Appreciated (Club Indigo Book 3)

by Karen Nappa

  He nodded. "Y-yes, please, Ms. Laura. Would you?" He lifted his chin. "I-I guess I'm her only relative." He swallowed visibly. "Sh-she wasn't a bad person. She really wasn't." He looked Paula square in the eyes and she gave him a smile she hoped he found comforting. The kid was way too young to have to handle this kind of heartache. She was so proud of her friends for standing by him and providing a safe and loving home.

  "People almost never are, Josh," James reassured him before Paula could answer. "Sometimes people make bad decisions or aren't capable of getting out of a bad situation. We'll make sure you remember the good times with your mom and we'll give you a chance to say goodbye to her properly and in the way you'd like."

  Josh turned his attention from James to Laura. "I don't know how a funeral is supposed to be. Do you think Pastor Jonathan would do a service for her? I-I know she didn't go to church, b-but he explains things so well on Sundays and m-maybe God can forgive her and she can be peaceful and without the pain." Josh's tears overflowed and he sniffled between words. "She was in so much pain and that was why she used the drugs, you know?"

  Laura nodded and handed Josh a tissue. They drank their tea in silence. There wasn't anything more that needed to be said.

  Pastor Jonathan came to call the next day. Josh asked, "What do you want me to tell you, Pastor?" The older man had come to the church youth group several times since Josh had been there and listened to the questions the teens asked with his whole being. It was one of the reasons Josh had thought maybe the pastor would be willing to have a funeral service for his mother. Even when he was in the front of the church delivering his sermon, he had a welcoming quality to him. Josh was still nervous having him across the table in the living room. He wanted to chew on his thumbnail, but he knew Mr. James didn't approve. He reached out his hand to Ms. Laura and she took it in hers and gave a comforting squeeze.

  "Lovely tea, Laura." Pastor Jonathan placed his mug on the table and leaned back. "Josh, you're the one who knew your mother best. You and she deserve a personal service, so I need to get to know her through you."

  Okay, that made sense to Josh, but how to describe his mom without talking about drugs. "Yes, Sir, I understand. Most people only think about her as the woman who did drugs and sold them, but that only came after the accident."

  "What accident, Josh?"

  After a few months of talking in therapy and with Ms. Laura and Mr. James, the words came more easily. It also helped he didn't have to hide the situation with the hit and run, Josh admitted to himself. "Um, my mom and dad were in a car accident when I was eight. Dad was driving and the vehicle slipped on a patch of ice on the road." Damn it, he got that lump in his throat again. Josh took a sip of water. "M-my dad died and mom broke her pelvis, her right arm, and her right leg. After surgery, she had a limp and her back ached all the time. She needed therapy, but the insurance only covered a little and with Dad gone…" Josh's voice trailed off. He knew the adults could fill in the rest.

  "The doctor prescribed oxycodone for a while and that seemed to work, but then she needed more and he wouldn't give it to her. She switched doctors and got more, but the same thing happened. She started buying pills on the street and then added marijuana, and when that didn't work anymore, she switched to heroin." Josh sighed. "She wasn't bad or weak or anything. She was in pain and nobody helped her." He extricated his hand from Laura's and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had discussed this part often with his therapist and he had called his mother a victim of circumstance.

  Pastor Jonathan nodded, so Josh hoped he understood. It was hard to explain it to others. "Do you remember what things were like before the accident?"

  Josh smiled. He did! "When my dad was alive, we weren't rich, but Mom always managed to make something special with dinner. Sometimes we had homemade rolls or pudding or pie with dessert." The pit in his stomach loosened some more and he continued. "When I was sick, she stayed home from work, made me a bed on the couch, and was close by all the time until I felt better. She took great care of me." Like a ray of sunshine shining through a rain cloud, the next memory popped up in his mind. "She liked to sing and she had a beautiful voice. In the summer, she'd leave the windows open and I could hear her sing when I was playing in the back yard. Hearing her voice, that was home, you know?"

  Nobody answered and he didn't need a reply from them. More and more memories came to the surface. The adults were silent as he kept sharing about his mother from the time before her addiction to pain meds started. Josh didn't know how long he talked. He spoke until his voice was hoarse and his heart didn't feel so heavy. When he finished, Laura hugged him and told him again how sorry she was, but Josh didn't feel sorry for himself or his mother anymore.

  He felt at peace with her death and decided with Laura and James to have his mother cremated and have a simple graveside service before burying the urn. Mr. James suggested scattering the ashes, but Ms. Laura had argued that Josh should have a place he could visit if he wanted to.

  Paula arrived at the cemetery and was surprised to see a crowd of over fifty people there. She recognized Laura's sister Suzie and her family, of course, and a few others from the club, but the rest were a mystery to her. There were some kids about Josh's age, so maybe his school friends had come.

  Pastor Jonathan started the service with a simple invocation and a scripture reading. His eulogy for Jennifer Miller was brief but covered her life before and after drugs. Paula was surprised at all the good things he found to say about a woman she had only thought of as a negligent, abusive mother and a drug user. He delivered a message of hope when he spoke of God's mercy and grace and included Jennifer in God's promise of resurrection. Then he said the words of committal, "Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. May the Lord bless and keep her. May the Lord's face shine upon her with grace and mercy. May the Lord look upon her with favor and give her peace. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen." Before Paula realized it, the service was over.

  She walked over toward Josh, but everyone was doing the same. She saw Suzie off to the side and asked about all the people. Suzie seemed taken aback. "Some are kids from school, but mostly, it's people from church. They come because it's important to support the living when they say goodbye to the dead. It doesn't matter that they didn't know Josh's mother. Some don't even know Josh. They come because it's part of being 'church.'"

  "Wow," was all Paula could think of to say. At that moment, she saw a chance to speak to Josh and tell him again how sorry she was. He looked quite grown up in a suit and shook her hand politely.

  "Thank you for coming, Detective. I know I haven't been exactly friendly to you, but it's really nice you came today."

  Laura came over and invited Paula to come to the church where they would be having a light lunch and reception. "I'm sorry, Laura, but I can't stay. Work calls." She left thinking Jennifer Miller had gotten a better send off than most addicts did.

  Paula drove back to the PD deep in thought and realized it was a minor miracle she didn't cause an accident. She was hell on drivers who weren't focused on the road and probably would have pulled herself over, had she been on traffic patrol. She parked her car and walked to her cubicle thinking about her own funeral. She didn't expect her family would show up. Who else would be there? It was a sad thought. Laura and Kate maybe. Would Jim come?

  Paula closed her eyes and plopped down on her chair. Why did her mind wander to Jim? She missed him so much that it seemed a physical ache had settled in her chest. She couldn't understand it. She hadn't wanted a relationship. She ought to be happy. They had broken up without anyone in the department finding out about them. She knew she would have been seen as the guilty party in that equation. Guys always stuck up for each other. Catastrophe averted. Of course, she was the culprit this time. Could that have something to do with her feelings?

  Paula tried to reason with herself. The sex had been great, but she'd had plenty of good sex without all the fuss and drama of a
relationship. Jim was amazing between the sheets, though. If she was being honest with herself, sex with Jim was off the charts great. Full marks in the bedroom department.

  Was the problem his highhandedness and rules? Paula chewed on that idea. Although he had been overbearing at times, she'd liked it when he'd helped her get her house in order as well. She would never have come this far without his guidance. She'd found places for all her own things and gotten rid of a lot of stuff she didn't care about having. Her eating habits had improved drastically, and with regular exercise, she felt more vital than she had at twenty-five. Not all his rules were bad. She missed his texts and their evening chats. It was nice to have someone care how your day had been and what you were doing at night. So, maybe overbearing was wrong and a better description was interested, committed, and caring.

  Damn, had she enjoyed being in a relationship after all?

  Paula got up from her chair and started to pace. Why had she taken off the collar that day? He had punished her. Was she mad about that? It had been more humiliating than painful. Sure, she'd felt the strokes of his belt, but he didn't break the skin and the marks were gone quickly with no lingering discomfort. That wasn't the problem.

  She had been angry at the time and said it was because he was interfering in her work, but was that true? He said she had been careless about her safety. Maybe she was really mad at herself? She knew he had been right and didn't want to admit it. Even worse, she was pretty sure she would do the same thing again. She had walked out on him and their agreement, not because of something he'd done but because of her own cowardice. She'd been convinced he would find her lacking and discard her just as her parents and her ex had. She'd needed to beat him to the punch.

  Laura closed the bedroom door with a quiet snick. Josh was already sound asleep, exhausted from the events of the day. Strong arms surrounded her from behind and she was hauled into a rock hard body. James' delicious scent invaded her nose and she leaned her head back against his shoulder. He took the opening she gave him and caressed the sensitive spot below her ear with soft lips. His arms tightened into a fierce bear hug. He spun her around and dark brown eyes assessed her face. They skimmed over her forehead to the edges of her mouth and traveled back up to her eyes. Despite the pull that compelled her to look in his eyes, she noticed the creases on his forehead and the worry lines beside his mouth. James was stressed, too.

  Laura went onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss on his lips. James took the initiative in their relationship, but now Laura wanted to ease his concern. She kept the kiss chaste, with only a brush of lips against lips and pulled back.

  "It was a hard day, Sir," she stated the obvious.

  James' lips curved upward at the corners but didn't make it to a full-blown smile. "Yes, it was. But it was a good day. I think Josh has accepted it, and he has a place to visit his mom from time to time."

  He turned and started to walk them to their bedroom.

  Laura gasped when he opened the door and guided her into the space. On the bed lay several toys and coils of rope. Is he planning on doing a scene?

  James stepped away from her and ordered, "Strip and kneel."

  Laura stood for a moment trapped by indecision. Play? Now? Is he out of his mind?

  They had just been to a funeral. Odds were Josh would have nightmares tonight.

  "Do you need to safeword, Laura?" The low growl in James' voice pulled Laura out of her thoughts.

  "No, Sir. I'm sorry." Laura hurried to comply, and as soon as she stripped out of her panties, she slid onto her knees on the soft rug beside their bed. As she placed her hands on her legs and lowered her head, she could feel the burdens of the last few days wash away and anticipation started to build.

  "Open."

  Laura looked up and came face to face with James' cock. It stood proud and erect from a neatly trimmed nest of hair. His scent was musky but still pleasant and one hundred percent James. Laura loved servicing James with her mouth and she opened up eagerly. James guided his cock into her mouth, his hand around the base so he wouldn't go too deep too fast. She didn't mind deep throating him, but she needed some build up to avoid her gag reflex. His other hand fisted her hair. Laura relaxed into his dominance and let him fuck her mouth.

  Although on her knees in submission with James controlling her head, Laura wasn't passive. She lapped at his cock, tongued the sensitive rim, and applied suction when James withdrew. Twice, he lost his rhythm. James pulled out and kissed her on the lips.

  "You're very good at that, honey, but I don't want to come in your mouth tonight." He grabbed her hands. "Stand up."

  She complied and he guided her to the bed. James picked up a folded rope and as he started weaving, Laura recognized the basic chest harness. The rope compressed her breasts and she moaned as James caressed the globes. He smiled and his eyes lit up. He loved her breasts and liked to tease her.

  "Lie down, arms over your head."

  Laura complied eagerly. She expected him to tie her spread eagled to the bed, but he produced a spreader bar she hadn't seen before and tied her legs wide open with it. He fastened both her wrists and the spreader bar to the headboard, bending her almost double.

  James settled between her legs and stroked her labia. He played with her lips and stroked over her mound. "I love how smooth and soft this waxed pussy is."

  He kept playing with her pussy like he had all the time in the world. "I love how it's weeping cream for me." He scooped up some of her juices and spread it over her labia.

  He moved his finger around her clit in a circle big enough to keep her frustrated and wanting. "I love how this little pink pearl is peaking out of its hood and begging me to touch."

  Laura tried to wiggle her butt to make him enter her or stroke her clit or both. Anything . "Sir," she whined.

  James grinned. "Getting impatient, honey?" he teased.

  "Desperate, Sir," she ground out. "Please."

  "Please what, honey?"

  "Touch me."

  James hummed and stroked around her entrance. "I am touching you."

  Laura gritted her teeth. She knew he wouldn't budge or hurry, whatever she did. He would probably make her wait longer if she wasn't careful.

  "Who's in control?"

  "You, Sir."

  "Who knows what you need?"

  "You, Sir."

  "Who does this pussy belong to?"

  "Y-you." Before she could finish her answer, James latched his mouth onto her clit and sucked with long, hard pulls to bring her to an intense climax.

  After he brought her down with careful licks and small caresses, James crawled up her body and settled his cock at her swollen entrance. She was slick and hot and he had to work himself inside her body. As soon as he'd seated himself inside her all the way to the root, he leaned down and kissed her with his tongue penetrating her just as his cock was. At first, Laura had been uncomfortable with her own taste on his lips, but it was oddly erotic. Without breaking contact with her mouth, James flexed his hips and pumped into her. With her legs wide open and her ass in the air, he went deeper than she'd thought possible and it felt uncomfortable at first. James noticed her wince and pulled back and changed his angle. When he powered into her again, he still went deep, but he hit a spot that sent sparks through her system.

  "Holy…" Laura panted, unable to string together a coherent sentence anymore.

  James looked amused, proud, and dominant. "That's right." Those were the last words he uttered before letting go of his amazing self-control and pistoning into her, bringing them both to completion.

  They lay still for a few moments, spent, before James started untying Laura and massaging her skin where the rope had left imprints on her skin.

  Laura loved this downtime almost as much as their scenes. They talked and touched each other. Sometimes, she came back from a deep state of relaxation, or maybe it was subspace, and found herself cuddled on James' lap. It felt silly to sit on his lap most of the time, but it was great
when she was coming down from subspace.

  "Thank you, Sir. I needed this."

  James chuckled. "What, for making you climax twice?"

  Laura laughed at that. "That's fairly normal when we make love." She shook her head. "No. For understanding. I didn't realize it before, but I heard someone say once that sex after a death is perfectly normal. It's an affirmation of life. We both needed that today."

  He nodded in understanding. "If we weren't in the lifestyle, it would have been vanilla sex and it would have served the same purpose. For us, we needed the full scene. Now you can relax and sleep."

  Laura yawned. "I'm relaxed all right." She pressed a kiss on his shoulder and settled into her favorite position after poking her pillow into the right shape. "Good night, Sir."

  "Good night, sweet sub." James pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned out the light.

  Chapter 13

  Paula wondered why everyone made such a big deal out of wishing people "Happy New Year." She didn't see anything happy about it. She'd spent the night before in front of her television watching a movie she couldn't now remember and feeling sorry for herself. How could this be? The year before, she'd gone out clubbing and had a great night with a guy whose name she'd forgotten the next day, and it had been good. Why hadn't she done that last night? James and Laura had invited her to join them at Club Indigo, but she'd turned them down for the same reason she'd stayed home—Jim Cagney. She couldn't go to the club because he might be there. She couldn't go out for a one-night stand because of him, either. Clubbing for sex had lost its luster. Instead, here she was, voluntarily at work on New Year's Day. She should have volunteered to work the night before, too. It would have been more fun. So far, New Year's Day had been pretty quiet. There had been some celebratory gunfire the night before, but that was the night shift's problem. She was stuck shuffling through her open cases to see where she might make progress on a holiday.