Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  ‘We can come to a deal,’ he said calmly, flicking a glance at the piano in the corner.

  Flora stood still realising Matias wanted Ed and Derek there as back up.

  ‘You want me to pay for a present you gave to your daughter on her seventh birthday?’ she said, walking slowly up to him. ‘Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘I meant when she no longer wants it you could give it back to me,’ he replied, avoiding eye contact. ‘You won’t need it and Max certainly won’t play.’

  Then she looked at the man and felt a surge of anger.

  ‘And your house? I hated it. It’s sterile bullshit that the kids couldn’t get messy but I used to wipe my hands on a newspaper and smear it up the sides, just to piss you off!’ she said, smiling straight at him. ‘I was venting.’

  ‘You did what?’ Matias angrily said, stepping closer to her. ‘It cost me a fortune to redecorate.’

  ‘You’re in the trade, you get cheap prices.’

  ‘Flora, maybe you shouldn’t say too much,’ she heard Ed mumble and flashed him a warning glance.

  ‘I want to tell him how I feel. This is the last time he’ll step foot in my home so he needs to know.’

  ‘What did you say?’ asked Matias, looking at the men then back at her. ‘This is my children’s home. I have a right to come here.’

  ‘Do I have the same right to come to your home?’

  ‘Not if you’re going to smear it with newspaper print,’ mumbled Derek, stroking his moustache and trying not to smile.

  ‘This is all because I gave you what you wanted. You got the divorce papers and now, I think, you’re getting upset because we could have resolved this. But you Flora, pushed too far with your indifferent attitude towards me after your thing,’ He then pointed to her chest. ‘I was upset and couldn’t cope but you just got cold and distant.’

  ‘Which proved to be pretty easy as you had done a runner!’ she laughed out loudly, hearing Derek chuckle. ‘You were seeking comfort, isn’t that what you told me, within a week of walking out on me. The day of my fortieth birthday when I was doped up and cut up.’

  ‘Flora,’ she heard Ed gently say. ‘Don’t say anymore. Let’s just get this signed off and you can both move on.’

  Shaking her head, she looked down at her feet then glared back at her ex.

  ‘What is it that really bothers you about me now?’ she asked him quietly. ‘There’s something that’s bugging you.’

  Taking her by surprise, she saw Matias stand up straight and look back down at her.

  ‘I couldn’t face the scars, what happened to your body. The idea makes me feel physically sick. You only bring attention to it all by constantly wrapping clothing around them. Then it comes into my head, that underneath there, you’ve been butchered.’

  ‘Matias, why should you care? You’re too busy looking at yourself in the mirror to notice me! And butchered! Someone I know died the other day because of cancer. And Paulette? You know the one who purposely kicked you? She’s dying too. And you would have preferred I did nothing so you could avoid looking at my breasts? You’re fucked up, do you know that!’

  ‘You’ll find you’re the one that is.’

  ‘I’m going to show everyone in this room my tits and then you can cower in the horror they’ve seen them! Then they can decide how horrific I look.’

  ‘Don’t you dare embarrass me,’ he said, looking petrified.

  ‘You’re so scared to see them! They’re only breasts.’

  ‘If you want to then I don’t mind,’ said Derek, nodding his head. ‘Maybe it might be liberating.’

  Flora walked towards Matias and started unbuttoning her shirt. She could see the sheer look of terror in his eyes.

  ‘I disgust you so much with my disfigurement but you’re still with a woman who had breast implants,’ she said, watching him look away. ‘You know what, get out!’

  ‘What about my things?’

  ‘I want my things back and then you can have your shitty pieces of crap but you’re not taking the piano. I bet your child bride wants to learn how to play,’ she said and noticed the guilty expression on Matias’s face. ‘Your fiancé over your child. What a man!’

  ‘Well at least Ramona is all woman.’

  It was quite quick.

  The punch to his face.

  Before she knew it, he was lying on the floor, his nose bleeding.

  ‘I want my things back tomorrow, do you hear? Come and get your shitting items as well. Order a removal company or something. I don’t want to have anything to do with you again,’ she said, looking down at his shocked face. ‘And you know what? I’ve been too nice so be prepared for me to fight you for every penny. I’ve had enough of you making me feel ugly and unwanted!’

  Avoiding any eye contact, Flora ran up the stairs and collapsed face forward onto her bed, unable to cry or scream.

  She’d just let it out and now wondered what she’d got herself into next

  ‘I think I’m in love,’

  … Ed mumbled, seeing her storm off up the stairs.

  ‘Join the queue,’ sighed Derek, stroking his moustache. ‘What a woman!’

  ‘She’s mad!’ shouted Matias, jumping up to his feet. ‘Can you see what sort of behaviour I’ve had to put up with?’

  Ed just recalled her getting into a fight all those years ago, in his defence, and wanted to laugh.

  Flora was still there.

  She hadn’t changed.

  ‘You know what?’ Ed said, knowing this was a tricky situation. ‘I’ll arrange for a van from my dad’s company to pick up the coffee table and the bed tomorrow. Flora mentioned you had some things of hers, maybe we’ll bring them back.’ He took a deep breath and noticed Derek was looking at him. ‘She seems happy with the work. If she says she’s not, then I can tell you. Flora asked me to build her shelving and a workstation for the study. It’s all above board.’

  ‘But I need to sign it off, I need-.'

  ‘Matias,’ Ed said in a calming tone, putting his hand on his shoulder. ‘I think you need to clean yourself up and pick the kids from their camps. I’ll speak to Flora and smooth this all out.’

  ‘She was going to take her clothes off,’ Matias said, looking horrified up the stairs. ‘She’s not stable!’

  ‘I think she was a little but upset about what you told her,’ Derek added, trying not to smile. ‘Personally, I hope you don’t mind me saying it, I think she’s flipping gorgeous.’

  ‘You can have her!’

  ‘I’d like to, very much,’ Derek cheekily replied and then Ed noticed it.

  Matias’s expression as if no-one would want her.

  That’s when he realised what Flora meant about how he was.

  ‘I thought she was going to take her clothes off,’ laughed Derek. ‘That’s my idea of signing off.’

  ‘No man would want to see that. It’s too horrible for words,’ Matias mumbled, taking a tissue out of his pocket and wiping his nose.

  ‘How would you know?’ asked Ed, stepping closer. ‘It’s their breasts, the thing that makes them a woman. It must be really upsetting to know that’s what might kill you. To lose any part of your body is insane and unfair but you have to see through that. It’s still them. Nothing has changed. That person you love hasn’t gone away.’

  The room fell silent as Ed noticed something flicker in Matias’s face.

  It was a cross between understanding and annoyance.

  ‘I have to go. Tell that woman what your plans are and I’ll bring my children back on Sunday afternoon.'

  He then turned on his heels and stormed out.

  ‘I don’t like him, never have,’ said Derek, turning around to look at the place. ‘What was he going to find fault with?’

  ‘I think she’s upstairs.’

  He realised Derek was smiling, shaking his head.

  ‘Go and see if she’s okay. If I’m lucky, I can get to the pub before the missus realises. Are you really going to sort ou
t the removal? He better pay you for it.’

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ sighed Ed, walking Derek to the door. ‘I better see what’s going on.’

  Soon as Derek left he walked up the stairs and knocked on her door.

  There was no answer.

  Slowly he opened the door and peeked his head through.

  Flora was faced down on her bed.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asked. ‘Flora?’

  Ed went in and crouched down near her head. She was talking into her pillow.

  ‘I can’t quite make that out,’ Ed whispered.

  ‘I hate this bed,’ she said turning to look at him. ‘I always did but he didn’t want to take it off me because I’d been recovering in it. Now he wants it back.’

  There was a feeling of warmth in his chest when he looked at her eyes. Flora wasn’t angry just confused and hurt. He desperately wanted to put his arms around her but held off.

  Ed remembered the punch downstairs.

  ‘I never took you for a violent person,’ he said, smiling at her. ‘That was some punch.’

  ‘Remember, I did that to the boy who was picking on you,’ she replied, letting out a sigh. ‘I’ve only ever punch two people since, one being Matias. Oh god! As it was his face he’ll call the police and press assault charges against me.’

  ‘Derek and I will say he provoked you.’

  ‘Then you won’t get the rest of your money.’

  ‘It’s not important. Anyway, I said I’d take the bed and coffee tables away tomorrow.’

  Immediately she sat up and looked at him.

  Her shirt was still open and he could see her bra. Flora caught on and looked down, shrugging.

  ‘I couldn’t have removed the bra off as it’s a pull on one. There are no hooks and it’s a murder put on and take off.’

  Ed leaned forward and started doing her buttons up. He realised she was staring at him.

  ‘I’ll pay for you to get my things. I don’t want him in my home,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ve got a few items I want back. He has them in the garage. I just want to draw a line under this.’

  Looking up at her, he stopped. They stared at each other for a moment.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear about your friend passing away. That’s tough,’ he said, trying to scramble for something to say.

  ‘Eileen was a lovely lady and Paulette, who is ill, helped me a great deal,’ Flora said gulping hard. ‘She told me to let it out, don’t bottle things in and I did.’

  ‘Did she want you to assault Matias?’

  ‘Ed, when I tell people why he left me, how do you think that makes me feel? They have loving and caring partners and I didn’t. It’s only cosmetic but…’ Flora wrapped her arms around her chest. ‘It’s still my body and it’s not how I expected it to be.’

  ‘When Eddie was lying in the hospital, I was petrified about seeing him. I didn’t want to see bits of him on the bed. I avoided my son for a day, a very precious day and he must have known I was scared. No-one else was but me. I felt sick walking into that room and seeing him. And I baulked when I looked. Then I realised it didn’t matter. I’d help my boy. But my boy had to help me because I wasn’t strong enough for him…’ Ed felt himself choking up, then closed his eyes. ‘Sometimes the children have the strength we lack.’

  Then he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him in. Ed realised she didn’t press her chest against his but held him firmly enough so he could feel the warmth.

  ‘That’s all I ever wanted from him,’ she whispered in his ear. ‘Was for him to hug me. He never did again. Sad really.’

  His heart crumbled for her. She was hugging him and Ed felt comforted.

  ‘Now will you help me take the mattress off this bed so I can kick this piece of crap out of my home?’

  ‘Leave it in the corridor,’

  … Flora said after they had removed the mattress and taken the bed out of the room.

  ‘What will the kids say?’ he asked. Flora realised Ed was avoiding eye contact, thinking he was embarrassed about her impromptu hug. ‘Won’t they ask why you haven’t got it?’

  ‘It’ll probably be put in his spare bedroom and Matias will spin some rubbish about me not wanting it,’ she replied, looking at the white monstrosity in the corridor. ‘I never liked it. All I have to do is buy a new bed and get it delivered. I might even throw in a new mattress.’

  She stared at it and knew that it was the bed where their children had been conceived. It felt sad but then again, it was liberating to move on and away from a man who didn’t love her.

  Then she caught Ed looking at her. It was with gentleness.

  Flora realised it was probably pity from what he’d witnessed that afternoon.

  ‘I’ve been meaning to hit him for years. It’s been building up. Paulette will be proud,’ she sighed, walking back to the bedroom and seeing the mattress on the floor. ‘I shouldn’t have hit his face. I should have gone for his bollocks.’

  Then she looked around the room and the boxes hidden under her bed piled up in the corner. Glancing over her shoulder, Ed was leaning against the door frame.

  ‘He’s not that bad,’ Flora said, noticing he was watching her. ‘Matias is a good dad, well as good as he wants to be. I think family life wasn’t his thing. He was probably going to leave me anyway. I remember you told me I was icy, all those years ago. Nothing’s changed much.’

  ‘Relationships are challenging,’ he said, walking into the room and sitting down in the corner armchair. ‘And some people seem cold when others can clearly understand it's a defence mechanism.’

  ‘Thank you for your help,’ she said quietly, opening her wardrobe and seeing things she’d stored from Matias on a shelf. ‘You can head off.’ Then Flora smiled to herself. ‘How’s your girlfriend? Is everything okay there? You never said how you met.’

  She heard him clear his throat and turned to look at him.

  ‘Through Matias,’ he replied.

  ‘Oh yes, she’s a friend of Ramona. I forgot. You’ll probably get an invite to the wedding.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘It’ll be a good one. He likes arranging parties,’ she smiled, recalling their wedding day.

  It seemed a million years ago.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asked. All Flora could do was shrug her shoulders. ‘He makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn’t he?’

  ‘He’s stating what goes through my head. What I don’t want to hear. Matias knows my insecurities so well.’

  ‘And he uses them against you because I think he’s mad at himself.’

  ‘He doesn’t love me and wants me to know it’s because of me, nothing else.’ She let out a groan. ‘I have to get some things for the fundraiser next week. I might sell the gifts he got me since we split. They’re expensive so I can get good money for them. Probably get this item…’ She waved the most recent addition, the watch, in the air. ‘… to pay for my new bed.’

  ‘It’ll be okay Flora. Time’s a great healer.’

  ‘That’s what Gaynor would say then she’d refer to the operation on her piles and how that changed her life,’ laughed Flora before sighing. ‘You can go now. Everything’s signed off so I’ll make sure he pays you. Go and spend time with your woman. Be happy.’

  Ed slowly stood up and she smiled.

  He nodded, the way he did at school then walked out of her house.

  As soon as she heard the door close, Flora sank slowly down to the floor and cried.

  Her life was such a mess and felt like an empty space, very much like her bedroom.

  ‘No, it’s fine,’

  … Ed said, opening the door that evening to see Emily on his doorstep.

  ‘I know you have to work but I thought I’d come round for a nightcap.’ She was holding a bottle of wine in her hand. ‘I won’t stay, unless you want me to.’

  He smiled and let her walk past him.

  Standing in the corridor, he really wanted to be alone.


  All he could think about was Flora’s face and when she held him in her arms. His troubles seemed to fade away when she touched him. And again his heart hurt knowing all she wanted was someone to hold her in their arms.

  He wished he could do that.

  Emily was opening a bottle of red and pouring out large glasses.

  Ed let out a disgruntled sigh, knowing he wasn’t quite sure which way his life was going.

  Wherever it was heading, it wasn’t in the direction he wanted it to go.

  ‘Emily, I’m pleased you came round,’ he began. ‘I think we need to talk.’

  ‘I see,’

  … Flora said to herself, seeing the van was parked outside her house and her items were being removed.

  Music was blearing from the driver’s side and she immediately realised Simon had been conned into doing the work.

  She decided not to be in her home when they came for Matius's things.

  It was a warm Saturday afternoon and she went to lunch on her own. Still she was seething about Matias. The most positive thing she had done was to put all the glittery items Matias had bought her over the years on eBay. Also, Flora had sold some items that morning so she had cash in her pocket.

  But she was still without a bed.

  Then something told her to check the vehicle. She knew Matias would try and get the guys to take the piano.

  Looking around, she jumped into the back of the van and noticed various items covered in sheets. Pulling up the material, she saw the bed was strapped against the wall and then noticed a very plush, brand new sofa in the back of the van. Immediately she could tell who it belonged to.

  ‘So you want my furniture but you still buy expensive pieces,’ Flora mumbled, instinctively making her look for the piano.

  The next thing she knew the back of the van had been shut and Flora was immersed in complete darkness.

  ‘I said we’d drop off the things on Monday,’

  … said Ed, sitting in the driver’s seat, revving up the engine.