A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  It was nearing dawn when Suzanna finally decided what she would get Ida for Christmas. She scribbled a quick note, put it into an envelope, and slid it under Gregg’s door.

  With a plan now in place, she went back to her room and finally fell asleep.

  ——————

  FRIDAY WAS THEIR BUSY DAY at Cavalier’s, but despite a steady flow of customers the hours seemed to drag by.

  It was close to five o’clock when the store quieted down and Colette turned to her.

  “You seem preoccupied, Darla Jean. Is there something on your mind?”

  Suzanna gave a slightly embarrassed nod, then explained her plan.

  Colette listened, then shooed her out of the shop with a laugh.

  “Go,” she said. “You’ve got a busy evening ahead, and I don’t mind closing up.”

  More than happy to accept the offer, Suzanna darted out of the store and headed back to the Emporium. She spent nearly three hours searching for the things she had in mind, then carried the packages to the car, loaded them into the trunk, and headed home.

  Ida had supper ready when Suzanna walked in.

  “You’re later than usual,” she said as she bent and pulled a tray of potatoes from the oven.

  “Sorry,” Suzanna replied. “The shop was busy today.” Seeing Gregg at the table, she glanced over and mouthed, Did you get it?

  He gave a wink and nodded.

  Annie caught the motion. “Grandma says it’s bad manners to tell secrets in front of other people.”

  “Grandma’s right, but I wasn’t actually telling secrets. I was just saying something I didn’t want you to hear, and when it’s this close to Christmas that’s permissible.”

  “Was it about a present for me?”

  Suzanna laughed. “You’ll find out in due time.”

  Still curious, Annie continued to pry for a few minutes then eventually gave up. As soon as she could, Suzanna changed the subject.

  “What are you planning to do this evening?” she asked.

  “Well, I don’t know about anyone else,” Ida said, “but I’m going to bed early. I’ve got a bunch of cookies to bake tomorrow and need a good night’s rest.”

  Annie groaned. “No TV?”

  “Not tonight. I let you stay up late last night so you could watch The Real McCoys, but tonight you’re going to have to get your butt in bed early if you want to help with the cookies.”

  “I do, I do. But can’t we watch just one—”

  “No arguments,” Suzanna cut in. “Grandma said early to bed, and that’s that.”

  Annie delayed it for as long as she could, but after she and Ida disappeared up the stairs, Suzanna breathed a sigh of relief. “I think that’s the last we’ll see of them tonight, but we’d better wait fifteen or twenty minutes to be sure.”

  Gregg grinned. “I think we can manage to kill some time. Why don’t you pour us a glass of wine while I get a fire started?”

  They sat side by side on the sofa, and a tingle of excitement settled in Suzanna’s chest as she spoke of how she knew this was going to be the best Christmas ever for both Ida and Annie. The minutes ticked by and after the house had settled into the quiet sounds of slumber, Gregg pulled on a jacket and went behind the garage to haul in a Frazier fir that was considerably taller than he was.

  “Big enough?” he asked.

  With a grin that stretched the full width of her face, Suzanna nodded.

  While he was setting up the tree, she carried in the packages hidden in the trunk of the car. That afternoon she’d retraced yesterday’s walk through the Emporium and gathered up the Christmas ornaments that Ida had so lovingly admired. She’d also bought seven strings of colored lights, two boxes of icicles, and a string of glitter garland. While Gregg was twining the lights through the branches of the tree, she switched on the radio and found a station playing Christmas carols.

  As they unpacked the boxes and hung the ornaments, Suzanna was reminded of that last Christmas she’d had with her mama. She was nine years old at the time, tall for her age, but not tall enough to reach the top of the tree. Too weak to stand, her mama sat in the chair, saying what a good job Suzanna was doing. When she went to bed that night, the only thing left to do was place the star atop the tree.

  Don’t worry about it, her mama said, your daddy can do that when he gets home.

  That night he’d come home drunk, knocked the tree over, and cussed up a storm about him having to do everything. That had been the last tree she’d had. Until now.

  Standing atop the ladder, Gregg straightened the star and smiled down. “How’s that?”

  She looked up at him and saw a beautiful future. She would forget all that had happened before. For her and for Annie, there would be now and the years ahead. Annie’s life would be different than hers. Annie would have a loving grandmother and a daddy who climbed the ladder and set the star atop the tree.

  “It’s perfect,” she said, her voice quavering with emotion.

  Bobby Doherty

  Remembering Suzanna

  GEORGIA TECH WAS BATTLING PENN State when the telephone rang. It was the second quarter, and Galen Hall had just completed a pass for the second Penn State touchdown.

  Ticked off because the Yellow Jackets failed to stop Hall, Bobby turned toward the kitchen and yelled, “Get the phone, Brenda, I’m busy!”

  The ringing stopped, and he watched Penn State go for the point after. As the ball split the uprights, his wife hollered, “Pick it up, it’s your brother!”

  He lifted the receiver and grumbled, “I’m watching the Gator Bowl. What do you want?”

  “Don’t rush me, big brother, I’ve got a blast from the past, and it’s one you’re gonna want to hear about.”

  “Can the crap, Eddie, I want to get back to—”

  “Okay, okay. Remember that chick you had a thing for in high school? Well, I saw her in a fashion show, and she’s looking pretty damn good.”

  “In a fashion show? JoJo Pepper?”

  “Not her, the other one. Tall, blond hair, long legs, used to wear those cut-off shorts.”

  “Oh, you mean Suzanna Duff.”

  “Un-uh. This girl has got a double name, you know, like Sally Mae, Donna Sue, something like that.”

  “I never dated anyone with a double name.”

  “Trust me, this chick is not one you’d forget. Even then she was a looker. You guys broke up just before graduation and—”

  “That was Suzanna Duff.”

  “Yeah, well, her name ain’t Suzanna Duff anymore. Weekend before last, Christine dragged me to another one her mom’s country club fashion show events, and your ex-girlfriend was one of the models.”

  “Get out! Where?”

  “Georgia. Barston. It about 80 miles—”

  “I know where Barston is,” Bobby snapped. “But I gotta tell you, that doesn’t sound like the Suzanna Duff I knew. Yeah, she was beautiful, and sexy as all get out, but…”

  He hesitated, searching for the right word or phrase. How could he describe a girl like Suzanna? She had a uniqueness that drew him to her. There were times when he felt that he’d touched the inside of her heart, and other times when such a thing seemed impossible. It was almost like she hid her feelings behind a protective wall, one with a huge crack in it.

  “She was always kind of guarded,” he finally said. “Kept to herself; sort of a loner. Not someone I can see being comfortable in front of a crowd.”

  “Well, I’m positive it was her, and she certainly doesn’t seem like a loner now. She was the star of the show. She’s got this cute little girl who—”

  “She’s got a kid?” The last conversation he’d had with Suzanna flashed through Bobby’s mind. The one where she’d turned him down when he offered to help with money for an abortion. “How old’s the girl?”

  “How am I supposed to know?” Eddie laughed. “She’s a kid; seven, maybe eight.”

  Bobby felt a ripple of anxiety flutter across his chest.
Impossible, he thought. Not after all this time. It was one of those things you hoped for but knew would never happen. Suzanna here in Georgia? Not likely.

  “What makes you so sure it was her?”

  “It’s her,” Eddie said and chuckled. “I had a huge crush on that chick when you guys were dating. I may not remember her name, but regardless of what she calls herself I sure as hell remember that body and face.”

  “Did she say anything about me? Ask what I’m doing or where I’m—”

  “We didn’t talk. I was going to try and catch her after the show, but Christine was giving me a hard time so I didn’t bother.”

  “Maybe I ought to look her up and say hi for old times’ sake. Barston’s not that far; a two-hour drive from Atlanta.”

  “I doubt Brenda will like the idea of you looking up an old flame, and besides, your Suzanna Duff is using a different name so lots of luck in finding her.”

  Repeating the old adage, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” Bobby chuckled. He thought of asking for the date of the show and where it was held, but he didn’t. He was a lawyer and quite capable of finding information that wasn’t supposed to be found. When he hung up, the thought of a child who might be his was heavy on his mind.

  He turned back to the television, but the remainder of the game was little more than a blur. He barely noticed when Joe Auer scored on a 14-yard run in the fourth quarter and brought the Yellow Jackets within striking distance. When the two-point conversion failed, he snapped the television off and sat there remembering that last night with Suzanna.

  She never asked for much, but that night she did. She wanted way more than he could give. Marriage was out of the question. Maybe not forever but at least until he’d finished college. What was he supposed to do, blow off a Georgia Tech football scholarship? He’d worked damn hard for it; ran practice after practice until he was so tired he could barely stand. Some games left him feeling like he’d been put through a meat grinder, but he didn’t quit and he kept his grades up. He could have skated, slacked off on the studies and still gotten a scholarship, but not to Georgia Tech. It would have been to some rinky-dink school where he’d end up in a job not worth having.

  Suzanna could have at least tried to understand that he wanted something better. She could have gotten rid of the baby and waited for him to graduate. If she’d agreed to that, they might have gotten married. In time.

  It had been over eight years since he’d last seen or spoken to her. He’d tried to contact her a number of times but to no avail. That last night had been ugly and they’d both said things they didn’t mean, hurtful things that were sharp and painful as salt in an open wound. When they parted Suzanna had walked away, her head ducked down, her eyes red and swollen, not once looking back to see if he was still there. He was, but she’d not bothered to look. That night he’d waited on the park bench for two hours thinking she might return, but she didn’t.

  Afterward he was angry. He had every right to be. He’d tried, really tried, to talk things through, make her see the logic in his thinking, but she wouldn’t even discuss it. She said she wasn’t going to kill the baby they’d made, and that’s all there was to it.

  After that night Suzanna came to school for a week or two, but they never spoke. They passed each other in the hallway without a nod or sideways glance. He believed that given enough time they’d work it out, but then she disappeared. One week turned into two, and she didn’t show up for school. That’s when he went to her house, and her daddy said she was gone.

  “Where to?” Bobby asked, but he might as well have been talking to a stone. The old man slammed the door and wouldn’t open it again, not even when Bobby stood there calling out Suzanna’s name and pounding on the door.

  He thought she’d come back for graduation, but she didn’t. Twice he’d driven over, parked down the street from her house, and waited, but he never saw her coming or going. That summer he left for Georgia.

  Now with her name fresh in his mind, he couldn’t stop thinking of how it used to be. When they were alone, Suzanna would let down her guard and give herself to him completely. Afterward, when their passion was spent, they’d curl their bodies together and talk of things yet to come.

  He thought back on how she would trace her finger along the line of his palm and say that was a sure indication that they’d have a long and happy life together. Now here she was in Georgia, only 80 miles away. Was it possible that fate had given him the second chance he’d hoped for?

  Later that evening as he and Brenda sat across the dinner table from one another, he found himself comparing the two women. He’d met Brenda Garrett at Georgia Tech, and they’d hit it off right away. With her dark hair and green eyes, she was attractive; attractive enough for him to notice her sitting across the lecture hall.

  They had everything in common, wanted the same things out of life, enjoyed the same people, liked the same restaurants, and she was certainly no prude when it came to sex. Brenda was like an open book. With her he knew exactly where he stood.

  It didn’t hurt that her daddy was Jerome Garrett, a founding partner in Greene & Garrett. The summer they got engaged, the firm gave him a clerking internship and then fast-tracked him once he passed the bar. Bobby understood that who you knew could sometimes be more important than what you knew, and thanks to Brenda he’d been introduced to all the right people.

  She’d introduced him to her daddy right off, whereas he’d seen Suzanna’s daddy a total of three times and not one of them had been under pleasant circumstances. If he’d stayed in Florida with Suzanna he probably wouldn’t have made it through Georgia Tech, never mind law school. And it was a given that he wouldn’t have the life he was living now: nice house, fancy car, promising future. Had he stayed, he’d be living in Sun Grove, working construction or trapped in a dead-end job. No doubt, calling it quits with Suzanna was the smartest thing he’d ever done. He’d be a fool to get suckered into a relationship like that again.

  His thoughts were interrupted by Brenda’s question. Startled, he glanced over at her.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled, “I missed that.”

  She laughed. “Actually, I don’t think you’ve heard a word I’ve said all evening. I was asking if something’s wrong. After that phone call from Eddie, you’ve been—”

  “It’s nothing. You know how Eddie is, he makes a big to-do over nothing. He was carrying on about Christine dragging him to one of her mom’s charity events.”

  Bobby left it at that and moved on to asking what Brenda had planned for Christmas.

  That night they made love, and it was good. It was always good. Satisfying, without any lingering grief or recriminations. Afterward Brenda had turned on her side and fallen asleep, but for Bobby sleep wasn’t so easy to come by. He was still thinking about Suzanna Duff.

  Suzanna

  The Locket

  THE NIGHT SUZANNA AND GREGG set up the tree, it was after midnight when they hung the last bit of tinsel and well into the wee hours of morning when they went to bed. She had barely closed her eyes when Annie came running into her room bubbling over with excitement.

  “Mama, Mama, wake up! It happened! It really happened!”

  With sleep still clinging to her eyelids, Suzanna tried to focus. “Wha…”

  “The tree elves came last night!”

  Suzanna rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes and sat up. “Who came?”

  “The tree elves!” She took hold of Suzanna’s arm and urged her from the bed. “You’ve gotta come and see, Mama. It’s so beautiful.”

  Once she was fully awake, Suzanna understood what Annie was talking about and played along. “Tree elves, you say? And what exactly did they do?”

  “They brought a giant Christmas tree! It’s up to the ceiling!”

  As Annie headed back down the stairs, Suzanna followed along. “I’ve never before heard of tree elves. Who told you about them?”

  “Grandma. She said they only come to houses whe
re there are kids, and they leave a tree with bright lights so that Santa will know where to leave toys.”

  “Oh, so Grandma told you that, huh?

  Annie nodded. “And she knows because when she was a kid the tree elves came every year; then when she got old, they didn’t come no more.”

  As they descended the stairs, the tree came into view. Suzanna stopped and gave a sigh. It looked even more beautiful than it did last night. The look of wonder on Ida’s face was proof that Gregg’s suggestion had been spot on.

  That Sunday was cold and blustery, so no one left the house. Gregg lit a fire in the fireplace, and with the Christmas tree aglow they all gathered in the living room and watched Miracle on 34th Street on television. Annie sat mesmerized by the story, and when it was over she announced to everyone that she was just like 8-year-old Susan in the movie.

  “What makes you think you’re like Susan?” Gregg asked.

  “Because I wished for a grandma and a house and got it,” Annie said proudly. She glanced over at Suzanna then looked back to Gregg and grinned. “But there’s one more thing Grandma and me are wishing for…”

  “That’s enough, Annie,” Suzanna jumped in, sensing what her daughter was about to say. “Keep the rest of those wishes to yourself.”

  On Christmas Eve, supper was earlier than usual and twice as festive. Even though it was only the four of them and they ate in the kitchen, Suzanna lit the red candles and set the table with the good china. As she listened to Annie chatter on about Santa, the tree elves, and the baby Jesus coming tonight, her heart swelled with happiness. This was the Christmas she’d wished for as a child. Years ago she’d not gotten her wish, but now experiencing it through the eyes of her child seemed even sweeter.