If You Could Only See (Buchanan Brothers Series Book 1)

by M. E. Clayton

  Her voice was a high-pitched squeal by the time she was finished her breakdown. “What exactly are you confused about, Shane?”

  She shot me a look so lethal, if looks could kill, my brothers would be sweeping up my ashes right now. “Why don’t we start with why you’ve hated me all these years?” She cocked her hip out and placed her hands on her curves. “Or maybe, we can start with the visit to the bookstore, or maybe, why you would start a fight with Branson Morgan just because he was talking to me.”

  I could feel my blood ice over at her mention of Morgan. “He wasn’t just talking to you, Shane. That sonofabitch was trying to dance with you.” I leaned down into her. “That motherfucker put his goddamn hands on you,” I seethed.

  Shane wasn’t backing down, and I was momentarily surprised. She was always so quiet and demure. She didn’t engage, and she went out of her way to keep her to herself. She didn’t speak unless spoken to. She basically did her best to be invisible.

  I never imagined she’d have a temper or balls big enough to stand up to me.

  Guess I was wrong.

  Who knew? Maybe Gabriel was right about the quiet ones and dead bodies.

  “I have an idea,” she spewed, sarcastically, “why not start with how do you even know my name, Mason?”

  Jesus Christ. Where to start?

  All her questions were valid and deserved answers, but I didn’t think she’d believe me and voicing it out loud would make me sound super unhinged.

  But she deserved some kind of answer.

  I shrugged a shoulder and went for the partial truth. “I’ve never hated you and I’ve always known your name,” I answered, lamely.

  That look? The lethal slaying one? Yeah, she was looking at me like that again. “Really? That’s it? That’s what you’re giving me?” she spat, pissed all to hell. “Are you fucking kidding me, right now?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. It was hard to stare someone down who was in the right, but I did my best. “Look, all you need to know is that I don’t hate you and you belong to me now,” I informed her, wondering how much more she could take before she bashed my head in with a lamp or something.

  Her gasp nearly knocked me over. She took a step back, and God, I want to take a picture of her face. She looked absolutely bewildered. “Belong to you,” she repeated.

  “Yes, Shane. You. Belong. To. Me,” I repeated back to her, pronouncing each word like she was a person who had trouble grasping the English language.

  I honestly was expecting her to reach for the nearest object handy and bash me in the head with it, but instead, the strangest look came over her face. And, I could swear on my left nut that her eyes were glossing over, but maybe it was just the light from outside dancing in the darkened room.

  Then she really fucked me up when all the fight left her, and she dropped her ass down on the bed and hung her head in her hands. I could hear her mumbling, but I couldn’t make out any of the words.

  God, I hope she wasn’t losing her mind.

  I could play this one of two ways. I could ignore the mini, little melt down she was having and just proclaim my words as law, or I could hear her out and make her think she had a choice.

  It was a no brainer-even if I really wanted to go with the proclaiming thing.

  I walked over and dropped on my haunches in front of her. I placed my hands on each of her knees. “Talk to me, Shane,” I said, questioning if I really want to hear what she’s mumbling about. This was not how I planned our first interaction to be.

  It wasn’t like I was her favorite person, right now.

  Hell, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be her favorite person.

  Period.

  Shane lifted her head from her hands, and the look on her face was so sad; if I hadn’t already been knelt down in front of her, her face might have brought me to my knees. “That’s all I wanted, Mason,” she whispered, like I knew what the hell she was talking about.

  “What was all you wanted?”

  She shook her head and her eyes fell back down towards her lap. “Viola convinced me to come to this party and I just…”

  Okay. That answered my question of what was she was doing here. “You just what, Shane?”

  Her sorrowful, hazel gaze returned to mine, and what she said next almost did knock me on my ass. “Once I accepted the idea of coming here and…and trying to get out of my comfort zone, I figured…I figured I’d have a few drinks, loosen up, dance, mingle, get rid of my virginity and just have an all-around good time, you know?”

  I had a low opinion of people, and because rarely did I feel any empathy or sympathy, it wasn’t often that their behaviors or words shocked me.

  But I was shocked.

  It was shocked that Shane Slaughter had just confessed to being a virgin.

  How in the fuck could she look like she does and still be a goddamn virgin?

  And, then, ever so slowly, that shock gave away to fury and incredulousness, as the realization of her words hit me. Shane came to this party planning on fucking some random guy.

  She had planned to give her fucking virginity to any random motherfucker who made a play for her.

  And, then, I really saw red when I thought about how Branson Morgan might have been that guy.

  I stood up, stepped back and yelled loud enough to make her flinch, “You were going to do what?!”

  Chapter 11

  Shane~

  Mason yelled so loudly, I could feel his words dancing across my skin.

  I winced. I hadn’t meant for all that to come out, but I was still a mess over everything that had happened, I didn’t guard my words as carefully as I usually did.

  But if I was being completely honest, it was Mason’s words of belonging to him that had me really screwed up.

  I’ve never really belonged to anyone before. No one’s ever really wanted me before.

  Even Adam and Maggie hadn’t really wanted me. They just wanted to help children in need and foster children who were alone in the world. They hadn’t necessarily wanted me.

  And now, Mason Buchanan was standing before me declaring that I belonged to him.

  I knew his question was regarding what I had said about losing my virginity, but I played dumb. “I had planned to come here and have a good time,” I repeated.

  His silver gaze cut towards me. “You know, damn well, that isn’t what I was referring to, Shane,” he snapped, his voice sharp and rugged.

  My gaze held his and I couldn’t help but take this man in. He was just. So. Damn. Beautiful. Hell, all the Buchanans were. But there was something about Mason that held him at a level above his brothers.

  His hair was all black thickness and style. His grey eyes were more silver than your normal grey and they were always so…observant. And his face was all masculine warrior, but that was probably because I’ve never seen him smile or laugh. I’ve seen him smirk, but that was a far cry from a genuine smile.

  I decided to try to be all nonchalant like, so I shrugged a shoulder before saying, “I’ve never slept with a guy, so I figured I could knock that off my bucket list tonight before school started and all my time would be focused on school and work.”

  The sound of his voice would have sent a lesser person screaming out of the room but growing up in foster care had strengthened me more than most. “Are you seriously sitting there, telling me you were just going to pick up some random asshole, and ask him to rid you of your virginity?”

  I cocked a brow. He had no right to be angry. “Of course not,” I bit out. “I was hoping to mingle first, and if a guy decided to talk to me or whatever and suggest we…you know, take it further, I would ha-”

  “Stop,” he barked out. “Just fucking stop before I lose my fucking mind, Shane.”

  You know what?

  To hell with this shit.

  To. Hell. With. This. Shit.

  I stood up, planted my hands on my hips and I told Mason Buchanan exactly what I thought of him and this entire situation
. “You know what, Mason Buchanan? You can kiss my ass.” He looked taken aback, but he didn’t interrupt me as I let loose on him. “You haven’t uttered one single, solitary word to me in three years and, suddenly, you decide you have the right to stand before me and have an opinion on who I sleep with! Well, I have news for you, the rest of the school might quake and quiver in your presence and hail you as an all might god, but to me, you’re just some jerk who took pleasure in throwing me dirty looks and making me feel insignificant when I never did a thing to you!” I stepped into his space, feeling braver than I normally would, but I had had enough of Mason Buchanan. “I don’t care what your last name is, how much money you have or how good looking you might be. I value respect and decency over all those things. So, you can take your dictations, your declarations and your half ass explanations and shove them up your ass!”

  I was so proud of my bravery; I took off towards the door on a mission to find someone guy to go through with my plan. His voice reached me but didn’t stop me. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  I had one hand on the doorknob as I turned around to face him. “I’m going to go do what I set out to do, Mason. I’m going to find me a kind, sweet guy and take him home!”

  The door had just cracked open when a big, masculine hand came up from behind and slammed it shut. The force of it made the wall shake and stole the breath from my lungs.

  It’s crazy how bravery can whither into a quick death when someone crazier makes an appearance.

  He planted his other hand on the other side of the door and I suddenly found myself caged in between Mason’s arms, and his body was completely towering over me, completely covering my back.

  My body felt cold and hot all at the same time. I recognized the fear and the uneasiness of having him cage me in, but it was the heat of lust that was making me question my sanity.

  I could feel the deep breaths in his chest on my shoulder and the whisper of his breath in my ear. My entire being shuttered when he spoke. “I’ll kill any motherfucker who touches you, Shane.” His lips touched on the column of my neck before they went back to my ear. “You’re mine. You’re mine, and mine alone, Shane. So, do you know what that means?”

  I closed my eyes and all I could feel was the beating of my pulse between my thighs. My breathing sped up, and my body started to clench and unclench. I may have never kissed a guy before, but I wasn’t so naïve that I didn’t know what this was.

  This was lust, pure and simple.

  My voice was a weakened version of my bravery earlier. “What?”

  Mason pressed his body closer to mine, and even though we were fully clothed, the heat radiating from his body had my body yearning for more of his touch. “It means that virginity you’re so eager to part with is mine.” My lips parted and I couldn’t contain the low gasp that escaped. “Like I said earlier, Shane, you belong to me. I own all of you. That means from that dark brown silk on the top of your head to the tips of your toes.”

  My heart unexpectedly lurched at his words. He kept saying I belonged to him and that was making me wish for dangerous things.

  It made me want to belong to him.

  His lips went back to dancing across the skin of my neck and my body broke out in goose bumps. I’d never really experienced human affection before, and I never imagined a guy’s lips on my neck would feel so good.

  I had just closed my eyes to the sensations when he said, “Turn around, Shane.” I swallowed and did my best to wrestle my emotions under control. I turned around in the cocoon that comprised of his arms and body and when I looked up into his eyes, heat slithered throughout my body at the blatant need swirling in his eyes.

  His eyes held me captive as he asked, “So, I know you’ve never had sex before, but just how virgin are you, Slaughter?”

  The rose-colored hue that encompassed my entire body had to be a sure giveaway of how inexperienced I was, but I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us regarding my level of sexual interaction. I made sure my eyes were open and honest when I answered. “Wh…when Branson put his hands on my hips…uh, uhm…that was the first time a guy has ever touched me.”

  His face went from heated lust to white hot fury. “I’m going to fucking kill him,” he growled out.

  “For Christ’s sake, Mason, all he did was touch me,” I tried to reason, and then added, “Over my clothing.”

  Mason opted for rage instead of reason though. “All your firsts should have been mine,” he barked.

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t make any sense, Mason!”

  “Now that I know you’re a virgin and you’ve never even been touched by a man, that means the first hands that touched your body should have been mine!” he bellowed in my face.

  I could stop my eyes from widening in astonishment. I mean who knew that Mason Buchanan was a nutcase? “You’re not making any sense, Mason,” I pointed out, again. “You…we…you…oh god, I’m so fucking confused!”

  His chest was heaving, and his eyes were shooting fire. He was legit pissed off. “Then let me un-confuse you. You were always meant to be mine, Shane. But from the moment I kicked Morgan’s ass, you became mine, officially. That means, you are my girlfriend and I’m your boyfriend. That means, I’m the first, last and only guy who will ever touch you. Do you understand?”

  I could only stare at him and nod mutely. I didn’t know what to say.

  How in the hell did I go from wanting to lose my virginity to some nice, random guy to being Mason Buchanan’s girlfriend?

  He wasn’t done with his demands and proclamations though. “Only my lips will ever kiss your lips or brush your skin,” he said, but this time his voice was low, soft and rugged. “My hands will be the only hands to ever caress your body and hold you,” he promised, right before he got really aggressive and demanding. “Only my tongue will lick and taste that sweet, untouched pussy of yours, baby.” My breath caught and I could feel every inch of my skin prickle at his dirty words.

  Holy. Hell.

  “My fingers will be the only fingers that will ever sink inside that tight cunt.” I had to close my eyes against the assault of his words. “Only I will ever know what your sweat tastes like. What your cum tastes like. What your kisses and your pussy tastes like. And, make no mistake, Shane, my dick will be the only one you will ever see, touch, taste or ride.” He removed one of his hands from the door and cradled my jaw with it. “I can’t wait to make you bleed all over my cock, baby.”

  Holy. Mary. Mother. Of. God.

  Chapter 12

  Mason~

  I knew this was insanity at its finest, but I wanted nothing more in the world than to go back in time and keep Branson Morgan from ever touching Shane.

  Once she said no man had ever touched her before Branson, I had irrationally wanted that to be mine, too. And that irrationality was making it imperative I fuck her tonight.

  Branson’s hands may have been the first to be on her body, but she was right. There were over her clothes and it meant nothing. That was the only thing keeping me from killing the sonofabitch. But to make sure everything she had to give was mine and mine alone, I was going to get her naked and underneath me tonight.

  In hindsight, I guess it’s a good thing she wasn’t overly sentimental about her virginity. I mean, I’d wait for her, if she had been, but I wouldn’t have liked it.

  And now, looking down at her, seeing how flustered she was over the filth that just left my mouth, it was all I could do not to take her right now. But even if she wasn’t overly concerned about losing her virginity at a house party, in some random bedroom, it concerned me.

  Our first time would be private and uninterrupted.

  I leaned down and started dropping kisses along the delicate skin of her jaw. In between kisses, I said, “Tell me that’s what you want, too, Shane. Tell me you want me to take you back to your apartment and fuck you all night long.”

  Her voice was shaky and heavy with desire. “I…ca…can’t t
hink when y…you’re doing that,” she stuttered.

  I knew I could be arrogant at times, but I couldn’t help the smirk that appeared. It made me feel like a warrior conqueror to hear her admit that. I trailed my lips down her neck and the shivers that took over her body were killing me. She wasn’t trying to hide any of her reactions and that openness had my dick harder than it’s ever been.

  “Good,” I said, smiling against her skin. “I don’t want you to be able to think. I just want you to feel.”

  “Mason…” she whispered, sounding resigned to her situation.

  “Say the words, Shane.” I stopped kissing her and pulled back to look into her face. “Open your eyes, look at me and tell me, baby”

  Shane’s hazel eyes popped open and the second they connected with mine, I knew I had her. I knew she was going to give herself to me and I knew I was going to keep her for-fucking-ever. “Wh…what you said…about me belonging to you…”

  Those weren’t the words I was expecting…but… “What about it?”

  “What did you mean by that? What exactly does that mean?” she asked.

  “I already told you,” I pointed out.

  “I…I know…but…”

  I stared down at her and, suddenly, I could see how very important this was to her. I also knew my next words would determine how she’d end up feeling about me. About us.

  In all my life, I’d never been more nervous than I was in this moment. All my father’s beatings and beratings; my mother’s neglect…none of it made me felt more anxious than I felt right now. I mean, my words would not change the outcome of our situation; Shane was mine, end of story. But I wanted her to want to be with me. Her wanting to be with me would cement her to me more than threats would.

  I cupped her face in my hands and told her the truth. “It means you are mine to protect, please, cherish and satisfy. It means anything and everything you do, from this moment forward, will not be done alone. It means I will never let anyone hurt you, I will always have your back and I’ll never lie to you.” Her eyes started leaking big, fat crocodile tears, and it was almost my undoing. And, even though I knew it was too soon for her and it would make me seem completely unreasonable and impractical, those tears of hers demanded more than just some pretty words to get her into bed. They demanded the complete and utter truth. “It means no one will ever want you the way I do, and no one will ever love you as much as I do.” Her eyes widened to an impossible size at my words, but I kept on. “It means I will kill any sonofabitch who tries to take you from me, Shane. It means I own you and you own me.” I wasn’t used to emotions, and this shit was wearing me out. “God, do you own me,” I admitted.