Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  ‘What is it with you middle aged men and young women?’ she replied, walking back with a bottle of wine. ‘Aren’t us old ones up to scratch? Well, I know I’m not but there are some very good looking women out there over the age of thirty-five.’

  ‘My mum’s right. It was a mistake and it happened just after Eddie died so my head was all over the place,’ he replied, watching her fill up his glass. ‘Made me happy for a short time then reality took over.’ Not being able to hold back, he had to ask the burning question. ‘Why did you marry Matias?’

  He noticed Flora stopped in mid action while sitting down. She was thinking hard.

  ‘Because I loved him and thought I could make him happy. To cut it short, he wanted me to be perfect at everything, so I pretended to be. He hated to see me upset, so I never was. When I was diagnosed, Matias couldn’t cope with having a sick wife. So he walked out.’

  ‘That's cutting it short.’

  ‘I gave him two beautiful children, supported him in the business even worked for him. I entertained and laughed on queue. I just wanted to make him happy. And I did.’

  ‘Were you happy?’

  ‘I was happy making him happy.’

  ‘But that’s not what I asked?’

  ‘I wanted a family unit. Mum, dad, children. I would have kept it going just so as not to go through the pain of when a family splits up and then guess what? We do but not because of an affair or falling out of love. No. Because he can’t stand the idea of looking at my disfigurement, he so sweetly calls it.’

  ‘Flora that’s harsh.’ Ed wanted to slap Matias hard for being a prick but knew all too well that fear made you do stupid things. ‘It can’t be over that, surely.’

  ‘There’s the obvious reason that he didn’t love me. That’s the one I’ve come to. Probably because he loves himself more.’

  He couldn’t understand how that was possible. Looking at Flora, it was hard to see what Matias saw.

  ‘He says I’m cold and distant, says I’ve changed,’ she mumbled. ‘If someone told you they’d rather have you in one piece and dead in a year than operated on to save your life, you wouldn’t be so happy. God, I feel sorry for Ramona. Let’s hope she doesn’t get piles then she’ll find out the hard way.’

  ‘I think he’s an idiot,’ Ed said, sipping his wine and looking around the place. He could see the back of Max’s head in the distance and hear the light footsteps of Lola from above. ‘Why throw away this?’

  ‘That’s probably what people ask about you leaving your kids and partner.’

  ‘I was young.’

  ‘But both you and Matias think you still are,’ she smiled sympathetically. ‘How much younger is your new girlfriend? The friend of Ramona’s?’

  ‘Twenty seven, he replied, trying not to frown. ‘Age is not-.'

  ‘She’s what? Sixteen years younger? You’ll be dating people of your own age when you turn sixty.’ Flora laughed again. ‘I’ve toyed with the idea of a younger man but they just get older and piss you off, so it’s best left alone.’

  ‘No men. Are you serious?’

  ‘I’m too messed up to inflict myself on another human being, I know that much,’ Flora shrugged.

  What came into his head even astounded him. Ed imagined Flora inflicting his body on hers and he was caught up in the erotic thought of having sex.

  ‘Mum, I’ve finished,’ Lola said, running towards Flora and giving her a hug. ‘What shall we watch to annoy Max?’

  ‘Something with kissing in. Lots and lots of snogging. He hates that. Go and find a film and tell him to come off the consul.’ Flora laughed and kissed her daughter, watching her run off to torment her little brother. ‘Sometimes, in this place, it’s like a battlefield. He hates it that he’s the only man, as he calls it, and thinks we gang up on him. He’s only a baby.’

  ‘Flo,’ Ed found himself saying and not knowing why.

  She turned to look at him.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I…’ He didn’t know what to say. ‘I better go. I’m spending the evening with my parents.’

  ‘Give my love to your mother,’ she said, getting to her feet. ‘It was good to talk to you. See, we didn’t need to go out for dinner, a glass of wine was fine.’ Flora hesitated. ‘I’ll give you money towards the shelving. I realise you’re not cheap.’

  Standing up, Ed took his glass and put it to the side of the sink.

  ‘I know Matias didn’t really design this all. I suspected he’d have to call someone in to deal with wood. Manmade is more his thing.’ Ed turned and she was standing behind him. ‘I’ll see you when?’

  ‘Friday afternoon, I’m afraid,’ he replied, trying to adjust his rapid breathing when looking down at her. ‘I’m sure he’ll tell you.’

  ‘He can also hand back my door keys. You’ve still got a set, haven’t you? Keep them for when I’m not in. You can come and go as you please.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Perfectly.’

  ‘Mum! He won’t turn it off! He says he’s in the middle of saving a game!’ shouted Lola.

  ‘I’m turning it off!’ barked Max.

  ‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Ed said, walking down the corridor and hearing the kids squabble. Flora followed him out. ‘I’ll see you on Friday and I’ll call before I come round, okay?’ She nodded and glanced at the kids. ‘Bye.’

  Ed bent down and kissed her cheek. Her eyes darted to meet his.

  Something stirred deep in his gut and loins when he looked into her eyes.

  He was still in love with Flora.

  ‘When did this happen?’

  … Flora asked Paulette the following day. They were in the art room and Paulette was trying to paint an even larger boat though now it looked like a bigger banana. ‘No one told me.’

  ‘Last night,’ shrugged Paulette, smiling at her work. ‘In her sleep. Poor Eileen.’ Then she shook her head. ‘I was so right, wasn’t I? She went a little earlier than I thought, a week. My timings might be off.’

  ‘That’s awful.’

  ‘I know,’ nodded Paulette. ‘I’ve been telling people the wrong dates.’

  ‘Not that!’ hissed Flora. ‘About Eileen. I’m sad to hear it. I’ll have to go to her funeral.’

  ‘She’s going to get buried up north in Huddersfield, where she’s from,’ shrugged Paulette then looked around at the builders. ‘This is no place of refuge for the sick, is it?’

  ‘Tomorrow they’ll be gone,’ she sighed, admiring the newly decorated walls. ‘It looks nice, more soothing.’

  ‘Pastels are not soothing. They’re a sign that you’re losing your eyesight,’ the woman replied, squirting out half a tube of yellow paint onto the pallet.

  ‘Why are you painting a larger picture?’

  ‘To leave for Marjorie,’ she smiled sweetly. ‘She said she liked it.’

  Then Paulette removed the scarf and her hair had grown back half an inch. Flora’s mouth dropped open.

  ‘Do you like it?’

  ‘You’ve gone blonde!’

  ‘I always wanted to and thought with all the grey, it’d be easier to do,’ grinned Paulette, grabbing her arm. ‘You know it makes me look hot.’

  ‘Your hair looks like the colour of your painting,’ she said, starting to laugh. ‘It suits you.’ Paulette was staring at Flora, the large eyes bulging out at her. ‘What?’

  ‘Him,’ she said softly. ‘He said something, didn’t he?’

  Flora narrowed her eyes and then realised she had nothing to lose.

  ‘Him being Ed, came to see me yesterday and gave me a humongous bill and-.'

  ‘Just the bill?’

  ‘But said he’d retract it if he could finish the shelving. And what was I going to tell Matias? That man is coming to my house tomorrow to sign off on the work! I mean it’s up to me if I sign off or not.’

  ‘Erm,’ replied Paulette, examining Flora. ‘But you look lifted.’

  ‘We spoke. He’d knocked up this woman
he was seeing and stayed with her. They had twins and-.'

  ‘His son died and it makes him feel bad about something he thinks he did.’

  Not trying to show she was a bit surprised Paulette knew, Flora sat down next to her.

  ‘Then he kissed me on the cheek and I don’t know what,’ she said, chewing on the inside of her lip. ‘I looked into his eyes and felt something I’ve not experienced in a long time. I wonder if it was talking about how I felt all those years ago that made me react like that.’

  ‘Shag the man and see what happens?’

  ‘Pardon me?’ Flora said, shaking herself out of her trail of thought. ‘You think I should sleep with him? Me?’

  ‘You’re not exactly a virgin are you?’

  ‘That’s not what I meant. Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve said?’

  ‘I have and it’s not worth it,’ she sighed, picking up her paint brush and checking an angle. Flora realised she was being wound up. ‘It’s not about the flesh and bones, it’s about the soul.’

  She stood up and walked to the other side of the room, scowling so Paulette wouldn’t see.

  ‘And it all starts with a kiss,’ Paulette said loudly. ‘On the cheek progresses to the mouth.’

  Flora spun around and looked at her.

  ‘I see it’s already started. Has it Flora?’

  ‘He remembers me as I was, not what I am now,’ she said, walking back towards Paulette. ‘Look, I don’t want to talk rubbish.’

  ‘Then don’t speak.’

  ‘But I want to know how you are, how you feel? Marjorie said you were down and I worry this is all a front because you’re scared.’ She sat back down. ‘Tell me.’

  ‘I’ve had a wonderful life, what more can I do? I’ve done everything.’ Paulette suddenly turned serious. ‘I don’t want to leave my children or grandchildren but I was going to do it one day. This is my time and I don’t know how long I’ve got.’ Then she thought hard. ‘Based on the Eileen prediction, a week either side. You will come and see me, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course I’ll come and see you.’

  ‘I mean when I go.’

  ‘Go where?’

  ‘To meet my maker.’

  Tears spurted out of Flora’s eyes.

  The intensity of her pain even took her by surprise.

  She was unable to stop it.

  ‘Let the tears flow,’ said Paulette gently, leaning towards her. ‘Stop bottling it all up. Just let it go. Your hurt, pain and anger. There’s anger in there. Let it out.’

  ‘I don’t want you to die,’ she said, sounding like Lola the day before. ‘I can’t imagine you not being here.’

  ‘Shag him,’ Paulette said as Flora’s tears immediately stopped. ‘Or make love. Do that for me and then see what happens.’

  ‘He’s got a young girlfriend so that’s out of the question.’

  ‘The thing is, have you asked?’

  ‘I’m just thinking,’

  … Ed replied, sitting with his mother in a coffee shop.

  She wanted to go for a walk and he promised to take her.

  In fifteen minutes he would meet Matias and go to Flora’s home.

  She had totally filled his head since Wednesday and he was still confused by what was going on. When he looked into her eyes as he kissed her cheek, he saw and felt something.

  ‘You look like you’ve got flatulence,’ his mother said. Ed smiled. ‘You’re very quiet.’

  ‘I’m gearing up for a fight. We’re going to Flora’s house, Derek and myself, to get the final sign off from Matias. I expect he’ll kick up a fuss about something or another.’

  ‘Flora’s house? If it’s her home doesn’t she have a say?’ Noreen started to smile. ‘How is Flora?’

  ‘She’s fine,’ he replied, stirring his coffee. ‘Really well.’

  ‘Really well?’

  Ed looked up at his mum and noticed the twinkle in her eye.

  ‘Edward, your face changes when her name is mentioned. Siobhan’s right.’

  ‘Have you two been talking?’

  ‘You’ve not done anything have you? You’ll regret it, mark my words. Someone will make a play for her and it’ll be too late.’

  ‘She’s not interested.’

  ‘And how would you know?’

  ‘She said.’

  ‘I suppose she knows you’re going out with a school girl, does she? I’m sure she won’t find that appealing. A man of your age. Mind you, you’re handsome and look well but it’s still no excuse. I’ve always put your behaviour down to your father’s side of the family.’

  Avoiding breaking out into a smile, he nodded in agreement then glanced at his watch.

  Desperately he wanted to see her again but thought hard about what he was going to say.

  Asking her out would be a mistake. That had already fallen flat on two occasions. He wondered if she’d go round to his for dinner then realised with the kids it would prove difficult.

  Then he laughed remembering what she’d said about Faith’s DNA.

  Only Flora could see a danger on being overtly sexual.

  And the thought of him making love to her came flooding into his head, he had to shake it off. His phone vibrated and it was Derek sending a text to say he’d meet him at the house.

  ‘Come on mother,’ he said, standing up and looking down. ‘I have to take you home.’

  ‘Listen to me son,’ she said, peering up at him. ‘Don’t let Flora slip through your fingers again.’

  ‘I let her go.’

  ‘Then get her back.’

  After dropping off his mother, he pulled up outside the house and noticed Derek looked very serious, his head bowed down. Ed got up and walked towards him.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked then heard the raised voices.

  ‘It’s been like this for the past five minutes,’ he said frowning. ‘That man, your friend, has a way with words.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He’s only gone in and told her he wants certain things in the house.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Jesus, I’m dreading this,’ sighed Derek, shaking his head. ‘Let’s go in. I think we should have got hard hats.’

  ‘Is it that bad?’

  ‘You want the bed!’

  … yelled Flora. ‘You’ve come round to my house, to sign off on the work, just to tell me what you want back!’

  ‘Flora, you’re overreacting,’ Matias said calmly, putting his hands out. ‘I was just saying you could get another bed.’

  ‘By tomorrow? You want me to sleep on the floor? How will I get another bed in time?’ she said, her blood boiling. She knew there was a motive behind his kind actions. He wanted some of his furniture back. ‘You said I could have the items. I never took them. You seem to forget you have some of my things you needed before buying replacements.’

  ‘You can have them back,’ he said, getting agitated. ‘I just want what is mine, that’s all. I’m not asking for the mattress, you can keep that.’

  ‘You want me to keep that because I slept on it, don’t you?’ she said, seeing him flinch. ‘The idea that I was poorly and you’d have to make physical contact with it is too much to take. Fine! Take back your bloody bed! I hate it anyway!’

  Matias glared at her as she did the same back then saw Ed and Derek walk up to the door.

  ‘Come in,’ she said, trying to hold her temper. ‘Sign off the work. It’s fine.’

  ‘That’s not up to you,’ Matias said firmly, turning to the men. ‘It’s my money that-.'

  ‘You paid for this because you know I could take you to the cleaners and get a whole lot more. Don’t forget, I had the cash to pay a deposit for a house not you!’

  ‘I think you’ve got your sums wrong.’

  ‘Don’t you dare piss me off!’

  ‘All I want is the bed, a coffee table and the piano.’

  ‘You want Lola’s piano?’ she said, not believing what she was hearing. �
�You bought that for her.’

  ‘It’s an antique,’ he quietly replied. ‘And worth a lot of money.’

  ‘Do you want us to come back later?’ she heard Ed ask. Flora noticed he had a pained expression. ‘It’s not a problem.’

  ‘Stay,’ Matias said and she noticed he rolled his eyes at the men as if she was having some strop.

  ‘What did you just do?’ she asked, stepping closer. ‘Don’t make out I’m the unstable one here.’

  ‘You’re not acting in the right manner,’ Matias said gently. ‘I’m only asking for three items. It’s not as if you need them.’

  ‘I didn’t need my breasts but when they had to go, you weren’t happy about it!’ she shouted.

  ‘Oh Jesus,’ said Derek and she shook her head, knowing it was a subject matter no man wanted to speak about.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said. ‘I’ve got some but they’re disfigured, scarred and ugly, not that he’d know.’ Flora pointed at Matias. ‘Because he did a runner when he saw some of the stitches.’

  ‘Are you getting upset because I’m moving on?’ Matias asked, looking sympathetically at her. ‘I understand your jealousy about me wanting someone else.’

  Then Flora snapped.

  She’d had enough.

  The words of Paulette were ringing very loudly in her ears.

  Let it out.

  ‘Keep ‘until death do us part, in sickness and in health’ out of your wedding vows because we know you’ll just fuck off when she gets a cold!’ Flora hissed, walking into the middle of the living room as Matias stood in the corridor. Ed and Derek walked in and stood to the side. ‘I think you’d have preferred it if I had died because you could have played the martyr, the grieving widow. That would have been perfect for you!’

  ‘I think you need to calm down,’ Matias said and she knew he was more embarrassed than angry about what she said. ‘That’s not true.’

  ‘All this,’ Flora said, pointing to the new work. ‘This is down to your guilt about me. I knew it from the start. I didn’t want the work done but you insisted, saying it’s for the children. Lola loves that piano and you want to take it away.’