Nevertheless

by Ailisa Madrone

  She found out that too much space suffocates more than none. She found out that to sleep well she didn't need a big room. All she needed was to feel free. She was up in the sky while Navi was safe in the grounds that held his feet, and it would never work.

  Navi watched Mabel; the candle's reflection illuminating her face. "How couldn't my father realize how inappropriate you are?"

  Mabel also felt she was inappropriate to stand next to a person who governed Navon, and she wasn't so sure that she wanted that. Navi had the clearance to see this, and at some point the king would as well. Certainly there should be someone else better than her to do this.

  "But since you seem worried about this," Navi said. "You can stay. Apparently my dad is trying to make us get on with each other, and he won't rest until he sees that we're getting along well. We should make things easier for him, huh?"

  "That's what I was trying to say."

  And then Navi went back to writing his important letter.

  His traces were not delicate, Mabel noted. Navi had some lines around his eyes and a lump in his neck. When he turned his face to the side it looked like his nose's tip could touch the sky. His expression was serious due to the several military training he must have gone through in his life but, above all, he was like that because he was not a boy anymore.

  That thought brought a smile to Mabel's face that attracted respectively Navi's eyes to her. To escape his eyes, she put her hand on the table and dragged it while she focused on the polished mobile. Then, she lost her concentration when she looked at the bookshelf filled with codex and papyrus.

  She took a blue thin book out of the shelf, but she dropped it on the floor. Navi's eyes shifted to Mabel bending down to get it off the ground. Equally clumsy, she tried to put it back in place between one book and another. She couldn't tell what went through her head that made her approach those books and blow out their surface, raising a thick dust that made her sneeze.

  Then her attention was drawn to a book placed at the top, she was always trying to reach to the impossible. Navi scratched his head, bothered by the sound of her trying to reach it. Mabel ran her fingers through the book cover. It was somewhat heavy, and she opened it, distributing the weight on her arms. She turned a page and then another, passing her eyes through the lines without understanding a single word. The kind of writing she was used to were not as difficult as those.

  "So you know how to read."

  Mabel's head turned to Navi, surprised. "I shouldn't," She closed the book. "But my dad taught me as a mentor when everyone else refused to do so. He's what people usually call a different kind of man."

  Mabel stood on tiptoes to put the book back in its place, but she was having trouble trying to fit it back in. She should have known by now that it was easier to cause chaos than order. And then Navi left the table and walked up to her, stopping behind her back. His hand met hers, helping her to push the book back. He was taller than her, so it was easier for him as he could see what he was doing.

  Navi then walked towards the entrance where she got in. "Do you think the time we’ve spent here has satisfied my father?"

  "I guess so."

  Navi approached the door, with his right-hand opening it for Mabel. "Sorry," He said politely. "I found out that I can't concentrate if you are in the same space as I am. You're not the problem, obviously."

  Obviously, she thought sarcastically. The prince should not be used to having company.

  "Have a good night, Mabel." Navi said honestly when she walked through the door.

  "Have a good night." She said back. The door closed, and Mabel kept looking at it, thinking that maybe it wouldn't be as hard as she thought it would.

  IV

  "There's no one in my mind.

  There's no one in my heart."

  The Ballad of Mulan

  ◊

  Navon's castle was built on a top of a hill, in the midst of trees that got colored in the spring. For the opponents to get in the palace, they would have to climb the mountain range and dribbling trees and everything else that composes a forest. Only by the front, and there lied the fortress, there was a passage to the castle through a stone bridge.

  Mabel's shoulder was touching the window as she looked at the far away village when the steps of numerous people walking, probably towards Navi's office, called her attention. Whenever any trouble happened in the castle, it was usually where it was coming from.

  "There you are." Amir said. "How long do you plan on leaving the tutor waiting for you?"

  Mabel looked at him. "What's happening?"

  "It looks like we have received some news."

  "Bad news?"

  The lack of brightness in his eyes did not match with the false optimism in his voice. "Not that bad, I hope."

  Amir looked like the Talking Cricket, tall and thin, elegant in his royal uniform. He seemed really wise, and he would be a good influence if he were the king’s counselor and not that other bastard. At first, no one liked the chief counselor; he wasn't really nice to anyone.

  "I can't have my lesson today." Mabel said to Amir, deciding all of a sudden. "Can you tell the tutor I'm not feeling well? Actually, I need to go to my house, but you don't have to tell him that."

  "Now?" And Amir was very insightful, too.

  "There's one thing that's bothering me and I need to talk to my father. I'm sure the king won't mind that I left the castle, if he even gets to know that. Which I don't think he will, unless you tell him."

  "You don't have explain yourself to me. Sorry for saying this, but I'm just teaching you a lesson."

  "Thank you for the lesson." She gave him a smile. "And for not saying anything I just told you to the king, because I know you won't. Right?"

  Leaving the castle was a big effort, and getting to the village wasn't easy without a horse. The castle's stables were full of horses, but Mabel thought that she couldn't just take them. Besides, she loved to walk up the road when she could, along the riverbanks, with the valley covering the other side towards the village. She took the longest way around, but she didn't care.

  Mabel's childhood house was rustic, as any other in the village. In a room lightened by a candle, her father used to sharpen his sword in the early evening while her mother was preparing the food in a cauldron placed over the fire, with burning woods. Mabel would be in the next room by this time, on the corner of the tiny place where she used to sleep, like an animal in a hole, thinking that she was meant for something greater than what people expected.

  Her home was her world. And Mabel kept telling it to herself, truly satisfied that she could live for the rest of her life in Navon. Not only because all her memories were there. It was something bigger than just feeling comfortable.

  When she got to the doorstep, it was like her home sensed her presence like an old friend who was back. Before she even called for her parents, the door opened giving her a big welcome.

  "Hi," Mabel said, her wet eyes feeling a certain longing. "Daddy."

  She didn't hug her father immediately, although she wanted to. Her father was a military officer, and military officers over time lose their sensitivity, and they can be really harsh sometimes. But Amyntas pulled Mabel by her shoulders and embraced her, as strong as his willpower not to cry either.

  "Who's there?" Mabel's mother put her face at door. "Oh, it's you. The first chance you had you came to see your father, haven't you?"

  Mabel switched from one to the other. "Of course I came to see you too." She hugged her mom, kissing her face. "I was also missing you."

  In front of the crackling fireplace, Mabel felt safe from the cold and from the lack of shelter out there. Wooden houses are warm inside even though they don't look like it.

  "We haven't spoken to our son-in-law yet." Darice complained with Mabel. "Will he come to meet us?"

  "I don't think he's the kind of person who visits his in-laws, mother."

  "So we can go see him if he cannot come to us."

 
"I don't think you should do that either. Navi is quite busy, and if he wanted to meet you he would have done it."

  "Well, I can't complain, can I? I asked for a son-in-law, but my prayer was answered in much greater proportions than I ever imagined. God, the prince! It's a shame I can't tell my friends that my daughter – my daughter! – will be a princess. Not until the day of the engagement, at least. I'm so happy that my fears failed to happen. These activities that you and your father enjoy doing have not harmed you from getting a marriage after all. Oh, I almost forgot! Has the prince been good to you?"

  "Yes," Mabel answered without excitement. "I think I can live with a person like him as long as I don't care if he frowns at me every time I say something wrong."

  "Well, don't tease him much. It's not good to annoy your husband, especially when he’s a prince."

  "It is quite ironic when you act completely different with my father."

  "This is because your father does not count."

  Amyntas poked Mabel with his finger, and then he made a move with his head pointing the door. He stood up, limping and supporting himself on his wooden support, painfully weak. Mabel didn't take long to go after him, her mom almost couldn't notice.

  "I'm going to talk to my dad." Mabel said to her mother, getting up from the stool placed in the middle of the small space that seemed to be the living room.

  Darice saw the shadow of her husband by the door. "Why don't you talk to your father here?"

  "It looks like he wants go for a walk."

  "From here to out there?" She said, suspiciously. "Are you coming back for dinner?"

  "Of course, mother. It's not as if we were going far away."

  "You always do."

  "Not tonight." Mabel assured her. "What's going on with you?"

  "I just miss my daughter. Is it too much to ask to have a moment with her, preferably without her father around?"

  "No, it's not." She kissed her mother for the second time that day. "I'll be back soon."

  Amyntas was outside of the house waiting for Mabel, leaning against the wall. The distance from one house to another in the village was little, there wasn't much space in between them. Nobody would want to have Mabel's neighbours around as you would constantly hear them gossiping and begging for things.

  "Your mother was keeping you in there."

  "She was being strange. She said she wanted to talk to me. She kept cursing me and calling me ignorant in the past. Since when does she have patience to talk with a crap head like me?"

  "Since you stopped being a savage, in her words. Now you're a lady, in her words as well. If you hadn't taken so long to come see your parents she might not even have noticed the difference in you."

  Mabel thought about telling the things she had to do and study, but she didn't think that excuse would work for her father. "I was busy."

  "It does not matter. How is the castle?"

  Mabel shrugged. "Well, living in a castle is not as good as I've heard. I have a lot of work to do..."

  "That's not what I meant, Mabel."

  "So what did you mean?"

  Amyntas looked up, and it wasn't because of the stars starting to show in a late afternoon orange sky. "Did you notice anything weird around there lately?"

  Mabel walked closer to him. "Today it was a mess out there."

  "Please, keep your voice down." He whispered to her, afraid that someone else had listened to them. "Your mother can't know we're talking about things that young girls should not talk about."

  "I think my mother is very busy with the food she's cooking to hear behind the walls. What have you heard about it?"

  "Should we go for a walk?"

  Mabel shook her head slowly. "I think we shouldn't. My mother…"

  "Come on, Mabel. Come follow your father."

  There was a long way to go in between the wood houses that could lead them far beyond their home, and Mabel told herself not to forget to go too far that day.

  "Do you remember that story I told you about a young king whose mother was murdered by his half brother?"

  Mabel said yes with her head. "And in order not to kill the younger brother, Balthasar left the boy in a hostile place to die."

  "Balthasar is a conqueror. He steals villages and conquers kingdoms. He wants to be an emperor. He isn't content with his kingdom more; he wants to conquer the whole country. He enslaves the conquered kingdoms, he kills the conquered kings. He has an arsenal that could be used by a whole army which he's been accumulating, so many soldiers that his military base can't even handle anymore. There is no king who has not been beaten him. And Balthasar is coming here, and he will enslave everyone."

  "How do you get to know things before anyone else?"

  "It doesn't matter now, Mabel. Listen very carefully what I'm going to say. Now that you'll be a princess, you can find whoever you want. Find a way to find your brother. Help me find your brother, and we can save Navon."

  "What does it all that have to do with Gael? What aren't you trying to tell me?"

  A voice in the distance shouted something familiar. They still walked three or six steps when they realized it was Amyntas and Mabel the names Darice was shouting.

  Mabel looked desperately at her father. "Daddy, what does this has to do with Gael?"

  "I can't explain when your mother is rushing us like this. And it's not like I can talk about it. What I just said is all you need to know, not because I don't trust you." He clarified. "You're the person I trust the most in this world. I'm just keeping you safe. Now come on, Mabel. Your mom can punish me if we don't go back home right now."

  She looked her father with veneration. "First of all, we should never walked too far away from home."

  Amyntas placed a hand on Mabel's shoulder as they come down the empty street, sometimes leading her along the way, sometimes leaning on her. His weight didn't bother Mabel for what it seemed, or maybe she could just bear with it.

  "Can I make at least one question while we walk?" She gave him a quick look.

  "I'm not going to talk about your brother."

  "It's not about my brother."

  "So choose your words carefully."

  Amyntas and Mabel looked at each other at the same time.

  "Like the oracle." She said, smiling. "My question is about the king. Weren't you friends? Why don't you ask him to find Gael for you? He's a king after all. He can reach places that our hands never will."

  "We are still friends, and we already talked about this.”

  Mabel's eyes flashed in surprise. "Well, you're pretty fast."

  "And his hands wouldn't go as far as you’d expect. We've been powerful one day, Mabel, and today we are not more. But here you are, and there is Dareh’s son; both of you are better than your parents."

  "I have another question."

  "Of course you do."

  "If I didn't want to be a princess," Mabel said, in a careful tone. She thought about how she could tell this to her father. "If I actually wanted to be something else, something that girls should not be. Would you still be proud of me?"

  "I would be proud of anything you ever did. But you can choose to do something that matters rather than expecting that people do it for you."

  "I need to know, dad. Why did you teach me things I should not know? Why did you make me someone I can't be? Why, knowing all this, you still did it? I just need to know."

  "Sorry, Mabel, but you've asked three questions. It’s the oracle rules."

  "Dad," She said, seriously. "You're not an oracle, and we're not joking."

  "Anyway, I don't have the answer you want. I can't tell you what to do, what to think. I can only guide you to a point; that's what parents do. The rest you need to figure out on your own. That seems unfair, but that's the way things are."

  "I don't believe that. You are complicating a simple question. I always hear in the castle the prince saying the king is crazy; is that something that happens at your age?"

  Darice pulled Mabel by
the arm, and Amyntas almost fell without his daughter's support.

  "Is the king going mad?" She asked while putting Amyntas' hand around her shoulder and holding hands with Mabel at the same time. "And what does your father have to do with it?"

  V

  "Last night I read about the battle.

  It was twelve scrolls."

  The Ballad of Mulan

  ◊

  A month before, Navi sent a letter to the neighboring kingdom asking for alliance, and now he was staring at the letterhead paper that could change everything. He never felted scared before, but when the lives of all the people he was responsible for depended on it, he could not avoid feeling like that.

  They needed more troops. Navon's army troops were good enough, but most of them were young soldiers and there were not enough numbers. And that was the answer he was expecting, if they would have some help. He needed to find out if they were alone or not.

  And then he knew. The letter said that the neighboring kingdom was worried about losing his troops if they failed, and they would be vulnerable in front of Tzara if they decided to attack them for alliance. They wanted to stay away from the battlefield, which was exactly what Navi would do if a helpless kingdom like his asked for help.

  He could see the city burning and innocent people paying for something they did not deserve. Not being able to do anything, feet and hands tied while he watched the walls their ancestors built up falling to the ground. Until nothing is left. Walls, palaces, cities, villages are easily rebuilt. And what about the souls forever exterminated?

  And in the blink of an eye, this was all happening.

  Nobody knocked on the door, they just got in; there was no time for cordialities. Navi's face stood up immediately to the royal guard with his hand on the doorknob, looking terrified at the prince.