Bright Ideas: A Record of Invention and Misinvention

by Herbert Strang

  *II*

  As Templeton drew up in front of the garage, a bill-sticker was postinga bill on one of the side posts of the gate. The heading, hi largetype, caught Eves's eye, and when he got down to open the gate, hestayed to read the announcement while Templeton drove through.

  "I say, Bob, there'll be a splendid rag to-morrow," he said on rejoininghis friend. "There's a meeting of parliamentary electors at the newLiterary Institute--a final kick before the election on Saturday. OldNoakes is in the chair: he's a pacifist, you remember, and the billgives short notice that the meeting will be addressed by----" (Hementioned the name of a notorious agitator.) "We'll go. Ask a fewquestions, perhaps."

  "Soldiers in uniform are forbidden to----"

  "Rats! That's all gone by the board. The soldier's a citizennow-a-days.... I say, is this Wilkins?"

  "My employer," replied Templeton.

  A thick-set man wearing a long coat and a motor cap was coming up thepath.

  "Well, any business a-doing?" he asked of Templeton.

  "There have been two callers: one was a man who'd over-driven hismachine and run short of oil. He was in a tearing hurry, and distinctlyoffensive. I did what I could for him, and warned him he'd lose his bigends if he wasn't careful. Here's the half-crown he paid me."

  "Half-a-crown! No more than that?"

  "Well, he paid what I asked."

  "Rot it all! You didn't ask enough. A feller in a hurry, and likewiserude, ought to be made to pay. Look 'ee here, Mr. Templeton, you're ayoung feller, and have got a thing or two to learn: you'd best get anotion of charging if you're to be of any use to me."

  "What about that, then?" asked Templeton, handing him a couple of poundnotes.

  "Ah, now, that's better, to be sure! How did 'ee get 'em?" askedWilkins, pocketing the notes with a pleased smile.

  "An Irishman wanted to get to the camp in a hurry. He happened to bepolite, so I drove him up in my road yacht. As a matter of fact, wepassed the other fellow in his car: he had picked up your mayor, and Igathered he was a business rival of the Irishman. I wasn't sorry webeat him; his big ends dropped off, as I warned him."

  Eves noticed that Wilkins's face grew more and more glum as Templetonwas speaking, and remembered the telephone call he had answered.

  "The Irishman was so pleased that he offered me five pounds," Templetonwent on, "but I thought two pounds was a fair charge."

  "Then dang me if you ain't done me out of three pounds!" cried the man,irritably. "Did any one ever hear the likes of refusing good money when'twas offered free? Done me out of three pounds--_three_ pounds, look'ee, as ought to have been in my pocket! Done me out of it, you have!"

  Eves felt that this outburst was not wholly due to Templeton'smoderation in charging.

  "Well, Mr. Wilkins," said Templeton, quietly, "I'm sorry you're notsatisfied. Perhaps we had better part."

  "I don't say that," said Wilkins, calming himself with an effort."You're a gentleman, that's where 'tis, and not bred up to understandbusiness. I'll say no more--let it bide--but another time don't 'ee goand refuse good money; that's business. Well, I'm off up along to thetown; know where I can get some petrol on the quiet; that's businesstoo. I'll be back afore long."

  "You keep queer company, old man!" said Eves, when Wilkins was out ofear-shot.

  "He's trying at times, I confess--a rough diamond," said Templeton."But I think he's sound."

  "I wonder! Somebody wanted him to give Noakes a tip, you remember. Hemust be very well in with Noakes, and that's suspicious in itself. Hisface was as long as a fiddle when you told him O'Reilly got in ahead ofNoakes."

  "Well, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Now, I've got to make anew crank pin for a motor cycle that was brought in for repair thismorning. It'll take me some time, and I don't want to keep you hangingabout. Why not go into the town and have a look round?"

  "Righto. What time do you knock off?"

  "Five."

  "I'll call for you, then. So long!"

  At half-past four, when Eves returned, the workshop was lighted by thetwo oil lamps which were its only illumination. Templeton had justfinished his work, and was washing his hands at the sink.

  "I've spent a profitable afternoon," said Eves, returning to his seat onthe bench. "Don't think much of Pudlington, but an enquiring mind likemine can pick up pearls anywhere. I was strolling along when I came toan uncommonly ugly unfinished building, with 'Literary Institute' carvedover the door. Some fellows were unloading chairs from a cart, andcarrying them in. I went in too, and found your respectable friend thelocal builder there, superintending the fitting of some gas-burners.'Getting ready for the meeting to-morrow?' I said to him. 'Ay, sure,sir,' said he. 'Town Hall's occypied by Food Controller and FuelController, and I don't know what all, so the meeting's to be held here,though unfinished.' 'Rather a cold place,' I said. 'Bless 'ee, we'llhot 'em up to-morrow,' said he. 'The walls will sweat like you neversee. We've got a proper fine furnace down underneath, and the only pityis I haven't got the ceiling plastered; 'twould have dried a bit.'Whereupon I mentioned your proposed experiment with your fireextinguisher, and the old boy became cordial at once when I told him youwere a friend of mine. You've evidently impressed him, Bob."

  Templeton grunted.

  "It's quite true. To be a friend of yours lifts one a good manynotches. 'That young gemman do have a terrible powerful piece ofintelleck inside of his brain-pan,' says your builder. 'Ay, and what'smore, he's a rare earnest soul, always inventing things for the good ofhis day and generation. He's a credit to the nation, that he be!' Ofcourse I congratulated him and Pudlington on the temporary possession ofso bright an ornament, and we had quite a friendly talk. He seemedrather doubtful whether it's legal to hold a public meeting in abuilding before it has been passed by the surveyor, but Noakes is abovethe law, or thinks he is. We'll go to-morrow, Bob: it'll be a goodrag."

  "I'm not sure that I want to go to the meeting," said Templeton.

  "Oh, you must! I want to see Noakes's face when he spies us in theaudience. By the way, I think he must be rather thick with yourWilkins. Not many minutes after I'd left the Institute I met the greencar being towed along by two great farm horses. Noakes and Saunders werewalking alongside. Noakes gave me his usual scowl as he passed, which Icountered with my usual grin. Presently I walked round to themarket-place, and there was Noakes again, in close confab with Wilkins.When they saw me they both began to talk at once, and it seemed to methat each was telling the other that he had the honour of myacquaintance. At any rate they both looked rather surprised and a gooddeal more than interested, and their heads were very close together whenI saw them last."

  "I'm sick of Noakes," said Templeton, somewhat irritably.

  "What's the matter? Has he been here?"

  "No, but half an hour after you left, Wilkins came back with a can ofpetrol, and offered it to me for my experiments in a way that waspositively fawning."

  "To make amends for his roughness before."

  "I don't like that sort of thing. It's too much Noakes's way, and whatyou say throws light on it. If he and Noakes are pals--well, when Iwangle, even if it's petrol, I like to do it in decent company. Idisliked Wilkins's manner so much that I declined the petrol: told himI'd wait for the regular supply. The odd thing is that Noakes has notbeen here at the shop in my time."

  "Rather lucky for you, for if he'd found you here, he would have toldWilkins you're a dangerous character, and got you fired out. He may dothat yet."

  "Well, let's get along home. Mrs. Pouncey will have high tea ready, andI'm ravenous."

  After their meal, which was tea and supper combined, they smoked for anhour in the sitting-room. Then Templeton jumped up.

  "Botheration!" he exclaimed. "I was going to work on my turbinespecification, but I've left it in a drawer at the shop. I shall haveto pull on my boots again and fetch it."

  "Can't it wait? It's a horr
id night."

  "I really can't waste a whole evening. My time's getting short, and I'velots still to do."

  "Well, I'll come along with you. After supper walk a mile, you know.It's about a mile there and back, I suppose."

  The night was damp and murky. The country lane was unlit, and theyfound their way by intermittent flashes of Templeton's electric torch.There was no dwelling between Mrs. Pouncey's cottage and the garage, andat this hour, half-past eight on a winter night, they were not likely tomeet either pedestrians or vehicles. So much the greater, therefore,was Templeton's surprise, when, on approaching the spot where the garageand workshop stood, he saw a dim light through the window of the latter.

  "Wilkins went off at half-past three, and said he wouldn't be backto-night," said Templeton. "I suppose he changed his mind."

  To reach the door they had to pass the window. It was only natural thatEves, who was on the inside, should glance in. Catching Templeton by thearm, he drew him back out of the rays of the lamp-light, whispering:

  "There's some one stooping at a drawer, trying a key, apparently.Couldn't see his face, the light's too dim."

  "It's Wilkins, I expect. No one else has any right here," repliedTempleton. "I'll take a look."

  Peeping round the frame of the window, through the dirty pane, he wasable to distinguish nothing but a man's form at the further end of theshop. The lamp, hanging from the middle of the roof, was turned verylow, and the bent attitude of the man, with his back three-parts towardsthe window, rendered it impossible to discern his features. He wascovered with a long waterproof, and a storm cap was pulled low over hishead. From his movements it was clear that he was trying one key afteranother.

  "It's not Wilkins," whispered Templeton. "I never saw him dressed likethat."

  "Then it's a burglar," replied Eves. "Nab him!"

  They moved on tip-toe to the door. Templeton grasped the handle,murmuring:

  "I'll turn it suddenly--then make a dash!"

  There was absolute quiet all around, and the sound of jingling keys camefaintly through the door. After a few moments' pause Templeton turnedthe handle noiselessly, and pushed the door open. The damp weather had,however, swollen the timber, and the slight sound it made as it strainedagainst the door-post attracted the attention of the man beyond. Stillstooping over the drawer, he turned his head sharply.

  "My hat! Noakes!" muttered Eves.

  Springing into the shop past Templeton, who had halted on recognisingNoakes, as if to consider matters, Eves dashed at the waterproofedfigure. The moment's warning had enabled Noakes to prepare for attack.He projected a bony shoulder, prevented Eves from getting the clutch heintended, and made a rush towards the door.

  "Collar him, Bob!" cried Eves.

  During the next minute there was a rough-and-tumble in which Noakes'slegs played as free a part as was possible to a man encased in a longwaterproof. He displayed astounding agility in evading close action,and it was not until Eves caught him by the heel as he kicked out thathe was brought to the ground. "I'll sit on him," said Eves. "Ring upthe police station, Bob, and ask them to send a constable to arrest aburglar."

  "But are you sure--" Templeton began.

  "Don't argue," said Eves. "He's a desperate character; I can hardlyhold him."

  Templeton went to the telephone, lifted the receiver, then turned againtowards Eves.

  "Don't you think, as it's Mr. Noakes----" he said.

  "Mr. Noakes! The Mayor of Pudlington?" interrupted Eves. "Pickinglocks! Nonsense! Ring up at once, Bob, and then come and help: theruffian will be too much for me, just out of hospital."

  Templeton gave the message.

  "They'll send a man at once. He'll be here in about ten minutes," hereported. "Are you sure it isn't Mr. Noakes? I could have sworn Irecognised him."

  "So I am--so I am," panted the prisoner, who had hitherto struggled insilence. "What the Turk do 'ee mean by assaulting me--murderousassault--Mayor of Pudlington?"

  "Now, now, don't be rash!" said Eves. "You won't make matters any betterby pretending to be our worthy mayor. He won't like that, you know,when you're brought into court to-morrow. I shall have to giveevidence, and when I tell him that the fellow caught rifling a drawertook his name in vain----"

  "But I be the mayor--Philemon Noakes; and I'll send you to jail forassault and battery, without the option of a fine. Let me go! I'm themayor, I tell 'ee!"

  "I really think he's telling the truth," said Templeton.

  Just then Noakes, kicking out, dealt Templeton a heavy blow on theankle.

  "You had better lie still, whoever you are!" said the latter, warmly."Violence won't help you!"

  "Of course not--only makes things ten times worse!" said Eves. "Catchhis legs, Bob; if he isn't quiet we'll have to truss him up. I nevercame across such an impudent scoundrel. Here's a burglar, caught in theact, claiming to be the chief magistrate! That beats everything! How'sit possible? I say, Bob, there'll be a queer scene in court to-morrow.Suppose it were true, I can't for the life of me see how the mayor onthe bench and the criminal in the dock are going to arrange matters.Will he hop from one to the other, and finally sentence himself? That'sa Jekyll and Hyde problem I can't solve. But here's somebodycoming--the bobby, I expect."

  Through the half-open door came a policeman, with handcuffs hanging fromhis wrists.

  "Here he is, constable!" said Eves. "He's been struggling, but I daresay he'll go quietly."

  "Now then, there," said the constable, "get up and come along quiet.We've been looking for you a month past. Who gives him in charge?"

  "I do," said Eves, "though I suppose Mr. Templeton ought to do it. Youknow Mr. Templeton, constable? Temporary assistant to Mr. Wilkins."

  "Ay, sure, I've seed the gentleman." Noakes had now risen, and stoodbefore the constable, Eves on one side, Templeton on the other. Hisface, hitherto in shade, had come within the rays of the dim lamp.

  "Daze me!" said the constable, after a hard stare. "Surely--ay, 'tisthe mayor, with the beginning of a black eye!"

  "'DAZE ME!' SAID THE CONSTABLE. 'SURELY--AY, 'TIS THEMAYOR.'"]

  "Of course I'm the mayor!" said Noakes, truculently. "These youngruffians have assaulted me. I give them in charge, Brown."

  "That's cool!" said Eves. "Don't pay any attention to him, constable.He's mad, or intoxicated. Mr. Templeton had occasion to come back tothe shop, and we found this fellow in the act of trying to open a drawerwhere Mr. Templeton keeps important papers. He got a bit ruffled, ofcourse. He says he's the mayor, but is that likely? Take him to thestation, constable: we'll give the superintendent the facts."

  "He's the mayor, or his double," said the constable. "And as toarresting the mayor----"

  "Don't be a fool, Brown," said Noakes. "It's all a mistake--and amistake that'll cost these young ruffians dear. I came here to seeWilkins, and afore I could get a word out, they knocked me down and nighsqueezed the breath out of me."

  "And Wilkins knows that you open his drawers in his absence?" said Eves."Are these your keys, Bob, or Wilkins's?"

  He held up the bunch of keys which Noakes had dropped.

  "Neither," said Templeton. "Mine are in my pocket: Mr. Wilkins no doubthas his."

  "Well, jown me if I know what to do!" said the constable. "You'd betterall come along and charge each other, seems to me!"

  "What's all this?" said a voice at the door.

  Wilkins entered breathlessly.

  "They rang me up from the station, and told me there was burglars in myshop. Where be they? Mr. Noakes, what have been going on? What havecome to your eye?"

  "You may well ask, Wilkins. I came to have a word with you about thatestimate, you know----" Wilkins tried to look as if he knew--"and thesefellows, one an assistant of yours, I understand, set on me and halfmurdered me--took me for a burglar, ha! ha!"

  "He was trying his keys on this drawer, Mr. Wilkins," said Eves.

  "And why not?" demanded Wilkins, indignantly.
"Why not, I ask 'ee?'Tis my drawer, I keep my papers there, and Mr. Noakes having come tosee me about an estimate, of course he saves time and gets the estimateout ready."

  "And Brown will take 'em in charge for an unprovoked assault," saidNoakes.

  "Well, now, Mr. Noakes," said Wilkins, soothingly, "I wouldn't go so faras that. Not if it was me. It do seem 'twas a mistake. They took 'eefor a burglar--a nat'ral mistake, that's what it was, and my advice toone and all is, let it bide and say no more about it. We don't want nonewspapers getting a hold of things like this. Won't do none of us nogood--that's what I say."

  Eves was loth to let Noakes go scot free, but after a whisperedconsultation with Templeton, who pointed out the improbability of anymagistrate being induced to believe, in face of Wilkins's explanation,that the mayor was a burglar, he grudgingly agreed to withdraw thecharge. Templeton took the precaution of removing all his own papersfrom the drawer, and leaving Noakes with Wilkins, returned with Eves toMrs. Pouncey's cottage.

  "So much for your rough diamond!" said Eves. "Noakes evidently didn'tknow before to-day that you were here, and when I saw him confabbingwith Wilkins he was no doubt asking all about you. Wilkins must havetold him about your inventions, and he thought a visit to your drawerwould give him an idea or two, and enable him to get in first with apatent."

  "But you don't suppose Wilkins was in the plot?"

  "I don't know about that, but he's clearly under Noakes's thumb. Someone said that you know a man by the company he keeps. Wilkins keepsuncommonly bad company."

  "I'm disappointed in him, I confess," said Templeton. "To-morrow I'llgive him a week's notice, and work on my own for the rest of my leave."