Secrets of My Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  “My poor girl.”

  “Albert Pritchard only cared about his own purposes. He wanted a beautiful wife and an expensive house filled with beautiful things so he could show off to the world just how successful he was. He could never reach the social status of the elite, but he found ways to make himself useful to them and so be allowed into their society on occasion. He hated people of color, as many of the elite did, so when the opportunity came to help their cause, Albert made certain he was indispensable. Only somewhere along the way, he crossed someone or otherwise made himself unnecessary, and they killed him.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  Seth frowned. “About Pritchard or Nancy?”

  Grace smiled. “I’m fairly certain you cannot tell me everything about your duties where my former son-in-law is concerned. I’m talking about Nancy. You’re in love with her, if I’m not mistaken.”

  “Yes. I’ve never been in love with anyone before now. I always guarded my heart, but when I started spending time with Nancy, I guess I just thought of us as old friends and failed to see the danger.” He smiled. “I fell hard, I’m afraid.”

  “And Nancy?”

  “I know she loves me. Right now she’s angry because I wasn’t honest with her about all of this, but I think in time I can earn her forgiveness. After all, we belong together.” He grinned.

  “You may have to give her time. She’s always been stubborn, and when she feels embarrassed or misused, she tends to spite herself in order to punish others.”

  Seth nodded. “I’ll give her whatever time she needs, but I won’t give up on her. I know we were meant for each other, and I hope someday she sees that as well.”

  Grace got to her feet. “It looks like we’re going to have company.” She waved. “Hello, Lance. Come join us.”

  The older man bounded up the steps. “This must be the young man who made our Nancy cry.” He frowned at Seth. “She says you’re a liar and a deceiver. A cad of the worst ilk.”

  “Seth, you remember my brother-in-law Lance Kenner, don’t you?”

  “I do. He gave me my passion for law.” Seth held out his hand, and for a moment he wasn’t sure if Kenner would take it.

  Finally, the older man did, and his expression softened. “Seth, it’s good to see you again. Your father told me some time ago that you were working back east.”

  “And so I was. Now I’m in Portland.”

  Lance nodded and looked at Grace. “Nancy insists I take her to town so she can catch the boat for Portland. I presume she wants to escape this young man.”

  “She thinks the worst of me, but I assure you, I don’t deserve it.” Seth hoped Kenner might believe him, but even if he didn’t—God knew the truth.

  “Yes. She wants to go back to her boardinghouse. Please take her. I know we won’t keep her here.” Grace sounded disappointed. “Are you heading back to Portland, as well, Seth?”

  “I am. I doubt she wants to be on the same boat with me, but it will probably turn out that way. Perhaps I should go ahead of you, secure my place, and stay out of sight. I don’t want to further upset her.”

  “I’d like knowing you were on the same boat,” Grace replied. “Travel isn’t without risks.”

  Seth nodded. “Then, you can count on me. I’ll keep watch over her as best I can.”

  Nancy was relieved to be back home. When the hired cab dropped her at the house, it was dark and chilly outside. The driver helped her down, then carried her bags to the porch. For a moment Nancy stared at the front of her house. It was such a beautiful home. The glow coming from inside was welcoming. This was where she belonged.

  She paid the driver, then picked up her bags. She heard laughter coming from the front room as she entered the house. It sounded like Mimi and the others were enjoying themselves. Nancy put her bags down and breathed in the rich aroma of whatever they’d had for supper. It had been a long day, and she hadn’t eaten anything. Even so, she didn’t feel up to company.

  “I thought perhaps our burglars had returned,” Bedelia said, coming to the foyer.

  “Burglars probably know better by now than to mess with the ladies of my boardinghouse.” Nancy shivered. “Goodness, I wasn’t expecting such a chill in the middle of summer.”

  “Why don’t you come sit by the fire? We have a nice blaze going and were just discussing a new quilt pattern Mimi learned from a friend.”

  Nancy had little desire to spend the evening talking about quilts. “I think first I shall go to my room and get cleaned up.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. I have some supper if you’re hungry. We had a hearty beef stew with leftover roast. I could warm you a bowl if you like.”

  “That sounds marvelous. Thank you, Bedelia. I can see that everything is in perfect order. I appreciate that you managed things so well for me.”

  Nancy didn’t wait for Bedelia’s reply and instead picked up her bags and hurried down the hall to her room. Fighting off tears, she laid a fire and was soon rewarded with a hearty blaze. The warmth did her weary heart good, and for several minutes all she did was stand in front of the fire with her hands extended.

  She had tried all day not to think of Seth and his kiss. She was troubled beyond words at his declaration of love. How could he love her and still have lied to her? Even when Gabe had encouraged him to be honest with her, Seth hadn’t wanted to.

  “Lord, I don’t know what to do. I do love him. At least I think it’s love. I can hardly bear the deception, however. It’s bad enough knowing what Albert did behind my back, but now Seth has done all of this, and even though it was for the side of good, how can I forgive him?”

  She stared at the flames and then sank to her knees. She bowed in silent prayer, hoping that somehow God would take the pain from her heart and give her clarity about what to do next. Nothing made sense at this point, and each thought of Seth brought more pain than the last.

  For several long minutes she did nothing but beg God for understanding and help. For so many years she had believed Him to be indifferent, even cruel, but her mother and Mary Taylor had convinced her otherwise. How she longed to feel His love—His comfort. Didn’t He care that she was hurting?

  She heard a noise and raised her head to find Bedelia standing in her doorway with a bowl of stew in her hands. Without a word, Bedelia put the bowl on the mantel, then lowered herself to the floor at Nancy’s side.

  Bedelia bowed her head and clasped her hands together. “‘Where two or three are gathered together in my name,’” she whispered.

  Nancy nodded and closed her eyes as the tears fell. The peace she longed for washed over her. God did care, and He was there with them. Somehow, He would see Nancy through the pain.

  Chapter 22

  Nancy was surprised and a little disappointed, if she was honest, that Seth hadn’t attempted to see her since she’d returned to Portland. She’d been home almost a week, and even though she felt certain he would have returned to town by now, she’d neither heard Clementine mention him nor seen him at the house.

  It was just as well. She wouldn’t have received him.

  At least that was what she told herself.

  “I’ll be just down the block at Mary Taylor’s house,” she told Bedelia and Cornelia. “We’re sewing for the poor today, and I will probably be gone until late afternoon. There’s a pot of ham and beans on the back of the stove for lunch. There’s also fresh cornbread on the counter.”

  “I’m certain we’ll be fine,” Bedelia answered as Cornelia bobbed her head. “And we’ll see to Mrs. Weaver.”

  “That’s so kind of you, but she told me she would come down for her food today.” Nancy glanced at the clock. “Oh dear. I’d best hurry.”

  She was in her sewing room, collecting her things, when someone knocked on the front door. She frowned even as her heart began to race. Was it Seth? Had he come to apologize and press her to forgive him?

  She went to the foyer just as Bedelia was opening the door. “Mr.
Lincoln. How nice to see you again,” Bedelia said. “Mrs. Pritchard is just preparing to leave.”

  Nancy hid her disappointment. She had intended to send John a letter of dismissal for his role in the deception with Seth but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. Now she would have to do it in person.

  She stopped just inside the foyer. “Mr. Lincoln.” She gave a curt nod.

  “I apologize for stopping by unannounced,” he said. “I hope you might give me a moment, however, as it regards the sale of your husband’s business.”

  Nancy nodded. “Very well. Please come to the front room.” She led the way and tried to remain calm. “Have a seat.”

  “Thank you.” He chose the wingback chair, and Nancy took the rocker.

  While Mr. Lincoln opened his satchel, Nancy couldn’t help but speak. “I hope this concludes our business. I’m afraid, given what I’ve learned about Mr. Carpenter’s deception, that I no longer feel I can put my trust in your firm.”

  John Lincoln nodded. “Seth told me what transpired, and I have anticipated your decision, although I hope you will give me a chance to explain and apologize.”

  Nancy didn’t want to be rude to a man who had been so gracious to her over the years. “Of course.”

  John drew out a few papers, then put the satchel aside. “I was against his keeping the truth from you—at least in the beginning.”

  “Only in the beginning?” Her tone was sarcastic. “Well, at least there was some point when you thought it wrong.”

  “I’ve always thought it wrong to a degree but at the same time understood the importance of secrecy. I assured Seth at the start that you were innocent of any wrongdoing. I told him we had been friends at church for the entirety of your marriage and that I had never known you to do anything that might suggest conspiracy with your husband’s illegal activities. I also explained that my wife was well acquainted with you and would also vouch for your character. Still, he felt it necessary to refrain from sharing his purpose with you. He said there was great danger in what he was doing, and he didn’t wish to put you in harm’s way.”

  “How thoughtful.”

  John’s expression became even more serious. “I am sorry, Nancy. It was not my desire to deceive you. I have done my best to have no part in it. Seth investigated all matters associated with your husband, and I simply handled the things you asked me to handle. Which is why I’m here today. I finalized the sale of your husband’s store.” He extended the papers to her. “You will see there at the bottom the price that was paid for the building and inventory. That amount has been deposited into your bank account.”

  Nancy noted the large sum. It was far more than she’d anticipated. “Thank you. That seems a very fair price.”

  “Indeed. The offer was generous.”

  She pretended to read the papers for a few long moments. She wasn’t sure what else to say to John. A part of her wanted to completely dismiss him from her business, while another knew that he was sincere in his apology for having gone along with Seth.

  “Does this conclude the business of my husband’s estate?” she finally asked, forcing herself to meet John Lincoln’s gaze.

  “It does. We feel we have met all financial obligations owed by your husband, with the exception of the IOUs. Mr. Berkshire did approach me to declare himself the one owed. He produced the other half of the IOU and explained it was just their way of doing things. Do you want me to pay him?”

  Nancy wanted it all to be done with and nodded. “Yes, by all means. Pay him and let the matter be laid to rest. I don’t know what arrangements he and Albert had together, but I want it all concluded. I want no further need for a lawyer. I simply want to live my life quietly.”

  John got to his feet. “Then I will settle the matter this afternoon.”

  “And settle your fees, as well,” Nancy said, also standing. “I trust that the charges will be fair—even though I should probably question everything, given all that has happened. I find, however, that I’m weary of the entire matter. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am joining the ladies’ sewing circle today, and I’m already late.”

  “I apologize for having delayed you.” He gave her a slight bow and headed for the foyer with his satchel tucked under one arm. He picked up his hat and turned to Nancy as she opened the door. “I do hope you know how sorry I am for all of this. I wanted to make myself useful to you, and I’m afraid I have only managed to cause you pain and doubt. Please forgive me.”

  Nancy felt her heart yield to his sincerity. She didn’t want to hold a grudge. “Thank you for your apology. You have my forgiveness, for what it’s worth.”

  “It’s worth a great deal, my dear.” He smiled. “A great deal.”

  Nancy waited until he was in his carriage and heading down the street before closing the door to return to collecting her sewing things. Only then did she realize she was still holding the papers John had handed her. She folded them and put them in her skirt pocket. There was a definite relief in knowing the store was sold and the money was in the bank. She was somewhat set for the remainder of her life—if she was a wise steward and managed her spending in a frugal manner. She didn’t want to end up like the Clifton sisters or Mrs. Weaver. Even Mimi struggled to keep a tight hold on her spending. Nancy had never worried about money—not as a child and not as Albert Pritchard’s wife. She certainly didn’t want to worry about it as an old woman on her own.

  She thought of Mrs. Weaver living in a boardinghouse after having owned a plantation. She’d once had wealth and the best of everything that money could buy, and now she was at the mercy of a boardinghouse owner. Life could change in the blink of an eye.

  Seth’s face came to mind, and the thought seemed all the more poignant. One minute she had been certain he would be a part of her future, and now she knew that wasn’t to be. With a sigh, she made her way to Mary Taylor’s house.

  The ladies of the sewing circle were delighted to see her and even happier to barrage her with questions about her love life. Nancy tried to assure them that she had no love life and further had no desire for one. Mrs. Mortenson brushed aside her comment, insisting that Seth Carpenter was a perfect fit for her. She reminded them that with his sister at Nancy’s boardinghouse, it made it easy for them to court. Nancy tried to dismiss the idea, but Mrs. Mortenson would have none of it.

  “Nancy, my dear, you cannot keep such grand news from us. Do tell us how things are progressing between you and Mr. Carpenter. Has he kissed you yet?”

  Nancy felt her cheeks flush hot at the memory of his kiss. She quickly looked at the needle and thread she held.

  “Oh, I daresay he has kissed her. Look at her face. She’s positively gone ruby.”

  “My dear Agnes,” Mary Taylor said, “perhaps we could allow Nancy some privacy. After all, this is a transitional period of time that is difficult for any woman.”

  “Pshaw!” Mrs. Mortenson declared. “I can tell that she’s positively bursting to tell us everything.”

  Mary shook her head. “Before we discuss personal matters, I wanted to share some Scripture reading and a prayer. After all, we are devoting this work to the Lord, and it seems only right that we spend a bit of time thinking of Him.”

  Mrs. Mortenson could hardly argue against this. She gave a nod and leaned back in her chair.

  Nancy appreciated Mary’s defense of her but knew it wouldn’t be long before Mrs. Mortenson was back demanding answers. But Mary was no one’s fool. When she finished with the Bible reading and prayer, she asked Nancy to help her in the kitchen.

  “I’ve given my staff the day off, since I knew we’d be quite spread out with our quilting,” Mary explained as they made their way to the kitchen. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all. I’m grateful for the rescue.” Nancy glanced around the kitchen. “You’ve had it painted.” The blue and white colors were very appealing.

  “We did indeed. We settled matters with the dairy investment, and I pressed Mr. Taylor to move f
orward on our various projects here. I have always wanted white cupboards, and Mr. Taylor was not opposed, so we hired a young man to paint the cupboards white and the walls blue. Do you like it?”

  “Very much. I wouldn’t mind making the same change in my kitchen. I’ve never been fond of green. Especially that dirty sage color they used. And it has been over eight years since it was selected. I think it might be nice to have a change.”

  “Would you like the young man’s name?”

  Nancy shook her head. “No, I have David, who helps with the horse and yard. In fact, he has an entire family of siblings who come and help him. I think they are looking for work, so I don’t mind hiring them on. Especially now that I have Albert’s affairs decided.”

  “So it’s concluded, then?”

  “Yes, and I am comfortably set and needn’t worry about having to return home. Although I did make a trip there last week.”

  “How did that go?”

  Nancy joined Mary as she poured hot water into the teapot. “It went well overall. I was glad for the time with my mother and sister. My father was away on a trip and my brothers were elsewhere, but I had time with my aunt and uncle and two of my cousins. I even talked to Mother about God and all that I’m going through. She was very helpful. I should have talked to her years ago.”

  Mary smiled and replaced the kettle on the stove. “I’m so glad. It’s always a blessing to be at peace with family and God.”

  “I want to be at peace with God, but I don’t understand something that has happened. Something God surely knew was going on—since He knows everything.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Seth Carpenter has been deceiving me. He came here on a mission to find out what my husband was doing. I can’t explain it all, but Albert involved himself with something, and it was illegal. Seth was part of a secret government investigation. Although now that I’m telling it, I suppose I shouldn’t be.”

  “I will keep your secrets, Nancy. Fear not.” Mary smiled. “But in what way was Mr. Carpenter deceiving you?”