Dirge (Devastation Trilogy 1)

by Lesli Richardson

  It was farther for me to drive than Ellen, but I did it without complaint. If Casey was shocked when I showed up, she did a damn good job hiding it. The next day, Ellen snuck Casey’s old AAA card out of her wallet for me and I renewed it for her without telling her.

  When she got the renewal packet in the mail the next Friday, she hugged me the next time she saw me, and as a thank-you she brought lunch to me at work the next day.

  I also showed up that Sunday to do a tune-up on her car for her, because it was starting to run like shit and she didn’t have the money to pay for it.

  At some point over the next six months, Casey’s teasing that I was stealing her bestie faded as we quietly made the transition from antagonists to best friends, to partners in crime. And no matter how many times I tried to fix her up on double dates with us, I still secretly felt a little guilty whenever I spotted the wistful look in her eyes when she watched us leave to go do something together.

  Like there was a pain in her soul far deeper than I knew.

  I just wished I could convince her I’d never come between them.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Now

  Casey leaves the office a few minutes ahead of us. By the time Declan and I emerge downstairs, where the security detail awaits, neither of us look like we’ve just been fucking upstairs. We’re both dressed, carrying laptop cases, neckties loosened but in place and wearing our blazers.

  Declan tries to let me get in first, but I step aside and motion for him to go, our gazes meeting for only the briefest of moments before he obeys me.

  My cock thickens again as he does, and I surreptitiously reach down to adjust myself as I duck inside and follow him into the SUV’s backseat.

  Once we’re alone there and on our way, I reach over and grab his right hand and pull it into my lap, covering my bulge, and squeeze his hand around it. It’s dark, and the driver can’t see what we’re doing.

  Even if he could, he’d never say anything. Just like nothing’s ever been said about the times I had an official driver like this for events, and I had Ellen blowing me on the way home, or I fingered her. They’re sworn to secrecy. I mean, they won’t let me rob a bank or something, but between two consenting adults they’re going to turn and look the other way.

  As we approach the front gate of my development, I squeeze Declan’s hand once more before I remove it from my lap, patting it as I release him in the middle of the seat. Our gazes meet again, holding there.

  I know whatever this is, he’s as all-in as I am in this moment.

  Probably not even because Casey told him he is, either.

  I don’t know why it should be any surprise to me that Casey is a literal Dominant. I’ve known her over two decades. She doesn’t have a submissive bone in her body. Before she left tonight, she put Declan on the floor on his knees in front of her and went through what I suppose is a ritual for them. He kissed her feet, received a head-scratch from her, and then she leaned in and kissed him after some whispered words between them that I couldn’t hear.

  Apparently he has a couple of changes of clothes stashed at her house, so she’ll bring one for him in the morning when she arrives to pick him up.

  There are a million questions rolling through my mind, but I don’t dare ask them now, even with relative privacy.

  I don’t want to…think.

  I want to pick up where we left off, shut down my noisy brain for the night, and go to sleep come-drunk and exhausted with him in my arms.

  Counts as cardio, right?

  At the house, I unlock the door and have Declan enter first. The driver waits to leave until we’re safely inside. I lock us in, reset the alarm, set my stuff down on the bench…

  And grab Declan by the necktie and slam him back against the front door, where I pin him as I kiss him. When I press my thigh between his, he moans and starts eagerly rocking his erection against me.

  “That’s it, boy,” I hoarsely rasp against his kiss-swollen lips. “Work up another one, because neither of us are going to sleep tonight until we both nut again.”

  He’s…gone. That’s all it took, manhandling him and going Dom on him. And he can take a hell of a lot more than Ellen could have.

  I damn sure have plenty to give him.

  I love the glassy, glazed look in his brown eyes, the way his lips part for me, his eager thrusts against my leg.

  Still holding his tie, I force him to his knees and pull his face against the front of my slacks, where my erection strains for freedom again. I cup the back of his head with my other hand and fist his hair to guide him.

  “Going to teach you how to properly worship a real cock, boy,” I tell him. “Better get used to that now. You’re going to spend a lot of time on your knees for me.”

  His moan vaguely sounds like, “Yes, Sir,” but he’s too busy mouthing and nuzzling the outline of my stiff cock through the fabric for me to know for sure.

  Eager boy is eager.

  You have no idea how happy that makes me for a variety of reasons.

  The main reason being it means I don’t have to feel a single fucking ounce of guilt.

  After a couple of minutes of that I tip his head back and stare into his eyes. Responsible George needs to make a brief appearance, so I force my cock to relinquish just enough blood flow back to my brain to allow me to focus.

  “You need a safeword.”

  He looks a little…confused. Or maybe that’s just his deep subspace face, I don’t know. “Safeword?”

  “In case you ever need me to stop.”

  He shakes his head. “No, Sir.”

  “I don’t mean right now you need me to stop,” I clarify. “If I do something too much.”

  He shakes his head again. “No, Sir. I don’t need one.”

  “Uh, yeah. You do. Doesn’t Casey use one with you?”

  “I don’t need one, Sir.”

  Okay, fuck this shit. “I say you need one, so you’re getting one. Do you understand me?”

  I see his throat work as he swallows, nervous, and it bothers me that he almost looks like his feelings are…hurt? “Yes, Sir,” he whispers.

  “I go too far, I do too much—whatever. You say ‘Casey.’ Understand? You say her name.”

  A scowl furrows his brow. “You want me to say Ma’am’s name as a safeword?”

  “Yeah. Humor me, boy.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Fuck me, it feels sooo goddamned good knowing those are now capital S’s.

  I reach up and loosen my tie. “Jacket off. Just leave it there.”

  He immediately shrugs it off and drops it behind him.

  I unbutton my collar so I can lift my tie up and over my head. “Hands.”

  He’s obedient, I’ll give him that. No hesitation whatsoever, he holds his hands up to me.

  I use my tie around his wrists, cinching it tight and taking a couple more wraps around his wrists with it, finishing by knotting it. Obviously it’s meant to be more symbolic than actually restrain him. He could easily get out of it if he wanted to.

  When I see that sweet, glazed look return to his gaze, it tells me no, he doesn’t want to free himself.

  His own necktie is now my leash for him. I tug on it to coax him to stand, grab my laptop case, where I stashed the condoms and lube Casey gave me, and lead him upstairs.

  I’ve never brought anyone else to my house like this before, especially not for this reason.

  Ellen and I bought this house twelve years ago. The day before we moved in, we came over that night without the kids and literally fucked in every room.

  I mean, we didn’t orgasm in every room, but this was our house, our tangible proof to ourselves that we’d “made it” in life. No mortgage on it, either.

  Damn right we fucked in every room to claim it and mark it as ours.

  That’s one reason why I’m reasonably sure I’ll never be able to move.

  I lead him down the hallway. Outside my bedroom door, I hesitate when my laptop ca
se accidentally hits the doorframe, and then that sound slams into my brain again, the bang the debris made as it hit the fuselage, the roar—

  I pull him in with his tie and kiss him, hard, short-circuiting the unfortunately familiar memory. Turning us, I back him through the open doorway even as I devour his lips with mine. The man’s been in my home before, countless times, both before and after, and even up here in my bedroom for mundane, innocent reasons.

  Not tonight.

  If I have my way, this won’t be the last time, either.

  I crave this sweet, blessed silence trying to take root inside my skull.

  Most of all, I’m a greedy man. If I have a way that I can take my mind off my new reality for a little while and get more than a couple of hours of sleep at once, I’ll take it.

  I kick the bedroom door shut behind us. I don’t even know why, since we’re alone and I’m not expecting any of the kids to come home at nearly eleven on a Tuesday night. I toe off my loafers as I back him toward the bed while kissing him.

  I cannot get enough of him right now, and even better, he doesn’t remind me of Ellen.

  Once we reach the bed, I drop the laptop case onto it and shrug off the right sleeve of my blazer, switch hands holding his necktie, and free my left arm.

  With his hands tied in front of him, he can’t hold on to me like I can see he wants to. I pull him to me again, more kisses, sucking on his lips and nipping, biting, all while I reach down and unfasten his belt and pants with my free hand.

  “Shoes,” I rumble against his lips before kissing him again.

  He manages to get them off and I kick them out of my way. Then I shove his slacks and briefs down his legs and find he’s already hard again.

  Good, because so am I.

  Once he kicks those off, I grab his cock and the hungry, needy sound of his unmuffled moan fills my soul.

  “Good boy.” I release his necktie and start unbuttoning his shirt. Once I reach his tie, I loosen it enough I can pull it off over his head. Leaving his hands tied, I pull his shirt and undershirt over his head, too, and down his arms, wadding them up around his hands.

  Then I shove him back onto the bed and push his hands up, over his head, where I lean over and pin them against the mattress.

  I stare down at him, our gazes locked together. I don’t understand what this is, but right now, I need it more than I need air in my lungs.

  No, I’ve never been with another guy before.

  No, I’ve never even lusted after a guy before, no bi-curious fantasies of my own.

  Ellen used to talk about stuff, spank-bank fodder, being pinned between me and another guy, or having a guy between us and me fucking him while he ate her out or fucked her, but that was just talk.

  I went along with it because fuck yeah, the fantasy was hot, especially while we were making love.

  Doubly especially if I used toys on her at the same time.

  With my free hand, I reach up and tweak his left nipple, pinch it, and watch his cock jerk where it’s hard and laying straight up against his abs. He’s leaking pre-cum, too. His cock’s not as big as mine, not quite seven inches and slimmer than mine, and I realize now he’s not circumcised.

  Now when he whimpers for me, it’s not muffled, not restrained. Every deliciously pained sound makes my cock throb.

  For the first time in nearly two damn years, I am enjoying life.

  Is that what this is? Temporary insanity triggered by grief and loneliness?

  Don’t know, don’t care.

  I torture his other nipple, finally releasing his hands.

  “Keep them there, boy.” I pinch and twist both nipples, loving the sounds he makes for me and how his hips thrust at the air.

  My sadist wants to play with him now that the Dom’s interest has been piqued.

  Rolling him onto his stomach, I position him so his ass is at the edge of the bed and his feet are on the floor. Then I deliver a slap to his ass.

  “Stay.”

  I cross my bedroom to my closet, where I grab the tote of stuff and drag it out.

  Pain rolls through me and I angrily shove it out of the way.

  Dying’s easy.

  Surviving’s hard.

  Ellen’s voice drifts to me, that long-ago conversation we had when we first made our wills.

  I’d want you to be happy, George. To find someone to make you happy—

  I shut down that memory as I carry the tote over to the bed, set it on the floor next to it, and rip the lid off. I throw the sweater onto the floor and pull out a wooden paddle that hasn’t seen daylight in years.

  Leaning over the bed, I grab his head with one hand and present the paddle to him. “Kiss it.”

  He does.

  Smiling, I lean in and kiss him.

  Kissing him feels familiar, and yet doesn’t remind me of her.

  Not at all.

  Thank god.

  I straighten and lay the paddle against his left ass cheek, delighting in the way he flinches when he feels its touch.

  “Hang on, boy. This is going to hurt. A lot.”

  I don’t have to be quiet. I don’t have to worry about discovery.

  It’s me and Declan and a house full of old pain, a house that used to be full of love and laughter and sexy damn fun.

  I don’t hold back, but I go slow. I could gag him, but I don’t want to, this time.

  I want to hear these noises from him, these cries, these tears.

  I need to soothe away the pain I create, love it from his flesh.

  I can take him apart and put him back together tonight, and wake up to him in my arms.

  He is no nightmare—he’s real, and willing.

  And able.

  I pause to lean in and bite his left ass cheek, then the right. Not loving nips, but hard, sucking bites.

  I want Casey to see my marks on him, my ownership.

  If we’re going to do this, by fucking god we’re doing it.

  I’m doing it.

  “Legs apart,” I tell him, and he spreads them.

  Tossing the paddle aside, I reach between his legs and cup his balls. “She lock you up? Chastity?”

  “Sometimes, Sir.”

  “She said you don’t ask to orgasm?”

  “No, Sir. I’m not allowed to ask unless she tells me I can ask.”

  “Not allowed to jerk off?”

  “No, Sir. Not without her permission.”

  I gently squeeze his balls, making him gasp. I don’t want to hurt him like this, just keep him nervous and needy. There’s good pain and bad pain, and I have no use for bad pain.

  Physical or mental or emotional. Considering I’m stuck in a hell of the last two, I definitely know it’s not fun.

  “Unless I tell you otherwise, boy, you’re always allowed to ask me for orgasms. In fact, I want you to ask me. And when we’re together, unless I’ve specifically told you that you aren’t allowed to come, or have ordered you to hold it, you are free to grab as many as you can from me during our play. I might deny you from time to time, but I promise if you’re with me, I’ll never let you go to sleep unsatisfied.”

  I lean in and leave another love bite on his left ass cheek. He’ll be fucking covered in them by the time she picks him up in the morning.

  Hell, she loaned him to me and told me to have fun.

  That’s absolutely what I’m going to do.

  Funny thing is, I might not get much sleep tonight after all.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I wish I’d grabbed Declan’s collar and cuffs from Casey’s office, but she packed everything into a bag to take with her. While I have Ellen’s leather collar and cuffs in the bin, even if they fit him, I wouldn’t feel right putting those on him.

  I need to get him some of his own from me.

  I do have rope, though.

  Pulling that from the tote, I kick his feet farther apart and make quick work of tying his ankles to the bed legs to keep him spread open. Then I undo my necktie around h
is hands, strip off the tie and his shirt and undershirt, and retie his wrists using more rope.

  With the boy now secured, I strip and climb up on the bed to sit in front of him much the same way Casey did on the desk earlier.

  He props himself up as far as he can with his elbows under him and opens his mouth wide.

  The grin I know I’m wearing feels nearly painful, using muscles that haven’t flexed in too damn long. “Good boy.”

  This time I definitely don’t want to blow my load in his mouth, but I do want to fuck that hot mouth of his again. I hold on to his head and use him, going slowly to give him time to adjust and talking him through what I like.

  Although his technique was pretty good to start with.

  I suck in a breath as he plays with the head, explores the slit, gaining confidence as I praise him and stroke his hair. At some point in the future, I’m going to have fun rolling right over him and taking what I want from him whenever I want it, but first I need to make sure I teach him to want to take it from me.

  That’s best done like this.

  “And unless I tell you otherwise,” I add, “you always swallow. Good boys always swallow.”

  His mumbled, “Yes, Sir,” around my cock sends sweet vibrations straight into my balls and nearly makes me pop right there.

  Fuuuuck.

  I ease out a little and pause, giving him time to breathe freely. His brown gaze stares up at me, full of not just subspace, but what I’m pretty sure is trust.

  Shouldn’t that terrify me?

  I shouldn’t be trusted.

  Not really.

  Not when I’m reasonably certain I’m only a few missing hours’ sleep away from a psychotic break.

  I gentle my grip on his head and rake my fingers through his hair, over his scalp.

  His eyes drop closed as a sweet, muffled moan floats from him.

  Fuck.

  It’s been too damn long since I’ve had the simple pleasure of stroking someone’s hair and making them smile just from that.

  Of a head in my lap, fingers laced together, the feel of warm, bare flesh against flesh.

  “Change of plans,” I hoarsely say.

  I pull out, untie his hands, and then climb out of bed to untie his feet.