Guilty: Confessions Series: Book 1

by Monroe, Lilian

  “I’ve been crying to that song for weeks.” She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, then starts laughing. “I’m sick of it now.”

  My heart squeezes. I did that to her.

  We drive the rest of the way in silence. When I drop her outside the office, every muscle in my body is screaming at me to lean over and kiss her, but I know I can’t. I watch her gather her things and give me that little half-smile.

  “See you later, I guess.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “I can drive you home,” I blurt. I don’t want this to end. “It’ll be more comfortable than the subway, in your condition.”

  “In my condition?” Her eyebrow arches.

  My lips drop open. “No, I… I didn’t mean…. I just…”

  She laughs, then, and an arrow goes through my heart. That’s the laugh I fell in love with. Her eyes glimmer and she grins at me, shaking her head.

  “I’ll text you when I’m finishing up.”

  My heart does another cartwheel. I nod.

  “See you tonight.” I watch her walk into the building. When she gets inside, she glances over her shoulder at me. Her lips twitch, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life.

  She wants me. I know she does. She wants to love me, to be with me, to let me hold her in my arms.

  She wants the same things I do.

  I take a deep breath and start driving back towards my office. No matter how long it takes, I’ll wait for her. I’ll show her that I’m not the same man I was before. I’ll drive her home every single day if that’s what it takes. I’ll paint the nursery and help her carry her shopping bags.

  I’ll be there.

  I’ll show her what she means to me. I’ll show her that no one else matters except her and the baby.

  With renewed resolve, and hope burning a little bit hotter in my heart, I let myself smile. I smile all afternoon and smile harder when she texts me. I smile when she gets in my car and try to keep a straight face as we drive in silence.

  I walk her to her door, and she nods at me.

  “Thank you, Martin.”

  “Same time tomorrow?”

  Her lips quirk and her eyes search my face. “What’s your angle, here?”

  “My angle is making sure you’re comfortable and safe and home every evening.”

  She stares at me for a few moments and finally chuckles. “Okay.” And then she disappears through the front door. I stare at the door for a few seconds and put my palm against it. It stays well and truly closed, but I don’t care.

  I’ll come here every day for as long as it takes.

  Nicole is mine, and I’m hers. I don’t want anyone else, or anything else, except her and our child and our life together.

  For the past couple months, I’ve been in a deep, dark hole. I’ve come to terms with my mistakes and punished myself a thousand times. I’ve given up my career, the one thing that has kept me going. I’ve gone bankrupt.

  It means nothing, though, compared to Nicole’s smile. I’d give up my career a thousand times, go bankrupt over and over and over again just to see that glimmer in her eye.

  I turn around and walk back to my car. I glance once more at the building, at the closed door, and I take a deep breath.

  Every. Single. Day.

  I’ll be here as long as she lets me. I’ll get her home safe, and make sure she’s comfortable. I’ll drive her to her doctor’s appointments if she lets me.

  Whatever it takes, and as long as it takes, I’ll be here.

  I get back in my car and glance at the apartment building one more time. The curtains on the second floor move, and a smile twitches at my lips. She’s there. She kissed me. She’s given me hope.

  From the moment I saw her in that parking lot, she was meant to be mine.

  Now, I’m going to prove it to her.

  39

  Nicole

  Two months later…

  The elevator door dings open and I step out, smiling. Martin stands up from the benches in the lobby and extends an arm towards me.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  “Hey, Big Shot.”

  He grins. “How was work?”

  I tell him about my day as he leads me to his car. Ever since that day in his office, he’s picked me up from work every day. He said he didn’t like me taking the bus home, and I haven’t gotten around to buying a new car.

  I haven’t admitted it to him, but I’ve been stalling on the new car. These moments with him are the best part of my day.

  We’ve taken things slow. My heart is still fragile, and I haven’t wanted to jump into anything. When I told him that, after we kissed in his office, I thought he’d be angry. I thought he’d be mad or try to convince me. Instead, he just nodded. He respected my wishes. He listened to me.

  Now, when I slip my hand into his, I know I’m ready. I’m ready to be with him. I’m ready to end his torture. I’m ready to wrap my arms and legs around him and tell him that I’m his. I’m ready to run my fingers through his hair and see the joy in his eyes when he feels our baby kicking.

  I’m ready—so ready it makes my heart want to explode.

  He opens his car door for me and I get in, watching him jog around the front to get in the driver’s seat.

  My heart thumps as he drives me home. When we pull up outside, he smiles at me.

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Do you want to come up?”

  His eyebrows shoot up towards his hairline. “Yeah. Fuck yeah! Yes.” He clears his throat. “I mean, yeah, you know, whatever.”

  I laugh, smacking his arm. “Come on, you goon.”

  He puts his hand on my lower back when I fumble with my keys. I’m still in my shoebox apartment, but not for long. Soon, the baby and I will have our very own house.

  When we walk in, I nod to the boxes I’ve started packing.

  “I’m moving to the new place next week. I’ve never owned a house before.” I smile, looking at the boxes. Martin slips his hand around my waist and kisses my temple.

  “You deserve it.”

  I spin in his arms, putting my hand on his chest.

  “Thank you for waiting for me. I know I’ve been distant. I just...” I sigh. “Just… Thanks.”

  He shakes his head, laughing softly. “Nicole, I would wait my entire life for you. I would drive you home every single day, rain or shine. I would do anything.”

  He rests his forehead against mine. “You have to understand that nothing else even comes close to the way I feel about you.”

  My heart does a backflip and butterflies explode in my stomach. Sensing my excitement, our baby starts to kick. I grab his hand and put it on my stomach. His eyes light up and a delighted smile breaks over his face.

  “Wow.”

  It’s the first time I’ve let him do that. I’ve seen the way he looks at my stomach, and how his hands twitch when I touch my bump. It’s been too intimate to let him touch it.

  Now, it feels right.

  With his hand on my stomach, and my chest so close to his, desire starts to flame inside me. I drag my eyes up to his face, licking my lips. Martin watches me, letting his hand drift up my stomach. He brushes his hand over my breast and I sigh.

  “Nicole,” he growls.

  “Yes?”

  I run my fingers up his chest, hooking them around his neck. He groans as I press my body against his. His hands run to my back and down to my ass. He squeezes it, resting his forehead against mine.

  “I want you,” he breathes.

  “Even when I’m a giant pregnant whale?”

  “You’re not a whale,” he laughs. “But yes. Pregnant, not pregnant, it doesn’t matter. Always. Everywhere.” He squeezes my ass again and desire sparks in my veins. Instead of answering, I tilt my chin up and press my lips to his.

  At first, it’s tentative. As soon as I part my lips and feel his tongue diving into me, I’m done. I moan, curling my fingers into his hair. My nipples harden and I p
ress my whole body against his. His hands slide down my thighs, and without warning, he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, giggling.

  “You sure you can carry me? I’m heavier than before.”

  “I’m sure,” he laughs. We kiss and I squeeze my legs around his waist. My skirt rides up and I grind my center towards him. The space between my legs grows hotter, and my need for him grows.

  Because that’s what it is—a need. I don’t want him. I need him. I need his kiss, and his hands, and his cock. I need his mouth on my body and I need his voice in my ear. I need his breath to wash over my skin and I need his scent all over me.

  I need him.

  “Bedroom,” he says between kisses, his hands cupping my ass. He spreads my ass cheeks apart and I moan. I can feel his cock, rock hard between us.

  I nod towards the bedroom and he carries me towards it. When he lays me down on the bed, he sighs. I watch as he unbuttons my shirt and slides it off my shoulders. He slips my skirt off and groans. I’m not exactly wearing sexy underwear, but he looks like me like I’m a Victoria’s Secret model. Caging me against the bed, he kisses me hard. His hand drifts to my breast, my side, my ass.

  Unhooking my bra, he tosses it aside. When his lips connect with my breast, I gasp. It’s like my nipple has a direct line to my center. He licks and nips and kisses my breast, toying with my other nipple with his hand. I’m panting, curling my fingers into his hair. I feel like I’m going to come just from that. He kicks my legs apart and slips his fingers under my panties.

  “So fucking wet,” he groans as he slides his hand up and down my slit.

  “For you,” I pant.

  He slides two fingers inside me and I moan. I arch my back, letting my legs fall open. He curls his fingers just right, kissing my neck and whispering everything and anything into my ear. I don’t hear him. I don’t understand. All I can focus on is the pleasure burning between my legs.

  Just when I think my orgasm will crash into me, he slips his fingers out of me. He tears my underwear down my legs and groans.

  When he flips me over, I yelp.

  “On all fours,” he commands. I do as he says, my breasts and belly hanging down as I prop myself up on my elbows and knees. He spreads my legs apart, his hands drifting from my knees to the backs of my thighs. He spreads my ass apart and sighs.

  When his tongue connects with my slit, I gasp. His hand twirls around my clit as his tongue finds my opening. He doesn’t just lick me, he fucks me with his tongue. In and out, he fucks me with his mouth, his tongue, his fingers. His hands drift to my ass and he spreads it wide, sliding his tongue up to my ass.

  I gasp, feeling dirty and bad and so fucking good. His tongue slides around my ass and then gently inside. My legs shake and I grip the blanket. My whole body is on fire. The pads of his fingers find my clit again, and his tongue keeps working my ass. When he slips his thumb inside my opening, I scream.

  I scream his name, I scream oh god, I scream yes, I scream wordless moans as my whole body shakes. Martin moans with me, fucking my ass and my pussy and my clit until my orgasm is dripping out of me.

  He licks up every drop, groaning.

  “I’ve been dreaming of that for months.” I look over my shoulder at him with hooded eyes. I can’t even speak. I watch him tear off his shirt and unbuckle his pants.

  He kicks them off in an instant, and I just stay there, recovering. I’m still on my elbows and knees, with my forehead resting on the pillow. I just need a breath. Just a second to recover. Just—

  He drives his cock inside my quivering pussy and I gasp. He’s so hard, so hot, so fucking good. My fingers curl into the covers as my back arches for him. I push myself back onto his cock and moan.

  When he smacks my ass, I sigh. The pleasure he gives me is indescribable. He drives his cock deep inside me until another orgasm washes over me, and then a third.

  I collapse. My legs can’t support me anymore. He lifts my ass up and fucks me harder, pushing my hair off my back. He leans down, his face near my ear.

  “I’m going to come,” he grunts.

  “Come, Martin,” I gasp. “Come inside me.”

  He grunts, moans, and explodes inside me. I feel every pump, every drop, every throb, and I love every second of it.

  When we fall apart, I watch him catch his breath. His hand falls towards me and I interlace my fingers in his. He turns his head towards me and sighs.

  “I love you so fucking much, Nicole.”

  My heart explodes. I nod. “I know.”

  “I’m never going to let you go.”

  “I don’t want you to.”

  He smiles, turning towards me. He drapes his arm over my body and pulls me in for a deep, tender kiss. We intertwine our arms and legs and lay in a sweaty, happy, post-orgasmic heap.

  I run my fingers through his hair and smile.

  “I love you too, Martin.”

  He grins, his eyes sparkling. “I know.”

  Epilogue - Martin

  Five months later…

  Our baby girl’s cries are the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard in my life. Nicole is crying, laying back in the hospital bed as a nurse drops our baby on her bare chest.

  “Skin to skin contact is important,” she says. “Hold your baby for a few minutes. Congratulations, you two.”

  Nicole’s hands stroke our baby’s tiny back as tears stream down her face. She glances at me, smiling through her tears. I put my hand on our baby’s head and my eyes mist with tears.

  This is the happiest day of my life.

  There have been so many happy days that it’s hard to rank them, but seeing our baby for the first time makes my whole world just a little bit brighter.

  Nicole strokes the baby and kisses its head. The baby is wrinkly with a big bald patch on the side of her head, but she’s perfect.

  “I love you,” I say, kissing Nicole’s forehead. I stroke her hair, pushing it off her sweaty forehead. She smiles at me. “You were incredible. I’m glad I’m not a woman.”

  Her eyes are hooded with happiness and tiredness and the incredible glow of a mother. I wrap my arms around my two girls and my heart beats for them.

  “Martin,” Nicole says softly.

  “Hmm?”

  “I have a name in mind for her.”

  I lift my head up and stare at Nicole. Her eyebrows are arched, and she bites her lip.

  “I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

  “What is it?”

  We haven’t talked about names. I just moved into the house last month, and we’ve been busy getting things ready. With both of us working, and a new house to get organized, there hasn’t been much down time. It feels like this moment right now is the first time we’ve been able to catch our breath.

  Nicole looks at the baby girl and joy shines on her face.

  “Jacqueline Brianne Henderson.”

  My heart thumps. My eyes mist. I find Nicole’s hand and interlace my fingers in hers. I squeeze her hand as a tear rolls down my cheek.

  “You would be okay with that?” My voice is choked with emotion. Nicole is so beautiful, inside and out. So many women wouldn’t want to be reminded of Brianne.

  Not Nicole.

  Nicole runs head-first into the memories, into the grief, and she shines her beautiful light on all the sadness. She obliterates all the badness around her. She’s completely, utterly good. Her goodness heals me, strengthens me, teaches me what it means to be compassionate and caring.

  “It’s perfect,” I say. “Jacqueline Brianne Henderson.”

  “I was worried you wouldn’t like it.”

  “I love it.” I kiss Jacqueline’s head and my chest feels so good it almost hurts. “And I love you.”

  She smiles at me, and I fumble in my pocket. When my fingers touch the little velvet box, I suddenly feel nervous. What if she says no?

  This is a ridiculous time to propose to her. I should have done something more romantic—something big. A grand gesture to sh
ow her what she means to me.

  But then, Nicole slides her hand over my cheek and I know that this is perfect. She wouldn’t want something big. She just wants honest, true love.

  So, I pull the ring box out of my pocket and flip it open.

  “Make me the happiest man in the world, Nic,” I breathe. My voice is choked with emotion.

  Her eyes widen and tears start falling again. Her breath hitches and a laugh tumbles out of her. She nods, closing her mouth and nodding harder as the tears spill down her cheeks.

  “Is that a yes?”

  “It’s a yes, Martin. It’s a yes,” she laughs. I take the ring and slip it over her finger. She watches it catch the light and then nuzzles against our baby girl’s head.

  “You hear that, Jacquie? You daddy’s going to make an honest woman out of me.”

  The nurse comes to swaddle the baby and take her away to be cleaned up and checked. I watch her go and then wrap my arms around Nicole. She shifts in bed, and I climb onto the tiny single hospital bed beside her. With my arms around her, and her head resting against my chest, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

  She looks at the ring and I kiss the top of her head.

  “You’re wrong, you know.” I rub my hands up and down her arm.

  “About what?”

  “I didn’t make an honest woman out of you. You’re the one who made an honest man out of me.”

  She turns to me, smiling. Her hand slides up my cheek and I kiss the woman of my dreams, the mother of my child, the love of my life.

  * * *

  Keep reading for a preview of Book 1 of the Mr. Right Series: Engaged to Mr. Right

  Sign up for my newsletter and get exclusive access to the Lilian Monroe Freebie Central. You’ll get access to bonus content from all my books, regular updates and new release alerts.

  Let me in!

  xox Lilian

  www.lilianmonroe.com

  Facebook: @MonroeRomance

  Instagram: @lilian.monroe