Perseverance (Disenchanted Book 2)

by L. D. Davis

  “Tell me,” Marco’s soft voice carried across the room to where I sat on a couch. “Tell me what I’ve missed by not listening.”

  I glanced up at him, expecting to see sarcasm or doubt on his face, but both were absent in his expression. There was only his uncertainty and two small vertical lines of worry between his brows.

  “I missed that.” He gestured with his chin and looked down at my leg. “What else?”

  “No.” I shook my head and pointed a finger at him. “I’m not going to make that easy for you. I won’t sit here and recite a lengthy list of hurts we’ve received due to your inattentiveness.”

  I heard a sound of frustration from him. “How am I supposed to fix this if you don’t tell me what I’ve done wrong?”

  “Maybe you can’t fix it.”

  He paced in a circle for a moment, hands on his hips. When he faced me again, it was with anger in his blue eyes. “I feel like you are punishing me for going to Italy, even though you said you expected nothing less. My brother is dying. What would you have me do?”

  “I am not punishing you for going to Italy, and I want you to spend time with your brother. He isn’t the issue here.”

  “Then what is it, Lydia? I am fucking ‘listening’ and you aren’t telling me anything. You are not giving me a chance at all.”

  “Because in a day or two, or a week, or a matter of hours, you will leave again, and nothing will have changed, except maybe this time, you won’t come back. You’re only here now because of the wedding. I don’t want to give you a chance, because I don’t want to hope. I don’t want to believe in you. I don’t want to risk my heart or the hearts of my kids again.”

  I stood up and headed back toward the bathroom to wash my hands. He let me go into the bathroom without following. When I came out a minute later, he did follow me to the couch and towered over me while I struggled to get the brace on under my dress.

  “Lydia, you could have told me any of the things that were bothering you at any time. You could have told me about the physical therapy; you could have spoken to me about anything. I would have listened.”

  “I tried. I really wanted to tell you, to talk to you but…you were different, Marco.” I looked up and met his eyes. “You were no longer ours. You belonged to them.”

  “No, that isn’t true. You must understand, when I found out Massimo was sick, I vowed to him that I would take care of his family if ever he could not. I think his dying of pancreatic cancer qualifies for such an occasion.”

  I stood again, and he didn’t back away, leaving only a few inches between us. I spoke quietly, without hiding the sadness in my voice.

  “You are in too deep to see it. Marco, I love that you love your family. I love that you have made such a serious, noble vow to your brother, but you don’t see how unbalanced your involvement is with Celia and your nieces and nephews. You are not her husband. You are not their father. That is not your role, but…” I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from crying before I shrugged. “Maybe that’s the role you’ve wanted all along, which means you have no place with me and my family.”

  I eased past him and started for the door. His voice floated across the room, making me stop in my tracks.

  “The only role I’ve wanted more than anything is to be yours. My place is only with you and our family.”

  He said it with such conviction, with such power, my whole body shivered. I sensed his approach but remained still, even though tears were streaming down my cheeks. Marco appeared in front of me, inches away.

  “And you were wrong. I didn’t come here for the wedding. I would have come anyway, because I came back for you. I came to take you back to Italy with me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  When I’d raced to the bridal suite to throw up, I’d gone past the room Shawna was in with Mandy. The walk back there was less hurried, but I still had an uncomfortable sensation in my stomach, though for different reasons this time.

  “Hi,” I said softly when I entered the room.

  “Hi, honey.” Shawna looked up from the paperback in her hands with her warm smile. When she caught sight of my face, her smile fell.

  Before she could ask me if I was okay, I went to where Mandy lay sprawled in a single bed, completely knocked out. Not all the rooms on the first floor had beds, but this particular room was furnished with the bed and a sitting area, where Shawna was in a chair. I took comfort in touching Mandy’s little rosy cheeks, stroking her hair, and her little hands.

  “If you want to go back out to the reception, I’ll stay,” I said without looking at my mother-in-law. “It can’t be any fun cooped up in here with a sleeping toddler when there’s booze and dancing and sweets out there.”

  She laughed softly. “Cliff brought me plenty of sweets and booze already. I got to see you dance, which is enough for me.”

  I looked over at her. “Are you sure? I can stay.”

  She waved a dismissive hand. “No, honey. I have my book and a comfortable chair. All is well.”

  “You’re the only person I know who still carries actual books with you. Everyone else uses some kind of electronic device.”

  “There is nothing like a real book, the weight of it in my hands, and that satisfying sound it makes when I turn a page. It smells like word heaven. Besides, no true Agatha Christie fan would dare only read her words digitally.”

  I managed a small smile for that but couldn’t hold it for long.

  “Come over here and chat for a minute,” she said in a voice that told me it wasn’t a suggestion. She rarely used that voice with me since I grew up.

  With some reluctance, I did as she asked and took a seat on the loveseat closest to her. She put her book down on the small table between us and looked at me steadily.

  “You’re pale.”

  “I didn’t feel well for a little while. Guess I ate too much, or something didn’t agree with me. I’m better now, though.”

  She stared at me so hard that it unnerved me. I tried not to fidget, but my fingers moved ceaselessly over the fabric of my dress.

  “How far along?” she asked finally.

  The laugh that came out was shaky as hell, and tears already began to squeeze out of the corners of my eyes. “Not sure. I’ve been in denial since I found out, so…”

  I covered my face with my hands as my tears rushed out faster and my chest heaved with a sob. Shawna got up and sat next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Oh, my sweet girl.”

  For the first time since Adam came over the other night, I was able to say the words in my head. I’m pregnant. I had, of course, been cognizant of that fact since the four pregnancy tests, but I had pretended not to know. It was all I could do to keep it together through the wedding.

  She let me cry for a good five minutes or more before I managed to pull myself together somewhat. Thankfully, there was a box of tissues on the little table, and I spent another five minutes just trying to catch every stray tear that slid down my cheeks.

  “Does he know?” Shawna asked.

  “No. We’re…we’re not in a good place right now, and he has enough on his plate. I don’t want to burden him.”

  “A baby is not a burden,” she said admonishingly. “I think Marco of all people would know that.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I just mean that with his brother dying, and the other things that are wrong between us, I don’t want him to feel obligated to me for anything. There are people in Italy depending on him.”

  “There are people here depending on him.” She said it with such force I looked at her a little surprised. “He’s a good man, Lydia, and I see nothing wrong with him going over there to help, but I feel his priorities may be slightly wonky.”

  “I think they’re wonky, too, but I want him to come to me because he wants me, not because he feels he has to be here.”

  “Well, you can’t not tell him.”

  “I know. I’ll tell him. Just…just not yet.” I shook m
y head. “I’m sorry. This probably isn’t the best topic of conversation for you considering your son was my husband.”

  She sighed wistfully. “I do wish he was still here. I miss him so much, you know, but I don’t wish he was here with you.”

  My eyebrows arched at that. “You don’t?”

  “You have to remember, I’ve known you since you were very young. You and Lily have been like daughters to me and Cliff, you even more so because of all the years we’ve spent together. I know you better than you think I do, Lydia, and I knew my son well, too. Despite all appearances, I knew you weren’t happy. I knew Gavin made you unhappy because he was…well…he had his issues. When Marco started to come around, even when you were trying to hide it, I saw what he did for you. I saw a happiness in you I’d never seen before. Cliff and I both did. We were happy for you. I’m not going to lie to you. Sometimes it’s hard to see Gavin’s family with someone else, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want that for you. You can always talk to me. That’s what mothers and daughters do, isn’t it?”

  I laughed and wiped away more tears. “It’s technically supposed to work that way, but my mom and I are still working on that.”

  “I think my mother and I worked on that for forty-five years, so don’t feel bad.”

  The door opened suddenly and, as if I had conjured her, my mother walked in with Cora, who was crying. The front of her red dress was covered in what looked like cake.

  “She was running with the piece of cake I told her she couldn’t have anyway,” Mom said, giving her grandchild a glare. “And she fell. She’s not hurt, just upset because I had some words with her.”

  For the first time, she took in the scene of me and Shawna on the couch, my face tearstained. I wiped at it quickly and got up.

  “I brought a change of clothes for all of them in case something like this happened.” I hurried past my mom to the door.

  She assessed me carefully before I could leave. “Are you all right?”

  I inhaled deeply and shrugged, shook my head, and shrugged again. “I don’t know, Mom. We’ll talk later.”

  I went out before she could say anything else. She would want to know what we talked about, but I knew Shawna would keep my confidence, despite their close friendship.

  Before I went back to the bridal suite, I peeked out at the reception. It seemed that a few people had left in my absence and the party was winding down. Gavi, Paris, and Cody sat at the long table, playing a game of cards. Wes and Cliff were in a deep discussion about something a few seats away from them. I didn’t see Marco anywhere. Adam and Celeste were in a small group of people, chatting, but when he saw me, he excused himself and came over.

  He didn’t hesitate to tell me how fantastic I looked. “You look like shit.”

  “You are such a good friend. I don’t know what I would do without your words of inspiration.”

  “Are you all right?” He seemed truly concerned.

  I told him what I told my mom. “I don’t know, but I really don’t have time to talk right now. Cora had a mishap with some cake.”

  He cringed. “Yeah, I saw that.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t really spend much time with you tonight.”

  “Yeah, you’re a bad date. I regret to inform you that I’m dumping you for another woman.”

  Even though I still felt like crap, my brow went up and I gave him a teasing smile. “Oh, you two are going to go do the nasty, huh?”

  Adam rolled his eyes as if I annoyed him, but I saw the blush in his face. “Nothing that dramatic. We’re just going to some lounge Kyle told us about for some drinks.”

  “Don’t forget to use a condom.”

  He sighed noisily. “I’m leaving. You’re a jerk.”

  Adam pulled me into a hug and held on to me a little longer than usual, as if he knew I needed it.

  “If you need me for anything, call me,” he said before he released me.

  I totally needed him, needed his advice, but he had finally connected with Celeste. It wouldn’t be fair for me to throw my issues at him right then. Instead, I thanked him. We kissed each other’s cheeks and he turned and headed back to Celeste, who was waiting for him. She winked at me before she slipped her arm through his and they walked toward Kyle and Lily to say goodbye.

  I continued back to the bridal suite and wondered if Marco was still there. I hadn’t given him an answer, because his damn phone had rung again. It wasn’t Celia, though, which was a relief, but it was definitely someone from Italy because he’d immediately started to speak Italian. While he was distracted, I’d slipped from the room, in desperate need of a few quiet moments to consider what he’d said. Marco didn’t lie, but that didn’t necessarily mean that everything he said was true. It was hard to believe that he’d come back from Italy for me. I wondered why he hadn’t mentioned that fact before, but then, I hadn’t exactly given him that opportunity. I’d been so prickly and defensive.

  When I entered the room, he was still there. He sat on a straight-backed chair, bent over with his arms on his knees, and so deep in thought as he stared ahead at nothing that he didn’t even notice me. Something about him looked off, though, as if someone had come along and ripped out his soul. Had I done that to him?

  “Marco?” I said his name carefully.

  His head snapped up and he looked at me, startled. Although he wasn’t crying, his eyes were shiny as if he were on the verge. He watched my approach, but it was like he was seeing through me. I didn’t want to continue our conversation from earlier, but it didn’t feel right to just ignore him.

  “Hey. What’s going on?”

  His voice was tremulous. “Um…my sister called. My brother isn’t doing well. He’s developed pneumonia. He is struggling to fight it off because his immune system is compromised.”

  Instantly, I felt like an asshole for arguing with him and saying the things I’d said. I’d meant all of it about Celia and his role there, but I wanted him to be with his brother. None of my anger had been directed at Massimo, but I thought in Marco’s current state, it might be hard for him to see that.

  My own voice cracked with emotion. “I’m so sorry.”

  His gaze slowly dropped from mine, but still, he seemed to be looking at something else. “All those weeks I stayed there, I was too afraid to leave. I was afraid he would suddenly die while I was gone, or because I was gone. It may seem silly, but I thought my presence there kept him alive. So now that he is worse and closer to death, it is my fault for not being there.”

  “You don’t really believe that.”

  “I don’t know what to believe.”

  My mom and Cora were waiting for me, but they would have to wait a little while longer. Despite everything that was said between us, and my tendency to be a bitch when my emotions were running high, I couldn’t just walk away when he was clearly in distress. I pulled a chair up next to him and sat down.

  “I have wasted so much time,” he said hoarsely. “I have wasted so much time I could have had with him these twenty years. If I wouldn’t have left, or if I would have gone back to stay…if only I had not let my hurt feelings come between us.”

  “You don’t really regret moving here, do you? You’ve made a good life for yourself, Marco, and your brother lived a good life with his wife and family, didn’t he? Maybe if you were still there, if they had to see you all the time, it would have been hard for them, too. Maybe that would have ruined your relationship.”

  “Maybe. Maybe that is too many maybes.”

  “It seems that despite the distance and all that happened twenty years ago, you and Massimo are still close. You still love each other and care about each other. He still trusts you with the most important and precious things in his life. He’s still alive, and that’s what counts right now.”

  One big shoulder rose and fell. “I guess you’re right. I thought he was getting sick, though. He had this cough…I should’ve made him see the doctor sooner.”

  “It’s not you
r fault, and you can’t be the only one to accept that responsibility.”

  Silently, he nodded. After a couple minutes, he looked at me, really looked at me for the first time since I’d entered. I knew that my face probably didn’t look the greatest after being sick and then crying.

  “How do you feel?”

  I waved a hand dismissively. “Fine. Don’t worry about me. You have enough to worry about right now.”

  “Don’t say that, and don’t for a second believe that I have stopped being concerned for you, or that I will ever stop.”

  I averted my gaze, swallowing hard and just barely stopping myself from putting my hand over my stomach.

  “I know what you think of me,” he said after a few silent minutes. “I know I’ve let you down, and I shouldn’t even ask, but…”

  My eyes shot back over to him. Blue, sad, and vulnerable eyes stared back at me.

  “Will you come with me? All of you. Gav, Cora, Amanda. I want all of you to come with me. I really did come back for you, Lydia. Everything else, including this wedding was secondary.”

  I stared at him for a long minute. “Are you only asking because of everything I’ve said?”

  “I am asking you because I need you. The last time I needed you with me I didn’t ask because I assumed you would say no. I won’t assume again. Will you come with me?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Even though I had tried very hard to keep our stuff contained to our bedrooms, my kids had managed to leave a little bit of everything all over Lily’s house. It would not have been so bad if I’d had more time to collect it all. Fortunately, the little monsters were with their grandparents for a couple hours and weren’t leaving more crap lying around while I hurriedly packed.

  Lily followed me around the house under the guise of assisting me, but really, it was a mobile interrogation. Every few minutes she asked me another question about my relationship with Marco. This was the most I’d ever spoken to Lily about my relationship, and I wasn’t giving her much.