Bright Ideas: A Record of Invention and Misinvention

by Herbert Strang

  *III*

  O'Reilly treated the two lads to what Eves described as a topping lunch,and afterwards spent half an hour in a close examination of thespecification.

  "I like the looks of it," he said, finally. "Have you given it a trial?"

  "Not yet," replied Templeton. "I've rigged up the mechanism, ratherroughly, on an old road-sweeper I got cheap, and a little more tinkeringshould put it in working order. I might be able to try it on Saturdayafternoon when I'm clear of the shop."

  "Well, then, I'm the way of making you an offer. I'll run down onSaturday and watch your trial. If the creature works, I'll pay for theinstallation on a respectable car, and finance you up to a thousandpounds. You'll pay me six per cent. interest and repay the capital justwhen you can."

  "It's really too good of you, Mr. O'Reilly," said Templeton.

  "Sorra a bit, my boy. I'm doing you no favour; 'tis business, andthere's no denying it."

  "Splendid!" said Eves. "You've got your chance at last, Bob. Rememberme, old man, when the profits come rolling in. I've stood by you in manyold rags. I tell you what, I'll write your advertisements, and makeyour reversible steering as famous as Beecham's pills."

  "I wouldn't wonder but you've got a flowery style, Mr. Eves," saidO'Reilly. "Now, if so be you mean to catch your train, you'd better beoff. I'll see you on Saturday."

  They took a taxi and arrived at the station in good time. Aftersecuring seats, Eves walked the length of the train to see whetherNoakes was their fellow-passenger. There was no sign of him. Eves keptan eye on the platform from the window of his compartment until thetrain moved off, but Noakes had not appeared.

  "He'll go on the razzle, I suppose," he remarked, as he dropped into thecorner opposite Templeton. "But he can't keep it up long. Isn'tSaturday the day for that old ceremony--what do they call it?--anointingthe British Stone? I'd made up my mind to see that; it will be a bit ofa rag to finish up my holiday with. I suppose you'll be too muchoccupied with your road-sweeper to bother about it?"

  "Well, you see, the afternoons are short now, and as O'Reilly is comingdown specially----"

  "Just so. Business before pleasure. I foresee the end of our oldfriendship. 'But O the heavy change now thou art gone!' Milton, oldchap. That's what I shall say when I think of the spiffing rags we'vehad together, and mourn for the days that are no more. Hand over thatPunch, or I shall burst into tears. Perhaps I shall anyhow."

  Next morning, when Templeton arrived at the shop, he found Wilkinsstanding at the door, an image of truculence.

  "You didn't turn up yesterday," he cried. "What was you after, eh?"

  "As I explained in my note, I had to make a sudden journey to London."

  "I don't want none of your explanations. You had ought to ask mypermission, going gallivanting sudden like that. I won't have no moreof it. You're sacked; you understand that? Sacked without notice.Here's half a week's wages; you shan't have nothing against me. Hookit! Now! This very minute!"

  "With the greatest pleasure in life," said Templeton, coolly. "Goodmorning."

  He was not aware, until informed by the omniscient postman, that Wilkinshad received on the previous morning a telegram from Noakes, the crypticwording of which had already been thoroughly discussed in theneighbourhood: "Boy in first sack immediate."

  Delighted at the leisure afforded by his dismissal, Templeton returnedto his lodging, and spent the remainder of that day and the whole of thenext in working at the road-sweeper. Eves watched him for an hour ortwo, but finding his friend's patient labour too slow for his taste, hewent through the town to the scene of Saturday's ceremony, and amusedhimself by looking on at the preparations, and chatting with any one whowould listen to him. The British Stone was a sort of truncated monolithstanding in a meadow about a couple of acres in extent. A small squareenclosure had been roped off around it, and within stood a low woodenplatform from which the mayor, after breaking a bottle of cider on thestone, would deliver the annual oration in honour of the town and itsancient worthies. Against the hedge, on all four sides of the meadow,were ranged caravans, roundabouts, Aunt Sallies, raree-shows, and allthe paraphernalia of a country fair, with stalls for the sale of hotdrinks and such comestibles as the Food Regulations had not debarred.The continuous wet weather and the passage of many vehicles had made theentrance to the field a slough, and many of the showmen wore gloomyfaces at the expectation that fewer spectators than usual would attendthe ceremony. They asked quite reasonably whether the women folk, theirbest customers, would brave the risk of sinking ankle-deep in mud.

  Saturday morning came. A thin drizzle was falling; the sky was gloomy,and Mrs. Pouncey foretold that it was to be a "mizzly day." Templeton,however, was so anxious to prove the merits of his invention to O'Reillyin the afternoon, that immediately after breakfast, nothing daunted bythe weather, he suggested that Eves should accompany him on a trialspin. They ran the road-sweeper up the muddy lane to the high road,Eves remarking that there was great scope for the activities for whichthe machine was designed. The macadamised surface of the highway wasless miry, and Templeton assured his friend that he would not get verymuch splashed if the speed of the sweeper was kept low.

  Templeton occupied the driver's seat; Eves stood on a rail above thefixed brushes behind, holding on to the framework. The machine ransteadily up the road, but when Templeton slowed down and turned upon thepivot which was to bring into action the steering-gear at the rear, thevehicle, instead of moving straight hi the opposite direction, showed atendency to sheer off to one side. Moreover, it turned out that the gearwhich raised the brushes clear of the road was out of order. Every nowand then the brushes dropped, and the machine reverted to its originaluse. At these times Eves's boots and puttees received a generousbespattering of mud and water, and when the brushes began to "race,"sending a spray of mud not merely across the road, but into his face, heprotested loudly.

  "Why didn't you wait till you could rig cranks, or whatever they are, ona decent car instead of this ramshackle old piece of antiquity?" hegrumbled.

  "Sorry, old man," said Templeton; "I'll go a bit slower."

  "Besides," Eves went on, "your reversible arrangements don't act. Youcan't steer the thing straight. It goes like a crab, or a drunk. Swinground again, for goodness' sake. Here's a wagon coming; I don't want tobe chucked under the wheels."

  "All right," said Templeton, with composure, turning round. "It's onlya slight hitch. Of course, the clutch connection is roughly made; I didthe best I could with my materials; but you see the idea's all right,and it'll be easy enough to correct the defects."

  "You won't think of showing the thing to O'Reilly in its present state?"

  "Why not? He's a practical man." Templeton began to get a little warm."It's chaps like you who know nothing about machinery that lose heart ata trifling setback. And very likely another half-hour's work in theshed will greatly improve things. This is a trial spin; you can't expecteverything to go like clockwork first go off."

  "Jolly good speech, old man. Best I've heard of yours. My faith in youis restored. By all means run the thing back to the shed; but, if youdon't mind, I'll dismount when we come to the lane. I don't mind ashower-bath from above, but from below--no, thank you. I've swallowedenough mud in Flanders."

  Templeton spent the rest of the morning in overhauling his mechanism,and Eves in removing the worst of the mud splotches from his clothes.They had just finished lunch, when O'Reilly drove up in a growler hiredat the station.

  "Faith, 'tis a terrible day for wetness," he said. "But here I am, andI'll be glad now to take a look at your machine. Have you it in workingorder?"

  "We gave it a short trial this morning," said Templeton. "It didn'tbehave quite so well as I had hoped, but I've spent a couple of hours onit since, and it ought to go better now."

  "I like your modesty, my boy. 'Tis a rare thing in inventors."

  "He's far too modest," said Eves.
"That's why I've appointed myself hisadvertising agent. It's an old road-sweeper, remember; he's beenworking under difficulties. In my opinion--of course, I'm not anexpert--the thing's a great success; you should see the amount of mud itscooped up."

  "I saw a mighty deal of mud as I came down the lane. You will not tryit here, sure?"

  "We tried it along the road," said Templeton. "And I've been thinking ofa better place. On the other side of the town the road is tarred, andthe machine will run much more smoothly. Besides, there's very littlemud."

  "A bright idea," said Eves. "I propose that you drive the machine overthe muddy roads while Mr. O'Reilly and I follow in the growler. We'llget out when we come to the tarred highway, and I'll perch up where Iwas before, and try to keep those brushes in order."

  The suggestion was accepted. O'Reilly looked on critically as Templetondrove the sweeper slowly up the lane; then he stepped into the cab andtold the driver to follow at a reasonable distance. Eves joined him.

  As they proceeded along the road they passed at intervals small groupsof farmers and labourers with their wives and children, who, defying theweather, had donned their Sunday best for the civic ceremony.

  "Is it the likes of a wake, then?" O'Reilly asked. "Or a horse-race,maybe?"

  "Only a country beano," replied Eves, and told what he knew of theafternoon's proceedings.

  "That's disappointing, now. I'd have liked to see a good race, but I'veno wish in the world to hear Noakes make a speech."

  Arriving at the tarred highway the two alighted from the cab. Eves tookup his post above the brushes as before, and O'Reilly, eager to watchthe working of Templeton's apparatus at close quarters, chose a somewhatprecarious position on the opposite side of the framework.

  "Now, Tom," said Templeton, his manner betraying a little nervousness,"if you see the gear dropping, just raise it. There's very little mud,but there are pools here and there, and I don't want to splash you. Ipropose to run straight ahead for a few minutes till I get up a fairspeed, for I fancy the mechanism will work better then. Are you ready?"

  "Righto. The road's clear."

  Templeton started his engine. The machine moved forward, at firstslowly, but gradually gathering way. Eves kept a watchful eye on thebrushes, and when they showed no sign of dropping he remarked toO'Reilly, "I think old Bob's done the trick this time."

  "Maybe," replied O'Reilly, in an undertone, "but this reversing gear,now."

  The speed continually increased until it reached a rate of about fifteenmiles an hour. There was no traffic on the road, and Templeton was onthe point of slowing down, preparatory to stopping and turning, when,rounding a slight bend, he came to a cross-road just as the head of thecivic procession arrived at the corner. The town sergeant, bearing themace, led the way; behind him came Noakes, in his mayoral robes,followed immediately by the councillors, the senior of whom carried amagnum bottle of cider.

  Templeton caught sight of the procession just in time to avoid acollision. Forgetting in the excitement of the moment the necessity ofslowing down before bringing the reverse into action, he swung round onthe pivot. The effect was amazing. The machine, instead of running inthe opposite direction, plunged forward with zigzag rushes, charginginto the procession. Templeton lost his head, forgot his brakes, andmade frantic efforts to stop the engine, but something had stuck. Eves,between alarm and amusement at the stampede of the civic dignitaries,forgot to keep his eye on the brushes, which had dropped owing to thechange of gear, and now began to race. Unlike the highway, thecross-road was deep in mud, and as the machine ran from side to side,dashing first into one hedge, then the other, the brushes flung up mudin all directions. Eves and O'Reilly were splashed from head to foot,but the full effect of this outrageous behaviour of the road-sweeper wasfelt by Noakes and the councillors immediately behind him. They hadsought safety by backing into the hedge opposite to that at which themachine appeared to be charging as it approached them. Unhappily forthem, it suddenly altered its direction, passed within a few inches oftheir shrinking forms, and covered them with a deluge of liquid mud.There was a crash as the bottle of cider fell and splintered intofragments, and loud cries of alarm and objurgation from the bespatteredvictims.

  "COVERED THEM WITH A DELUGE OF LIQUID MUD."]

  The incident occupied barely half a minute. Templeton recovered himself,stopped his engine, rammed on his brakes, and, least bemired of all theactors, got down to make his apologies. Eves and O'Reilly by this timewere shaking with laughter. Noakes, seeing that the machine had come toa stop, approached the contrite driver with uplifted fist, too irateeven to speak. He had tried to rub the splashes of mud from his cheeks,with the result that he had only spread them.

  "I am really very sorry, Mr. Noakes," said Templeton. "I was trying anew invention, and I can't say how much I regret----"

  "Od rabbit you and your inventions," roared Noakes. "You did it o'purpose, you viper. I'll have you up, I will, for creating anuisance----"

  "Driving to the danger of the public, be jowned to 'em," put in acouncillor who had suffered scarcely less than the mayor.

  "Ay, the danger of the public and bodily injury to the mayor," criedNoakes. "No option of a fine, neither; you'll go to jail, sure as myname be Philemon Noakes."

  "Come, come, now," said O'Reilly, thinking it time to intervene. "Sure,any one could see it was nothing but an accident that might havehappened to the Lord Mayor of Dublin himself. You gentlemen have gotsplashed; faith, so have I. Look at me! The right way to look at it isthat we're all suffering in a good cause--martyrs of science, and Iwouldn't say but we've got off lightly."

  "There's summat in that, Neighbour Noakes," said a councillor who, beingat the rear of the procession, had not come within range of the rotatingbrushes. "Ay, what I say is, these young fellers what have served theircountry want to be encouraged, and if so be a little mud flies--why,there 'tis; it will brush off, and 'tis all one."

  "There'll be no 'nointing to-day, that's certain," said another. "Seemsto me we'd best all go home along before they get wind of it in themeadow up yonder. None of us wants a crowd ramping round and admiringof our muddy faces. The old stone won't hurt for want of its drop o'liquor for once."

  "That's true," added a third. "And as for speeches--well, speaking asman to man, speeches are a weariness of the flesh to me. Let's go homealong, neighbours, and drink a drop o' something hot, with our toes onthe fire."

  The suggestion won favour with the majority, and Noakes, irritablyconscious of his unseemly appearance, allowed himself to be escortedtowards the town. A few of the more curious waited to see what furtherantics the road-sweeper performed. But they were disappointed. A briefexamination of the mechanism revealed to Templeton the cause of hisfailure. He made certain adjustments which enabled him to drive themachine home at a moderate pace, and without further experiments withthe reversible steering. Eves and O'Reilly followed, prudently, in thecab.

  "My hat, what a rag!" said Eves to his companion on the way. "But I'mafraid old Bob has come a cropper, poor old boy! It's not the firsttime; but I'll say this for him, he always comes up smiling."

  "And he'll smile to a good tune if I don't be mistaken," said O'Reilly."He's got hold of a good idea, and with the help of an engineer friendof mine he'll make something of it. I'll see to that."

  The next week's local paper contained a copious but by no means a whollyaccurate account of the incident. The deplorable appearance of themayor was described, however, with excessive particularity. Unkindestcut of all, the editor pointed the moral:

  "We have already more than once drawn the attention of the mayor andcorporation to the disgracefully muddy state of our roads inwinter-time. Now that our civic worthies have suffered in their ownpersons, and the town has been deprived for the first time in a hundredand forty years of its ancient and time-honoured ceremony, perhapssomething will be done, or are we to wait until the present mayor'stenure of office has expired?"

&nb
sp; A few months later Eves received from Templeton a long letter which gavehim a good deal of pleasure. Templeton related that his invention,tested under more favourable conditions, had more than fulfilled hishopes. O'Reilly was enthusiastic about it, and had arranged to set up asmall factory for him. But almost as agreeable was the news about theMayor of Pudlington:

  "Noakes was never popular," Templeton wrote, "and the sorry figure hecut in certain episodes we know of brought him into ridicule, which isalways fatal. It began to be whispered, too, that there was somethingshady in his transactions over contracts and canteens, and what not.Anyhow, one fine day he disappeared, and I hear that there are warrantsout against him. I'm not vindictive, but I can't say I shall be sorryif he is caught."

  "Just like old Bob," said Eves to himself. He sat down to dash off areply:

  "I'm jolly glad, old man. 'There is a tide,' etc. (Shakespeare). Ialways said you'd make your fortune, though I must own I never thoughtit would be through a mad road-sweeper. I'm going to be demobbed afterall, so I'll take on your advertising stunt as soon as you like. As toNoakes, I don't care whether he's caught or not. He was always aglorious rag, and I rather fancy he more or less inspired some of yourbright ideas."

  THE END

  _Printed by_ MORRISON & GIBB LIMITED _Edinburgh_

  * * * * * * * *

  *HERBERT STRANG*

  *COMPLETE LIST OF STORIES*

  ADVENTURES OF DICK TREVANION, THEADVENTURES OF HARRY ROCHESTER, THEA GENTLEMAN AT ARMSA HERO OF LIEGEAIR PATROL, THEAIR SCOUT, THEBARCLAY OF THE GUIDESBLUE RAIDER, THEBOYS OF THE LIGHT BRIGADEBRIGHT IDEASBROWN OF MOUKDENBURTON OF THE FLYING CORPSCARRY ONCRUISE OF THE GYRO-CAR, THEFIGHTING WITH FRENCHFLYING BOAT, THEFRANK FORESTERHUMPHREY BOLDJACK HARDYKING OF THE AIRKOBOLONG TRAIL, THELORD OF THE SEASMOTOR SCOUT, THEOLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN, THEONE OF CLIVE'S HEROESPALM TREE ISLANDROB THE RANGERROUND THE WORLD IN SEVEN DAYSSAMBASETTLERS AND SCOUTSSULTAN JIMSWIFT AND SURETHROUGH THE ENEMY'S LINESTOM BURNABYTOM WILLOUGHBY'S SCOUTSWITH DRAKE ON THE SPANISH MAINWITH HAIG ON THE SOMME