by Kelly, A. S.
“I did it for you.”
I glare at him.
“Besides, I wasn’t involved with the whole thing. I just worked my magic on Luke’s assistant, who – as you know – also makes all his restaurant bookings for him.”
“What?”
“Didn’t you know that? Your beloved surgeon would never waste his time on something as menial as a restaurant booking.”
“Stop avoiding the subject…”
“I suggested a nice place to her: somewhere I knew you’d like.”
“And the emergency call…?”
“Ah, yeah. Right. Strange, no one remembers making that call…”
“So it just happened all by itself then?”
“I don’t understand why you’re angry.”
“Martin!”
“Did you not enjoy the surprise?”
“Are you kidding? I was basically ambushed!”
“But how did it go?”
“Are you honestly asking me that?”
He shrugs.
“I’m…I’m…furious!”
“With who? With me? Or with yourself?”
I should’ve killed him in the staff room.
“Come on, sit down and tell me everything.”
“I don’t think so! Seeing as you’re now part of the O’Connor Brigade, why don’t you just get them to tell you!”
“The fact that it shocked you so much means that Dickhead Number One obviously knew how to play his cards right.”
“What would you know about it?”
He smiles at me knowingly. “I called Evan last night. I was curious.”
“Obviously. You didn’t want to miss any of the juicy details.”
“Oooh, it’s already juicy? I must’ve missed something…”
“I’m actually going to kill you,” I say, approaching him threateningly.
“Okay, I’ll stop. But only if you tell me how it was.”
“What?”
He looks fixedly at me, his eyebrow raised.
“I’m not telling you anything!”
“Okay.”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re doing all this by yourself.”
I take a deep breath, trying to quell the anger and frustration bursting at the seams; but it has to come out soon, or I’ll explode.
“He’s…he’s…a huge, arrogant dickhead! He thinks he can get anything he wants, that he can just take it at any moment, without thinking of the consequences, without any…respect!”
Martin nods.
“He’s playing around with me. With my life!”
“Didn’t you like playing, too?”
Maybe I should just hit him, square in the face.
“Ah, I get it. You’re not the one making the rules.”
I slump down next to him. “And now he knows. He’s worked it out.”
“What?”
“He’s realised that I’ve been sitting around waiting for him.”
Martin takes my hand. “And you’ve finally realised it, too.”
“I can’t be near him. I can’t let him have this control over me, get into my head and mess up all my thoughts… When I’m with him, I…”
“You go back to the Casey you used to be.”
“Exactly.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s bad to keep kidding myself. He’s not cut out for the lifestyle I want.”
“How do you know that?”
“Come on: it’s Nick we’re talking about, here! He’s the guy who went to all that effort just to…to do what? To confuse me? Try to get me into bed? You can tell it’s just a game for him. A challenge that he doesn’t want to lose.”
“Maybe the only thing Nick doesn’t want to lose is you.”
Why does he have to say these things? Why does he have to feed my imagination? Why are we still sitting here, talking about him? Why are we even friends?
I sigh sadly. “I’ve gone back to square one. It’s as if I never even moved on. As if he never left me behind.”
“As if you never stopped loving him?”
Jesus, Martin. You always ask the wrong questions.
“What about him?”
“Mmm?”
“Is he still the same?”
And that’s the problem. Nick O’Connor hasn’t changed at all. Sure, he has an unkempt beard now: but that just makes him even more sexy. Those lines around his eyes just make him more charming. And the way he kisses…God. I’d be happy if those lips were the last thing I ever tasted.
And the rest? What’s the rest of him like?
I shake my head, trying to clear my mind and cool down the heat rising between my thighs. This always happens when Nick’s involved.
“He’s even worse,” I say to Martin.
“That’s a problem.”
“A problem that you helped create.”
“I just wanted to give you a little push.”
“Off the edge of a cliff?”
“To make you realise that, whatever it is you’re doing with the surgeon, has nothing to do with love.”
“Are you trying to sort my life out for me?”
“No, Casey. Hopefully you’ll do that by yourself. I’m just trying to help out a friend.”
“You’re no help if you start playing for the opposition.”
“I’m not playing for anyone. Do you think I like Nick O’Connor? Well, of course there’s his…”
“Martin!”
“Sorry. It’s just really hard not to think about his photos. Have you seen the ones where he’s just got a rugby ball covering his–”
“Please, I don’t want to think about it. Those bloody photos are everywhere!”
Especially in my head.
“And they’re another problem.”
“Everything’s a problem when he’s involved! Don’t you get it?” I jump to my feet, exasperated.
“You’re the one who’s refusing to get it.”
I turn towards him as he gets to his feet.
“Maybe Nick has just realised what he lost, and is trying to make up for it. And you’re getting in the way of every opportunity. You’re getting in the way of yourself.”
“And what if I actually believed him? If I trusted him, and then he just up and left at the first chance he got?”
Martin smiles at me kindly. “Maybe you have to take that risk.”
“This is a dangerous game, Martin. I could lose. My heart could be put on the line again.”
“Honey, you already put it on the line. Years ago. Now it’s up to you whether you want to risk everything, or whether you want to quit while you can. You could go back to your life, your surgeon. You could put this whole Nick O’Connor thing to bed forever. But he’ll leave a huge hole in your world: because I don’t think that the past eight years have been nearly enough to fill it.”
Not even a deep, black hole would be enough: Nick will always find a way to seep into the cracks of my life.
He’ll always find a way to break my heart.
30
Nick
I’m on great form today: I’m energetic, I’m happy. I’m ready for anything – even those little kids, who – in all honesty – are starting to grow on me.
“Hey, coach?”
Speaking of little kids.
I turn to see Ryan and Ian heading towards me.
“Don’t you two have anything better to do?”
“We’re off for summer. You know that.”
“Oh, there’s the love of my life!” I say, happy to see that Ian has brought Jamie along. “Come to Uncle Nick.” I step over to them, taking her from her dad and into my arms.
“Is that grass on your top?”
“So what?”
“Don’t even think about it. You’re not getting near her with dirty hands.”
“Look who it is,” Jamie comes over to us. “It’s Uncle’s favourite little girl.”
“Don’t touch her. You’re filthy too.”
“Oh, come on,” Jamie protests.
“She’s fine right where she is: with her dad.” Ian plays his parent card.
“I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing,” Ryan comments, sitting himself down on the stands.
“To what do we owe this lovely little visit? Apart from the fact you both have nothing better to do.”
“We’ve had a tip-off,” Ryan announces, removing his sunglasses.
“A tip-off?” Jamie says, jumping into the conversation.
Great. He was the only thing missing from this operation.
“Someone has a hot date tonight,” Ian says, joining Ryan on the step.
“Who?” Jamie asks, hyper-alert.
“We’ll explain it to you later. Right now, we have to work out what to do,” Ian continues. “I don’t think your shenanigans last night quite cut it.”
“What shenanigans?” Jamie presses.
“Nick kissed Casey.”
“Ryan!”
“What? Might as well tell him what happened, or he’ll never drop it.”
“Casey…” Jamie stands there, waiting for the rest of the story; so Ryan fills him in on all the O’Connors’ latest antics.
“Seriously, Nick? You asked these guys for help?”
“I actually didn’t. They nominated themselves.”
“You must’ve been really desperate to ask these two for help.”
“Like you’d do any better,” Ian says.
“Try me.”
“Please, there’s already too may of us,” I say, before things can get out of hand.
“Let’s not waste time standing here chatting. We have a date to sabotage.”
Shit. I didn’t expect this, especially not after last night. I didn’t exactly think I’d convinced Casey of how superior I am to that fucking surgeon, but I definitely didn’t expect her to be going out with him the next day.
“Maybe you’re just not that memorable, Nick,” Jamie comments.
“Maybe you’ll never find out,” I warn him.
“Can we get back to the problem at hand? We don’t know where this date is going to be – Martin couldn’t find out this time.”
Well, maybe Ryan was right. The doctor isn’t so useful after all.
“What are we supposed to do? Stalk her?”
“Mmm…it’s not the worst idea,” Ryan responds.
“I was joking.”
“So now you decide you have a conscience?” Jamie asks. “Mate, if I were you, I wouldn’t rule anything out.”
“We can’t stalk her. From what I’ve gathered, he always goes to pick her up from her house. And her dad lives there, too. If he finds us…” Ian says.
Right. Coach Madigan. That could be a huge problem.
“So? Are we just throwing in the towel here?” Ryan asks.
“We can’t let her go out with him.”
“Wow. Someone has some confidence issues,” Jamie comments.
“This has nothing to do with my confidence. She’s just confused, and I haven’t had the chance to convince her yet.”
“What are you going to do?”
I reflect for a few moments on what to do. Casey going out with the surgeon could take me right back to where we started. But, on the other hand, it could be the perfect way for her to realise how different we are: to open her eyes, and make her think about everything she could have with me. And everything she’ll never have with him.
“Hello? Nick? What are we doing?” Ryan presses.
“We have to risk it. I need to just let it be this time, and see what happens.”
“Are you sure?” Ian asks.
“No. But there’s nothing else I can do.”
“Can I come along next time?” Jamie asks.
“Don’t even think about it,” I tell him, decidedly.
“Sure, mate. The more the merrier. And besides, it’ll be fun,” Ryan responds, inviting him straight to the top table of dickheads.
* * *
“A stakeout outside her house, Nick? Really? Does this seem like the best idea?” Ryan asks, sitting in the passenger seat next to me.
“Did anyone bring popcorn?” Jamie calls from the back seat.
“Was it really necessary for you all to come along?”
“We can help. Extra eyes and all that. We can look out for her expressions, her gestures and… What’s this surgeon like, by the way?” Jamie continues.
We’re in my car, parked a few metres away from her house, behind a hedge that’s just tall enough to cover half the windscreen. Here we are: three losers that have now become four. As Ryan says: the more the merrier. Even though it seems to me like they just want to have a laugh at my expense.
Well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend… Who looked like a girlfriend… That I had in February of last year… It’s not confidential, I’ve got potential.
“There. That’s what he looks like.”
“Who?” Jamie asks.
“The radio,” I say, nodding towards it. “He’s not a real…man. He’s more like a puppet: clean, elegant…not a single hair on his chin. I mean, come on!”
Ryan switches off the radio.
“I’ve already seen this episode, and it doesn’t end well. It’s better in silence.”
“Couldn’t you have chosen a better place to park? I can’t see anything from here,” Ian complains.
Didn’t we say silence was best?
“You lot shouldn’t even be here!” I turn around menacingly, but someone knocks suddenly on the window.
I turn to see the coach’s face pressed against the glass.
“Fuck!” Ryan tries to sink down into the seat. I don’t think he’s realised that his mountain of muscles is visible from miles away.
I wind down the window and smile at the coach.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t be laughing so much. I have my rifle inside.”
“And we both know that it’s a BB gun.”
“Mmm,” he adds. “Two or three pellets in the balls, boy, and you won’t be able to annoy anyone anymore, I assure you.”
Jamie bursts out laughing from the back seat, distracting the coach’s attention briefly from me.
“And who the hell are you?” he asks, glaring into the back seat.
“I’m Jamie.”
“What are you doing with these three arseholes, Jamie?”
“Believe me, sir, I’m asking myself the same question.”
The coach studies him for a while. “Do I know you?”
“I don’t think so, sir.”
“I recognise your face.”
Jamie smiles smugly. “I’m Jamie Murray, coach.”
Madigan’s face opens into a broad smile. Jesus, I didn’t think he was capable. Actually, it’s better that he doesn’t: it’s even more terrifying.
“I know I’ve already asked this, but now I’m even more confused. What the hell is a champion like you doing with these idiots?”
Jamie laughs again. I know he’s enjoying himself. He opens the door and jumps out of the car. “Unfortunately, my sister is this one’s girlfriend,” he says, gesturing towards Ian.
“Oh, fuck. I’m sorry, boy.”
“Hey!” Ian protests.
“You shut up, O’Connor. I’m talking to a champion here – can’t you see?”
Ian scoffs and falls back against the seat.
“What are you all doing, lurking around out here?”
“We’re waiting for your daughter, sir.”
“I thought you might be.”
“We just wanted to make sure that she got home safe, and that…er, surgeon, doesn’t lay a finger on her.”
The coach looks him up and down, before announcing: “Come inside. We may as well wait for her together.”
“What?” I cry, shocked.
“Thank your friend here,” he says, nodding towards Jamie. “Or you’d already be in a hole in my garden by now.”
* * *
I never thought I’d be
stepping inside coach Madigan’s house. I mean, I’ve been outside hundreds of times, waiting for Casey to climb out the window, but I never once set foot inside.
“Please, take a seat,” coach says, gesturing for us to sit down.
I go to sit on the sofa, but he stops me. “Not you, arsehole. Him,” he points to Jamie. “You lot can stand up.”
Jamie makes himself comfortable, his expression smug as we all stand there like…well, like exactly what we are. A bunch of dickheads.
The coach grabs two beers from the fridge. He hands one to Jamie, and keeps one for himself. He’s made it extremely clear that the three of us aren’t welcome here, and is doing everything he can to make sure we know it. Be patient. He doesn’t have to like you – you just have to avoid him killing you.
“Let me get something straight,” Madigan says. “Which one of you is trying to get his hands on my daughter? Because I don’t believe that your concern tonight is out of the goodness of your hearts.”
Ryan breaks out into a coughing fit.
“So, it’s you, then,” coach says, stepping threateningly towards him.
“Oh no. I’m in a very happy relationship.”
“Does she know that?”
“Of course she does!” Ryan says, starting to get wound up.
“Poor woman,” the coach comments. “And you,” he turns to Ian, “you’re with his sister?” He nods towards Jamie.
“Yes, sir. We have a daughter together.”
“I don’t remember asking you.”
“No, sir.”
“So,” he turns finally to face me, his eyes loaded with rage. “It’s you.”
“Why me?” I say, gripped by fear. “It could be him!” I point to Jamie.
“Do you think I’m an idiot?”
I look at him, confused.
“Him? At most, he could’ve been interested in me, twenty years ago.”
Jamie bursts out laughing again, teasing a small smile even from the coach.
“Besides, you were always the one hanging around Casey, even back when you were younger, O’Connor. I should’ve sliced your balls off then.”
“Me?”
“What do you want from her?”
“I don’t…I…”
“I will never let you lay a finger on my daughter. Are we understood?”
“Then why the hell did you let us in?” Ryan asks.
