Secrets of My Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  “He was doing all of this investigating without being honest with me about it. He befriended me and made me think he felt . . . well, something more for me. It brought about feelings I hadn’t anticipated, and now I find it’s all based on lies. Why would God allow such a thing when I had just decided to trust Him again?”

  “What a strange question.”

  Nancy shook her head. “Why should that seem strange? I believe God is all-knowing, so He must have known what was going on. He knew, too, how difficult everything has been for me where He is concerned.”

  “You sound as if you believe God owes you something.”

  Nancy cocked her head to one side and put her hands on her hips. “Well, I surely can expect the truth from God. Can’t I?”

  “God is truth, Nancy. But this sounds more like He has disappointed you again—didn’t manage things the way you wanted—and so you are uncertain that you will continue to extend Him the trust He deserves. You can’t offer love and trust to Him one moment then withhold it the next just because He hasn’t responded in the way you think He should.” Her tone was chastising.

  Nancy was surprised by her sternness. “I . . . well, I wasn’t going to withhold my love and trust.” Was she?

  “You need to understand that things in this world will happen, and sometimes they will seem unjust and unfair. But, Nancy, God works well outside the realm of man, and we need to put our faith in Him, even when things don’t look like we think they should. This isn’t a game played by a child. You either take a stand to trust God and believe in His word, or you choose not to believe Him or trust Him. There is no middle ground.”

  Nancy knew she was right, and the guilt of it pierced her heart. Just because Seth had disappointed her didn’t mean that God had treated her falsely.

  “I’m sorry. You’re absolutely right. I’m afraid I am a rather spoiled and selfish child.”

  Mary smiled and put her arm around Nancy’s shoulder. “God sees into your heart, Nancy. Give Him your fears and doubts. Trust Him to deliver you from those who are false and unkind. Rest in Him, even when it seems impossible. Remember—He is the God of the impossible.”

  Seth heard John Lincoln come into the office. He waited only a moment for John to get to his office before heading after him. The office secretary wasn’t yet in, and Seth wanted to speak to John in private before Cyrus arrived.

  “Do you have a moment?” he asked, coming to stop in the doorway of his employer’s office.

  “Seth, come in. What can I do for you?”

  “Well, I came to let you know I’ll be leaving. Nancy knows about the investigation, so I needn’t hide behind this position, and you’ve been more than gracious to let me remain as long as I have.”

  “I didn’t do it out of graciousness, Seth. I was impressed with your performance, and I’d be glad if you stayed on. There’s more than enough work for both of us, and it seems there is more coming in every day.”

  Seth stared at the stately man for a moment. “You’d keep me on?”

  John smiled. “Of course I would. I wouldn’t have brought you on in the first place if I didn’t think you could handle the position. Why are you of a mind to run off? Do you have a better offer?”

  “No.” Seth shrugged. “I just figured you wouldn’t want to have me around. I mean, you were generous to let me work here in order to be at the heart of Albert Pritchard’s affairs, but now that that’s over . . .”

  “Have you found out everything you need to know?”

  “Well, not everything, but a good portion. The army is watching some of the men I exposed. There’s still a lot to do, and we may never be able to get the top man. He’s no doubt protected by layers of secrecy.”

  “Then, it sounds like you still have a job to do. Can you work for me and continue your investigation?”

  Seth leaned back against the doorjamb. “I’m not sure. I haven’t heard from my contact yet as to whether they want me to continue working on this matter. Now that quite a few people know the truth of why I came here, I don’t know that I’ll be all that effective.”

  “So you will need a regular job,” John said, nodding as if that settled the matter. “And I will need a partner. I believe the situation will resolve itself if you stay on. I have little tolerance for the way some men abuse people of color—especially the Indians. I will be happy to work with you as you strive to find those responsible.”

  “Thank you, John. I’d be honored to stay on with you.”

  The older man smiled and gave his bearded chin a stroke. “You should probably know that Nancy Pritchard has dismissed me now that the store has been sold. She’s quite upset about the deception.”

  “Yes, I know.” Seth shook his head and straightened. “I mean to resolve that situation soon as well.”

  “And how do you intend to do that?” John asked.

  “By marrying her, of course.”

  Chapter 23

  Mr. Berkshire, what are you doing here?” Nancy asked. It was nearly eight o’clock in the evening and well past the time for visitors. In fact, she had thought perhaps Clementine had forgotten her key and was knocking to be let back into the house after her evening out.

  “Nancy, it’s imperative that we speak. In fact, I’d like for you to come with me so that we won’t risk being overheard.” Berkshire looked fit to be tied. He was sweating profusely despite the cool evening air. Nancy couldn’t help but be intrigued, but she shook her head.

  “I can hardly do that, Mr. Berkshire. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”

  “We can’t worry about that now. I need your help.” He took ahold of her wrist and pulled her through the open doorway. “You must come with me.”

  Nancy decided not to protest. She wanted to know what was going on, so she let him drag her down the steps and to his carriage. What could have upset him so much? Did it have to do with Seth’s investigation?

  “Gerome, this is hardly the way to treat someone whose help you need,” Nancy protested as he all but picked her up and pushed her into the enclosed carriage. She needed to keep up appearances, after all.

  Once he was inside, he knocked on the roof to signal the driver and then closed the carriage door. “I’m sorry, but this is life and death.”

  Nancy scooted to the far side of the carriage. “Whose?”

  “Mine, for one,” Berkshire replied. “That Carpenter character is causing me problems. He got the army to confiscate one of my wagons, and I need your help to get him to stop.”

  “I can hardly tell Seth Carpenter what to do or not do. He’s nothing to me.”

  “That isn’t true, and I know it. I’ve seen the two of you together.”

  “In the past perhaps you did, but that is no longer our current state.” She didn’t know what Gerome knew, and she didn’t want to give him any additional information. She might resent Seth’s actions and lies, but she wasn’t going to help a man who wanted to start an Indian war.

  Her comment seemed to leave Gerome momentarily perplexed. For several seconds he said nothing at all, but then he started again with even more gusto. “I don’t care what your current state is with that fool. I want to know what he knows.”

  Nancy couldn’t resist. “About what?”

  Gerome slapped her across the face. “Stop it. This isn’t a game. I know Carpenter is on my trail. I know he’s been investigating your husband’s affairs, particularly the guns and alcohol.”

  She tried to think through the blaring pain in her head. “Of course he is . . . or was. John Lincoln asked him to investigate Albert’s purchase of guns and liquor.” She rubbed her cheek. “And if you ever lay a hand on me again, Mr. Berkshire, you’ll regret it.”

  “Shut up. I’m not afraid of your threats, but you’d do well to heed mine. I can cause your family a great deal of trouble.”

  Nancy folded her arms across her chest. She wanted to give him a piece of her mind but decided it was probably best to say nothing and see where the conversation led.


  “Good, I’m glad you see that I’m serious.” Gerome shook his head. “I want to know every detail. Who is Carpenter working for?”

  She shrugged. “John Lincoln. Everyone knows that.”

  “Besides him. Who else?”

  “Who else would he want to work for when he already has a full-time employer?”

  Gerome looked at her for a moment. The carriage was dim, and the way they were positioned cast a shadow across his face. Nancy tried not to shiver as a tingling went down her spine.

  “You know nothing about his investigation?” he asked.

  “Of course I know about his investigation.” She figured it was better not to lie. “Albert was involved in the illegal sales of firearms and alcohol. He didn’t sell them at the store, which would have been perfectly legal, but instead was dealing them in a nefarious manner. Mr. Hanson told me it had to do with getting weapons to the Indians. Albert hated the Indians, though, so I didn’t understand why he would want to do that.” She shook her head. “What has that got to do with you? I know he owed you money and some goods, but I can’t imagine, with your political ambitions, that you would ever connect yourself with people who are trying to cause problems with the Indians.”

  Gerome shifted and gave a tug on his suitcoat. “Of course not.”

  “So this is about the money Albert owed you, right?”

  “He did owe me money. He owed me a great deal, and I mean to have it.”

  “And who is trying to stop you? Honestly, Gerome, you drag me out of my house and then slap me simply because you want your notes paid back? John Lincoln told me about the IOUs. He already has a draft made out to you. You only need to see him.” She gave her best performance. “I don’t understand why you think so poorly of me. I would never keep you from your money. If Albert owed you, I don’t even need proof. I trust you to be honest about the amount. You needn’t be cruel to me.”

  Gerome settled back against the leather seat. “I’m sorry, Nancy, but this isn’t just about the money. There’s trouble brewing, and your husband is at the center of it.”

  “My husband is dead. He can hardly be causing you trouble now.”

  “He’s caused nothing but trouble. Look, some very wealthy investors are going to be unhappy unless a certain project of ours continues. They have plans to see this through to completion.”

  “What has that to do with me? I’ve found no weapons or whiskey, if that’s what you’re after, and the only clue I had to where they might be hidden was stolen from my room.” She watched him closely to see how he reacted.

  He glanced away, shaking his head. “This isn’t about the weapons and whiskey, it’s about money. I gave a great deal of money to Albert, as did other investors. They are growing impatient for a return on their investment. It’s clear by now that Albert never had a chance to order the full number of . . . goods he was supposed to bring in.”

  Nancy wanted so much to ask if they hadn’t found what they were looking for in Albert’s caches, but she knew it was best not to continue agitating Gerome. She tried to sound calm, almost bored with the conversation.

  “Again, what has that to do with me? If you have a claim, see my lawyer. I know nothing about Albert’s business dealings.”

  “But you have his money.”

  “Yes, as his widow, I have inherited his earthly goods. However, if you and your friends have some claim against me, then go see John Lincoln. I had no idea you were so involved with Albert. I thought you were simply good friends. Either way, you know very well that I have never troubled myself with any of Albert’s dealings. Yet you act as though I was in the middle of everything.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you say. I’ll make certain the authorities believe you were involved if you don’t help me. In fact, I’ll see your entire family ruined . . . maybe even dead.”

  Nancy swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. Would he really try to kill the people she loved? For what purpose?

  “I don’t know what you want,” she said, no longer acting. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be able to help you with. If you want money—”

  “I want you! You will marry me as soon as we can get someone to do the job. That way I’ll have access to everything else I need.”

  “Marry you?” Nancy shook her head. “I’m not marrying anyone.”

  “You will unless you want to see your beloved aunt and uncle arrested for inciting the Indians to war.”

  Nancy couldn’t keep from smiling. “I presume you mean my aunt Mercy and uncle Adam. They have long and tirelessly worked with the Indians on various reservations in the state. Their reputations precede them. You can’t throw accusations against them that any legal authority would believe.”

  His eyes narrowed. “That’s where you’re wrong, Nancy, my dear. I know you want to think the best of them, but the truth will speak for itself. They have long been assisting me and my friends.”

  Nancy stiffened. She couldn’t imagine there being any truth in his statement, and yet he seemed perfectly sincere.

  “I see I finally have your attention.” He rubbed his mustache and smiled. “We always think we know someone, but deception is easy when people trust you.”

  Nancy thought of Seth. She had wanted to believe only the best about him. Just as she did her aunt and uncle. But what if Gerome was telling the truth? After all, except for the funeral, she hadn’t seen her aunt and uncle in years. What if they’d only allowed her to see the façade they’d created? They wouldn’t be the first white people to work with the Indians only to deceive them.

  “You have been raised to believe one thing about them while something entirely different was going on. I know, because I’ve been a part of it. Those guns Hanson was after were meant for me, and I was going to pass them along to your dear uncle, as I’ve done before.”

  His confidence sickened her. “I don’t believe it.”

  “Believe what you will, but it’s true, and if you don’t marry me and help me, I will see to it that the authorities know of their involvement, as well as the involvement of other members of your family.”

  “What other members?” She couldn’t believe she’d actually asked the question, but she waited in silence to see what he might say.

  “It’s enough that you know there are others.”

  The carriage had come to a stop, and Nancy could see that they had returned to her house. All she wanted to do was jump from the carriage and run to the safety of her room. Instead, she felt compelled to hear what Gerome had to say. He intended to cause her family trouble, that much was clear. Would he really continue unless she married him? What proof did she have that he would stop if she did?

  Gerome grabbed her wrist and squeezed unmercifully tight. “You will say nothing about my involvement in all of this and do exactly what I command.” He shrugged. “And who knows, in time you may be glad for this—glad that I made you wed me. I think we could be quite good together, and you would fit perfectly into my society.”

  “I can’t marry you,” she said despite the pain.

  “Yes, you can, and you will, or there will be bloodshed the likes of which you’ll never forget. And when I’m done with your family, I’ll come after you.” He dropped his hold. “I’ll come for you tomorrow at ten o’clock. Don’t make me wait.”

  For a moment Nancy couldn’t move. She felt helpless and more frightened than she’d ever been in her life. Finally, she gathered her courage and exited the carriage without another word to Gerome. She hurried up the walkway as tears formed in her eyes.

  What in the world was she supposed to do now? She had no one who cared. No one to be her champion.

  Take it to the Lord, a voice whispered in her thoughts.

  “If I’m not mistaken, it sounds like Nancy has returned,” Clementine told her brother. She and Seth were in the kitchen, chatting with the elder Miss Clifton.

  “Maybe she’ll explain why she left in such a hurry,” Bedelia remarked as she finishe
d making herself a cup of tea. “It must have been an emergency of some sort. Perhaps the Taylors sent someone for her. I’m sure she’ll tell us all about it.”

  The trio made their way through the dining room to the hall just as Nancy flew past. She was sobbing, and it cut Seth to the heart. Something was horribly wrong.

  “Clementine, go see what happened,” Bedelia urged. “Perhaps someone has died.”

  His sister nodded and followed Nancy to her room. Seth followed Clementine, careful to keep a few feet of distance between them in case Nancy came back into the hall.

  “Nancy, may I come in?” Clementine asked as she knocked on the door. The door inched open. Nancy hadn’t closed it completely.

  Seth nodded toward the room. “Go to her,” he whispered.

  Clementine did as he suggested while he and Bedelia waited in the hall. He glanced at the older woman, who stood quietly sipping her tea.

  It was only a few minutes before Clementine returned. “I can’t understand a word she says. She’s crying too much.”

  “Let me try,” Bedelia said, moving past Seth.

  “No.” He gently caught Bedelia’s arm. “I’ll go.”

  “That’s hardly proper.” The spinster frowned and looked at Clementine. “Unless you go with him. In fact, we should probably all go.”

  “I’ll go alone. The door will be open, and you can wait here to assure yourself that all is proper.”

  He left the older woman standing in the hall with her mouth open in surprise.

  “Nancy?” he said as he entered her bedroom. He saw her across the room in front of her fireplace. She didn’t even acknowledge him but wept softly into her hands.

  He crossed the room in three long strides. “What’s wrong? What’s happened? Did someone die?”

  She looked up, and her tear-filled eyes searched his face. “Someone is going to, I’m afraid.”

  “Who?”

  She shook her head. “Why should I tell you anything? You’ll just use it against me or tell me more lies.”