Love Me, Crazy

by Laura Burton

  ‘Would you like to go on a date?’ Nothing could stop me from beaming as I nodded in reply. Tom sat back and grinned like a Cheshire cat. His upper lip dimpled, and his nostrils flared with excitement.

  ‘This Friday? We can go out after school finishes? I know a nice little Italian restaurant in Town.’ he said lightly. I rambled on about how nice that would be, and we gathered our bags and headed out of the coffee shop to start walking to school.

  Not only did my morning routine become something to look forward to, I enjoyed the school days as well. ‘Miss, where is Mr Bloom?’ a small first year girl asked me. I was covering for the English teacher one morning, the class was not very big with only 14 pupils to teach and usually involved good debates between the girls. We discussed Thomas Hardy’s ‘Far from the madding crowd’, which then sent my mind wandering toward Tom and how he might be doing with his class. I suddenly remembered that he didn’t have a class in the morning, his fifth formers were doing work experience. With that thought, I stared into the distance as the excitable girls debated amongst themselves when I noticed a figure pass by the door window. Hopeful it wasn’t Mrs Callingham checking up on me, I jumped in my seat and snapped back to the present and listened to the presentation.

  As the end of day on Friday approached, my heart started racing with nervousness. It had been years since I had been on a proper date. My life had been consumed by study and books that boys were never on my mind. My last boyfriend was in high school, Tomas Varela. He was Portuguese, a charming boy who knew how to flatter a teenage girl. I spent many dates just admiring his handsome dark features and soaked in his compliments. ‘Your eyes are like stars, they sparkle in the night’ and ‘My heart stopped beating for a moment when you walked in, your beauty blows me away,’ he would chime to me in his beautiful accent. Tomas enjoyed playing the guitar and wrote songs and poems dedicated to me. His words were so sickly sweet that I soon felt tired of how much he enjoyed expressing his feelings to me. Which he did, all the time. The relationship ended badly, when I found him with his arms around another girl in my class in town, kissing her fully on the lips. It turned out that he had four girls on the go at the same time. He even wrote them all the same songs and poems – only changing the girl’s name.

  What should you do on a date? Tom and I got on perfectly well in a casual setting, but what are the expectations within a romantic setting? Were we in the friends’ zone? Was I foolish to date him? I enjoyed Tom’s company and I was certainly excited to spend time with him, but our height difference was slightly awkward, him being head and shoulders taller than me. Then there was the fact that he was so thin and not especially handsome. Was I even attracted to him? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I was attracted to his personality; he had a lovely spirit for sure. Is that enough?

  The bell rang to signal the end of the day and the halls and corridors were filled with rushing school girls, eager to catch the school bus home or make their way to the parents, who were waiting to pick them up. I waited in the main hall and nodded to the girls as they passed. ‘Bye Miss,’ a few of the girls called out to me as they went. The crowds eased, and Tom came strolling towards me. He had changed into a dark suit; this one had been ironed, I may add. I felt a little self-conscious in my pink tartan skirt and silk blouse – the same clothes I wore this morning. I hadn’t even thought to change for our date.

  ‘Hi, sorry I didn’t bring any clothes,’ I rambled awkwardly but Tom shook his head.

  ‘You look lovely -’ he started to say quietly.

  He watched the last few girls leave the hall and turned back to me. ‘Shall we go?’ He asked in a cheery tone. We walked out of the hall and strolled down the cobbled driveway. There were a few girls dotted around the green in front of the school, and I saw Miss Garland, the P.E. Teacher, setting up the courts for her after school tennis lessons. Neatly pruned laurel bushes lined the border of the huge driveway. I stopped walking and stared as one of them shivered for a moment, then a small black cat dashed out of its hiding place and scurried along the path towards the Science building.

  ‘How was your day?’ Tom asked politely. He was oddly formal in his manner which was disconcerting. We had spoken with ease until now, until we were on a date. Suddenly, everything felt so forced and strained. ‘Oh, fine’ I replied. Thinking of nothing extraordinary about my day worth mentioning. ‘How was yours?’ I asked politely, Tom nodded. ‘Pretty usual,’ he said. We reached the iron gates at the end of the drive which opened out onto a small side road with cars parked on both sides.

  ‘Actually, Reverend Hale has been making good progress after his surgery, they believe he can come back in a month,’ Tom said in a strange tone. He gave me a furtive look as if to read the expression on my face, searching for a reaction. My eyebrows automatically raised as I took a step back. ‘Oh, good,’ I said, slightly breathless. What does that mean for Tom? Would he have to leave when Reverend Hale returns? Where will he go? Would they continue dating?

  Suddenly this date became complicated. Of course, you don’t have to work at the same place to date. But at this point, I was uncertain about my feelings towards Tom, and it was only through the day to day interaction that made him grow on me. I couldn’t imagine making more of an effort to see him if he wasn’t around me all the time.

  ‘Well, I made reservations for 5, and it can take some time to get to the restaurant in rush hour’.

  Tom’s rambling disturbed my thoughts. I blinked and looked down at my watch. We had 40 minutes to get into the centre of Bristol; it was more than enough time.

  ‘Well, there’s no point in taking a car, we only need to walk down Park Street to get to Town,’ I offered lightly. It was a pleasant June afternoon, the sun was still shining, and a light breeze ran through the many trees in Clifton. If you closed your eyes, it sounded like waves on the ocean. Tom shrugged with a smile,

  ‘I don’t know this place very much, but ok, if you want to walk, we can do that,’ he said as we started strolled down the path towards the main road.

  Clifton is the sort of place that never loses beauty or dignity. Occupied with only Britain’s finest residents, in grand Victorian houses surrounded by matured Oak trees. There were parks dotted around the cobbled streets and perfect strangers greeted each other in the morning. The chip shops would charge a premium for their fish & chips and coffee shops were in abundance. A quaint little cake shop sat near a row of little shops by a large grassy park which the locals referred to as “the Downs”. Many a boyfriend would take their girl to the Downs for a cheeky ‘first kiss’. Another hot spot for couples was the Clifton Suspension Bridge. It was a creation of Brunel and looked beautiful at night all lit up like a Christmas tree.

  We walked along the roads, admiring the scenery and started the long descent onto Park Street. Tom was mostly quiet as we walked, and I felt compelled to break the silence, which led to a short, awkward one-sided conversation until I was left with nothing else to say. I realized that my decision to walk was a bad one, as we would have to endure this long awkward silence after our meal while we walked back to our cars, which were parked outside the school. Not only that, but we would be walking uphill with a stomach full of greasy Italian food. I made a mental note not to eat or drink too much.

  Once we entered the centre of Bristol and headed towards the Hippodrome Theatre - which is where most of the nice eating establishments were - Tom got out his phone and checked his GPS.

  ‘I’m not sure where the restaurant is now,’ he mumbled. I politely asked for the name of it, as having lived in Bristol my entire life, I was pretty certain I would know the restaurant anyway. Tom shook his head.

  ‘No, I can’t remember, I stumbled upon it when I went for a walk a couple of months ago,’ he said as he scrolled through different listings on his phone. I wondered how you could make dinner reservations with a restaurant and not know what it was called but thought better than to ask. Tom was in a strange mood and I reasoned that second-guessing him w
as not the best idea.

  We stood there awkwardly as streams of people marched back and forth. Suddenly, my eyes locked with a man who was walking towards me. My jaw fell open as I stared at his face. I knew that face. His blue eyes pierced my very soul. They were kind, deep and intense. He was walking towards me, my knight in shining armour – or waxy jacket and suit trousers – carrying an Oakley laptop bag. It was him. The mystery man I saw in the coffee shop. The world became foggy, while he remained in perfect High definition. I felt my face break into a huge smile of giddiness. He was still looking at me when he winked and gave me a cheeky grin. As he did so, a dimple appeared in his left cheek. Then he passed by me and carried on walking towards Temple Meads – the local train station. Suddenly the world came rushing back into focus and I was overwhelmed by the noise of the traffic and people chatting all around me. Tom was looking at me oddly. ‘Are you ok?’ he asked in a weird voice. I jumped and stared at him surprised. How long had I been in that dazed state? It felt like seconds, but it could have been much longer for all I knew.

  ‘Yes,’ I replied breathlessly. ‘I just feel a bit crowded with all these people, do you know where to go now?’ Tom gave a sheepish smile in return.

  ‘No, but here’s the thing, I didn’t make reservations, I don’t even know why I said I made them. I guess I’m just nervous, I don’t usually do this,’ Tom reeled in a shy tone. He didn’t normally act like this. What was wrong with us? We had spoken to each other every day for weeks, on every subject matter possible, and now Tom couldn’t even tell me the truth? We needed to relax! This was the most tense, awkward date I had ever been on! So, I decided to take charge on the situation,

  ‘How about we just grab a drink in our favourite coffee shop?’ I offered kindly. Tom’s face relaxed suddenly.

  ‘That sounds great, I’m not even that hungry’ he replied as we both turned around and started walking back up the hill.

  ‘This feels… a bit strange, doesn’t it?’ he continued in a careful voice. I laughed with a nod in reply.

  ‘I don’t know how to behave,’ I said. Tom agreed. The sun was started to set as we walked hand in hand, and everything had a soft golden hew about it. The air was warm, with a gentle breeze which was calming. Tom’s hand felt comfortable in mine. I looked at him and noticed that he was more relaxed now that we were back in comfortable territory.

  We came up to the coffee shop and Tom held the door open while I strolled in. The room was filled with students talking animatedly to each other about their day and the atmosphere felt so relaxed and light that I relaxed my shoulders and took a breath. Tom bought us each a hot chocolate while I found a tiny nook with two comfy chairs in the corner of the room, out of the way of everyone else. As Tom paid for the drinks, I dragged my fingers through my frizzy hair and started to daydream about my second encounter with the mystery man. How did he have such an effect on me? Tom walked over, and I eyed him carefully. His straw-like hair was tousled, and he had rings under his dull grey eyes. He smiled, and I smiled back but my heart was like dead weight in my chest. No, it was worse than that. It was numb. A little like the loud banging music thumping in your ears when you have your headphones on the highest setting, and then you listen to the radio in the kitchen. Your ears are still ringing slightly and the simple tones coming from the radio are far less exciting. Something about my encounter with the mystery man with the laptop bag completely rattled me. But now was not the time to brood over such things, I was supposed to be on a date! I mentally shook myself out of my thoughts just in time to hear Tom asking me a question.

  “Would you like a slice of cake with your hot chocolate?” he offered. I gave a cheeky grin in response, we both knew the answer to that one. Tom set the two mugs down on the table and turned around while I dipped my finger in one of them and tasted a little whipped cream. It was warm and delicious. As Tom returned to the counter, the brunette at the till eyed him with a strange smile. Her eyes rested on the dog collar at his neck and then flicked back up to his face as she smiled at him. I wondered if she was attracted to him, although the thought didn’t bother me. Not in the slightest. In fact, the absence of jealousy in me, stirred up a confusion. Why is it that I felt so comfortable and excited to spend time with Tom, Yet he seems to fail to invoke any romantic feeling in me? Had we become stuck in the “friend” category?

  The woman at the till handed two small plates to Tom, each holding a mammoth slice of chocolate cake. ‘Enjoy,’ I heard her say as Tom walked away from the counter back to me. He swaggered slightly to the music and settled in the chair opposite me. I took one of the mugs to my lips and sipped on the creamy hot chocolate. After a few good sips, I licked the cream off my lips and set the cup down again. Tom took a bite out of his cake. ‘Mmm’ he said as he nodded with approval at the taste. I picked up my spoon and scraped off some icing.

  ‘Dee,’ Tom said suddenly. My eyes shot up to his face, surprised at the sound of my name. For the most part, Tom would just start talking to me, he rarely called me by name, and there was something about his tone that unsettled me, it was serious and a huge contrast to the light-hearted, relaxed attitude he seemed to reflect.

  ‘Yes,’ I replied, eyeing his face with interest, his eyes intense as they bored into mine. He edged a little closer and leaned over the table, taking my hands in his. They were slightly moist with sweat and bony. My heart fluttered with anticipation.

  ‘I’ve enjoyed working at Clifton High, and I appreciate the circumstances around it were unfortunate. Though it seems that Reverend Hale will make a full recovery, which is good. The girls are great. It certainly beats teaching a class of students who just don’t want to be there. These girls want to learn about religion; they are polite and sweet. It’s quite a welcome contrast to some of my previous postings. But mostly, I have enjoyed meeting you and spending time with you each day. I must confess that I look forward to our hot chocolate mornings and get excited each Sunday as I think about seeing you again. You have become a fond part of my life.’ Tom’s voice was charismatic. His words flowed easily, as his many sermons during Assembly. My heart sighed at the sound of his words. I wondered if he practised this speech in private. He spoke so fluently.

  ‘I know we have only known each other for a couple of months, but I enjoy spending time with you, and I struggle to imagine a future without you in it.’ I gulped slightly as the heaviness of his words pressed upon my mind. Tom licked his lips and continued in the sincerest tone.

  ‘I adore you, Dee.’ he said. I gasped and smiled in response, clasping his hands a little more tightly.

  ‘Tom – that is so -’ I started to say but he shook his head.

  ‘Don’t speak yet, if I don’t say this now, I may never get it out.’ I shut my mouth. Waiting for him to tell me more. Excited to hear more of this delicious monologue. ‘I love the way your golden hair flows to the narrow of your back. Your eyes are beautiful and confusing. I think they are green but sometimes they look yellow. I can’t help but notice that they shine in the sunlight and they give your thoughts away – you don’t realise that. Your eyes are so expressive.’ He laughed slightly. I stared back in surprise. Guilt rose in my chest and I wondered how much he read in my eyes after the brief encounter with the mystery man previously. ‘I would like to date you, take you to the theatre, you know, ‘woo’ you.’ He started to ramble a little. ‘Do you know how sweet-natured you are? I love that about you. Remember how you thanked me for my sermon on my first day? Then you sat with me for lunch and every day since you endure my golf related discussions.’ I laughed at that. He didn’t understand how much I loved listening to him speak. He could have been talking about wild fungi for all I cared. He was eloquent and drew me in with each syllable. ‘I know this might be a little unorthodox, but I would really like to see you on a more romantic basis,’ he stopped talking and his face paled. Maybe he suddenly realised that he had divulged too much emotion at once. I however, was smiling ear to ear, drunk on the loving fumes he was
sending me with his compliments. My heart was thumping my chest and my hands started to sweat a little in his clammy hands.

  ‘I would love that,’ I said softly. Tom looked startled for a moment, then leaned into me and brushed his lips on mine for a brief moment. My lips tingled under his touch, and my body shivered with surprise. I heard a cough coming from the counter and noticed that the young brunette was looking furtively at Tom.

  We finished our drinks and enjoyed the chocolate cake while exchanging random thoughts about life and little quirks of the school. The sky was dark outside as we walked out of the coffee shop some hours later. I held my arms, tensing against the cool English night. The street lights glowed like warm fire embers lighting up the path. The road was still full of traffic, now the partygoers were coming out for the night. It was Friday after all.

  ‘What would you like to do?’ Tom asked, holding my hand as he walked. I looked up at him, his height over me was more obvious now we walked closely together. I made a mental note to buy some higher stilettos.

  ‘Well, I don’t drink, and I don’t really enjoy clubbing,’ I thought aloud, mostly to myself as I ticked off the places to go out. Tom shrugged his shoulders.

  ‘I’m teetotal as well,’ he said simply. I looked at him in shock. Drinking was a huge part of English culture, it surprised me that anyone would be teetotal. Of course, I was because every time I had a drink it made me vomit and I suffered with an irrational fear of vomiting. Now I thought about it, I could not quite imagine Tom sat by a bar, a pint in his hand talking with the lads about Golf. The picture was so out of place in my mind.

  ‘Why do you not drink?’ I blurted out. Hoping I wasn’t sounding rude. Tom looked thoughtful for a minute.

  ‘My dad was an alcoholic,’ he started to say. I gasped and apologised for prying. ‘No, it’s ok,’ Tom said kindly. ‘I want to tell you these things,’ he continued. I knew that there was a part of him just being nice, but I appreciated it. ‘I was sitting my Science GCSE exam when my mum came running into the exam hall, hysterical and crying. The teachers were dragging her out of the hall when she just screamed “he’s dead, his father’s dead” and the whole hall went dead silent in response. My teacher - or the examiner, whoever it was that was holding my mum back - just let go in shock. She ran over to me, took my hand and we walked out of the hall to the car. I didn’t even get to finish my paper.’