Nevertheless

by Ailisa Madrone

  "We are under attack, Sir. What should we do?"

  Navi didn't have time to pick up an armor – and it was not like he was worried about protecting himself when his city was being attacked. He took up a sword placed in a corner, and ran. Like he never ran before.

  Under the same night sky, from her comfortable and spacious room, Mabel heard the sound she never expected to hear. She knew that at any moment in the history of a kingdom this could happen, but not with her parents outside while she was safe. Not when she wasn't there to defend them.

  Outside the room, she could see guards running and ladies-in-waiting in despair for their families outside. She ran down the hallway and ran down the stairs until she reached the door, but a guard left his place to inform her that she would not be able to leave. She was trapped and powerless within the walls of that castle.

  Mabel bent down to take her shoes off. She took one shoe off and then the other, abandoning them on the floor, leaving the vestige that a desperate girl passed by. As for the dress, she couldn't do anything about it; she had a hard time putting it on, she would have the same effort to take it off.

  When she did, she was screaming. "Open the door!"

  "I can't, Ma'am." The royal guard was so calm he seemed to not care about the world falling outside. "It's the prince's orders."

  "The prince is not here now. Open this door and I assure you no one will know you let me get out. I give you my word."

  The guard wouldn't give in. Of course, he would not. Navi personally told him to be in charge of that door, making sure no desperate relatives would leave the castle and not come back. And that girl wouldn't make him lose his position, because this is what would happen if he let her go. No matter how desperate and frightened she was, everyone else was on the same boat. She wasn't the only one.

  Mabel pushed the guard away to keep him out of the door, letting the young guard surprised since he underestimated her from the moment he saw her, with both hands on his arm which would be enough to make him move. The guard reacted as he realized what was happening, but quickly she took the sword from his waist and pointed it straight at his throat. As if she was very used to it.

  "I'm not kidding, soldier." Mabel warned with the sword pointing at his throat, as he gulped. "Now give me the sword and let me go."

  The guard surrendered, raising his hands up. He saw madness in those eyes shining like fire and he wouldn't get in her way. No one would risk their lives at work; at critical moments, anyone would find a way to be safe and they did not care about honor. That's what the royal guard was doing as well.

  "Don't worry I'm taking your sword with me." She said as she walked out the door. "You won't need it here."

  Outside, desolation was real. And Mabel wondered if she could get home in time.

  She went through the same path as usual, but this time she ran as fast as she could. She was barefoot and her dress was flying through the air as she ran with a stolen sword in hand which touched the ground while she was crossing the bridge that led to the green field. This time, she wouldn't take the longest way.

  She passed by the trail among the trees angrily; the birds shouting and flying everywhere, desperate.

  The village was being taken by brutal men with orders to destroy everything they found on their way, turning it into a scenario of chaos and destruction. Residents of Navon were being taken out of their homes and thrown to the ground to be beaten up. She saw when a woman came out of her house being pushed and shoved, and she also saw a white-haired old man being kicked on his fragile ribs. Mabel felt really, really, really sorry for not being able to stop and help them, but she had a place to go.

  That day the door did not opened to welcome Mabel. In fact, the house shrank like a turtle in its shell for the hostile vibes around.

  She started looking everywhere for someone. Certain someones. And it was under the wooden deposit that they used to keep the pots that she found her father, after being cowardly beaten up and murdered. Not in a war zone, not in battle; it was a dishonorable way for a commander to die. He wasn't even alive anymore! She got there too late to catch the last farewell, the last recommendation. To ask the last question.

  Navon was a small kingdom amongst many others. And Amyntas always said they should be prepared for when a war exploded, but today more than any other day, he wasn't prepared. In honor of him, she would have raised that tower away and free his soul from that place that proved ungrateful and unjust, but she thought about her mother. Her father was strong, and he could have fought the enemy. But her mother was a domestic and fragile woman, and whatever they did to her, should not have been fair.

  She could be better, Mabel said in a prayer. She could be better.

  Mabel dragged herself around the house, as she had no strength in her legs to walk and stand up. She found Darice next to an unfinished dress, a prom dress as simple as their house colored in a red that did not belong the fabric; a cruel and permanent red.

  Tears came down Mabel's eyes as she held her mom by the arms and hugged her while she was saying "mammy" for the first time since she was a kid, crying out loud, screaming in despair and pain: "Why did it have to be this way?"

  At that moment, Mabel didn't realize what that meant; she just cried. Only later, when she was alone in her tiny house, which would become too big, she would realize she was an orphan and that she lost the only people that cared about her in the world.

  That night has turned into a sad and cruel massacre, and girls should not come across a scenario like this when they should be concerned about who their date at the ball. Neither kids, that should be sleeping by now. Neither Navon, that wasn't born to get into a war.

  VI

  "The Khan will raffle those who will go to war.

  My father's name is on all accounts."

  The Ballad of Mulan

  ◊

  Mabel did not go back to the castle. For three days, the king left her in peace due to her parents' death, and then she would have to return to the palace in order to continue what was interrupted. But her parents were dead now, and there was no reason to go back. She would not be trapped there again.

  Mabel stopped by the door of the military base, finding loads of young people from all towns in Navon, summoned to be part of the army. They were all lacking technique of war, strength, battle; they were recruiting soldiers that were not soldiers.

  Some of those boys had an adventurous spirit, a strong soul that would not make them run away from a call, fascinated by all that. They were the young patriot type, who would never be scared and avoid going to war. But most of them weren't sure about why they were there or who they were. Some of them were peasants, blacksmiths, philosophers, artists, aristocrats. Young people of all kinds. However, one could differentiate them from each other by the way they looked around scared, by the revolutionary postures, by their dreamer looks when they were walking, by the strength of their muscles or the lack of it. Young people of all kinds.

  But, they all come from the same group, except Mabel. She was the only one that should not be there. Yet still, she wanted to be part of something that actually mattered. That night at nine o'clock the attack had begun, at ten the city was falling apart, and at midnight they were destroyed. The number of victims of the invading troops was non-existent compared to the people they killed, and Mabel felt the need to make up for each one of them, starting with her parents.

  They were looking at Mabel, whispering to each other and pointing the finger at her, but no one asked her directly what she was doing there until someone did as it was her turn in line to introduce herself to the commander.

  "What are you doing here?"

  Mabel heard when the guy in front of her introduced himself, and the other one in front of him, and the commander asked their names, the names of their parents, where they came from. They did not ask her any of that.

  "I'm doing what the others are doing."

  The boys held their breath under their chest. The recruitm
ent field was in silence while a girl was saying she was there to sign up for the King's Army.

  "Is it for the paycheck?" The commander imagined that could be the only reason. "You can have a hearing with the king to explain your situation, and he will help you. You don't need to join the King’s Army if your family is going through bad times. I can also help you with that."

  "Thank you for your generosity," Mabel answered. "But I'm not doing it for the money. I'm here because I want to be a soldier."

  "You'd have to be a man to be a soldier."

  "I can be a soldier even being a woman."

  "Women do not have the strength and endurance that a man does to take down a soldier, do they? Look at you, look at these kids. In the blink of an eye a man – and he doesn't even need to be strong or experienced – can dominate you. With one hand he will hold you and with the other hand he will do whatever he wants with you. Do you understand what I'm telling you, kid? It is very brave that you want to contribute, but Navon does not need help from someone like you."

  "I don't think you're right about that. Navon needs every kind of help at the moment."

  The commander told the soldier next to him: "Take this girl to the gate." And he looked back at Mabel. "I'm a commander, after all. I know what my army needs, and it is not you."

  He nodded and the soldier took Mabel by the arm to get her out of there, as if she was a disgusting dog being pushed out of the way.

  Mabel turned around at the sound of a horse hitting its hooves on the ground, embezzling lands wildly and violently.

  She stood up before Navi came to her. She did not clean the dress to get rid of the dirt and or even tidy up her messed up hair. Mabel had dark circles under her eyes and she looked exhausted, but nothing really mattered even when the prince was coming towards her. The problem with a huge loss is that nothing else matters.

  The place they were was away from the village that Mabel grew up, a plan and green area, and there was a tree where she could rest her back on a thick trunk as she sheltered from the sun.

  "You finally decided to show up." Navi said, casually. "My father would have sent soldiers to bring you back, but I told him to give you a little more time."

  When Navi wasn't involved with the kingdom's affairs, he could be seen wearing a linen blouse as he was now, with a tight sleeve, small opened buttons in the front, having the shirt tuck in the waistband of his trousers which hid inside his boots. And Mabel thought he was very meticulous about the clothes he wore for a chief of the army.

  Navi dismounted and proceeded to tie it the trunk of a tree.

  "I'm so sorry for your loss." He said, as his feet made noise after stepping on the branches all around on the ground. "I know exactly what you're feeling now, and believe me: it's going to be okay in time. You just need to be brave now."

  He was referring to his mother who died due to an illness that put her in a bed and she never got up again. Maybe we can understand why someone would not care about the person whom he will marry, once he saw his father losing the woman he loved to a silent and fatal disease. Becoming dependent on another human was painful, and Navi knew that.

  Mabel turned her back at him, avoiding facing him. She was afraid that she could start crying, and he could not see weakness in her now. "My dad taught me how to handle a sword and how to fight. He taught me everything he could as he would have taught a son. I don't know why my father taught me these things, but sometimes I think he…"

  "What are you talking about?" Navi interrupted her, impatiently.

  Mabel looked at him, confident, certain that after this conversation she would be convincingly able to speak about everything she planned from the moment she decided to call him. "I didn't want to use this trick, but I want you to know I had no choice."

  His eyes tightened in apprehension. "What trick?"

  "I asked you to come here because I have a proposition for you. I am going to help you get rid of an arranged marriage if you put me in the King's Army. If I refuse this marriage, there is nothing that your father can do about it."

  From all Navi heard, even about releasing him from the marriage, he only paid attention to the second part. "What?"

  "I was the daughter of the King's Army commander; he taught me everything I need to know…"

  "And none of this will matter when you step in the battlefield for the first time and you're killed. You probably know about what enemy soldiers do with women in the opposing villages, now imagine what they would do to you in the combat zone."

  Mabel could bargain and if that still could not solve the situation, she could prove that it was not a whim. We should never give up on something we really want.

  "This is my condition." She said, repeating the same words that a king once said. "I thought you didn't want to marry me."

  "Actually, what I said was that it bothers me the idea of marrying you, but not that I wouldn't do it. I really don't care if I marry you or anybody else."

  Mabel turned her shoulder towards the castle and pointed to the top of the mountain. "So should I go back to the castle," She said in a tone of bluff. "And go on from where we stopped?"

  Despite all the protest, Navi would rather marry Mabel than having complications such as these. Besides, he could put her in the army and that would not mean that she would go to war someday. He could put her in a position of carrying weapons for the military; anything that she felt she was contributing. He could manipulate her.

  "You can try."

  Mabel looked at him, very anxious. "And what if I make it?"

  "If you make it, I will give you a position in the army." Navi laughed briefly at the idea. While some soldiers had meetings with the king showing their innumerable reasons for not joining the army, this girl was bargaining to get in. "A king's word is a word of honor."

  "You're not a king." She said, observably.

  "Okay, I have not used the correct words." He raised his hand in a disingenuous oath. "A prince's word is a word of honor."

  Navi was not taking the matter seriously; he didn't even think that Mabel would persuade the king, who so persistently imposing this marriage. She did not doubt him. Because he was a prince, and princes don't speak carelessly.

  "And if you don't mind, I want this stay between us. Our almost-marriage, I mean." She said, blinking as she looked down. Not in a million years would she think she would be negotiating with the prince and for survival. "It must be our secret."

  "I think it's fair." Navi replied. So far, all Mabel requests have been righteous. First, she frees him of a disadvantageous marriage, and then she prevents people from knowing about it.

  "I have another condition." She did not hesitate to talk. "I want you to help me find my brother. I am not asking much compared to what I am giving up; you have to admit it. I just need to find my brother, and that promise, especially, you can't break."

  "You seem very determined about everything." His dark eyes looked at her without flickering, so intimidating that Mabel looked away and closed her eyes because of the sun light. "What happened to that other girl I met in the castle? Were you fooling us all this time?"

  Mabel shook her head in disagreement, looking at him candidly. "I wasn't being myself there. But this is where I belong. This is what I am."

  "Well," Navi said, slowly. "I liked the other one better. She would never cause me any trouble."

  Mabel got closer to Navi to look away from the sun. "I'm not going to cause you problems if you cooperate." She emphasized more crudely than necessary, and then she reached out a hand to him. "Do we have a deal?"

  VII

  "Oh, my father does not have a grown son.

  Ah, Mulan does not have an older brother."

  The Ballad of Mulan

  ◊

  Mabel was afraid of the king's reaction more than she demonstrated to Navi. However, there was no way he could get angry after the throne's future daughter-in-law has threatened a guard with a sword and escaped from the castle. Mabel was free,
and he accepted that, because you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. He really wanted to help her by putting a crown on her head.

  "Because, Your Majesty, I want to be part of the King's Army as well as my father was. I know we're at war, I know Navon needs me."

  "You will not be of any help to Navon. You are so... peculiar for that, don't you see? The soldiers will not respect you and neither the people you are trying to help. Your life, that your father so carefully looked after, will be lost in the blink of an eye on a battlefield. That is if you get there."

  "The soldiers need to know the things my dad taught me. We're not going to lose the war with his lessons."

  "There is a commander for this."

  "But he's not my father."

  The king could understand her veneration for her father. The king himself venerated Amyntas for some time. And, just like Mabel, he was finding it hard to believe that a man like Amyntas disappeared that way.

  "I can't do anything for you because you're talking to the wrong person. It's Navi who you should be convincing now."

  "I've already spoken to him. And I convinced him, actually."

  "That little royal rat." The king cursed his son. "Did he at least try to make you understand that it's foolish?"

  "Yes, he did."

  "Not enough."

  After talking to the king, she was to meet with Navi. He would be her general, and that is how she would call him from now on.

  Mabel waited for him on a bench close to the door. After a long wait, an hour and a half timed by her restless feet, the office door opened. She stood up suddenly while a crowd of ministers passed through the door.

  Navi was the last to leave. He went through the door so fast that he didn't notice Mabel impatiently waiting for him, almost tripping on her as someone stumbles upon a rock in the middle of the road, then she realized that he would not be able see her if she did not pronounce herself.