Bright Ideas: A Record of Invention and Misinvention

by Herbert Strang

  *I*

  "We'll get some lunch at my digs," said Templeton, as he started withEves on the return journey. "I'll have time to show you one or twoideas of mine before I am due back at the garage."

  "Oh, I say, Bob, I'd made up my mind to stand you a topping lunch atsome hotel or other. Lunch at digs!"

  Eves's look was eloquent. Templeton smiled gently.

  "There's only one hotel, or rather inn," he said, "and there you canonly get Government beer. It has only domestic rations. Besides, youdon't know my landlady--she's a gem! She expects me, you know, andshe'll have enough for two."

  "'A heart resigned, submissive, meek,'" Eves quoted. "Well, old sport,I'll try to bear up, and as I've a tremendous appetite after hospitalslops, you know--just buck in, will you?"

  The road being mainly down-hill, and the petrol tank now full, Templetonhad resolved to run back on engine power alone, and had furled thesails. Just below the crest of the hill they passed the green car,about which Noakes and his two companions were apparently engaged in aheated altercation. Noakes scowled fiercely as the road yacht dashedon.

  "Rummy we should come across that old humbug!" said Eves. "Stillrummier that he should be Mayor of Pudlington. I thought the mayoraltywas the reward for long years of civic virtue. Old Noakes can't havebeen here more than a couple of years. How is it you didn't know he wasmayor?"

  "My dear man, I'm not interested in municipal affairs. Besides, I'veonly been here a few weeks, and with only two months' leave----"

  "Just so. Like the busy bee, you must improve each shining hour. Thatbee must have been a frightful prig."

  "Come, now----"

  "No offence, old bean! Of course he gathered loads of honey, and allthat: a jolly useful life--adventurous, too--saw a lot of the world,don't you know: always on the move. That part would suit me to a T.We're both like the bee, you see: you in your industry, and what you maycall stickiness; me in my roving propensity, my incurable levity, mypassion for honeydew--in the form of cigarettes. I say, Bob, I thinkI'll write for the magazines. I don't see why my ideas shouldn't beworth something, as well as yours."

  "What ideas?"

  "That's an unkind cut, after I've been spouting ideas galore. I'mafraid the mechanical mind will always be blind to the beauties ofliterature. 'A primrose by the river's brim'--Steady, old sport, younearly capsized us!" Templeton had swung round suddenly into a by-lane."I was quoting a sublime passage from one William Wordsworth."

  "Well, never mind him," said Templeton, drawing up in front of asolitary cottage. "Here we are! Go straight up the stairs--you'll finda clean towel. I'll tell Mrs. Pouncey you're here, and follow you."

  When the two friends entered the little sitting-room a few minutes laterthe landlady, a short, very stout, pleasant-faced woman of sixty orthereabouts, had just placed two steaming plates of soup on the table.

  "My friend Mr. Eves, Mrs. Pouncey," said Templeton.

  "How d'ye do, Mrs. Pouncey?" said Eves, shaking hands. "Mr. Templetonhas been telling me you're the best cook in the three kingdoms. Youknow you did, Bob; don't protest. He's very hard to please, Mrs.Pouncey, very; and if he's satisfied, you may be sure that a man of myhumbler tastes will be absolutely bowled over."

  "Well, now, I declare I wouldn't have thought it. Mr. Templeton havenever said a single grumble, not one. He's the best young man lodger asI've ever had, that I will say--no trouble at all!"

  "Ah, Mrs. Pouncey! how many young men lodgers have you said the samething about? Your last lodger, for instance, now, confess!"

  "'Deed no, sir. You be very far out. My last lodger was--there, Icouldn't abide en, he was that cantankerous, and such language--I neverdid! I know a real gentleman when I see en, and he was nothing but amake-believe, for all his fur coat. Thankful I am he was only here a fewdays, and that to oblige the mayor."

  "Mr. Noakes?"

  "Ay, sure, that be the mayor's name, and well I know it. But do 'eetake your soup, now, 'twill be cold, and cold soup lays heavy, not tospeak o' the nastiness, and the pork chops grilled to a cinder."

  The good woman had toddled away while speaking, and her last words camefaintly through the open door.

  "Jolly good soup, Bob," said Eves. "And pork chops! Splendid! The olddame is a treasure. I'll get her to tell us about our worthy mayor."

  Mrs. Pouncey returned with two well-grilled pork chops and a dish ofsprouts and baked potatoes.

  "Absolutely topping, Mrs. Pouncey!" said Eves. "What on earth did yourlast lodger find to grumble at, if you treated him like this?"

  "Lor' bless 'ee, sir, he'd grumble at everything, pertickler at thebill. He'd want a penny took off here, and a penny there: and he wouldmeasure out his tea hisself, and cut his own rashers. I never did seethe like."

  "And a friend of the mayor, too!"

  "Ay, and more'n a friend, so it do seem. 'Tis said here and there 'twasa gentleman--gentleman, says I, but that's the talk!--a gentleman fromLondon as have Mr. Noakes in his pocket, so to speak it."

  "Really!"

  "Ay. No wonder you be mazed, the mayor being such a terrible great manand all. Some folks do rise quick in the world, to be sure. 'Tis onlya matter of two year since he came here, from no one knowed where, and'a took up a big contrack with the camp for building huts, and running acanteen, I think they do call it, and I don't know what all. Ay sure,he've his fingers in many a pie, but I warrant they'll get burnt, theywill!"

  "But how did a stranger become mayor so quickly?"

  "Why, being such a great man, they put him on the Council, and t'othercouncillors being little small men, he got over 'em, that's what I say.Bless 'ee, he'd have got 'em to make him king, if so be there was kingsout of London. Ah, he've a power of money! He bought this cottage thatI've paid rent for regular this twenty year, and he telled me he'd raisethe rent as soon as Parlyment will let him, if not before. And he mademe take this Saunders man for twenty shillings a week, when I've neverhad less than twenty-five, never!"

  Apple dumplings called Mrs. Pouncey from the room. When she returnedwith them, and Eves wanted to know how the apples got inside the crust,the dame gave a lengthy explanation which lasted till the conclusion ofthe meal.

  "We've a few minutes," said Templeton then. "Come and see myroad-sweeper."

  He led Eves to an old shed at the rear of the premises. On entering,Eves's eye was caught by a large formless mass of a substance somewhatresembling putty.

  "Hullo!" he cried. "Been playing with plasticine?"

  "That's another little idea of mine," replied Templeton. "A new fireextinguisher."

  "You had better form a company, old sport. 'Bright Ideas, Unlimited.'How's it work?"

  "It's very simple. You let a shallow tank, about a quarter-inch deep,into the ceiling of a room. The bottom, flush with the plaster, ispierced with holes like a sieve, the holes are plugged with mycomposition, and you run water into the tank. If a fire occurs the heatmelts the composition----"

  "I see! Splendid! Down comes the rain and puts out the fire! But willthe shower last long enough?"

  "Really, I'm surprised at you, Tom! The fall from a tank like that willbe equivalent to an average week's rainfall. But the point of the ideais the composition. I've tried other preparations without success, butthis stuff of mine sets hard and yet melts easily. By varying theproportions of the ingredients you can get it to melt at differenttemperatures, but I haven't quite finished my experiments in thatdirection. The difficulty is to gauge the exact temperature required,but I'll manage it before long."

  "It hasn't been tried yet in a building, then?"

  "Not exactly; but a decent local builder was rather taken with it when Ishowed it to him, and he's giving it a trial at the new LiteraryInstitute he's putting up. The building was stopped by the war, but hehas already started work again, and he's willing to test the idea beforethe plasterers finish. He has rigged up a sort of tray on the laths inthe roof of t
he big room, and one of these days is going to put abrazier underneath. You see, if the stuff melts too easily, it will onlymean a slop on the floor, and won't do any damage."

  "I see. What are you going to call the stuff?"

  "Time enough for that when I've perfected the invention and sent in formy patent. Here's my road-sweeper."

  He pointed to a somewhat rusty vehicle standing against one of thewalls.

  "I'm only waiting for a supply of petrol to try it," he added. "The oldengine uses up a frightful lot. But our allowance is due in to-morrow.I say, can you stay a day or two? Mrs. Pouncey can put you up."

  "Rather! I've got ten days' leave."

  "That's all right, then. Now we had better get back to the garage.Wilkins will be in a bait if it's not open sharp at two."