Craving Molly

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “I’m not scared of you,” I mumbled, glaring at him.

  “Good,” his voice dropped. “Cause I’d never hurt ya. Ya know that? Don’t hurt women on principle, but you? You’re family. You’re my son’s old lady.”

  “I’m—” I started to argue but he sliced his hand through the air, cutting me off.

  “Will’s been outta control for a long time. Runnin’ himself ragged lookin’ for somethin’. Looks like he found it.”

  I swallowed hard as he stared at me.

  “I’m gonna protect that. Doesn’t matter if ya like me or not.”

  “I don’t dislike you, you just scare me,” I blurted.

  He grinned like he’d won. “Truth will set ya free,” he murmured.

  “Oh, shut it,” I said in frustration, then snapped my mouth closed as my eyes went wide.

  “See? Free already.”

  I snorted in annoyance.

  “You’re a good girl. You’re good for Will. Won’t take his shit, but you’ll give him a little growin’ room. He’s gonna fuck up, just stick with it, alright?”

  “He’s already had his fuck up,” I retorted. “He doesn’t get any more.”

  Grease choked and then laughed hard. It changed his entire face.

  “Girl, life’s a series of fuck ups and clean ups. You just gotta decide that you’re in it, and then stick.” He pointed toward the closed door. “Ya think I’ve never fucked up with Callie? Shit. That woman has dealt with shit ya can’t even imagine. But once she was in, she wasn’t goin’ anywhere. Same with me. Made the decision and we stood by it.”

  My throat grew tight. Was that really all I had to do? Life with Will seemed like a roller coaster. I was so afraid to trust him. Afraid that he’d leave again. He pissed me off and worried me . . . and still, I couldn’t imagine being without him anymore. I didn’t want to be without him ever again.

  “I’ll try,” I said finally, clearing my throat.

  “Don’t try,” Grease said seriously. “Do it. Stick. Ain’t nothin’ better than knowin’ someone’s got your back, no matter what. You give that to my boy, he’ll give it back.”

  I nodded as Grease stuck the cigarette back between his lips.

  “Been dyin’ for a smoke for two hours,” he mumbled with a grin. He reached out and awkwardly patted my shoulder, obviously done with his little lecture.

  When he moved around me, I turned with him, watching him go. I thought about Will sleeping in his room, and the tension between his eyes that hadn’t relaxed and the way his shoulders were bunched tight around his ears.

  “Hey Grease?” I called out right before he hit the archway that led into the main part of the clubhouse. “I’m worried about Will. Something’s wrong.”

  Grease turned to look at me, his eyes sad. “I’ll take care of it,” he said softly around his cigarette. “Stick, Molly, yeah?”

  “Okay.” I wrung my hands. How would he take care of it? What the hell was going on? Did I even really want to know?

  “Hey,” Grease called, grabbing my attention again. “You’re family. Call me Asa.”

  When he left, I knocked on Callie’s door and opened it. Rebel was sitting on the floor and Rose was doing something to her toenails.

  “Hey,” Callie said from the bed, an E-reader in her hands. “We’re having a spa day.”

  “Lockdown is so freaking boring,” Rose mumbled.

  “What’re you doing?” I asked curiously, kneeling down beside Reb.

  “She doesn’t like the nail polish brush,” Rose informed me.

  “Yeah,” I replied dryly. “I know.”

  “So Mom and I got some of those nail wrap things,” Rose said easily. “They’re little stickers, and then you put some heat on them and they stay on for like, weeks.”

  My breath caught as I watched Rebel sit patiently while Rose set a little sock filled with something on the top of her big toe.

  “You can use a hair dryer for this part, but Mom and I thought maybe that would bug her. So we put some rice in one of my old socks and heated it up in the microwave.” She glanced at me. “Looks like it works.”

  “Rebel,” I said softly. “Are you getting pretty toes?”

  Reb didn’t look at me, but she nodded as she continued to stare at her feet. When Rose pulled the little sock away, Rebel’s big toenail was covered in pink and white stripes.

  My baby squealed in excitement, and leaned closer to her foot so she could check it out.

  “That’s awesome,” I breathed, smiling at Rose. “Good idea.”

  “Lily likes these ’cause she can do them by touch. I just tell her what the pattern is.”

  “Seriously?” I asked, glancing up at Callie to find her watching us. “That’s incredible.”

  “It took a lot of messed up nails for her to figure it out,” Callie said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, and these things are expensive,” Rose grumbled. “We almost had to start panhandling to buy new ones.”

  I laughed and leaned back as Rose started on Rebel’s second toe. I wanted to watch her put them on, but I was anxious that Will was going to wake up and not know where we were.

  “We can watch her for a bit,” Callie said nonchalantly, looking back at her tablet screen.

  “Thanks,” I replied quickly, kissing Rebel’s head before getting to my feet.

  I walked quickly back to Will’s room, my head spinning.

  The Aces were . . . shit, they were a family. And from what I’d seen so far, they were a good one. They took care of each other. It was clear in the way Grease had talked to me about Will. The way Trix had stopped to make sure I was settling in. The way Callie and Rose had figured out a way for Rebel to decorate her toenails.

  Beyond the whole outlaw thing, they weren’t anything like I’d expected.

  “Hey, sugar,” Will called groggily as I walked quietly into his room. “Where ya been?”

  “Just took Rebel to see your mom,” I said softly, kicking off my shoes.

  Will lifted the blankets so I could slide in next to him then tucked them in around me once I was settled.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, reaching up to run my fingers through the hair at the side of his head.

  “Yeah, baby. I’m good.”

  “You didn’t sleep very long.”

  “Missed ya when you got outta bed,” he said simply, making my heart flutter.

  “I didn’t want Rebel to wake you up.”

  “She’s fine in here with us,” he argued. “Rather have both of ya with me, even if I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

  “Okay.” I relaxed into his body and tucked my head under his chin. We were quiet for a few minutes, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. “So, I ran into your dad in the hallway,” I said with a small grin.

  “Oh, yeah? How’d that go?”

  “He told me to call him Asa,” I murmured, my smile growing wider.

  “Ah, high praise comin’ from him,” he said with a laugh. “Mean’s you’re part of the family. Don’t even think my Aunt Farrah has ever called him Asa.”

  “Really?” I tipped my head back so I could meet Will’s sleepy eyes.

  “Yeah, really. Only my mom and my great-gram called him Asa. Everybody else calls him Grease.” He gave me a small smile, but he still had that stark look in his eyes, like . . . well, like I was sure my eyes had.

  He looked like someone he’d loved just died.

  “Take a nap with me?” he asked wearily, dropping his forehead against mine. “I’m fuckin’ exhausted.”

  “Sure,” I mumbled back, reaching to wrap my arm up and over his head like I could cocoon him in with me.

  He fall asleep with his breath brushing my face, but I didn’t move. Not for a long time.

  I made a decision, and I stuck with it, just like Asa had asked me to.

  Two weeks later, after the lockdown had ended and the families had been warned to keep their guards up, we buried my dad in a cemetery near his old house.

  Withou
t the ability to work, I had nothing to occupy my mind. I got bitchy, and weepy, and I lost myself in grief and frustration. Then it was Will’s turn to stick with it, and he did.

  I think Asa was right about all of it. Maybe the commitment was the key. Not the marriage certificate that we eventually got, or the house near his parents that we bought together, or the adoption papers that Will signed when Rebel was six. It was the not giving up that mattered.

  I nagged Will about the money he spent, and bitched when he rode his murdercycle without a helmet. In the years after my dad was murdered, while the club was fighting a battle that I hoped to God I’d never see, I became resentful of the time he spent away from us and the fear that seemed like my constant companion, and I begged him to stop, even though I knew he was trying to make us safe. I got into an argument with Trix and refused to go to the clubhouse for two months and once screamed at him in front of the entire club because some skank at a party had sat on his lap for two seconds before he pushed her off.

  Will was no angel, either. The life I’d envisioned with him when we’d started dating didn’t exist. The man I’d seen through rose-colored glasses had been a figment of my imagination. He left me for days at a time to do business for the club. He occasionally got too drunk to drive home, and he’d pass out in his room at the club while I lay in our bed alone, wishing he were with me. He got arrested and couldn’t attend Rebel’s preschool graduation. He got into pissy moods and barely spoke to me for days, and sometimes, I looked at him, and just wanted to scream for no reason at all.

  But, beyond all the bullshit and the hurt feelings and the fear and the frustration, I loved him so much that I ached with it, and Will proved every day that it was the same for him.

  So, I didn’t give up and he didn’t either.

  We argued and nagged and gave each other the silent treatment, but neither of us ever walked away again.

  Acknowledgements

  These acknowledgements usually end up being a chapter long. I can’t seem to help myself. So I’m going to do this a bit different this time. Quicker. Hopefully.

  Readers and bloggers: You’re the reason I get to do what I do. I won’t ever forget that. Thank you.

  Mom and Dad: You rock. Thanks for all your help!

  Girlies: I love you. Keep dreaming big. Also, good job on your report cards!

  Sister: Thanks for listening to my venting and cheering me on.

  Nikki: We did it again. You’re the wind beneath my wings and the snarky comments on my manuscript.

  Donna: I’ll tell you thank you a million more times before I’m done.

  Lola: You knocked it out of the park again. I wasn’t surprised.

  Franggy: Thank you for my photo of Molly. You’re incredibly talented and I can’t wait to see what you do next.

  Ellie: Hi. Let’s not make this weird.

  Toni: Oh, hey. How you doin’? Peas and Carrots.

  Rebecca, Tracy and Tiffany: Thanks for beta reading in a hurry! I owe you one.

  Amber: Thank you for pointing out the next character I had to write. I hope I did Rebel justice. I would have never found the courage to publish this story without your input and it means the world to me.