Craving Molly

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “The chances of having another child with Down syndrome is higher for me,” Molly said quietly. “And I’m not saying no, I’m just saying that’s something we’d have to discuss, you know? It’s not a fly by the seat of your pants type of decision.”

  “No, I get it,” I mumbled, looking at Rebel. She was licking her lips as she poked at the duck’s eye, rubbing the pad of her finger over the smooth plastic. I imagined her as she grew. Going to school. Learning how to play a sport, maybe. Teaching her how to drive on the back of the club’s property, the same way my dad had taught me. I let myself worry about the people who would try and take advantage of her, of the inevitable discussion Molly would have to have about men and being careful. I tried to imagine her as an adult. Wondered if she’d be able to live on her own, and decided that I didn’t care if she ever moved out.

  “I’m all in, sugar,” I said thickly, meeting Molly’s eyes. “You take as much time as you want to decide, but I’m good with whatever we get. Maybe we’ll stop at one more, you know? If we think that’s all we can handle.” I looked back at Rebel. “But Reb needs a brother.”

  “Okay,” Molly choked out, kissing my shoulder. “I’ll think about it.”

  I lifted my arm and Molly moved in to lie against my chest.

  “But you’ll marry me?” I asked as Rebel got bored with the duck and tossed it behind her.

  “That wasn’t a proposal,” Molly said dryly, sniffling. “A proposal comes with a ring.”

  I laughed, and it made the bed move so much that Rebel startled and gripped my thigh through the blankets . . . which only made me laugh harder.

  “So I gotta get you a ring, huh?” I asked, still laughing.

  “A big one,” Molly confirmed.

  “I can do that.”

  “Maybe by the time you find the perfect one, I’ll give you an answer.”

  I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply, but a knocking at my door interrupted.

  “Brother,” Tommy called. “They’re back.”

  Adrenaline hit me hard, and I sat straight up in bed. “Take Reb,” I told Molly, making sure she had a good hold on her before I climbed off the bed.

  Shit, I was naked. My hands went straight to cover my junk as I crossed the room to where I’d dropped my jeans the night before.

  “Butt!” Rebel yelled gleefully, making Molly laugh loudly.

  “She doesn’t get in our bed when I’m naked,” I ordered, going to the far side of the dresser to get my pants on.

  “I didn’t think you were going to go flying out of bed!” Molly argued. “She was on top of the blankets!”

  “I’m serious, Molly. Not cool.”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll be more careful,” she promised, raising her hands in surrender. “I really didn’t think that you’d get up before we did. You didn’t come to bed until six this morning.”

  “Yeah, had some calls to make,” I explained, buttoning my jeans. I didn’t even bother with boxers.

  “I noticed the clubhouse filled up while I was asleep,” Molly said calmly, sitting up.

  I’d noticed that she was still pretty quiet around everyone, but she hadn’t had that deer in the headlights look that she’d gotten when I’d introduced her to my family for the first time. I wasn’t sure if it was because of painkillers the doctor had prescribed, or the relief of friendly faces after the shit she’d just been through, but she’d handled meeting all the new people like a champ. She didn’t even look nervous about the crowded clubhouse.

  I nodded. “Yeah, baby. Went on lockdown after you went to bed. Just a precaution.”

  “Is there anything I should know?” she asked, scooting to the edge of the bed.

  “Not at the moment,” I answered, throwing on a t-shirt and my cut. “But when there is, I’ll tell you.”

  “Okay.” She tilted her head up when I walked over to the bed, and gave me a closemouthed kiss.

  “Your morning breath doesn’t bother me,” I murmured against her lips.

  “Yours does,” she countered, wrinkling her nose.

  “Funny.” I pulled back and headed for the door, stopping as I opened it. “Lotta people to feed today if ya wanna help. Nobody’d blame ya if ya didn’t.”

  “I’ll help,” she said with a nod, throwing her feet over the edge of the bed.

  “Will!” Rebel yelled, catching my attention. She pursed her little lips and tilted her head back.

  I felt about ten feet tall as I strode back across the room and gave her a kiss. “Be good for your mama.” My beard must have tickled her cheeks because she let out this husky belly laugh and fell backward onto the bed.

  Yeah, I thought as I walked away, I’d happily have another one of her.

  The sounds of the packed club hit my ears as soon as I’d left the room and I practically ran to the front of the clubhouse. There were people every fucking where. Little kids eating at the tables, old ladies cleaning shit up and making food, teenagers watching the babies. It was a madhouse.

  I made eye contact with Poet right away and he tilted his head toward the chapel, making me hurry toward the little room. When I got to the door, I pushed right in, not bothering to knock. One of the seats was mine, so I no longer had to knock on that door.

  “Moose,” Dragon said from the head of the table. “Nice of you to make it.”

  “Had to get my girls up,” I answered, rounding the table. “Sorry about that.”

  “Everything good with that?” my dad asked.

  “Solid,” I replied with a small grin, making him nod in approval.

  “We caught up with Kozlov in the hotel, no problem,” Dragon said, tapping his fingers on the table. “Picked him and his lackey up and used Kozlov’s car to bring ’em out to an old warehouse.”

  “Put up a good fight, though,” Hulk murmured. He was sporting a gnarly black eye.

  “Didn’t take them long to start talkin’,” Dragon continued. “We were right about the list Rock gave to the DEA. They wanted that shit, needed to know who Rock had outed.” He paused for a long moment. “Made sure they hurt for a bit,” he said to me. “And knew why they were hurtin’.”

  I nodded my head in thanks.

  “That’s the good news,” Dragon said tiredly, pulling the ponytail out of his long hair and scraping it back up again almost in the same movement.

  “What’s the fuckin’ bad news?” Casper grunted.

  “Kozlov’s low level,” my dad said quietly.

  “What? Fucker’s been runnin’ shit for years,” Samson argued.

  “All a front,” Dragon murmured, slamming his fist down on the table. “Real head is named Pajari. Fucker was at the weddin’ and Rock had no fuckin’ clue who he was.”

  “But now the DEA does,” my dad butt in.

  “Right.”

  “That’s the bad news?” I asked. That fucking sucked, but it just meant we hadn’t cut the head off the snake yet. We would. Eventually.

  “No,” Dragon answered. “Bad news is, on top of everythin’ else, they’ve been dealin’ ’roids for the past five years.”

  Everything inside me froze.

  “Had some boys out here, checkin’ out the competition. Rattlin’ some cages.”

  My vision went cloudy for a second.

  “Sent some up to Montana for a while, too.”

  No. Fuck, no.

  “William,” my dad growled in warning as my hands tightened into fists at the end of the table.

  “Wasn’t you, wasn’t Trix,” Dragon said quietly, making Samson curse. “Those kids were sent for one purpose. Disposable soldiers.”

  “Calm, William,” my dad warned again, pushing his seat back from the table. They were all watching me closely and it took everything I had not to fly out of my chair.

  “That was just the beginning,” Dragon continued. “Kozlov and his boys were round two.”

  “That was over three fuckin’ years ago,” I ground out.

  “Long game,” he replied. “Had to s
ee where we were at. Try and assess weaknesses.”

  “What about Rocky?” I asked. I had to know. He’d come from there, had ties to the Russians that we’d known about when we let him prospect.

  “He didn’t know,” my dad said, raising his voice so everyone could hear his answer. “He was with the club long before that shit started up.”

  “So what now?” Casper asked quietly.

  The silence in the room was like static crackling in the air. No one moved. No one even breathed.

  “We go to war,” Dragon finally replied.

  I stumbled to my feet and braced myself against the edge of the table as I struggled to breathe. Everything I’d believed for the past few years had been wrong.

  In flashes, I saw the day that our world had been upended. The way Mick had wrapped his arms around Tommy’s chest and tackled him to the ground as bullets sprayed across the yard. My mom, her eyes wide and afraid as we’d tried to stop her from bleeding out. Slider’s lifeless body resting less than three feet from Vera’s.

  I gasped, but I couldn’t seem to get enough air.

  “Everybody out!” Dragon ordered.

  People moved around, but I didn’t see them. I stared at the table, my neck straining as I tried to inhale.

  “Breathe, son,” my dad said firmly, thumping my back. “Come on, take a breath.”

  I shook my head and closed my eyes tight, trying to snap myself out of whatever the fuck was happening. I opened my eyes as I started to feel dizzy, only to find that my vision was going hazy at the edges.

  Oh, hell no.

  I gasped again, finally bringing a little air into my lungs.

  “Motherfuck,” I wheezed as my dad’s hand gripped my shoulder. “Jesus.”

  “Thought I was gonna puke when I heard that shit,” my dad said quietly. “If we woulda questioned that kid longer . . .”

  I remembered the night we’d killed him. The little psycho had been tied to a chair, beat to shit, and he’d still been running his mouth. I wasn’t sure if Dad or I had fired the first shot, but in the end, we’d filled his body with bullets. I’d never regretted it before that moment.

  “I walked right into that shit,” I said, still trying to catch my breath.

  “Hell, boy,” Dad said, leaning against the table. “None of us had any fuckin’ clue.”

  “What now?” I asked, repeating Casper’s earlier question. “How the fuck do I keep my family safe?”

  My dad sighed, staring at the door between us and the rest of the clubhouse. “Lockdown for now,” he said. “We’ll know more in the next few weeks and we’ll make plans. This ain’t our first rodeo, son. We’ll get it handled.”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly, pushing off the table.

  He squeezed my shoulder again as I moved toward the door. My head was still reeling. All that time, we’d thought that we’d finished those kids off. Thought we were relatively safe. And all that time, there had been a bigger threat waiting.

  The last three years of my life, I’d been killing myself thinking that I’d brought that mess into our club. That I’d gotten my baby brother killed.

  I swallowed hard as I walked into the main room. It was so fucking loud I couldn’t distinguish anyone’s specific voice, but my eyes caught on Molly instantly. She was standing at the bar, holding Reb on her hip as she talked to Poet. He laughed at something she said, and then Rebel’s little hand was reaching out to run down his long beard.

  I reached them in seconds.

  “Will?” Molly asked worriedly as she caught the look on my face.

  “You’re movin’ in with me,” I replied roughly, cupping her swollen cheeks in my hands. “Okay? No argument, baby.”

  “Okay,” she breathed. “What’s wrong?”

  I took Rebel from her hip and pulled her against my chest, my heart thudding hard as she relaxed into me.

  “I need you,” I said quietly, meeting Molly’s eyes. “Let’s go in my room and get away from all this shit for a while.”

  She nodded and grabbed my hand, letting me lead her back into my room. As soon as I’d closed the door, she took Rebel from me and set her on the floor then wrapped her arm around my waist.

  “What’s going on, Will?” she asked softly, kissing my chest.

  My throat grew tight as I put my arms around her, pulling her even closer. “Can’t talk about it now, alright?” I asked hoarsely.

  I wanted to tell her everything, and eventually I would. But looking down into her bruised face, the fear still present in the back of her eyes, I knew then wasn’t the time. Instead, I pulled her to the bed and laid down with her, curving the front of my body into the back of hers as we watched Rebel walk around the room gathering stuffed animals.

  I took in the smell of Molly’s hair, the soft skin of her belly against my fingertips, and the sound of Rebel humming on the floor, and I stayed.

  For the first time since Mick died, I stayed right where I was.

  “Love you,” I murmured against the back of Molly’s head.

  “Love you, too.” Her fingers found and linked with mine.

  Yeah. I wasn’t going anywhere.

  Chapter 21

  Molly

  I climbed out of bed when Will fell asleep an hour later. He was obviously tired and I didn’t want Rebel to wake him up. As I carried her out of the room, I wondered what the hell had happened to make Will so upset.

  There were things he couldn’t tell me. I was beginning to understand at least that much about the dynamics of the club. But, honestly, I was completely on board with that. After lying to the police, I didn’t ever want to have to do it again. The more I knew, the more I’d have to lie about.

  These guys were clearly not just mechanics. I’d always known that. I was finding that they weren’t just criminals, either, though. They were family men. Some of them loved their wives to distraction, especially the ones in Will’s family. I’d noticed others that morning that weren’t super affectionate with their wives, but showed them blatant respect anyway. They played with their kids, helped them tie their shoes and changed their diapers.

  I was finding that the one-dimensional picture my dad had painted about life inside the Aces wasn’t even close to accurate. I wondered if he’d known that they had been my safe haven after I’d left him. I wondered if his attitude about my relationship with Will would have changed if he’d known how good they had been to me.

  “Hey, girl,” Trix said as I passed her in the hallway. “Will okay?”

  “Yeah, he’s sleeping,” I said quietly, hitching Reb farther up on my hip. Holding her with just one arm was harder than I’d ever realized before I broke my arm.

  “How about you?” Trix asked, leaning against the wall. “You okay?”

  “Um,” my face scrunched up in confusion. “Yeah.”

  She laughed. “I just meant with all of this.” She waved a hand around. “I grew up here, so none of this bothers me. It’s a pain in the ass, but I’m sort of used to it. But you’re new to all of it.”

  “It’s a little overwhelming,” I confessed. “Everyone’s been nice, but being on lockdown? That’s crazy.”

  “Yeah,” Trix said softly. “This type of shit doesn’t happen very often, but this life isn’t for the faint of heart, especially for us women. We have to deal with our men being out of town, getting locked up—” She reached over and knocked on a wood door. “—putting themselves in danger.”

  “I didn’t realize what I was getting into,” I murmured. “I get it now, but at the beginning?” I shook my head.

  “And now you’re stuck, am I right?” she asked with a rueful smile. “You’re not the first woman to fall in love with an Ace and get sucked into a life that you hadn’t imagined for yourself. My mom grew up here and still took off pregnant with me the minute she could, but like five years later, she came back to my pop. Hell, Will’s mom was just a teenager when she met Grease. Try dealing with all this shit as a tadpole. Crazy.”

  “I d
idn’t know that,” I said in surprise.

  “Oh, yeah. It was a big clusterfuck from what I’ve heard. Grease stepped in and protected her from some gang, and they’ve been together ever since. Us kids don’t usually get the entire stories, but we hear the bones of most of them.”

  “Ya tellin’ tales?” Grease asked from somewhere behind me, making me jump.

  “Of course not,” Trix said, smiling sunnily.

  “You’re trouble, kid,” he told her indulgently.

  “I’m the best kind of trouble,” Trix said with a sly smile.

  “I didn’t need to hear that,” he murmured in disgust, making Trix laugh.

  She turned back to me and smiled. “You’ll figure it out. Just takes a little time.”

  Trix walked away, leaving Grease and me alone in the hallway. Jesus, the club was full of people, and not one of them chose that moment to join us?

  “Whatcha gotta figure out?” Grease asked as I turned slowly to face him.

  “I . . .” my words trailed off as I met his eyes and I immediately shifted my gaze to his throat. “Nothing. All of this is just a little overwhelming.”

  “Ya gonna leave my son as soon as you’re safe?”

  “What?” I met his eyes again in surprise. “No.”

  “Good.” He nodded, leaning against the wall and pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. I stiffened, but he didn’t light it.

  Rebel chose that moment to wiggle like crazy and I almost dropped to my knees in an effort to try and keep her steady.

  “Here,” Grease said gruffly as he stuck the unlit cigarette between his lips and plucked Reb out of my arms. My jaw dropped as he turned and opened the door behind him and set Rebel on her feet so she could walk inside the room. “Callie’s in there,” he explained as he closed the door behind her.

  My mouth snapped shut as he leaned back against the wall.

  “Know ya don’t like me much—”

  “I like you,” I lied quickly, making him chuckle.

  He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and started rolling it over his fingers. “Nah, girl. Ya don’t. I scare ya?”

  I lifted my chin, refusing to answer.

  “Just means you’ve got a sense of self-preservation,” he said with a grin. “Nothin’ wrong with that.”