Demon Disgrace

by M. J. Haag

  He had to go. My life didn’t need more complications; it needed fewer.

  But how was I supposed to get rid of a guy who didn’t respect boundaries or listen to what I wanted?

  I sat there, determined to think of an answer. However, nothing inspiring came to mind as the house grew darker and I lost feeling in my butt. Eyelids heavy, I slapped my cheeks and tried to stay awake. I didn’t want to go to sleep in an empty house. That was worse than going to sleep sober.

  A knock on the door rescued me from my dilemma.

  Angel smiled at me from the front step, and I felt an uncalled-for sense of disappointment that it wasn’t Merdon.

  “Hoping for someone else?” Angel asked, reading my expression.

  “Not really. What can I do for you?”

  “Merdon sent me. He’s arranging some time for you to practice with Brenna tomorrow.”

  It took a second for me to understand.

  “You mean with a bow?”

  “Yep. He said you wanted to learn to shoot. Would it be okay if I tagged along?”

  “Um, sure.”

  Was it awkward that my ex-stalker’s new girlfriend wanted to hang out with me? Maybe a little.

  “We’re supposed to come up with a meeting place and let Brenna know. The fey don’t want us anywhere near the cows. No accidental hamburgers in our future.” She laughed.

  She was always happy. The real kind of happy, not my fake kind. I envied her.

  “I’m not sure where to practice. I don’t even know how much room we need,” I admitted.

  “A decent amount. I’ll check with Brenna and see if she has any ideas. Are you going to be up for a while?”

  “Yeah. Probably. Merdon left kind of angry, and I’d rather be awake when he gets back.” Retribution might be a bitch, and I’d prefer to be alert for it.

  “Angry? I think this is a conversation best done in the kitchen. Have any chips?”

  I found myself letting her in and following her to the kitchen.

  “I honestly don’t know what we have,” I said. “Emily does the cooking.”

  Angel draped her jacket over a kitchen chair and started checking cupboards. There was a crazy amount of food in them now, including an unopened bag of chips.

  “I’ve been craving chips,” she said with a quick grin over her shoulder. “So why was Merdon angry when he left?”

  She took a seat at the table and opened the bag, holding it out to me. I took a chip and joined her.

  “I hit him in the dick.”

  Her laughter echoed off the walls.

  “What’d he do to deserve that?”

  “He’s been spanking me and biting me, supposedly all in the name of teaching me to avoid infection. I think he just likes being a mean asshole.”

  “Would a mean asshole set up time for you to learn to shoot a bow?” she asked before crunching on a chip.

  “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out.”

  “He’s doing it because you asked him to.”

  Stunned, I remembered saying it when he woke me this morning.

  “I can’t believe he took me seriously.”

  Angel’s humor faded a bit.

  “There’s nothing he takes more seriously. And, for the record, he wasn’t mad when he came to talk to me.”

  “Why did he come talk to you and not Brenna?”

  “Because he wanted to know if I thought you’d really shoot him with a bow if you knew how.”

  Angel’s previous question poked at my mind. He was worried I’d try to shoot him and still wanted me to learn? Merdon was confusing the hell out of me, and I didn’t like it.

  “I think I have the perfect place to practice,” I said with a sudden smile.

  “Where?”

  “Tell Brenna we’ll meet by the burned dildo pile.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  I woke with a gasp, my heart thundering in my ears as I bolted upright in my bed and looked at my hand. The feel of the knife lingered in my palm, but nothing was there. No sticky blood and no knife. A shaky exhale turned into a sob. Why wouldn’t the dreams stop? How many times did I need to relive those moments for it to be enough?

  Something to my left rustled, and I swiveled, my panic rising once more.

  Merdon was leaning forward in his chair, his elbows braced on his knees as he watched me.

  For a confused moment, I stared back. I itched to climb out of bed and crawl into his lap. I knew he’d comfort me. But I couldn’t forget the kiss he’d given me. If I went to him now, knowing what he was thinking, I’d be signing away the tattered remnants of my soul.

  “Tell me what you dream,” he said softly.

  Guilt and shame raged inside of me, and I suddenly understood why I still dreamed. What I’d done was so horrible, it belonged in the dark. So it would stay there, always.

  Turning my back on him, I snuggled under the covers and tried to tell myself everything was fine. It wasn’t until my breathing calmed and my tears dried that I wondered how I’d gotten to my bed. After Angel had left, I’d turned on a movie. Obviously, I’d lost the fight and fallen asleep.

  I closed my eyes, knowing the answer to my question sat in the chair beside my bed.

  I stretched myself awake, then froze as I realized how wrong that was. Cautiously opening my eyes, I looked around my room. Daylight streamed into my window, and the chair was empty. I sat up, not believing my eyes.

  What new game was Merdon playing?

  Worried, I got out of bed and quickly dressed before jogging downstairs.

  “Morning,” Emily said cheerily from her place in the kitchen.

  I scanned the room.

  “He’s not here,” Emily said. “He left when I woke up but said he’d see you later. Are you really meeting up with Brenna for archery lessons?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  I sat at the island and watched Emily move around. She had corned beef hash frying on the stove and was pulling a platter of pancakes out of the oven.

  “Where’d we get all the food?” I asked, recalling the stuffed cupboards.

  Emily smiled.

  “The supply shed is overflowing. The group that leaves to find provisions located a distribution center, full to the rafters with all kinds of food. Ryan tried getting Matt to take half, but he refused, so the fey are distributing everything to make room in the supply shed. If you’re craving something more than chips, just let me know. I can probably get it.”

  “I’m not craving anything, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

  She dished me up two pancakes and a healthy serving of hash and set the plate before me.

  “Thanks,” I said before digging in.

  The sound of a sniffle had me looking up at Emily’s tearing eyes.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  She nodded and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand.

  “Fine. I’m just really happy. Do you want anything else?”

  I looked down at the plate and shook my head while trying not to feel more guilt. I wasn’t stupid. I understood her tears.

  “Was I really that bad?” I asked.

  “There was a stretch where you didn’t eat anything for two days. That was before you tried jumping from the roof.”

  I mentally cringed away from what she said, but she noticed.

  “We don’t have to talk about it. You’re doing better, and that’s all that matters.”

  But was I? The dreams were still there, and if Emily set a bottle of whiskey on the counter, I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to resist it. That desire to numb all the pain and worry was seductively tempting.

  “Thanks for making breakfast,” I said, unable to dwell on what I’d done or how I’d behaved.

  “Any time,” she said. “Seriously. If you’re hungry for anything, just say the word. You know I like cooking, and I wouldn’t mind the practice before Mary and I start making fancy meals for other people.”

  “How soon is that going to sta
rt up?” I asked. “You were at Mary’s a long time yesterday.”

  Emily’s face lit up, and she animatedly went on about the test dinner they made for James and what all still needs to happen before the real dinner.

  “The trip to Tenacity went fine, but I really need to get back there to confirm and reassure.”

  “With all these supplies, you should bake something to take with you. You know, like cookies or something that’s a little extra to show that they’d be well-fed if they agree to it.”

  “That’s a perfect idea. Let me know if you want to tag along,” she said, already reaching for the cookbook she kept on the counter. She froze mid-reach and looked at me guiltily.

  “Forget that I said that. I mean, I know you’re busy and …”

  A flush crept into her cheeks.

  “You’re worried that I’d find something to drink if I went with you.”

  The flush deepened.

  “As if Merdon would let me out of his sight,” I said bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. Go talk to people. I’ll be here.” I finished my last bite, impressed that I’d packed it in so quickly. “I gotta go meet up with Brenna and Angel. Thanks again for breakfast. It was good.”

  She smiled and watched me leave.

  Outside, I paused for a moment and lifted my face to the sun. Without the wind, it actually felt warm. I soaked it up and tried not to resent Emily’s freedom. After all, Merdon wasn’t following me now. And while I might not be able to leave Tolerance, I could still do what I wanted.

  A smile tugged at my lips as I thought of today’s goal.

  Content for the moment, I started out. When I happened to see a fey, I smiled and waved. They waved back, and things felt normal, but a better version of normal. I was on my way to learn how to shoot arrows at some dicks. Hopefully, with Merdon watching. That was way better than baking cookies or hitching a ride to Tenacity.

  Brenna and Angel were already waiting for me by the melted mound of dildos. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen the deformed pile of colorful plastics. I still couldn’t get over how many it must have taken to make the waist-high heap. It was a miracle Eden was still with Ghua.

  “Hey, Hannah,” Angel said brightly when she saw me. “You ready to shoot some dicks?”

  “So ready,” I answered.

  I glanced around and noted the area was spectator free. Including the top of the nearby wall.

  “It’s a little quiet, isn’t it?” I asked.

  Brenna snorted. “You know how word spreads. Once the fey found out what we were going to do, they ghosted.”

  “Shax didn’t even want to come with,” Angel said with a grin. “And I can usually talk him into anything.”

  Yep, still awkward.

  “Merdon and Thallirin were talking in hushed tones in the kitchen this morning,” Brenna said. “Merdon warned the others that you were angry at all the fey and were learning to shoot an arrow at fake human penises.”

  “You must have died laughing,” Angel said.

  “No, I was more curious why Hannah would be mad at all the fey. Thallirin wasn’t very forthcoming.”

  I didn’t know Brenna well, only that she was about my age and tended to be pretty serious. The solemn expression on her face and her tone of voice confirmed that assessment.

  “I’m mad because they’re all okay with how Merdon is treating me.”

  “How is he treating you?” she asked.

  “He’s force-fed me, made me try to get away from him in the basement, spanked me, bit me, and wasn’t letting me leave the house until yesterday.”

  Brenna’s face went white then red.

  “Hold on,” Angel said quickly. “Hannah, the fey talk, and I’ve heard something similar. But, there’s more behind his behavior than what you’re telling, isn’t there?”

  “You’re saying you believe he’s justified?” I asked, getting angry.

  “No. I’m saying that you were trying to kill yourself with alcohol and Merdon’s kept you inside so you could sober up away from temptation. He also set up a sparring area in your basement so you could get some exercise and take your mind off of withdrawals. To keep you very distracted, he taught you how to avoid infected bites. I’m not sure about the spankings. You’d need to ask him the reason for those. And the force-feeding I’m a little confused about as well, unless you were trying to starve yourself.”

  I stared at her in stunned silence, looking back at my interactions with Merdon in a different light. A distraction? The withdrawals hadn’t been fun. I’d thrown up so much. I’d just been lying there in misery. That was why he’d forced me to drink and threatened to force me to eat. And it wasn’t until after I was eating and drinking and over getting sick that he took me downstairs. Had it all been to distract me?

  “My mom had problems with alcohol after the accident,” Brenna said slowly. “It’s a dangerous slope. I saw you when you let Thallirin use your shower and again when the men kidnapped us. You have a problem, and I hope that Merdon really is trying to help you. But if he isn’t, if he’s forcing you to do things, find me.”

  My eyes burned as I realized what she was saying. She would have my back if I needed someone to hold the body bag. Only, I wasn’t sure anymore if that’s what I needed. Still, I swallowed hard and nodded before looking at Angel.

  “He was just doing stuff,” I said. “He never said why. The reasons you gave sound good and make sense, but it didn’t feel like that. It felt like he was being an asshole and getting off on it.”

  “Does that sound like any fey you know?” Angel asked softly.

  “Yes. Merdon,” I said firmly. “He doesn’t act like all the rest of them. He walks around like someone pissed in his cereal.”

  “Thallirin was like that, too,” Brenna said. “Angry all the time. Never talking about what was going on in his head. It made it hard to understand him. Talk to Merdon about what he’s been doing. Get him to explain it to you.”

  It was my turn to snort.

  “Right. Like he’d be forthcoming about anything. His favorite lines are ‘I know’ and ‘you’ve slept enough.’ The last one was why I told him I wanted to learn to shoot a bow. I’m tired of his method of waking me up.”

  “What’s his method?” Angel asked.

  “First, it was tossing me in a cold shower and telling me I stink. Then, it was just tipping the mattress so I fell out of bed.”

  Angel made a pitying face.

  “That’s harsh. You know you can change all that, though, right?”

  “How?”

  “Just sit on his face and ride his tongue like you would a horse. Whatever bug is up his ass will be gone by the time you’re screaming his name, and he’ll be ready to start worshipping the ground you walk on.”

  “First, I’m not ‘with’ Merdon. Second, isn’t that a little backward?” I asked. “Aren’t they supposed to worship us when they’re the ones getting off?”

  She gave me a wry smile. “That’s human men. Fey are a different breed.”

  I huffed out a breath.

  “A different breed with different rules. I hate being this lost.”

  “Don’t worry. It’ll work itself out.”

  “Communication is key,” Brenna added. “Don’t assume you know what Merdon’s thinking. Ask. It’s crazy how often we get the facts wrong because we’re guessing the wrong thing.”

  “I don’t want to work anything out. I want him to go away.”

  “Good luck with that,” Brenna said. “Fey are stubbornly persistent. Do you know I threatened to shoot Thallirin when he wouldn’t leave me alone, and he held his arms out and told me he’d stand still?”

  “Damn. He’s lucky he still has his babymaker,” Angel said.

  I agreed.

  Brenna looked us both over.

  “He is. They need to learn that their methods aren’t always the best ones.” She lifted her bow slightly. “You ready to learn how to use this?”

  I’d never been readier.r />
  My arm was screaming in protest as I drew back for what felt like the hundredth time. Brenna had the patience of a saint and the eye of a hawk as she worked with me. If my elbow wasn’t just right, I had to draw all over again. If I had a nose hair out of place when I took aim and exhaled, I had to start all over again. Fine, she wasn’t that detailed but close.

  “Focus, aim, exhale, release.”

  She made it sound so easy. It wasn’t. I hadn’t managed to hit the broad side of the melted penis pinnacle yet, and the sun was almost overhead.

  Regardless, I did as she instructed and tried again. The twang of the release was almost cathartic, and I could see why she enjoyed archery. Maybe after a million hours of practice and a few bullseyes, I could too.

  I watched the bolt fly toward the plastic and embed itself in one unmelted dick tip.

  I squealed and spun around, a smile on my face.

  “Did you see that?”

  “About time,” Angel said with a laugh. She’d managed to hit the target two attempts ago, her arrow bouncing off what looked like a left testicle. She’d howled with laughter for a good two minutes.

  “Talk about an epic first hit,” Brenna said, congratulating me. “I think you two are ready for bows of your own.”

  “We already have them,” Angel said.

  “We do?” I asked.

  “Yep. Merdon and Thallirin started on them a while ago.” She patted her belly. “I traded a fetal kick for a bow. Very lucrative currency in case either of you are interested.”

  “That’s a big no, for me,” Brenna said.

  “You guys don’t know what you’re missing. Watch.” She grinned then bellowed, “Shax, I’m hungry for some chips. Dill pickle, please.”

  Angel told Brenna to start counting. She’d just made it to forty-two when I spotted Shax sprinting toward us.

  He stopped before Angel and handed her a bag of dill pickle potato chips.

  “I couldn’t find them. They were under the bed.”

  “Were they?” Angel asked with a teasing smile as she popped a chip into her mouth.