Hammer Time

by M J Marstens

  Raiden tenses and, then, moans at my actions. I straighten up before he does something truly ungentlemanly and shoves the entire thing down my throat.

  “How about we take turns?” I suggest.

  “We lick you and you lick us?” Khepri says with an eye waggle.

  “Exactly, but for longer than just one lick,” I add on.

  “All I got was one lick,” Raiden grumbles like a baby, but picks me up again as if I weigh nothing. Then he tilts me back into Khepri and bends forward, unceremoniously burying his face between my legs, making me squeal a little.

  Khepri leans me against his chest while Raiden does dangerously delicious things to my pussy with his tongue—he might not use it to form the right words, but he makes up for it tenfold with how he uses it on me now. Khepri resumes his assplay—his form of foreplay—and before long, I’m crying out in desperation.

  I need to come.

  No sooner do I think this, than both Khepri and Raiden thrust their fingers into me at the same time and they tip me over the edge. I scream loudly as my nails dig into Raiden’s shoulder blades. My orgasm makes my head spin like a pinwheel, and everything blurs for a bit, before the sensation slows and the room starts to come back into focus. It takes me a second to come down from my euphoric high but, when I do, I’m still a squirmy mess of need. Instead of sating me, the amazing orgasm just has me craving more.

  “No more foreplay,” I pant.

  “Agreed,” Khepri growls.

  Raiden doesn’t say anything, but straightens and then lowers me onto his cock. He kisses me deeply and I blush, tasting myself—which is a ridiculous reaction considering I’m having a threesome. Kung-Fu uses his massive muscles to bounce me up and down his thick erection several times. I get to run my hands over his tensing biceps and rigid back muscles, which are nearly as hot and hard as the dick inside me, before Raiden pulls me into his chest and spreads my ass cheeks in invitation to Khepri—who wastes no time positioning himself there and rubs his dick against me urgently.

  “We’ll go slowly,” he promises, feeding the tip of his dick into my ass.

  I breathe through the sensations bombarding my body. I’ve never felt so full. After a minute or so, Khepri’s fully seated inside of me. Neither god moves and I grow antsy.

  “Please, move,” I beg breathlessly.

  This stirs them into motion and, in perfect timing, they fuck me just like I long for—rough and fast. I feel both their chests rub against me, both their heartbeats pounding so quickly that my skin vibrates with the sensations of three different racing hearts. Their grunts and moans of pleasure make my mind melt into a puddle of hormones.

  Need takes over every thought. I don’t last more than two minutes. I convulse around them in an orgasm that makes my eyes cross; but they aren’t anywhere near finished. Over and over, they thrust into my body in perfect synchronization; part of me wonders if Raiden cheats, because my nerves light up like the tiniest bolt of lightning is circling my clit, but the other part of me doesn’t freaking care. I come twice more before both finally unleash inside of me.

  We stand there a moment, catching our breath, before Raiden and Khepri gently pull out of me and place me on my slightly unstable legs.

  “Now, that’s how you worship a god,” Khepri smirks down at me.

  “I still say it’s with my cock in her mouth,” Raiden rejoins, but I can tell he’s teasing.

  His face is devoid of his previous anger and he reminds me of Concussed Raiden—happier, freer. I point this out and Khepri laughs.

  “I guess all he needed was to get laid after all!”

  After I’ve showered and changed, I come down to the kitchen for sustenance. A girl needs to be replenished after that many earth-shattering orgasms. Dev and Tupac are already there with Raiden and Khepri, doing gods know what on the computer. I hope my shower rinsed the lingering smell of. . . boning, but Khepri’s lascivious smile tells me it didn’t.

  Thanks the gods Dev and Lover don’t have the same senses as gods. I don’t know if I could handle any more men in my life being able to sniff my big O’s.

  “What are you four up to?”

  “Hacking into different databases,” Dev answers distractedly.

  I let out a long-suffering sigh. “I hope you don’t get caught,” I worry and Dev sends me a tender, albeit disparaging, look.

  “Babe—I’m the best hacker ever. No one is going to catch me. Besides, no human would care about what I’m doing.”

  That statement has my attention.

  “Um, what does that mean?” I wonder nervously.

  I worry about my Dev doing something so irrevocably stupid against any of the gods—he’s too vulnerable and I can’t lose him.

  Dev grins at me and scratches at his beard before his fingers go wild at the keyboard.

  “I’m just changing some of the information for the more well-known dickstain gods on sites such as Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Britannica. Nothing big, just little things to undermine their powers and make them a laughingstock to the rest of humanity. Right now, I’m writing about Zeus’ fetish with bestiality, fucking as an animal. I wanted to make him impotent, but his eighty million kids refute that. Tupac and Khepri are helping me come up with things.”

  “Not you, Raiden?” I tease and Kung-Fu winces.

  “It goes against how I was raised ... even if I now know these gods to be, ah, dickstains.” He has trouble even saying the word.

  I laugh at his admission when, suddenly, the brightly lit kitchen dims significantly. Frowning, I peek out a window and see a solar eclipse. I’ve only ever read about them. I take a second to marvel at the moon’s dark shadow and the reddish ring that tinges the outside of the moon, which has obscured the sun. The others join me.

  “Huh … I don’t recall reading anything about an upcoming solar eclipse,” Dev says, scratching his head.

  The others just shrug. They aren’t human and don’t know what’s happening on Earth. I watch for a moment longer before going to the fridge and getting a bottle of water. I keep the lights off so everyone can enjoy the show outside. As I’m wondering how long the eclipse will last, I take a much needed swig of my water.

  I’m seriously dehydrated—a testimony to how strenuous threesomes can be.

  As the cooling liquid hits my tongue, my body sighs in relief—until it hits my taste buds. Instantly, I recognize the metallic flavor as blood.

  Freaking gross!

  I gag trying to spit it out. Lover rushes over to smack my back as I choke, my body heaving against what my brain refuses to acknowledge—that I just drank fricking blood!

  Dev turns on the lights and I hold up the bottle, the bright scarlet of its contents shining brightly from inside.

  “It’s blood!” I spit, rushing to the sink and turning it on so I can wash out my mouth, but, even there, the tap runs red.

  Frantically, I wipe at my tongue, trying to dislodge the taste from my mouth while the others look on grimly.

  “What the hell is going on?” I shriek in disgust and a little fear.

  “I think that I know,” Dev announces dourly. “Ra.”

  And just like that, the perfect bubble that I’ve been living in pops.

  20

  Devin

  “Shit. I know what this is! I know what this is!” I mutter as I start to pace.

  The pieces fall together in my head, just like lines of code. The eclipse, water turning to blood … I rack my brain as I try to think of what’s next.

  “Dev?” Val comes over and strokes my hand.

  I grab both her hands and cup them inside mine.

  “It’s the plagues of Egypt!”

  “What?” Tupac and Raiden ask simultaneously.

  “The plagues! The curses that came over Egypt!” I turn to Val. “I had to do a report when I was in third grade. Egypt was struck down by ten plagues. They thought it was a curse."

  Khepri grimaces.

  "That's what happens when you piss of
f Ra. He goes mental. Always taking it to the extreme."

  Val clutches at my t-shirt, worry filling her gorgeous eyes.

  "What are the plagues?"

  "They're environmental phenomena that—"

  "No! Literally, what are they?"

  She spins me around and points at a mass in the sky approaching us quickly. With the eclipse, it's hard to make out whatever it is, other than it's alive.

  "Um ..."

  Panic makes my brain short circuit for a second. I close my eyes to block out the sight of impending doom.

  I hear a sizzle. My eyes shoot open as next to me, Raiden lets loose a bolt of lightning. It streaks through the sky toward the mass and lights up ... a giant, moving hill of—

  "Frogs!" Val shrieks and shoves me in front of her.

  I didn’t realize she was scared of frogs. The stupid thought passes through my head instead of the obvious, better thought: what the fuck are we going to do about them?

  "I can fry them?" Raiden offers. He puts his hand up to send out another bolt of lightning, but Val stops him.

  "Can we just ... I don't know, hide inside?" she whispers. "I hate to kill those innocent but nasty, disgusting, slimy—"

  “You don’t like frogs?” Khepri asks.

  She shudders.

  Tupac moves close and wraps an arm around her as I feel a whip sting my forearm and wrap around it. I turn back to see a giant bullfrog’s tongue encircling my wrist like a bangle. The frog itself is barreling toward me like a squishy, oversized, mucus-coated marshmallow of doom.

  I smack it as soon as it reaches me and it flies away only to come reeling right back in like one of those kids’ paddle balls. I smack it a second time and try to frantically unravel its tongue on my arm before it comes sailing back again.

  Next to me, Val shrieks as a chunk of the frog-mass breaks away. I watch in horror as a hundred frogs land on Khepri at once, covering him head to toe. One of them even has teeth and I hear him roar in outrage and pain as it bites down on his cheek. Another’s tongue darts into his mouth.

  Oh, hell no.

  I’m not kissing any frogs—no matter what the fairy tales say. Val’s my happily ever after.

  Val’s fear starts to make sense as Khepri falls and even more frogs hop over to cover him. Luckily, he has his powers. He transforms into a scarab and flies out from underneath the frog pile.

  Behind him, the huge mass of frogs undulates closer. It’s like ‘The Blob,’ but a living, croaking, tongue-whipping version.

  I turn to check on Val, just in time to see a frog land in her hair. She screams and instantly transforms into her swan.

  I'm distracted by the graceful curve of her neck, the beauty of her wings, the sensuous snap of her beak—

  She decapitates the frog and then flies right for another.

  "Yeah girl! Shake your tail feathers!" Tupac cheers her on.

  I watch her arch through the sky, orange lightning shooting from her beak and electrocuting the frogs closest to us, making their legs seize up and their little bodies pop as they cook like popcorn. She's magnificent.

  It's only when Raiden accidentally stumbles into me that I realize I've started stroking myself through my pants at the sight.

  "Fucking Aphrodite!" I mutter. I wrench my gaze away from Val and punch each of the other three. "The love curse bullshit is distracting us. Val could get hurt!" I tell them.

  Immediately, Raiden conjures up a jagged bolt of lightning and throws it at the giant swollen hill of frogs. It rushes through the air faster than Val can fly and hits that mass of frogs, bouncing from one to the next until they are all sizzling and the meadow around us smells like a barbecue in the bayou.

  "Everybody, inside!" I gesture toward the tiny house that Thor built. We all run, and Val transforms back to a human (thank goodness because those epicly sexy swan legs and webbed toes were about to do me in) before she tumbles inside.

  I slam the door shut behind her, my chest heaving, more from anxiety than the run. "We need a fucking plan."

  "Well, I'm willing to take her mouth, and you all could rochambeau for her pussy—" Tupac starts.

  I hold up a hand in his face. "Not a plan for fucking, idiot! A fucking plan to deal with what's going on outside!"

  I glance around at the two gods. "How are we going to kick Ra's ass?"

  Khepri straightens his shoulders and stares out the window at the mass of blackened, smoking frogs on the far side of the meadow. "Ra will only concede in honorable battle. He's very attached to the traditional ways of the gods. When I first wanted to divest myself of the thankless task of rolling the sun through Duat, I had to challenge Ra formally for his position. I had to act like I didn't want to step down, but ascend the throne. It was the only honorable way he could take my powers."

  I stare at Khepri, my mouth falling open. Of the three of them, I'd always thought he was more sensible than the two droolers. Tupac was too in lust after years of deprivation to have much left in the way of brain cells. And Raiden ... well that knock on the head had left him with a screw or two loose. But this plan? This plan? I couldn't believe how idiotic it sounded.

  I stomped through the foyer, underneath the hull of the twinkle-light boat. I smashed my hand into a wall in frustration. "Challenge Ra to direct combat? When you've already lost once? That seems like a great fucking idea."

  Tupac raises a hand in the air. "Can you please stop using the word fucking?" He gestures down at his dick. The sun on his underpants is currently at least seven inches away from his body. "I can't help my reaction when I hear that word."

  Khepri takes a long, hard look at Val. Then he marches forward, swoops her down into a dip, and kisses her. He stands her back up and stomps right out the front door into the meadow, which is swarming with flies? Gnats? Both? I'm not sure.

  But that’s the next plague. Bugs.

  Khepri bats them away and spits heavily as he stalks through the long grass. I watch him through the window, a sense of foreboding settling into my stomach.

  Next to me Raiden says, "That fool is going to get himself killed."

  "Yup." Tupac agrees.

  Val's hand flies to her mouth and I turn to see tears shining in her eyes. She doesn't want to lose Khepri. It would hurt her.

  I swallow hard and turn to the guys. "Yeah, the shithead's gonna die. Unless we help him."

  21

  Val

  Khepri walks outside, back straight, with all the confident arrogance I’ve come to hate about gods. But in this case, he’s using that arrogance to protect the rest of us, and my heart swells a little inside my chest. I’ve never seen arrogance so misguidedly sweet.

  Gods can't be killed, but the consequences for their feuds can sometimes be even worse.

  I mean, technically, in Norse tradition, Odin killed Ymir and the earth was made out of Ymir's body and his brains are the clouds. That makes all of us on earth little cannibalistic parasites.

  Zeus locked up Prometheus for giving fire to mortals and commissioned a bird to eat the poor guy's liver every day for all eternity. That doesn't even get into the long list of Ra's transgressions throughout history.

  God punishments aren’t half-hearted. Though, I guess technically they could be. The winning god could have the losing god’s heart ripped in half again and again.

  The thought of anything happening to Khepri makes me feel as though a sword point is at my chest. I couldn’t survive if something happened to him.

  I yank open the door and scream, “Wait! Khepri! Don’t!”

  A huge pile of shit falls from the sky, like an avalanche, or a mudslide. It lands on the porch and shoves the front door closed, piling up until it’s six feet high and has blocked the door completely.

  I slam my fist into the door. “NO!”

  I run to the side and stare out the tiny window next to the door, watching as one of the men I love marches toward his doom.

  My heart gives a frail beat. But that kicks up into a panicked flutter a
s I spot Khepri’s opponent.

  From the edge of the treeline, Ra emerges. He's in his traditional mythological form today, a falcon head set on his shoulders, with a snake encircling a miniature sun on his head. He holds a string in one hand that floats up into the sky and disappears behind the shadowy moon. He pulls the string taught and the sun and moon hop forward in the sky. He’s got the sun on a string, like a balloon, the lazy fuck. His beak opens and he gives a loud screech when he sees Khepri walk toward him.

  I claw at the windows, my nails raking down the glass.

  This is a bad idea—a horrible idea.

  If Ra convinces Khepri to shapeshift, I’m certain that his falcon head could chomp Khepri’s beetle-bug in two.

  "Ok, so we should pool our resources," Dev says behind me.

  But it's hard to focus on his words when I see Khepri bow to the asshole sun god. Ra shouldn’t get to be a sun god. He should be the god of raw food, or minor abrasions, or inexperience … any of those would fit him better than powerful as fuck sun god. If he was any of those things, Khepri would stand a better chance of winning.

  Ra lets out a shriek that makes my hair stand on end.

  The hammer! I tear through the house, nearly upending a dining chair as I speed past the table to my room. I yank open my door and chest heaving, I call for Mjoli, where he’s laying on the ruffled decorative pillow next to mine.

  Mjoli doesn’t stir from his spot, where he creates a deep divot, all snuggled in. It almost looks like he’s sleeping. How can he sleep at a time like this?

  I leap onto the bed and bounce before I lean forward I wrap my hand around the handle. I yank.

  But Mjoli doesn’t budge.

  “What the hell?” I growl as I lean forward and grab the handle with both hands.