A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  “The exquisitely tailored suit Darla Jean is wearing is the jewel of this year’s collection.”

  That was her cue. She stepped from behind the partition and strolled to the center of the room. When she heard Colette describe the paisley silk accent, she loosened a button and fanned the jacket, displaying the lining just as they’d practiced. As Colette’s narrative continued Suzanna moved through the room, stopping in all the predesignated places, turning to follow the rehearsed route, and then circling back toward the dressing area just as Elise stepped into the spotlight.

  The remainder of the show went as smoothly as the first two presentations with Suzanna wending her way down the main aisle, circling through the maze of tables, and turning on cue without a single hitch. Each time she passed Ida’s group, she gave Annie a wink. Twice she slowed as she strolled by, taking in the look of adoration she could see in Gregg’s eyes.

  Suzanna closed the show wearing a gown of blue silk. It was the cornflower blue of her eyes with pinpoints of light that shimmered in the fabric as she moved. Never in all her life had she looked or felt more beautiful. Her step was as light as that of a ballerina, and her smile came not from practice but from her heart. It was all here, everything she had ever wished for. As she swept past Ida’s table that one last time she saw the look of admiration on Gregg’s face, and with a smile that was as intimate as a kiss she allowed her eyes to linger on his face for one sweet moment. Something good was happening, and this time she was ready for it.

  ——————

  THE PROBLEM WITH HAPPINESS IS that it can sometimes blind a person to the reality of life. Had Suzanna not been dazzled by the brightness of Annie’s smile and the look of promise in Gregg’s face, she might have noticed the stranger sitting at Sylvia Monroe’s table. Maybe she would have recognized him; maybe not. It had been over eight years since she’d seen Bobby Doherty and even longer since she’d seen his younger brother. Eddie was fifteen years old back then, a pimply-faced kid with boyish features and a gangly stance. He looked nothing like he did now, so when Suzanna passed him by without a hint of recognition it was understandable.

  To Sylvia Monroe the fellow wasn’t a stranger; he was her future son-in-law. Not a young man she was particularly fond of, but she had little say in the matter. Christine had met the lad at the University of Florida and, much to Sylvia’s chagrin, moved in with him six months later. To make matters even worse, here it was, two years post-graduation, and they were still living together without any mention of when the wedding might take place.

  The situation was something Sylvia was forced to contend with, but the thought of Christine not coming home for the annual fashion show was something she simply could not abide. It was a mother/daughter tradition, one of the few things she could look forward to year after year.

  This year they’d had a row over it, and Christine, who could be rather snippy at times, argued that Eddie had no interest in sitting through another fashion show.

  “We came last year,” she said sharply. “You can’t expect us to make the trip every year.”

  “I most certainly do,” Sylvia had replied vehemently. “I don’t give a hoot whether or not Eddie Doherty comes, but you’re my daughter and I expect you to be here.”

  In the end Christine did come, and she brought the sullen-faced Eddie with her. He complained throughout the luncheon. The chicken salad was too dry, his chair had a wobbly leg, the waiters were too slow, and a host of other things. But as soon as Darla Jean stepped out wearing that first outfit, something changed. The pissed-off look he was wearing disappeared, and he moved his chair sideways angling for an unobstructed view as she moved through the room showing the outfit.

  Sylvia noticed it right away. She disliked Eddie for any number of reasons; his flirtatiousness was at the top of that list. She watched him for a few minutes then gave Christine a smug smile and whispered, “Looks like your boyfriend’s got his eye on Darla Jean Parker.”

  Christine turned with an angry glare.

  “Cut it out, Mama,” she hissed. “I know you’d love to see me and Eddie break up, but you can just forget it. He’s crazy about me and has no interest in that model.”

  With that contentious smile still curling her lips, Sylvia came back with another dig. “If he’s all that crazy about you, then why aren’t you married?”

  Although it was obvious Christine had heard the comment, she didn’t respond; she just sat there looking as puffed up as a bullfrog. Several minutes later, when Darla Jean came out wearing that green suit, she elbowed him and snarled, “Stop looking at the model that way, you’re embarrassing me in front of Mama.”

  “Gimme a break,” Eddie grumbled. “This is not what you think. I know her. Bobby had a thing with this girl back in high school, and I believe she’s the one.”

  Christine rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. In his dreams maybe.”

  Eddie shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  Suzanna

  A Christmas to Remember

  AFTER THE FASHION SHOW, COLETTE raved about Suzanna’s performance. With an over-the-top flourish, she waved her arm in the air and declared it, “Magnifique!” She then went on to say as payment for stepping in to fill the void, Suzanna would receive an extra day off and $150 for modeling.

  That amount was half again more than what Suzanna had expected. Overjoyed at the thought, she asked if she might take the following Thursday off. It was only two weeks until Christmas, and she knew exactly what she wanted to do.

  That evening she invited Ida to join her for a Christmas shopping excursion and lunch at Lady Anne’s Tea Room. For what was perhaps the first time in her life, Suzanna could see a bright future ahead. The things that for so long had been nothing more than a dream were now a reality. She had a job, Annie had a home and a grandma who loved her, and her relationship with Gregg was growing sweeter every day.

  On the nights when she’d tossed and turned, unable to sleep because of worry about the fashion show, she’d found peace in creating an imaginary Christmas list. She’d pictured a shiny red two-wheeler for Annie, a grown-up bike with training wheels that could come off when she was ready. Also new clothes, dresses for school, and a warm jacket for when the January winds blew coldest. She remembered how she’d seen Gregg making notes on a ruled tablet and decided that he should have a leather portfolio, one with his initials stamped in gold, one that he could be proud to leave lying atop his desk.

  It was easy enough to think of gifts for Annie and Gregg, but try as she might she could not come up with the perfect gift for Ida. She thought of a dozen different things: fancy robes, jewelry, perfumes, or bath lotions, but none of them were right. None were special enough for Ida. That’s when she’d hit on the idea of going shopping together. As they browsed through the stores, she’d keep a keen eye out, watch what Ida admired, make note of the things she stopped to look at, then return the next day to buy Ida’s present.

  On Thursday morning Suzanna was up early, excited at the prospect of what the day would bring. She had the $150 Colette had paid her for working the show plus $32 she’d saved from her paychecks. More money than she’d once thought possible, and she was going to spend every last dime to give Annie and Ida the best Christmas ever. This would be the Christmas they’d remember years from now. Long after Annie was married with children of her own, she’d look back and remember the year she’d gotten her first real bicycle.

  As soon as the breakfast dishes were cleared and Annie was off to school, Suzanna and Ida left for Barston. On the drive over, Ida asked, “What exactly are we shopping for?”

  “Some of this and that,” Suzanna answered, then she ran through the list of things she wanted to buy for Annie and Gregg. “I’d also like to buy a gift for Ginger and the baby, so maybe we could browse the Emporium and look for some special gifts.”

  Ida gave a nod. “Good idea. They’ve got beautiful things. Why, just last week in their newspaper ad, I saw a fur-trimmed coat that would look darling on Ann
ie.”

  “I’m getting her a cold weather jacket, so you don’t have to bother. Save your money and don’t worry about—”

  “I’m not the least bit worried about money. I’ve already told you, I came into a bit of a windfall and—”

  Suzanna turned with a look of surprise. “That was way back in September. But on Thanksgiving Day you told Gregg you were counting on the money from his rent.”

  Obviously flustered, Ida waved her hand toward the windshield. “Watch where you’re going, and keep your eyes on the road.”

  Suzanna caught the abrupt change of subject. She’d been lying almost all of her life and could spot a bare-faced lie a hundred feet away.

  “That windfall story sounds kind of fishy,” she said. “I think there’s something you’re not telling me.”

  “Nonsense,” Ida said and turned her face to the window. For several minutes, she sat there saying nothing, then without turning back said, “Sometimes you don’t tell somebody something because they’re better off not knowing it.”

  “Grandma, if you’re in need of money, I’ve got $182 you can have. We’ll make do for Christmas. I’ll crochet Annie a new scarf and—”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Darla Jean, money’s not the problem. Bill had two insurance policies. One paid off the mortgage on the house, and the other provided me with a monthly income.”

  “I don’t understand. Didn’t you originally tell me you had to sell the house because—”

  “Yes, I did tell you that,” Ida said begrudgingly. “And back then I thought it was true. I didn’t find out about the second policy until later on; then I figured maybe it was best not to mention it.”

  “Why would you not mention—” Suzanna gave a horrified gasp, then pulled to the side of the road and forced Ida to face her. “Did you honestly think I’d try to swindle you out of your money?”

  “Lord God, no, Darla Jean! Why, I’d never in a hundred million years think that!” Ida’s voice softened as she stretched her arm across the seat and took Suzanna’s hand in hers. “I knew right off you had a kind heart like your granddaddy. Remember the first night, how you told me you were headed to New Jersey and had to move on?”

  With her eyes fixed on Ida’s face, Suzanna gave a nod.

  “Well, I didn’t want you to go. Before you came I was just sitting here waiting to die, and Scout was the same way. All he’d do was lie down beside Bill’s chair and sleep, but that night he ran all over the place with Annie chasing after him. I heard the way her laughter seemed to spread happiness all over the house and figured it was a sure sign that I was to keep you here.

  “Yes, I told you I was having a hard time of it and had to sell the house, but I did it because I knew you’d stay to help me out. Later on, when I found out about that other insurance policy, I was afraid if you knew I didn’t need you, you’d start thinking about New Jersey again.”

  “I was only going to New Jersey because I had nowhere else to go,” Suzanna said softly. “Honestly, I was just looking for a way to give Annie a better life.”

  She switched the engine off then reached across and pulled Ida into her arms. For several moments they sat silently; she felt Ida’s heartbeat against hers, and it brought back memories of those last days when her mama had held her in much the same way. Suzanna’s eyes filled with tears as she remembered her mama’s words.

  After I’m gone, if God gives you a new mama to love, treasure the gift. Love her the same as you love me, because love given will bring love in return.

  Suzanna sniffed back the sob rising in her throat. “That first night we stayed here, I believed Annie and I would have to go through this life alone. We had nothing. No family, no money, and no future.” A tear broke free and rolled down her cheek. “I never dreamed that we’d find someone who would become as dear to us as you are.”

  “I knew right away,” Ida said and squeezed Suzanna’s hand.

  They talked for several minutes and when Ida said they should vow to never again hide the truth from one another, Suzanna almost choked on the lump in her throat. As she pulled back onto the road, she said a silent prayer asking the Almighty to keep the truth of her identity a secret.

  That morning they went from shop to shop, finding lace-collared dresses for Annie, a new hat for Homer Portnick, a leather portfolio for Gregg, bath salts for Ginger, and a My First Christmas shirt for little Lizzie. When they finished going through the Emporium, they stashed their packages in the car and headed for the toy store.

  Picking out the shiny new bicycle was easy, but deciding on a doll proved to be a challenge. The sales clerk insisted that most little girls now wanted a Barbie, but Suzanna and Ida both had their doubts.

  Ida studied the doll and frowned. “Isn’t Barbie a bit grown up for a seven-year-old?”

  “Not at all,” the clerk assured them. “Little girls like to imagine themselves grown up, and having a Barbie doll makes them feel they are.”

  Remembering her own childhood, Suzanna was about to argue the point and say that wasn’t necessarily a good thing when the clerk stepped away to help a woman in search of a Hot Wheels Camaro. As soon as he disappeared down the aisle, she turned to Ida. “I’m thinking we ought to look for a different doll, a baby or maybe a little girl. I don’t like the thought of Annie growing up too fast.”

  “Neither do I.”

  They moved down the aisle looking at any number of dolls: little girls with porcelain faces, real hair, eyes that closed, and babies that wet or cried. In the end they selected a Chatty Cathy doll with hair as golden as Annie’s and eyes that were almost as blue. When Ida tugged the cord and the doll said, “I love you,” Suzanna was sold.

  Before they left the store, Ida found an Easy Bake Oven, two books, and a pair of roller skates, all of which she insisted Annie needed to have. As she carted the Easy Bake Oven to the check-out counter, she gave a grin and said, “How can I resist buying this for her when I know how much she enjoys baking cookies?”

  Once they’d loaded the bicycle and toys into the car, Suzanna could no longer see out the back window. She glanced at her watch: 2:30. Annie would be home at 3 o’clock.

  “I’m afraid our lunch at Lady Anne’s will have to wait,” she said and gave an apologetic shrug. “We spent too much time in the toy store.”

  Ida chuckled. “Maybe so, but it was the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

  ——————

  THAT EVENING WHEN IDA AND Annie settled in front of the television, Suzanna and Gregg went for a walk. As they strolled down Cedar Street toward Mulberry where the coffee shop was, she told him about her day.

  “I thought I’d find out what Grandma wants for Christmas, but no such luck.”

  “What happened?” Gregg asked as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and tugged her a little closer.

  “I suggested we browse through the Emporium and daydream about what we’d buy if we had tons of money. Grandma just laughed and said she already had everything she wanted.”

  “Maybe that’s honestly how she feels.”

  Suzanna gave a thoughtful nod. “You’re probably right, but all the same I was hoping she’d stop to admire something special so I’d have an idea of what to get her for Christmas.”

  “I take it she didn’t.”

  “Oh, she looked at plenty of things, but they were just trinkets or things for Annie. I swear, she spent a half-hour looking through the Christmas shop at the Emporium.”

  At the corner of Mulberry, they crossed over, entered the coffee shop, and slid into the back booth.

  “When we walked through the ladies’ wear section, I pointed out one thing and another: a cashmere sweater, a comfy bathrobe, a silk blouse. She barely gave those things a nod, but when we passed through the Christmas shop she started oohing and aahing over every little thing.”

  When the waitress came over, Gregg ordered two coffees, then glanced across at Suzanna. “Would you like some pie? Or a piece of cake?”

  S
he shook her head and went right back to the story. “There was this snow globe with a little ice skater, and Grandma played with it for a full five minutes.” She continued on telling of how Ida had insisted on buying the Easy Bake Oven for Annie, despite her objections that it was far too much money to be spending on a gift.

  A knowing smile lifted the corner of Gregg’s mouth. “I know you want to get Ida something special, but perhaps you need to look at this through her eyes.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “She’s up in years, she’s got a house full of things, a closet full of clothes, and most likely a jewelry box full of pieces that she doesn’t bother to wear. Maybe she’s got all she needs of those things, and all she really wants is a special Christmas with you and Annie.”

  “Well, of course, we’ll spend Christmas with her, but that’s not exactly a gift.”

  “To her, it probably is. You and Annie are family; having you here makes her happier than any gift ever would.” He lifted her hand and dropped a kiss into her palm. “I know, because I feel the same way.”

  The coffee grew cold as she listened to him tell of the emptiness he’d felt after his parents were gone. Suzanna remembered having that same sense of aloneness after her mama’s death. She’d cried herself to sleep for three nights straight, then gone to her daddy looking for comfort. He’d called her a whiny-ass kid and said she’d better learn to suck it up, because nobody wanted to listen to a sob story. That was when she learned to hide her heartache behind a wall of lies.

  Sleep was a long time in coming that night. Suzanna tried closing her eyes, but even in the darkness she could see the memory as fresh and raw as it had been all those years ago.

  That Christmas had been the worst of her life. She’d wished for a tree and a midnight church service with candles and carols, but her daddy would have none of it. Instead, he’d handed her a ten-dollar bill and said to go buy something for herself. She’d hated him for that, so much so that she’d taken his ten-dollar bill and stuffed it into the poor box at the church. If he didn’t have love to give, she didn’t want his money. That night she’d not even stayed for the service, just put the money in the box and walked home in the drizzling rain.