Secrets of My Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  Once they reached the other side, Seth let Gabe take charge. The tracks were easy to spot most of the time, but Seth was glad for his friend’s ability. Once they reached the road, their fellow passengers headed north, while Seth and Gabe went south. At least they didn’t have to worry about the others obscuring the tracks.

  They rode for five or six miles before Gabe motioned toward a scrawny path. It was hardly big enough for a wagon, and Seth wasn’t sure they should follow on horseback.

  “Why don’t we find a place to hide our mounts,” he whispered.

  Gabe nodded. “There was a spot back up the road. It looked like it headed pretty deep into the trees.”

  They found the location again and explored the area until Seth was satisfied it was the perfect spot to tie off their mounts. He and Gabe picked their way through the trees, keeping the edge of the road in sight until they were back at the narrow trail. They moved as silently as possible toward the river. There was no way to know exactly what they’d find when they reached the bank of the river.

  They cleared the brush almost abruptly, and Gabe reached out to pull Seth back. He put his finger to his lips when Seth opened his mouth to protest. A quick shake of Gabe’s head left Seth certain that something was wrong.

  “I’m going across the path to the other side,” Gabe whispered. “You stay here. I can hear talking, so they haven’t gone too far.”

  Seth nodded and squatted down out of sight. It seemed like it took forever for Gabe to return. He was so good at keeping silent that he was nearly upon Seth before he realized it.

  “The wagon is parked at the water’s edge about fifty yards downstream. There are two men with it. The others have gone out to an island. It’s pretty good-sized. I think we could go on down the river a piece and cross to the island at the far end. We ought to be able to sneak back upstream and see where they are. My guess is that the cache is on the island.”

  Seth nodded. “Sounds about right. Go ahead and lead the way.”

  Seth was more than a little frustrated when the men settled in for another night. There had been no action of any kind except for the discovery of the hidden cache on the island. Seth had gotten close enough to see for himself that the building was in poor repair. No doubt floods and lack of upkeep had left the cabin in a bad way. Nevertheless, Pritchard or someone else had stored enough crates inside that the men were still loading the wagon as night fell.

  “Joe, take that wagon back to town, and Slim, you go with him. See Berkshire and find out where he wants it unloaded, then get back here by dawn.”

  Seth tensed at the mention of Berkshire’s name. So he was right about Gerome’s involvement.

  “But, boss, that’s gonna take all night.”

  “I don’t care. Just get it done. You know what’s expected, and you’re being paid, same as the others. We’ve got a lot more here than we can possibly take in one load. The ferry will stop for the night in another hour. So get this load across and find Berkshire. Figure out where he wants this stuff stashed, then get back here so you can cross the river at first light. That way we can load up the rest.”

  Seth edged away from the cabin and retraced his steps, careful to brush away any tracks, as Gabe had shown him.

  “Well?” Gabe asked when he returned.

  “They’re taking the wagon out of here. Getting it back across on the last ferry, then planning to be back here at dawn to cross over and get the rest of the crates. Apparently that dilapidated building holds more than it looks.”

  “What do you want to do about it?”

  “Well, I heard Hanson mention Berkshire, so I know for sure he’s involved now. The men are supposed to take the wagon to him and see where he wants everything stored. I think we need to get word to the army. This is too much for one man, or even two.”

  “We aren’t that far from Oregon City. We could get word to the army there and then stay the night with my folks. They’d love to see you.”

  “My folks are in town and have room for both of us,” Seth said, scratching his stubbly jaw. “Your folks are way out in the country.”

  “Either way, it’ll give us a warm bed and hot grub. We can still get word to the army tonight and then send your superior a telegram in the morning.”

  By the time they reached Oregon City, the town was closed up tight for the night. The only exception was the saloons, and those were of no interest to Gabe or Seth. The sleepy army sergeant who took down the message was less than congenial, but Seth couldn’t blame him. His day had probably started before dawn and would do so again tomorrow. Nevertheless, he assured Seth that he’d get the information to Portland. Seth felt a lot better knowing the army would be able to take over watching for the wagon and the guns. He felt a sense of satisfaction knowing that when the men showed up with the wagon at Berkshire’s place, the army would be there.

  Seth and Gabe made their way to the small two-story house where Seth had grown up.

  “Looks like everyone’s gone to bed,” Gabe said as they approached. There wasn’t a single light showing from any of the windows.

  “The back door will be open. We’ll slip upstairs. You can have Clem’s room. I know she wouldn’t mind.” Seth grinned.

  Nancy joined her mother for morning devotions just as Hope and Faith arrived. They read from Romans, then prayed for each family member before starting on the surrounding neighbors and friends. Nancy had enjoyed her stay very much but knew it was time to return to her home, and she hoped to get a ride from her uncle Lance. As the prayers concluded and the ladies began to talk about the day, she brought this up.

  “Is Uncle Lance going into town today?”

  “Yes,” Aunt Hope replied. “He’s still working most every day in his office. Why?”

  “It’s time for me to go home. I promised Bedelia I’d only be gone a day or two and, well, I’ve found what I came here for, so it seems only right that I return.”

  “And what were you looking for?” Aunt Hope asked.

  “I don’t think I can put it into words,” Nancy said, smiling. “I was upset and angry that Seth had betrayed my trust, and I was still trying to figure out what God wanted from me. And what I needed from Him.”

  “And you managed to sort through all of that in this short time?” Faith asked with a smile.

  Nancy let out a sigh. “It’s not all sorted, but I do have better understanding and clarity. I feel more confident of who God is and what He wants of me.”

  “Well, that’s a perfect start,” Mother declared. “I find that when I can better understand God and His will for my life, everything else falls into place.”

  “It’s not perfect, but I feel hope, and that’s more than I had before.” Nancy gave her mother a smile, then looked at her aunt and cousin. “And I feel that I have a better understanding of my family. Hopefully we shall all grow closer and closer.”

  “Of course we will. But why go back?” Mother asked. “Surely your boarder can continue to manage for you. You could stay with us for a while and rest. You look weary.”

  Nancy shook her head and started to answer, but the back door opened behind her, and Gabe announced his presence. “Morning, Ma. What’s for breakfast?”

  Mother beamed. “Gabe, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be gone for a while.”

  Nancy stood and turned to face her brother. Unfortunately, Seth was right behind him. They locked gazes, and she frowned. She fought the urge to run.

  “Nancy?” Seth said in disbelief. Even Gabe looked at her in surprise. “When did you get here?”

  “I owe no explanation to liars and deceivers,” she said, barely able to breathe.

  She left the room with her head up and her shoulders back. She wouldn’t let this situation destroy the fragile peace she’d found.

  Thankfully she’d left her bags by the front door. Pausing only long enough to take them in hand, she headed outside.

  “Nancy, wait,” her mother said, following her.

&nb
sp; “I can’t. I don’t want to speak to either of them.”

  Mother came to where Nancy had paused mid-step. “You don’t have to leave like this.”

  “I’m not upset with you or anyone else. I just hate that Seth has lied to me and that only now, when he figures out that I already know what he’s done, will he be compelled to be honest. Not because it’s the right thing—only because he’s been caught in his deception.” Nancy fought back tears.

  “But I’m sure he had a good reason for it and that you two can work through this. I don’t approve of lying, as you well know, but I find it impossible to believe that you two can’t reconcile.”

  “You don’t understand, Mother. I’ve fallen in love with him.” Nancy shook her head. “I’ve fallen in love with a lie. Please just let me go. I want to go home.”

  Behind her mother, Nancy heard the screen door open and turned to see Seth there, wearing a questioning look.

  “Good-bye, Mother.”

  Nancy headed for Aunt Hope’s house across the yard. She hoped—prayed—that Seth would just stay where he was and leave her be. Otherwise she wasn’t sure she could bear it.

  Chapter 21

  Nancy, wait,” Seth called.

  She kept walking, knowing that if she stopped to face him, she might fall apart. Her heart ached. She hadn’t meant to fall in love with him, but it didn’t matter. She had, and now she had to find a way to live without him.

  “Nancy, we need to talk.” He was directly behind her.

  He would keep following her if she didn’t address this. She had no choice but to stop. She put her bags down and straightened. Drawing in a deep breath, Nancy turned to face him.

  Please, God, give me strength.

  “Why did you call me a liar and deceiver?” Seth asked.

  His blue eyes bore into her, and she swore he could see right down to her soul. “Because you are. You have been since you first showed up accompanying John Lincoln.”

  Seth frowned. “What are you saying?”

  She shook her head in exasperation. “I heard what you and Gabe were saying on the porch just before you left. This has all been part of a secret job for you, figuring out Albert’s illegal activities. And figuring out mine as well. I hope you weren’t too disappointed to learn that I was just as clueless as everyone else. The silly, stupid little wife who had no idea what her husband was doing—or her friend, for that matter. I suppose ignorance is no excuse, however. My husband was willingly breaking the law, and I lived under his roof—his wife, doing his bidding. So, will you put me in jail?”

  “Nancy, that’s not the way it is.”

  “Did you or did you not come to Portland purposefully to investigate my husband’s activities?”

  “I did.” He looked uncomfortable.

  “And did you or did you not keep that from me and instead pretend to be my friend?”

  The embarrassment left his expression. “I didn’t pretend. We’ve been friends since we were children.”

  “Yet despite our friendship, you lied to me.” She tried not to notice how rugged and handsome he was with his light growth of facial hair.

  “Nancy, I had a job to do and was sworn to secrecy. I told John only because I felt I needed to be completely aboveboard with him. I didn’t tell anyone else until I confided in Gabe, and I only did that because I needed his help. This wasn’t about me setting out to lie to you. Or to hurt you.”

  “So you needed to be aboveboard with John, but not with me.”

  “Yes, because at first you were part of the investigation. When I first came, I didn’t know who Albert was married to. You could have been part of the entire operation.”

  “Fine.” She turned around and picked up her traveling bags. “I should have known better than to expect you to apologize or understand the wrong you’ve done.”

  She headed toward her aunt’s house, but Seth took hold of her bags and pulled them from her hands.

  “Stop and give me a chance to explain. I’m sorry for the deception. I never set out to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you now. I love you.”

  She whirled on him. “Liar! Love doesn’t deceive like you did. You could have told me everything—you should have. You learned things from me about Albert and knew full well that I had no idea what he’d done. You could have taken any of those opportunities to confess why you were here instead of letting me go on believing you cared.”

  “But I do care! I didn’t anticipate falling in love with you, Nancy, but that’s exactly what happened.”

  “Well, I’m sorry for you.”

  His lips curled slightly. “Are you going to stand there and tell me you have no feelings for me?”

  Her eyes narrowed at his smugness. “I have feelings, all right. I have feelings of anger, resentment, betrayal, and frustration. I’m full of feelings.”

  “What about love?”

  How dare he push for a confession? “You’ve done nothing but deceive me. You thought I was helping to start a war with the Indians. Why in the world would I fall in love with you?”

  He dropped the bags and closed the distance between them, taking hold of her shoulders. “That’s not an answer but another question.”

  Then he lowered his mouth to hers.

  His actions shocked Nancy and she froze, giving him a chance to slip his arms around her and pull her closer. His long, passionate kiss was unlike anything she’d ever known with Albert, and try as she might to feel nothing, Nancy found herself returning it.

  When he pulled away, he lifted her chin and forced her gaze to meet his. Nancy looked at him, willing her heart to stop pounding so hard.

  “Tell me you feel nothing for me. Tell me you haven’t fallen in love with me. Tell me that honestly, and I’ll leave you alone.”

  She felt betrayed all over again, but this time it was her heart and mind betraying her rather than Seth Carpenter.

  Pushing him away, Nancy turned and ran for the safety of her aunt and uncle’s house. Tears poured from her eyes, blurring her vision. Why did she have to love him? Why? He had hurt her. He had lied to her. Why couldn’t she just hate him?

  She knocked on the front door of the house and pushed it open. “Uncle Lance?” She was barely able to speak.

  Her uncle came from one of the other rooms. He was dressed smartly in a gray suit and gave her a broad smile until he saw her tears.

  She threw herself into his arms. “Please t-take me to town.”

  “Nancy, what’s going on?”

  “I need to go home. I need to leave this place.”

  Seth knew better than to chase after Nancy. He felt terrible that he had taken advantage of her. He felt terrible for not being honest with her, but at the same time, his job depended on secrecy. Otherwise they might never catch the men who were overseeing plans for the insurrection. Seth’s superiors had never felt that Albert Pritchard was the man in charge. They knew he played a role but that there were others with more power and money than he had. Those were the men they really wanted to catch red-handed. Pritchard had only been a pawn. Unfortunately, Nancy had become one too.

  He stood for some time, staring at the Kenner house and wishing he could help her understand that he only wanted to protect her from harm—that he truly did love her. He loved her so much that he could not imagine a future without her.

  Seth picked up Nancy’s bags and headed back to her parents’ house. He placed them by the porch steps, knowing she would soon want them.

  “You look like you’ve lost your last friend,” Grace Armistead said.

  He hadn’t seen her sitting there. “I feel like it.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  He sighed and made his way onto the porch where she sat. He leaned back against one of the posts. “She thinks I purposefully deceived her, but it was never like that.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what it was like?” Grace’s expression was full of motherly tenderness.

  “I was approached by the government. T
hey knew me through the association of some of their lawyers. They knew I was from Oregon and that I knew the area of Portland in particular. They told me what was going on with the Indians. This came about shortly after Chief Joseph had been caught. Some of the reservation tribes were upset and felt that they should make a stand. It became clear that they were getting weapons and whiskey from someone, and we needed to figure out what was going on. I was hired to come here and investigate what few leads they had. I was to say nothing to anyone, because we couldn’t be certain who was involved and who wasn’t.”

  “I see. And I take it Nancy’s husband was one of the men involved.”

  “Yes. We were fairly certain about him, and when he was killed, we felt confident he had crossed one of the other partners.”

  “Killed?” Grace put a hand to her throat. “I thought he fell in the river and drowned.”

  “That’s what most folks think, but we’re fairly certain he was killed. He sustained a bad blow on the back of his head, and while it’s possible he could have hit his head on something in the river, the doctor felt he was dead before he was in the water.”

  “I see.”

  Seth crossed his arms and shook his head. “I didn’t know Nancy was his wife until I met John Lincoln. Someone had mentioned that Albert Pritchard’s widow hired him to settle the estate. When I realized it was Nancy, I felt confident she couldn’t have been involved, but still, I had to be sure.”

  “And now you are?”

  “I am. I have been almost from the beginning. I couldn’t imagine Nancy involving herself in something like that, but then again, eight years can completely change a person.”

  “Especially when that person was already changed,” Grace murmured.

  “Yes.” Seth knew he should probably say no more, but he felt compelled to explain his heart to Nancy’s mother. “As I spent time with her, I lost my heart to her. She told me how miserable she was with Pritchard—how alone she felt. She never went into much detail, but the few things she did say left me with little doubt that she never had a happy marriage. However, she was determined to make it work, and he, in turn, lavished her with everything but love.”