The Hidden Rose

by Jayne Amanda Maynes

  Chapter 22

  I found an apartment not far from the base, one that wasn't really far from much of anything. All the clothes I had at Kathy's I knew wouldn't belong, but I did pick out a few things like the dress I wore the night before the inquisition. That dress had special meaning as did the one I wore the day I got my ears pierced the first time I was home on leave. I wanted to keep all of them, but knew there was no way I could ever explain why I had so many womens clothes all that would fit me. I kept a couple pairs of shoes as well figuring that if I ever did dress it would be nice to have everything I would need to do so.

  “Is that all you're taking Sam?” Kathy asked.

  “You don't think this is enough? Kathy how am I going to explain even these clothes if someone asks?” I said.

  “You could always say they're mine,” she said.

  “Right, for those days when you come to my place to get away from Brent and the kids. I'm sure they might buy that with what I have here, but if I were to take everything there's no way anyone would believe it,” I said.

  “So what am I supposed to do with everything else?” she asked.

  “Give it away, sell it, I don't know. You could always have a garage sale, I know you could use the money,” I said.

  “You really don't care do you?” she asked.

  “Of course I care, but that doesn't change that there is no way I could ever explain all those clothes and the ones I have here hold special meaning,” I said.

  “You don't want any of the money from selling them?” she asked.

  “You need it sis, I don't. I don't even want to know how much you get for them,” I said.

  She didn't argue, but I had no doubt she wasn't going to sell them either. I knew she didn't have a lot of money, and since she was the only one in the family I trusted with my secret I wanted to help her if I could.

  I needed to get furniture as well as clothes for work and home. I had no intention of wearing my uniforms anymore than the job required, and now that I was no longer going to be allowed on the front lines I would be able to be home most every night.

  The uniforms I would need would be easier to find on base and probably cost less as well. The civilian clothes on the other hand were another matter entirely. I knew the base exchange carried a few things, but they were very limited and I wanted to have more to choose from. After getting everything I wanted from Kathy's I went to see what I could find in the way of furniture.

  I stopped at a couple different stores and decided I was going to need help in making any decision about just what I needed. So headed for mom and dads, hoping dad would be home and willing to go with.

  “Well look who finally decided to stop by and see us Norm,” Mom said.

  “It's good to see you as well mother. I guess dad is home, since he's the only man I know of you would call Norm,” I said.

  “Sam I heard you had some troubles. I hope you've been able to work things out,” Dad said.

  “Everything is fine and no real trouble I haven't been able to handle. Dad I was wondering if you'd be willing to go furniture shopping with me,” I said.

  “Furniture shopping? That's one I didn't expect, I know things at Kathy's are getting crowded, but I also know she loves making room for you whenever you're home,” Dad said.

  “I've been transferred to the base here, and while Kathy is gracious to a fault, she doesn't need me coming and going at all hours and disrupting her household, besides since I'll be working locally now I felt it would be better if I had a place of my own,” I said.

  “So you won't be in anymore combat situations?” Dad asked.

  “Nope, those days are over. Now I'll be teaching others to fight the battles. I was transferred because of medical reasons. The last two missions I was involved in I ended up in bed for a week afterward and don't remember anything about the battles themselves,” I said.

  “You weren't wounded?” he asked.

  “No, I wasn't wounded unless a few scratches I don't know how I got count,” I said.

  “Do they have any idea what happened?” he asked.

  “The symptoms indicate blood lose, but the few scratches wouldn't account for the kind of blood lose to cause the problems, and they have no idea what else could have caused it,” I said.

  “I see so the transfer is so whatever caused it doesn't happen in a life or death situation?” he asked.

  “You could say that, yes. So you want to go shopping with me. I'll see if whatever I get can be delivered that way we won't have to do much lifting,” I said.

  “Sam I would love to, but I think you should spend some time with your brother. If you don't mind your mother and brother coming along,” he said.

  “My car's not that big dad, I have room for one of you but not all of you, and I'll be damned if I'm sitting in the back seat of a car again,” I said.

  “Why don't you take Jeff with you, and mom and I will follow in our car,” Dad offered.

  I didn't like that idea any better than trying to squeeze everyone into my car, but it seemed if I wanted dads help I was going to have to put up with Jeff and mom. I agreed to take Jeff with me since mom was harder for me to deal with than Jeff was.

  Jeff seemed truly excited to have a chance to ride in my car which to me made no sense. It was just a car after all, when I bought it I did so because it fit what I was looking for, kind of sporty without being a real sports car. I didn't need a lot of room and this car fit the need I had for room. It had a back seat, but I would never ask anyone to sit back there for very long. I liked the room the back seat allowed for reclining the front seats if I was feeling tired and needed to get a little rest. The biggest seller for me was it rated high in dependability, and the color. I knew I would get some comments once I started driving it to work every day and seriously considered trading it in on a car that would get fewer comments.

  “What are you so excited about Jeff?” I asked.

  “I was hoping maybe you'd let me drive,” he said.

  “Really, you hope I'll let you drive my car? Jeff I know you don't have a driver license yet,” I said.

  “So you won't let me drive? If you're going to be home all the time now maybe you could teach me how to protect myself,” he said.

  “Rule number one is do all you can to avoid fighting. I fight only when I have no other option,” I said.

  “So you've never gotten in a fight to protect yourself if you could run away?” he asked.

  “I'm not a coward if that's what you're thinking. Jeff there are few people who could last long against me and walking away from a fight is more to protect them than to avoid fighting,” I said.

  “But there are times when you don't have a choice?” he asked.

  “There are people out there who aren't willing to let you just walk away, and yes I have run into some of them. The problem with fighting for me is drawing blood only encourages more blood to be spilled. I've come very close to killing someone because they wouldn't let me walk away,” I said.

  “But you have killed people haven't you?” he asked.

  “Only to save more lives. Having to kill was the part of what I've done over the last couple years that I won't miss,” I said.

  “So you have killed people?” he asked again.

  “Can we either talk about something else or just not talk, and if your idea of something else is your religion not talking is preferred,” I said.

  “Will you teach me to defend myself?” he asked again.

  “Only if you promise you won't use what I teach you for any reason other than self defense and only if you have no other option. If you're hoping I'll teach you how to kill you can forget about it right now, as I said I've only ever killed because it was the only way to save lives,” I said.

  “I promise,” he said.

  “So how is school? I'm guessing you have someone picking on you since you want to learn to defend yourself,” I said.

  “Actually it's one of my friends that's getting bu
llied,” he said.

  “So you think learning to fight will make it so you can help your friend? Jeff, if you really want to help your friend let those in authority know what's going on, don't try taking matters into your own hands,” I said.

  “They do know about it, and won't do anything about it,” he said.

  “Maybe I can then, if you want, I am on leave for the next month,” I said.

  “I know he'd love to meet you. His brother talks about you all the time,” he said.

  “I'd be interested to hear what your friends brother says about me, but there are a lot of stories about me out there, and most of them attribute things to me I'd have to be a magician to accomplish. The best way to take those stories is with a grain of salt, and forget them, since there's very little truth in them,” I said.

  “I haven't talked to his brother, he tells me the stories his brother tells him. From what he said you were the one they called in to rescue companies that got trapped behind enemy lines,” he said.

  “He didn't say any more than that?” I asked.

  “Is it true? Are you the one they would call on when a company would get trapped behind enemy lines?” he asked.

  “Jeff I hope you understand if I don't answer that. The work I did was classified, and most of it is still classified. It isn't that I don't want to talk about it, it's that I can't talk about it,” I said.

  “You can't talk about it at all? I don't think I understand, if what you did was rescue others, why would it be classified?” he asked.

  “Jeff, it's classified, that's all I can tell you,” I said.

  “If it's classified why can Aaron's brother talk about it?” he asked.

  “Because your friend Aaron's brother isn't one of my men and what he knows isn't classified. What I know is classified so I can't talk about any of it so I don't talk about the parts that are classified. Jeff it's easier if we don't talk about what I did, and what I'll be doing here is mostly classified as well so it's easier if I don't talk about my work,” I said.

  “It must be hard to hear the stories if you can't fix the parts that are wrong,” he said.

  “Not really. I've laughed a few times listening to the stories. It's especially funny when I hear them from people who have no idea what they're talking about. My unit and I gained a reputation, and there are so many stories floating around about us, most of them making us sound like we're gods. I can tell you that the name of my unit was the White Rose and we were a thirteen man reconnaissance unit, beyond that there isn't much I can tell you,” I said.

  “So if I told Aaron you commanded White Rose would that be okay? I just guessed the stories he told were about you because he always said Captain Waters,” he said.

  “If he can confirm the Captain Waters in his stories is commander of White Rose that would confirm the stories are about me,” I said.

  I didn't feel like talking about me, or White Rose, any longer and since we were at one of the furniture stores I pulled in the lot and found two parking places next to each other taking the one that would put moms door furthest from mine.

  Dad pulled in the space I left for him and we all started walking in the store together, mom bring up the rear even though she had the shortest distance from where we were parked.

  As we entered the store someone called out dads name so of course we all had to stop so whoever it was could talk to him.

  “Norman I didn't think I'd see you in here,” the man said.

  “Craig, you of course know my wife and youngest son Jeff, but I'm not sure you've ever met my oldest son Sam,” Dad said.

  “No, I believe you said something about him joining the military just before we moved in. From what I've heard at church though he is a hero many times over, unless there's another Captain Waters,” Craig said.

  “I'm sure there are several Captain Waters in the military sir,” I said.

  “So polite. I guess that comes from military training,” Craig said.

  “No sir, it comes from parents that believe in teaching their children to be polite, the military training only added to what I learned at home,” I said.

  “Of course, I didn't mean to imply that you weren't polite before you joined the military Captain Waters,” Craig said in a rather patronizing way.

  “Craig if you need to talk...” Dad started.

  “I just saw you come in, I'm sure you and your family have things to do besides stand here talking to me,” Craig said.

  “I see polite doesn't hold anymore true for the people of your church now, then it did when I was still home mother,” I said.

  “Sam that was totally uncalled for. I think you owe Craig an apology,” Mom demanded.

  I glared at mom and thought about whether or not I should apologize and opted to not offer an apology simply because my mother thought I owed one.

  “You can think what you want mother, but I don't feel I've offered an insult worthy of apology anymore than this man has. Perhaps if he had manners more conducive to friendliness I'd be more willing to agree with you my statement was out of line, but since I see in him the same arrogance I've seen in so many company commander that have ended up almost getting their companies killed I don't believe I owe him an apology anymore than I owed those commanders an apology for assuming command of their companies to get them out of the situation they got them into,” I said.

  I glanced at the man who had interrupted us in trying to do what we were here to do, and saw he had no idea how he had been rude, but thought I had been more than rude and was trying to decide if there were anything he could do about me.

  “Norman, Ellen I'm afraid as long as this person is here with you I'm going to have to ask you shop else where,” Craig said.

  It didn't surprise me he tried saying something like that, and smiled that he thought I could so easily be intimidated.

  “I take it this store is yours sir?” I already knew the answer.

  “I'm the general manager of this store, so yes in a way this is my store,” he said.

  “I'm sorry Craig? You were, a manager, but when you try banning a war hero who happened to save my sons life. Captain Waters please feel free to look at anything you like and when you've made your choices if you'll have the sales person get in touch with me, I'll see what I can do to say thank you for the gift you gave me,” the store owner said.

  “Sir I'll have to take your word about having saved your sons life since I don't have any idea who your son is, but if he was with one of the companies that my White Rose went in to save I'm glad we were there for him. Seeing those men make it home alive is all the thanks I need,” I said.

  “My son said if I ever had the chance of meeting you, you would say something like that. You'll always be welcome here, even if you won't take advantage of my offer.” he said.

  I looked at my feet and couldn't help wondering just how many peoples lives were touched by what my men and I did. There was a time when what we did seemed fun, go into a situation where the enemy had us out numbered and make their numbers a disadvantage rather than a benefit. How many times had I made them look foolish simply because I refused to play by the rules they were familiar with.

  Everything had to be provable and that sometimes meant proving it on the go. How many commanders had I made enemies of simply because my first priority was always the men and getting them home safe. The Army and Marines way of fighting was to go in and kill anyone who wore an enemy uniform, my way was different. First off I didn't have the men to fight a war that way. For my White Rose we had to use our heads. We had to out think the enemy, and that meant creating as much confusion as possible. We found the best way of creating confusion was to destroy the chain of command, that meant the officers, and the higher the rank the more confusion they seemed to suffer.

  We were very good at being invisible, letting only those we wished see us, or even know we were there. And now they wanted me to try teaching others to do that, and I wasn't sure it was possible to teach someone how to
be invisible.

  I needed furniture for an entire apartment and since it appeared the living room was in the front of the store I started there. I settled for a couch, easy chair, desk set, and a TV, only because Jeff said I needed one. I hadn't watched TV since entering the Air Force and for news preferred the newspaper. As I recalled I hadn't liked much in the way of programs on TV the last time I watched it, and from what I knew of the programs now they were even worse.

  Next was the kitchen and there I knew I would need a table and chairs. Mom started looking through the pots and pans they had as well as dishes. I already knew what I wanted and mom seemed hurt that I wasn't willing to listen to her on what I should get for the kitchen.

  The bedroom was next and there I wanted a bed, chest of drawers and at least one night stand with lamp. Jeff tried talking me into getting a king size bed and couldn't believe when I said no to even a queen size bed. I had very limited room in this apartment and to get a bed bigger than a full would limit the dresser I could get and to me a big dresser was more important than a big bed.

  When I found someone to help it turned out to again be the owner and he gave me a fifteen percent discount and free next day delivery. I knew it wouldn't do any good to protest that he was giving me something he wasn't giving anyone else. Even with the discount I hadn't expected the cost of furnishing an apartment to be what it was costing me. Now I understood why so many people just starting out bought used furniture rather than new. Most didn't have the savings I did, from four years in the military living on base and having all my living expenses met by the government so my standard pay as a Captain along with flight pay and hazardous duty pay went straight in the bank. In four years I hadn't spent much of any of my pay on anything aside from a few clothes and a car I almost never drove until now.

  I started counting out the cash to pay for my purchase and he stopped me and gave me an additional five percent discount for paying cash. I noticed that the cash discount was standard store policy and smiled since I knew anyone who had the money to pay cash would get the same discount.

  “Let me guess you paid cash for you're car too?” Jeff asked.

  “I paid cash for everything I have Jeff. If I don't have the cash to pay for something I either don't need it, or will save up until I can afford it,” I said.

  Jeff genuinely seemed interested in spending time with me even knowing his religious views were a forbidden subject and a good way of getting hurt.

  “Sam if you don't need us any longer, we have some things we need to do at home,” Dad said.

  “I was hoping you might come over to the apartment, but since I don't have any furniture in it until tomorrow, is there a chance of you stopping by either tomorrow or the next day and I'll fix a nice dinner,” I said.

  Mom gave me a dirty look, and dad an even dirtier look when he said he'd love to come over and see my apartment after I had time to get it setup. Jeff asked if it would be alright if he spent the rest of the day with me offering to take a cab home if I didn't feel up to making the drive later.

  Mom seemed okay with the idea and even said she didn't mind if Jeff spent the weekend at my place if he wanted. I thought about the little apartment I was renting and wondered how I could accommodate having an overnight guest since it was virtually the same size as my quarters had been when I was on the front lines, perhaps I should have gotten a two bedroom apartment... no I had gotten what they called a two bedroom apartment and intended to make one of the bedrooms into an office. I guessed I could get a cot that Jeff could use whenever he needed somewhere to go.

  Jeff looked at me as though wanting to say something, but afraid to while mom was standing there.

  “Jeff is always welcome as long as I'm home and he remembers the rules I have. The first rule is he is free to follow whatever religion he chooses, as long as he doesn't preach to anyone I might have over. The first time he tries pushing his religion on me, or one of my guests, will be the last time he will be welcome for more than a short visit, and no overnight stays. The second rule is he doesn't veg out in front of the TV. While I may have bought a TV I have no intention of getting any TV I have to pay for, and the only thing I might ever watch on it is the news, though from what I've seen so far of the news on TV, it's worse than just reading the newspaper. Most of the news of the war is total bullshit, and if they can't get that right what else can't they get right? If you noticed Jeff I also bought a VCR and there is a movie rental place not far from the apartment,” I said.

  Mom and dad decided to see if I was serious about what I said and before I was done paying for everything they left leaving Jeff with me.

  “I take it I'm supposed to make sure you get home tonight?” I asked.

  “Actually I was hoping maybe I could spend the weekend with you. There isn't any school until Monday, and I hate having nothing to do on the long weekends. Since you left mom and dad usually ask either Kathy or Sarah if they'll take me for the weekend,” he said.

  “I take it Sarah doesn't have room for you? I know Kathy is crowded now with her two kids,” I said.

  “Sarah has the room, but I always feel like I'm intruding. Gordon goes out of his way to make me feel unwelcome even if I'm only there an hour or two,” he said.

  “Why did she marry him? He always gave me the creeps,” I said.

  “He says the same thing about you. I think he's terrified of you, but then if the stories we've heard are even only partly true I can understand him being afraid of you. I see you're wearing a gun,” he said.

  “It's been a daily part of my uniform for so long I forget it's even there,” I said.

  “So what kind of gun is it?” he asked.

  “It's a 1911 Colt forty-five, standard military issue. Jeff it isn't a toy and I hate using it,” I said.

  “You've had to use it though haven't you?” he asked.

  “I'm not going to talk about what I've done for the last four years Jeff. While I would much rather see you go in the military than serve that church you go to, I also hope you never have to do anything like what I've had to do. I hope that damn war is over before you finish school,” I said.

  “If you hate it so much why do you keep trying to talk me into going in the military?” he asked.

  “I don't hate the military. I think you could learn a lot in the military, but I hate the thought of the war we're involved in, it doesn't make sense. Maybe if we were allowed to win it would make sense, but every time we advance a week later we give back all the ground we just took. We can't win if we can't hold the ground we win. This stupid war would already be over if the politicians would just let the military do their job without undoing everything the military does. They want us to win, but go out of their way to insure we can't,” I said.

  “So it's the politicians you hate more than the thought of war?” he asked.

  “You could say that, yes. Did you hear about the trouble I just had? The trouble Kathy helped me through?” I asked.

  “No, I thought Kathy was out of town for the last couple weeks,” he said.

  “She was, because she didn't want to leave me with Sargent Denvers. The trouble started because a politician wanted to look good and use me to make himself look good. When I came home I had the chance to be the pilot of the cargo plane I came home on. I turned down that chance because of how tired I was. That should have been a major clue to everyone that I was in no condition to do much of anything, but rest up before I started my new job here. Instead, a couple hours before we landed I received orders that an F-104 would be waiting for me to fly to Andrews Air Force Base and I would receive the rest of the orders once I landed at Andrews. It turned out the President issued those orders and no one was willing to tell him I was in no condition to follow such orders. The whole thing was so he could award me a medal I already had, the Presidential Medal of Honor. When I found out what it was all about I guess it would be safe to say I was anything but courteous. After telling everyone in that hanger at Andrews just what I thought
of them I collapsed on my way out and spent the next couple days in the hospital unconscious,” I said.

  “You told the President to go to hell?” he asked.

  “I think I told him more or less to go fuck himself, I don't recall anything about hell entering into it,” I said.

  “I'm surprised you're not sitting in jail then. I can't believe the Secret Service let you get away with that,” he said.

  “I don't think the Secret Service cared one way or the other since I didn't make any threats of violence, but the Joint Chiefs didn't seem very appreciative of me saying what I did. I thought a couple of them might explode with how red they turned,” I said.

  “You aren't still in trouble for that?” he asked.

  “Like I said, I was so tired that before I made it out of the hanger I collapsed and ended up in the hospital. The fact I had been sent home for much the same thing within the previous six months and that it had been less than a month since I had received a release from the doctors for light duty probably had a great deal to do with me not being in more trouble than I was. Most of the trouble Kathy was involved in helping me with came from a doctor telling me he was going to confine me to the hospital, and if necessary, put me in restraints. I'm sure you can imagine how that went over,” I said.

  “If you're still like you were before you joined the Air Force I can,” he said.

  “Nope, that was nothing compared to now. Over on the front line base the doctors allowed me to recover in my quarters, because they didn't like having half their hospital torn up trying to keep me in the hospital. It was easier for them if they let me recover in my quarters and had my men insure I rested. Would you like to meet one of my men?” I asked.

  “Are you serious? Will he be willing to tell me if the stories are true?” he asked.

  “You can ask, but trying to get Mac to talk about anything to do with what we did over there is harder than getting me to talk about it,” I said.

  Rather than heading to the apartment I headed for the motel. Mac was just getting back I guessed from dinner as I pulled in the lot.

  “Sargent, I was wondering if you're up for dinner?” I asked.

  He stopped in his tracks and came over to the car.

  “You know I'm always open to a free meal, Captain,” Mac said.

  Jeff got in the back seat and Mac slid in the front.

  “Mac I want you to meet my little brother, Jeff this is Mac my second in command of White Rose, and the reason Kathy was out of town so long recently,” I said.

  “A pleasure to me you little brother. The Captain never said much about his family, so until I met Kathy I didn't even know he had a family,” Mac lied.

  “I don't think I've ever met anyone as big as you are Mac. Sam hasn't been around much since he joined the Air Force. About the only news we had was what they said on the news channels and the stories people tell about White Rose,” Jeff said.

  “I don't think I'd listen to either of those sources, the news doesn't know much of anything about what's really happening over there and the stories I've heard are most of them so far from the truth I have trouble recognizing which mission they are supposed to be about,” Mac said.

  “So you guys aren't really the heroes everyone makes you out to be?” Jeff asked.

  “That depends on what you mean by heroes. We did a job few others could do. That we were able to do it with no more people getting killed than we did I guess could qualify us as heroes, but real heroes are those who face the criminals here at home. The fire fighters that rush into a burning building to save someone, or someones pet that's trapped inside. The real heroes are the everyday person that does that little extra that makes someones life better. Those are the real heroes in my book, what we did we've been trained to do, we get paid to do,” Mac said.

  “Firemen and police officers are trained and paid to do what they do,” Jeff said.

  “He has you there Mac,” I said.

  “So you think we're heroes Captain?” Mac asked.

  “To the men who made it home because we did our job we are, to their families we are. Mac the real heroes are the people who don't see themselves as heroes, so I guess that makes us heroes,” I said.

  “If you say so sir,” Mac said.

  “When are you supposed to be heading back?” I asked Mac.

  “I'm not like you I'm on leave, and then start helping you teach these kids that will be coming through trying to learn what we do. Captain they transferred me hoping to get you to stay once you're able to quit,” Mac said.

  “I've got six more months and I'm done Mac, I've had enough. I'll teach those kids because I agreed to teach them, since I know they won't let me back out in the field. Maybe if they'd let me help plan battle strategy I'd be willing to stick it out until I can retire, but teaching these kids to kill... you'd think that's all we did over there. It's like they can't look at the records and see we saved more lives, American, allies and enemy,” I said.

  “Captain the people who know us know we hate killing, and only kill if there isn't another way,” Mac said.

  “I'm sorry Sam, but isn't war about killing the enemy before they kill you?” Jeff asked.

  “That maybe Jeff, but it doesn't make it right any more than murder is right. War is a conflict of ideas, and generally takes place when one group insists everyone believe in the same set of ideas by force without compromise. By killing only those set on forcing their way on others, i.e. killing the commanding officers that hold to the party line, it throws the masses, troops, into confusion and gives a chance of negotiation having a chance without the hardliners sitting there demanding no compromise,” I said.

  “So you think by killing the Generals out on the battlefield will bring the politicians back to the table more willing to compromise?” Jeff asked.

  “Unfortunately it isn't the hard line politicians out on the field giving the orders. Taking them out of the equation would give a greater chance of success in reaching a compromise, but if the troops don't have to fear being killed for something they don't understand, or even believe in, they will eventually go back on those unwilling to compromise,” I said.