by Lilah Rivers
Gemma sat on the bed, then stood again and undid the back of her gown so that she could slip into her nightdress.
She sat on the bed again, then lay under the blanket, then pulled it up over her head.
No matter how hard she tried, she could not sleep. Her eyes would not close and her heartbeat would not still.
The very thing that she feared most was coming for her.
Chapter 16
Amos found himself sitting for a long time in the living room. He was angry. He simply could not help it.
Who was it that would actually send his wife roses? Who would do such a thing?
Amos couldn’t understand why anybody would go out of their way to do something so affectionate towards Gemma. It was wrong. She was married.
Could it have been someone who did not know that she was married? Or was it possible that she had invited the attention?
He did not want to think that way about her. The very last thing Amos wanted was to be suspicious of the woman he had only so recently married. She had done nothing to warrant that.
Nevertheless, he was angry. He could not help but be upset.
For a moment, he wondered about his coworkers. After all, they were some of the only ones who knew about her. They knew she had married him, and they had spent time with her that evening.
Particularly after finding out that their marriage was not based on love, it was possible that they may have chosen to respond in this way. One of them could have decided that he had a fondness for her.
But that was a ridiculous thought. Amos knew that all of the men he worked with were married. Not only were they married, but they were good men. They were men who would be loyal to their wives.
He could not suspect one of them of betraying his wife for the sake of Gemma.
However, that did leave Amos with more questions. It left him continuing in his uncertainty. And the longer he sat wondering, the worse it became.
He started to make a list in his mind of those who knew about their marriage. If there was anyone else who was aware that it was not based on love, perhaps that person had thought they might be able to sway Gemma in her affections.
Of course he had no suspicion of Daniel. Daniel loved Justine. He was loyal to her.
But the questions were plaguing him.
He did not think that Gemma had even met anyone else in Tucson. She only knew Miss Collins, his sister, Daniel, and his coworkers.
But there was more to it than that. Amos could no longer deny the other.
The truth was that his anger was based less out of frustration for the propriety than it was out of his growing affection.
It felt unwise for him to start to love her so soon. But even as he had said earlier in the evening that he did not, he knew it was a lie.
It was certainly more comfortable to tell her that he recognized their lack of love. It was more comfortable because it allowed him to avoid the possibility of being rejected.
And maybe it was not yet love. Maybe what he was feeling was a simpler affection. He did not know if love was the word for it. After all, he had never been in love.
But the things he felt for Gemma were something he could not explain. Love or not, it was something he had never felt before.
And that was why it hurt so badly to think of another man vying for her affections.
Trying to catch his breath and not resort to anger and suspicion, Amos knew that he had but one choice.
He would have to pray.
Amos got down on his knees in the middle of the living room.
Closing his eyes and clasping his hands together, he prepared his heart to seek the Lord.
“Dear Lord, I submit myself humbly to you. I give you my heart, my thoughts, my every desire.
“You know that I am foolish at times. You know that my deeds and my hopes are often found wanting. Oftentimes they are sinful. But I want to be a man who lives his life for you.
“Please help me through the anger that I am feeling. Please help me as I try to discern what is happening between my wife and I.
“Lord, I never expected to fall in love with her. I never imagined that this lie could lead me to finding a woman who I really care about. But you have sent me someone who is interesting, intelligent, and leaves me wanting to know more.
“She is strange and unusual, not at all the sort of woman I ever thought I would end up with. But she is also quite a joy that I didn’t think I would ever have the blessing of knowing. You have been so gracious and I want to give you honor and praise for that.
“But Lord, I also need your guidance and wisdom as we walk this path of marriage. I need to ask you for help as I learn to be a good husband and try to put aside my jealousy.
“I really care for Gemma and I don’t want to suspect her of anything that she is not guilty of and I cannot imagine that she did anything to bring on another man’s affection. At least not with any intention.
“So please help me, Lord. Help me to be a good man and to be the sort of man that she deserves. Help me to be an obedient man to you and the kind of husband that you have commanded me to be.
“I thank you for all of your good and perfect gifts. I thank you for the joys and the sorrows because I know that you use both of those things to teach me to grow.
“Finally, I thank you for the family that is to come someday in the future and the things that we have not even yet imagined. Amen.”
With the prayer ended, Amos tried to pull himself together. Praying was the only thing he could think of doing, but it didn’t come easily at times like this. He wanted to trust God more than anything, and that meant making hard choices.
He opened up his Bible and made his way to Proverbs, beginning to read. As he got to chapter three, verses one through eight stood out to him.
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
The verses gave Amos a great deal of comfort as he sat and contemplated them. Of course, he knew that there was plenty of life to handle, many things that would cause him to struggle in the future, but here was a start.
He wanted to be obedient, to keep God’s commandments. He wanted to put aside the fact that he had told a lie and live the rest of his days with the peace of honesty and trusting in God.
He wanted to trust God through this situation with his wife more than anything. It was time that he placed it all in the Lord’s hands, as that was the safest place for them to be.
As he thought about everything that had just taken place, Gemma’s tears and then the fear that she showed when she ran off after receiving the roses, he tried to simply dwell in the peace of Christ, which reminded him of another verse.
It was from the book of Matthew, chapter eleven, verses twenty-eight through thirty. He flipped there in his Bible and began to read it as well.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
He really was more at peace now and Amos decided that he might as well head up the stairs and go to sleep.
But he heard footsteps and paused.
Was it Gemma? Was she coming back to tell him something?
Instead, it was Justine who came through the door.
“Hey,” he said, letting the tens
ion fall from his shoulders.
“Goodness, what’s going on with you? You look positively terrified,” she said.
“Sorry. There has been a lot that happened since you went to bed. Why are you up?” he asked.
“Everything okay?” she asked in reply.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing,” Amos said, wanting to protect Gemma’s privacy.
“Well, I just wanted something to drink. Nothing more than that. Where did those roses come from? Did you get Gemma a bouquet?” she asked.
Amos stiffened again.
“Uh, no. It’s nothing. Anyway, get yourself some water and then get to bed,” he said.
“What about you? Think you’ll be up late?” she asked.
Amos wondered that himself. Would he be able to sleep?
“I’ll probably read for a while longer,” he said, gesturing to his Bible.
“All right then. That’s a good idea. In fact, I was thinking that we need to read all together sometimes. You, me, and Gemma. Maybe we could spend some time in the evenings in the Word, reading and praying,” Justine suggested.
“I like that idea. I know she is happy to be in a house where Scripture is considered important and prayer is a priority, but I want to make sure that I’m helping my wife to grow in her spiritual life,” Amos said.
“Exactly. And maybe Daniel could come sometimes,” Justine suggested.
“Wonderful plan,” he said.
“Okay, well, anyway, I’m going to get some water,” she said, departing.
Amos sat for a little while longer, thinking about the responsibility that he had signed on for in marriage. He was really meant to lead Gemma as a husband. He was meant to help her grow.
But as he thought about all of these things, as he continued to pray and to look at different verses, he still felt haunted by the roses sitting so close by.
Amos went and grabbed them, looking at the note.
An Anonymous Admirer.
Who was that? Who would sign it that way? Why wouldn’t they just tell her a name so that she could either express an interest or tell him to leave her alone?
Amos wanted to know the identity of the sender more than he could handle it. But he also wanted Gemma to be comfortable and open with him.
If she knew who it was, she was the one who would have to tell him. Otherwise, he would have to remain as patient as she was and learn in time about why she had received this bouquet.
Finally, Amos opened the window and dropped the bouquet outside. It was still on the property, but at least he wouldn’t have to look at them and he would know that Gemma wasn’t treasuring them.
Amos was far too tired to have coherent thoughts about all of this mystery, so he decided there was nothing left but to go upstairs and sleep.
The rest would have to be revealed later.
Chapter 17
Gemma was still too anxious to leave her room in the morning. She paced around, unable to sit still or to allow her mind any rest.
She feared that in the act of opening her door, he would be there. Standing and waiting to drag her away from this life that she was starting. This life that she had formed on her own, based out of her own choices.
She would not allow him to take it away from her.
How could she tell Amos the truth of this now? She had told him about Lord Linton, but how could she tell him that the man had often brought her roses with a note of admiration? How could she explain that sometimes the notes would contain a threat about their marriage?
From the admirer that you have no choice but to wed
From the man who admires the woman he shall soon own
From the admirer of a woman who belongs to him
From your admirer, whom you had best learn to admire in return
The notes were always enough to strike fear in her heart. But when she had shown them to her mother, Mrs. Temple had simply dismissed them as Lord Linton being humorous.
But Gemma knew she could not hide forever. Eventually, her husband and his sister were going to come and get her. They would want to make sure that she was all right.
For a brief moment, Gemma resented the care that they took for her and the ways that they looked after her. It made it difficult for her in times like this when she just wanted to be alone and mourn to herself.
Still, Gemma wanted to entrust them with this information, if only she could bring herself to tell them.
But what good would it do? It wasn’t possible that Lord Linton had found her or that he could have known where she was at. The roses must have been from someone else. Maybe someone who wanted to make a joke?
Or maybe someone had followed them from town. What if the roses were completely unrelated to anything that she had been suspecting?
Gemma scratched at her head, wishing that she was not so afraid. She took a moment and prayed to God in her thoughts.
Dear Lord, please help me to have peace. Please help me to trust you the way that Amos and Justine trust you. Please help me to believe that you are with me and I do not need to fear anything. Amen.
She felt marginally better but wanted to figure out a solution. There had to be a way of finding out who the roses were from.
But it would, of course, require that she leave her bedroom.
Gemma slowly, cautiously, opened the door and descended the stairs. She hoped that her husband and his sister would not be there so that she could continue to hide from them for a while, but was unsurprised that it was not her luck.
“Hey there!” Justine greeted.
Amos was not in sight and that was a small relief. At least she would not have to face him after what the evening had held.
“Good morning,” Gemma said.
“Morning? It’s very nearly noon, my dear,” Justine said with a laugh.
Gemma could hardly believe that she had stayed in her room for so long.
“Oh, goodness. Forgive me for having been locked away for all this time,” Gemma said.
“It’s all right. I understand. I know that sometimes it feels nice to just sleep in and try to forget about the world outside,” Justine said.
Gemma nodded in agreement, as if this was the only reason that she had really stayed up there.
But she was still just relieved that Lord Linton wasn’t the one waiting for her in the living room.
“Anyway, Amos is already gone for the day. He headed out for work. I have to say that I think he has taken a real fancy to you,” Justine said.
“You think?” Gemma asked, happier than she expected to hear this.
“Oh, yes. He isn’t the sort who always shows his emotions as openly as others, but he has little signs that I know pretty well. I think he is fond of you and I trust that the two of you are going to get on great if you keep getting to know each other,” Justine said.
