pick a movie, not that we had to watch it. If I’d turned on something you liked, I was worried you wouldn’t want to make out with me.” Jace’s megawatt smile turns into a devious smirk as his mouth descends upon mine, capturing the giggle that escapes.

  Loving Jace might just be enough.

  Chapter Four

  Day 33

  If I had to choose one thing I’ll be most grateful for once this is over, it’s not being told what I can and can’t do.

  Scratch that.

  I’ll be really fucking happy when there’s not a camera pointed in my face. Following me around. Blinking in the corner of my bedroom capturing every move I make.

  Every naughty moment Jace and I share.

  And that camera captured some A-plus footage last night. Because we didn’t end up watching The Notebook. That wasn’t Jace’s plan anyway. He was banking on the fact I hated the movie and would rather spend quality time with him. With the lights off. Under the covers.

  He’s pretty damn good at planning too.

  I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. It was supposed to be a free afternoon. I figured we’d be able to do whatever we wanted today. There wasn’t anything on my schedule for today. It was a blank space.

  Jace’s schedule, on the other hand, wasn’t blank.

  The guys were scheduled for an outdoor adventure. A “bonding” trip. Off-roading on ATVs. Camping overnight. Off the ranch. Away from the girls.

  To say I’m a little irritated is an understatement.

  Hence the reason I’m ready for this to be over with. So there isn’t anyone telling me what to do anymore. I figured at some point I would feel trapped here. Held hostage on the ranch.

  Today is that day.

  Sadly, my fellow captives are Bella and Teegan.

  Sweet, innocent Bella who tries to make peace because she’s a good person. You can tell she has a big heart and only wants to see the best in and for others.

  Slutty, ruthless Teegan. The polar opposite of Bella. Her eyes are locked on the prize, and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to win. The prize being Jace.

  As much as it’s felt like this is a competition, it’s never felt more prevalent as it has this week. The game is nearing the end, and everyone is pulling out all the stops. One final push to get to the finish line. It doesn’t matter who’s standing in your way. Knock them over and keep going.

  “It’s so quiet. I’m not sure I can handle this,” Bella says from next to me. We’ve been sunbathing for the last hour. I thought she was asleep until she rolled onto her stomach a few minutes ago.

  “I know. I’d normally welcome the reprieve, but after spending the last few weeks here, I’ve become accustomed to the noise and chaos.”

  “Yes!” she exclaims. “That’s exactly it. At home, I’d be perfectly fine to spend the day by the pool by myself, but here I miss the guys shouting and splashing around in the water.”

  “I can’t believe the guys won’t be back until tomorrow morning. I don’t understand why we’re not all on the camping trip.”

  “Lennon thinks it has something to do with creating a competition between the guys. There’s been practically no drama between them, and I have a feeling the show is struggling. Think about it. Aside from a few outbursts between the girls, nothing major has happened. That’s not great for reality TV. Who wants to watch a bunch of people live together and get along? Conflict sells. It keeps people watching. They want to see how it all ends.”

  She has a good point, though I was yelled at for having an outburst on live television. Probably because they couldn’t cut the clip into pieces and splice it back together the way they wanted to.

  “We should have gotten a trip too,” I whine, setting my book aside and standing to stretch.

  “Would you really want to go camping?”

  “I love camping. I’d love it even more if I got to see Teegan struggle. She doesn’t strike me as the camping type. More like glamping,” I mutter when I spot Teegan walking this way. “Speak of the devil.”

  Bella doesn’t even bother to lift her head. “I hate camping. I’m more of a city girl. I’d rather be pampered and take a hot shower. Don’t get me wrong, I like to sit around a campfire and roast marshmallows as much as the next person, but I’d rather do that in someone’s backyard
where I have the option to go inside and use the bathroom. I had to squat in the woods once when I was little, and I think it scarred me for life.”

  Bella’s face scrunches up, her cheekbones lifting her sunglasses slightly. I can’t help but laugh as Teegan finally joins us, sliding onto the lounger on the other side of Bella.

  “What did I miss?” Teegan asks, her question directed at Bella.

  “We were talking about how I don’t like camping.”

  “Thank God we didn’t have to go with them. Although, I wouldn’t mind cuddling under the stars.” I can’t see her eyes, but Teegan turns to face me as she speaks. “That might make it worth it.”

  “I didn’t realize you and Milo had a thing,” I remark, turning my back to her as I make my way over to the bar. Jace isn’t here to make drinks, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t getting drunk. If I have to spend my afternoon and evening in Teegan’s presence, I’m going to need at least a few to keep me from punching her in her perfect nose.

  “Milo couldn’t handle me. Plus, there’s only one set of arms I want wrapped around me.”

  Clenching my fists, I search the mini-fridge for something stronger than spiked lemonade. That’s when I spot Jace’s candy infused vodka. Pouring a heavy-handed amount of the red, cherry-flavored vodka into a glass, I top it off with lemonade and take a sip. Puckering my lips, I open a can of lemon-lime soda and pour a little in.

  Once I have the perfect balance, I head back to where Bella and Teegan are still congregating. Teegan has a wicked look on her face as she watches me approach. That’s when I notice the pair of dice sitting on the lounger next to her.

  Truth or Dare dice.

  I noticed them on game night the first week we were here. The night Jace and I almost got kicked off the show. I was relieved when no one pulled them out that night, yet here they are for some reason. I have a feeling this is just another attempt for Teegan to get under my skin, and I’m not going to let her win.