Demon Disgrace

by M. J. Haag

“Did you hide them?” he asked.

  “I’ll make it up to you later, babe. Promise.”

  His hands went to her belly, smoothing over it in a way that made me blush. When I averted my gaze, I found Merdon watching me from not far away. Thallirin, who’d been standing with him, broke away to go to Brenna. She lifted her lips for a kiss that made me want to fan myself.

  There was way too much fey love going on around here.

  My gaze shifted to Merdon again. As if my look had been some kind of signal, he started stalking toward me. I panicked.

  “I’m gay. Only vagina will make me happy in the sack. No dick for me. Sorry. Looks like you’re going to need to find someone else.”

  He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms.

  “Prove it. Kiss Brenna.”

  “Hey, whoa,” Brenna said, lowering her bow. “Don’t bring me into this. I just figured out that I don’t hate dick. A girl kiss might confuse me.”

  Thallirin protectively wrapped his arms around her while giving me a death glare.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not the one who suggested kissing your woman. Merdon did. Might I suggest a swift punch to his ball sack in retribution?” I asked sweetly.

  Angel buried her face in Shax’s chest and was shaking so hard with laughter I was sure her water would break.

  “You don’t like females, Hannah,” Merdon said.

  “How do you know?”

  “I can hear your lies with the beat of your heart.” He reached out and tapped my chest. “It tells the truth.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe I want to try liking females.”

  He grunted, and I knew he wasn’t buying it.

  “Are you ready to go home?”

  “Alone? Yes. With you? No. What does my heart say about that?”

  He gave me a slow smile that made my insides go hot and cold.

  “This has been fun,” Angel said, “But I think I’m heading home for a nap.”

  I glanced at her as she looked up at Shax affectionately.

  “What do you say, handsome? Feel like giving me a lift?”

  Shax scooped her up into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. I had to glance away.

  “Same time tomorrow,” she called with a wave as he carried her away.

  “I think we’re going to get going too,” Brenna said. “You all right on your own?”

  It took everything I had not to look at Merdon.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks for the lesson.”

  “You’re welcome. See you tomorrow.”

  Unlike Angel, Brenna didn’t ask for a ride. But she did hold out her hand and twine her fingers in Thallirin’s as they walked away.

  “Why can’t you be nice like them?” I asked, finally facing Merdon.

  “Because you don’t want nice. You’re not done punishing yourself.” He brushed the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “I saw you smile. It was real. You were real. I won’t stop until you’re that person again.”

  “That person was a lie, drowning in her own pain.”

  “Tell me your pain.”

  “No.”

  He didn’t try to stop me as I started toward the house, and I wasn’t surprised when he followed.

  The house smelled like cookies when I opened the door.

  “Any chance there are samples?” I called out as I kicked off my shoes.

  “You’re just in time. Lots of samples and a big lunch. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “Very.” It was weird to feel it. I hadn’t been as hungry as I was now in ages. It was probably all the fresh air.

  She slid a plate of cookies onto the counter and turned to get something out of the oven.

  “This is one of the dishes that I’m considering for our date menu, and I really need some feedback on it. Is it too fancy? Does it work for both human and fey palates? That kind of stuff.”

  She set a pan of bloated pieces of meat wrapped with strings.

  “What is it?” I asked suspiciously even as my mouth watered. It smelled good. Like roasted meat and something else.

  “Not telling you until you take a bite.”

  “It better not be dog food.”

  “Be nice, Hannah,” Merdon warned.

  I shot him a disgruntled look.

  “I was being nice. How would you like it if she snuck veggies in your food?”

  He grunted and looked at her.

  “Stop being babies, the both of you. Just try it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it.”

  She plated up two servings and passed them to us. I waited for Merdon to take the first bite. He chewed slowly, swallowed, and met my gaze.

  “Eat.”

  “Are you telling me that because you’re worried I won’t eat or because you like bossing me around?”

  He set down his fork and turned in his chair.

  “Eat or I will help you.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and cut off a chunk, not nearly as large as the one he’d eaten.

  “Make sure to get some of the middle,” Emily said, her gaze shifting between us.

  The part she was referencing was a pale green. I wasn’t sure I trusted it. How many freezers had Katie and I opened only to gag and quickly close them because of rot?

  Knowing they were both watching me, I shoved the bite in my mouth and tried to fast-chew. I paused on the second chomp as flavor hit my taste buds.

  “Is that bacon?” I asked around my mouthful. “Pesto?”

  She grinned and nodded. “Do you like it?”

  I moaned and started cutting off another bite. “So good,” I said before stuffing it in my mouth.

  She danced her joy around the kitchen then nudged the plate of cookies closer to me before producing a glass of milk. It was heaven. Pure heaven. When I picked up the last crumbs with my finger, my stomach was ready to pop.

  “Could I ask one more favor? I know you hated the questions we came up with before, so I want your opinion on these.” She handed me a piece of paper. “It’s a ‘complete the sentence’ kind of thing where the girl would ask the guy to complete it.”

  I looked down at the sheet.

  The best part of living in Tolerance is…

  I like it when you…

  Right now I’m feeling…

  I wish I could…

  “If you think this method is better than the questions, I can come up with more,” she added.

  I looked up at her, realizing how hurtful I’d been toward her when she’d only been trying to help other people.

  “Emily, the questions were fine. I was being a bitch.”

  “No, you were right. Some of them were lame, and some were too obvious. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

  “You know the fey have the ability to make anything uncomfortable, right?”

  Her guilt-filled gaze shifted to Merdon. I looked at him, too, but didn’t feel any guilt.

  “Let’s help Emily test this idea,” I said, turning toward him. “Please finish the following sentence: The best part of living in Tolerance is?”

  “The best part of living in Tolerance is being with my brothers again.”

  I glanced at Emily. “Not the answer I think most of the fey will give. I think most will say access to women.”

  “Yeah, you might be right,” she agreed thoughtfully.

  I turned back to Merdon.

  “Okay, finish this one. I like it when you?”

  “I like it when you sleep peacefully.”

  My chest tightened uncomfortably, and I glanced down at the paper.

  “And this one? Right now I’m feeling…”

  “Right now I’m feeling things you’re not ready to hear.”

  Heart thundering, I stared at the paper. If not for the kiss, I would have thought the feelings he was hinting at were nice ones. Given his tone, tough, I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case.

  “The last one is ‘I wish I could…’” Emily said softly.

  “I wish I co
uld take your pain, but I can’t. It’s yours to keep or let go.” He stood. “Meet me downstairs in five minutes.”

  He stalked away, and I looked at Emily even though I knew she would be able to see my confusion. He said I was his. By fey standards, that should have meant his romantic interest. Instead, I got the feeling he meant I was his pain in the ass. But he’d said he liked it when I slept peacefully. That was a nice thing to say. Wasn’t it?

  How could those four little sentences get in my head so much?

  “These are better than the questions,” I said, sliding the paper back to Emily.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Merdon paced, a restless prowl that stopped when he heard me on the basement steps. Emily’s little game had obviously pissed him off, but I doubted he’d direct that anger at her. The way he was glowering in my direction said I’d be the target.

  “Have you ever tried meditation?” I asked. “It’s supposed to be really relaxing and calming.”

  His eyes narrowed, giving me the impression that I’d just poked the bear.

  “Never mind,” I mumbled, shuffling onto the mat. I really didn’t want to be there. My stomach was too full.

  “You’re small and weak. Stop depending on strength when avoiding me. You need to be fast.”

  “Right. But we already established that I’m slow.”

  “You need to be faster.”

  “Tell me honestly. Are you doing this to teach me how to avoid being bitten by an infected or because you’re angry at me and want a little revenge?”

  “Are you asking so you can find a way to manipulate the situation to your advantage?”

  I frowned at him.

  “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

  “Is it? Because it’s true or because you don’t want it to be true?”

  “Why are you being so mean?”

  “I’ve asked myself that same question about you countless times.”

  “Gah! You’re such an asshole.”

  He crouched, showing he was ready for whatever I had to dish out.

  “Fine, you don’t want to admit what this is? Whatever. Do what you need to do.” Rather than crouching, I just held my arms out wide and waved him forward.

  His eyes narrowed fractionally then I was being flipped as I fell backward. A squawk ripped from my throat the moment I understood what was coming. I barely settled face first on the mat before his hand came cracking down on my ass cheek.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” I screeched. “I thought we were biting!”

  He picked me up as I was still trying to rub away the sting, then he got right in my face.

  “You weren’t trying.”

  Only his fast reflexes prevented me from biting his nose off.

  “You are the most infuriating son of a—”

  Flip.

  Spank.

  “Dammit, Merdon!”

  With his arms crossed, he watched me scramble to my feet.

  “What do you want from me?” I asked, so furious I was close to tears.

  “I want you to try.”

  “Fine.”

  I got into a crouch.

  “Are we biting or spanking now?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “No, they’re both equally painful and upsetting. Can we just punish each other with hugs?”

  He made a sound, suspiciously close to a chuckle, before he came flying at me.

  For the next several hours, I did my best to avoid spanking and bites. When I ran out of breath, he gave me a few minutes on the mat before goading me back onto my feet. When my legs gave out, he just provoked me until I stood again. He was relentless and merciless even as I whined and begged for him to stop.

  Panting and face down on the mat, I questioned his sanity.

  “You’re the one who should be locked in a room,” I rasped. “Spank me. Bite me. I don’t care.”

  His hand came down on the same flaming spot that had been abused at least a dozen times already. I didn’t flinch.

  “Get up,” he said.

  “I can’t. I’m done.”

  I closed my eyes, ready for the next smack or bite. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. I cared very much. So much that I was already trying to figure out how to get bitten by a radioactive spider and develop kickass superpowers so I could pulverize Merdon. It was just that I seriously couldn’t move. I was spent. Beyond spent.

  “You’re not done. Get up.”

  “You’re cute when you’re crazy,” I murmured, my breathing already slowing and my body feeling heavy. I knew this sensation. It was just like passing out. I was going under and hard.

  “Night,” I whispered.

  He turned me over and picked me up. I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I let him carry me upstairs.

  “Are you going to shower, or do you need help?” he asked angrily.

  I knew what he was trying to do, and I knew how much things were about to suck for me. Yet, there was only one real answer.

  “I need help,” I murmured.

  He grunted.

  A small part of me hoped he’d be nice. That part was stupid and naïve.

  He turned on the water and walked into the shower with me. The cold blast shocked a gasp out of me and jumpstarted my system. I jerked in his arms and opened my eyes to look up at him.

  “Thanks. I think I got it from here.”

  He grunted again and set me on my feet. He waited, watching to make sure I was steady before leaving to stand on the other side of the glass.

  “What?” I stuttered. “No help s-soaping me up?”

  He didn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to. Stripping out of my wet clothes was a chore and attempting to throw them over the top, far too much effort. I let everything fall to the bottom of the shower and reached for the soap as the water warmed. My legs gave out, and I sat hard on my wet clothes.

  Merdon glanced back at me.

  “No peeking now,” I said. “You had your chance.”

  He grunted and faced away again.

  I didn’t care about him looking as much as I cared about him witnessing any attempt I made to try to stand back up. Naked, I could handle. Looking weak, I could not.

  Getting to my knees wasn’t too hard, but from my knees to my feet took some concentration. I felt dizzy by the time I was standing.

  “I don’t feel so good,” I said, fumbling for the shut-off.

  “You’re fine,” Merdon said, opening the door and thrusting a towel at me. “Dry off.”

  I bared my teeth at him, in a pathetic attempt at a snarl. He grunted and turned his back to me. It wasn’t the reaction I’d wanted.

  “Why are you still in here? You always leave before the shower turns off.”

  “You don’t feel well.”

  “No shit. I just told you that. It doesn’t explain why—”

  I slipped and would have gone down if not for Merdon.

  He was surprisingly good at gripping wet skin. The thought made my mind fling itself into the gutter with wild abandon.

  “I need help,” I muttered.

  “I am helping.”

  He proved it by dumping me on my mattress, stalking to the closet, and throwing a shirt and shorts at me. I snorted then struggled into the clothes for the next several minutes.

  Panting and slightly sweaty, I collapsed on the bed.

  “You need to eat.”

  I opened one eye and found him staring down at me.

  “Yep. I’m hungry. But I’m more tired than hungry, so that’s going to win for now. You can spank me for it later.”

  I rolled over and curled into a ball on top of the covers, too tired to fix the problem.

  I woke up gasping for air, my throat raw and tight from screaming. The need to run and the certainty of imminent danger consumed me. Wild-eyed, I looked around the room. Nothing was familiar. I couldn’t remember where I was or how I’d gotten there.

  My gaze locked onto the closet. Heart hammering, I flew out from unde
r the covers and scrambled for the dark, small space. Even in my panic, I knew to be quiet as I wedged myself into a back corner and curled into a ball.

  Straining to hear over the rapid beat of my pulse, I listened. Everything was quiet.

  It took a moment to understand there weren’t infected after me. That I’d been dreaming again. This time it’d been Katie leading me by the hand, and I’d been the one left behind. I could still feel the bites on my arms and legs.

  A shadow moved outside the closet, and I smothered a terrified whimper. Towering and huge, the thing bent low until I recognized the fey squatting before me.

  Merdon.

  “You’re safe.”

  The soft words were like a crack of thunder in the quiet room, making my fear flare again.

  He held out his hand. “Come.”

  I put my hand in his, letting him pull me free from my hiding spot. But, the remnants of the dream continued to cloud my thinking and skew my judgment, and with my arms still aching from the bites, the bedroom felt too large and open. The lingering sensation of danger had me stepping into his arms when he released me.

  There was a moment of hesitation on his part before his hand settled on my head, and he stroked my hair. A shuddering sigh escaped me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. Face planted in his shirt, I stayed there, soaking up the comfort while I tried to separate dream from reality.

  It took a few minutes for me to realize what I was doing and who I was doing it with. He didn’t stop me when I pulled away. I tried not to notice how my head felt bare without his touch.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  He grunted.

  I continued to stand there awkwardly. There was no way I could crawl back into bed. I also didn’t want him to drag me downstairs again.

  “Any chance I could eat now?” I asked hopefully.

  “Yes.”

  With quiet relief, I followed him from the bedroom. Emily’s door was closed tightly, and I wondered if she locked it at night because Merdon was in the house. Probably not. He could just break it down if he really wanted to get in. Luckily for her, he wasn’t interested. Too bad for me, he was.

  He sat at the island and watched me look through the cupboards. I found bags of cookies stored away, for Emily’s visit to Tenacity, but left those alone and kept looking for something a little more nutritionally sound.