The Essential Louise Hay Collection

by Louise Hay

  Remember, too, what we give out, we get back. Be aware of how you treat older people, because when you get old, that will be the way you are treated. If you believe certain concepts about old people, again, you are forming ideas that your subconscious will respond to. Our beliefs, our thoughts, our concepts about life and about ourselves, always become true for us.

  Remember, I believe that you choose your parents before you were born in order to learn valuable lessons. Your Higher Self knew the experiences that were necessary for you to proceed on your spiritual course. So whatever you came to work out with your parents, get on with it. No matter what they say or do, or said or did, you are here ultimately to love yourself.

  As parents, allow your children to love themselves by giving them the space to feel safe to express themselves in positive, harmless ways. Remember, too, just as we chose our parents, our children also chose us. There are important lessons for all of us to work out.

  Parents who love themselves will find it easier to teach their children about self-love. When we feel good about ourselves, we can teach our children self-worth by example. The more we work on loving ourselves, the more our children will realize that it’s an okay thing to do.

  PART FOUR

  Applying Your Inner Wisdom

  All the theories in the world are useless unless there is action, positive change, and finally, healing.

  Chapter 11

  Receiving Prosperity

  When we get frightened, we want to control everything, and then we shut off the flow of our good. Trust life. Everything we need is here for us.

  The Power within us is willing to give us our fondest dreams and enormous plenty instantaneously. The problem is that we are not open to receiving it. If we want something, our Higher Power doesn’t say, “I’ll think about it.” It readily responds, and sends it through, but we have to be ready for it. If not, it goes back into the storehouse of unfulfilled desires.

  Many people come to my lectures and sit with their arms folded across their bodies. I think, “How are they going to let anything in?” It’s a wonderful symbolic gesture to open our arms wide so the Universe notices and responds. For many it’s very scary, because if they open themselves up, they think they may get terrible things; and they probably will, until they change whatever it is inside them that believes they will attract doom and gloom. When we use the term prosperity, a lot of people immediately think of money. However, there are many other concepts that come under the auspices of prosperity, such as: time, love, success, comfort, beauty, knowledge, relationships, health, and, of course, money.

  If you are always feeling rushed because there isn’t enough time to do everything you want, then you have lack of time. If you feel that success is beyond your reach, then you are not going to get it. If you feel life is burdensome and strenuous, then you will always feel uncomfortable. If you think you don’t know very much, and you’re too dumb to figure things out, you will never feel connected to the wisdom of the Universe. If you feel a lack of love and have poor relationships, then it will be difficult for you to attract love into your life.

  What about beauty? There is beauty all around us. Do you experience the beauty that is abundant on the planet, or do you see everything as ugly and wasteful and dirty? How is your health? Are you sick all the time? Do you catch cold easily? Do you get many aches and pains? Finally, there is money. Many of you tell me that there is never enough money in your lives. What do you let yourself have? Or perhaps you feel you are on a fixed income. Who fixed it?

  None of the above has anything to do with receiving. People always think, “Oh I want to get this and that and whatever.” However, abundance and prosperity is about allowing yourself to accept. When you’re not getting what you want, on some level you are not allowing yourself to accept. If we are stingy with life, then life will be stingy with us. If we steal from life, life will steal from us.

  Being Honest With Ourselves

  Honesty is a word we use a lot, not always understanding the true significance of what it means to be honest. It has nothing to do with morality or being a goodie-goodie. Being honest really has little to do with getting caught or going to jail. It is an act of love for ourselves.

  The main value of honesty is that whatever we give out in life we will get back. The law of cause and effect is always operating on all levels. If we belittle or judge others, then we, too, are judged. If we are always angry, then we encounter anger wherever we go. The love we have for ourselves keeps us in tune with the love life has for us.

  For instance, imagine that your apartment has just been burglarized. Do you immediately think that you are a victim? “My apartment was just ripped off! Who did this to me?” It is a devastating feeling when something like that happens; however, do you stop to think of how and why you attracted the experience?

  Again, taking responsibility for creating our own experiences is not an idea that many of us want to accept all the time, perhaps just some of the time. It is so much easier to blame something outside of ourselves, yet our spiritual growth cannot occur until we recognize that there is little of value outside of us—everything comes from within.

  When I hear that someone has just been robbed or experienced some kind of loss, the first question I ask is, “Whom did you steal from lately?” If a curious look comes over his or her face, I know I have touched a tender spot. When we think back to a time when we took some thing, and then think of what we lost shortly thereafter, the connection between the two experiences can be an eye-opener.

  When we take something that isn’t ours, we almost always lose something of greater value. We might take money or some object, and then we might lose a relationship. If we steal a relationship, we might lose a job. If we lift stamps and pens from the office, we might miss a train or a dinner date. The losses almost always hurt us in some important area of our lives.

  It is unfortunate that many people steal from large companies, department stores, restaurants, or hotels and so on, rationalizing that these businesses can afford it. This type of rationalization does not work; the law of cause and effect continues to operate for each one of us. If we take, we lose. If we give, we get. It cannot be otherwise.

  If there are many losses in your life or many things are going wrong, you might examine the ways in which you are taking. Some people, who would not dream of stealing things, will self-righteously rob another person of time or self-esteem. Each time we make another person feel guilty, we are stealing self-worth from him or her. To be truly honest on all levels takes a great deal of self-examination and self-awareness.

  When we take something that does not belong to us, we are, in effect, instructing the Universe that we don’t feel worthy of earning; we aren’t good enough; we want to be stolen from; or there is not enough to go around. We believe that we must be sneaky and grab to get our good. These beliefs become effective walls around us that prevent us from experiencing abundance and joy in our lives.

  These negative beliefs are not the truth of our being. We are magnificent and deserve the very best. This planet is abundantly plentiful. Our good always comes to us by the right of consciousness. The work we do in consciousness is always one of refining what we say and think and do. When we clearly understand that our thoughts create our reality, then we use our reality as a feedback mechanism to let us know what we need to change next. Being absolutely honest, down to the last paper clip, is a choice we make out of love for ourselves. Honesty helps to make our lives run more smoothly and more easily.

  If you go to a store and they don’t charge you for something you’ve bought and you know it, then it’s your spiritual obligation to tell them so. If you are aware, you call it to their attention. If you don’t know it, or only realize it when you get home or two days later, then that is something different.

  If dishonesty brings disharmony into our lives, imagine what love and honesty can create. The good in our lives, the wonderful surprises we have—these, too, we have created. As
we look within ourselves with honesty and unconditional love, we will discover so much about our power. What we can learn to create with our own consciousness has far greater value than any amount of money we could possibly steal.

  Your Home Is Your Sanctuary

  Everything is a reflection of what you believe you deserve. Look at your home. Is it a place that you really love to live in? Is it comfortable and joyous, or cramped, dirty, and always messy? The same with your car—do you like it? Does it reflect the love you have for yourself?

  Are your clothes a bother and a nuisance and something you have to deal with? Your clothes are a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Again, the thoughts we have about ourselves can be changed.

  If you want to find a new home, begin by opening yourself up to finding the right place, and affirm that it is waiting for you. When I was looking for a new home in Los Angeles, I couldn’t believe that I would only find appalling places. I kept thinking that this is Los Angeles, and it’s filled with wonderful apartments, so where are they?

  It took me six months to find the one I wanted, and it was magnificent. During the time I was looking, the building was being constructed, and when it was finished, I found it waiting for me. If you look for something, but you are not finding it, there is probably a reason.

  If you want to move from where you are because you don’t like it, thank your present home for being there. Appreciate it for sheltering you from the weather. If it’s difficult to like it, start with one part of the house that you like—it may be a corner of your bedroom. Don’t say, “I hate this old place,” because you are not going to find something that you love.

  Love where you are, so you can be open to receiving a wonderful new home. If your home is messy and cluttered, then start cleaning it up. Your home is a reflection of who you are.

  Loving Relationships

  I am a great admirer of Dr. Bernie Siegel, the Connecticut oncologist, who has written, Love, Medicine & Miracles. Dr. Siegel has learned much from his cancer patients, and I would like to share what he says about unconditional love:

  “Many people, especially cancer patients, grow up believing that there is some terrible flaw at the center of their being. A defect they must hide if they are to have any chance for love. Feeling unloved and unlovable and condemned to loneliness if their true selves became known. Such individuals set up defenses against sharing their innermost feelings with anyone. Because such people feel a profound emptiness inside they come to see all relationships and transactions in terms of getting something to fill the vaguely understood void within. They give love only on condition that they get something for it. And this leads to an ever deeper sense of emptiness which keeps the vicious cycle going. “

  Whenever I give a lecture and allow my audience the opportunity to ask questions, I can always count on being asked one thing in particular: “How can I create healthy, lasting relationships?”

  All relationships are important because they reflect how you feel about yourself. If you are constantly beating yourself up by thinking that everything that goes wrong is your fault, or that you are always a victim, then you are going to attract the type of relationships that reinforce those beliefs in you.

  One woman told me that she was in a relationship with a very caring and loving man, yet she had a need to test his love. So I asked her, “Why would you test his love?” She said she felt unworthy of his love because she wasn’t loving herself enough. So I suggested that three times a day she stand with her arms opened, and say, “I am willing to let the love in. It’s safe to let the love in.” Then I told her to look into her own eyes and say, “I deserve. I am willing to have even if I don’t deserve.”

  Too often, you deny your good because you don’t believe you can have it. For instance, you want to get married or have a long-lasting relationship. The person you go out with has four of the qualities you want in a partner. You know you’re on your way. You want a little more of this or want to add something new to your list. Depending upon how much you believe you deserve to be loved, you may have to go through a dozen people before you get what you really want.

  Likewise, if you believe that a Higher Power has surrounded you with truly loving people, or that everyone you meet or know brings only good into your life, then those are the types of relationships you will ultimately draw to yourself.

  Codependent Relationships

  Personal relationships always seem to be the first priority for many of us. Perhaps you are always searching for love. Hunting for love doesn’t bring the right partner because the reasons for wanting love are unclear. We think, “Oh, if I only had someone who loved me, my life would be all better.” That’s not the way it works.

  One exercise that I recommend is to write down the qualities you want from a relationship, such as fun, intimacy, open and positive communication, et cetera. Look at your list. Are these standards impossible to fulfill? Which of the requirements could you supply yourself?

  There’s a big difference between the need for love, and being needy for love. When you are needy for love, it simply means that you are missing love and approval from the most important person you know—yourself. You become involved in relationships that are codependent and ineffectual for both partners.

  When we need someone else to fulfill us, we are codependent. When we rely on another to take care of us, so we don’t have to do it ourselves, we become codependent. Many of us from dysfunctional families have learned codependency from the way we grew up. I believed for years that I was not good enough, and I sought love and approval wherever I went.

  If you are always telling the other person what to do, then you are probably trying to manipulate the relationship. On the other hand, if you are working to change your own inner patterns, then you are allowing things to happen in their right course.

  Take a moment to stand in front of a mirror, and think about some of your own negative childhood beliefs that have been affecting your relationships. Can you see how you are still recreating the same beliefs? Think of some positive childhood beliefs. Do they hold the same charge for you as the negative ones?

  Tell yourself that the negative beliefs no longer serve you and replace it with new, positive affirmations. You may want to write the new beliefs down and place them where you can see them every day. Again, be patient with yourself. Persevere with the new belief as much as you did with the old one. There were many times when I slipped back into old patterns before my new beliefs took root.

  Remember, when you are able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs, then you will not be so needy, so codependent. It all begins with how much you love yourself. When you truly love yourself, you stay centered, calm, and secure, and your relationships at home as well as at work are wonderful. You will find yourself reacting to various situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won’t be quite as important anymore. New people will enter your life, and perhaps some old ones will disappear, which can be scary at first, and also wonderful, refreshing, and exciting.

  Once you know what you want in a relationship, you must go out and be with people. No one is going to suddenly appear at your doorstep. A good way to meet people is in a support group or a night class. It enables you to connect with people who are like-minded or who are involved in the same interests. It’s amazing how quickly you can meet new friends. There are many groups and classes available in cities all around the world. You need to seek these groups out. It helps when you associate with people traveling a similar path. An affirmation I suggest is: “I am open and receptive to wonderful, good experiences coming into my life” It’s better than saying, “I’m looking for a new lover.” Be open and receptive, and the Universe will respond for your highest good.

  You will find that as your self-love grows, so will your self-respect, and any changes that you find yourself needing to make will be easier to accomplish when you know that they are the right ones for you. Love is never outsid
e yourself—it is always within you. As you are more loving, you will be more lovable.

  Beliefs About Money

  Having fear about the issue of money comes from our early childhood programming. A woman at one of my workshops said that her wealthy father had always had a fear of going broke, and he passed on the fear that money would be taken away. She grew up being afraid that she wouldn’t be taken care of. Her freedom with money was tied to the fact that her father manipulated his family through guilt. She had plenty of money all her life, and her lesson was to let go of the fear that she couldn’t take care of herself. Even without all the money, she still could take care of herself.

  Many of our parents grew up in the Depression, and many of us have inherited beliefs when we were young, such as, “We may starve,” or “We may never find work,” or “We may lose our home, our car,” whatever.

  Very few children say, “No that’s nonsense.” Children accept it and say, “Yes, that’s right.”

  Make a list of your parents’ beliefs about money. Ask yourself if you are still choosing to believe them now. You will want to go beyond your parents’ limitations and fears because your life is not the same now. Stop repeating these beliefs to yourself. Begin transforming the pictures in your mind. When an opportunity comes up, don’t echo your past history of lack. Begin proclaiming the new message for today. You can begin now to affirm that it’s okay to have money and riches and that you will use your money wisely.

  It is also normal and natural for us to have more money at certain times than others. If we can trust the Power within to always take care of us no matter what, we can easily flow through the lean times, knowing that we will have more in the future.