I Still Hate You

by Marie Skye

  “You haven’t, have you?” I looked up as Gerald interrupted my thoughts. “Would you like me to be blunt or do you want me to sugarcoat the answer as to why?” I remained quiet but lifted my chin slightly to let him know what I expected. He leaned forward and poured some cream into his coffee. I watched as he stirred it but didn’t take a sip. He leaned back as if he had to search his memory. “How did they put it exactly? Ahh yes, They didn’t want their lineage tarnished with the blood from a line of wetbacks. Their exact words they said often to Jacqueline. They were racist assholes that tried subjecting Jacqueline to their behavior.” I gasped as I looked up at him, my eyes already welling with tears but I didn’t dare say anything. I wanted him to continue. I needed him too. “She defied her family long before you were born, and the fact that she was in love with someone that didn’t ‘look’ like them didn’t make hers and your father’s relationship spectacular with them being racist and all. Their love made it dangerous, not only for Jacqueline but for your father as well. They hated your father, which means they hated you.

  “For five years, which was five years too long, Jacqueline’s family threatened to report your father’s family to immigration. When she came to me seeking help, I was engaged to be married. I told Jacqueline that I wouldn’t be caught up in whatever family shit she had going on. She stood in front of me, practically pleading on her knees, to help her, to help you. Again, I told her no, but we both knew I would. Otherwise, I would have to live with myself knowing I could have prevented your fate and didn’t. She left you because she had to. She left you to protect you. Our marriage was based on politics not love, but it grew. The political justification grew to like, and that like grew to respect, and that respect grew to love, which brought us, Hailey.” He smiled to himself briefly, no doubt remembering the daughter they have. The daughter they had.

  “She became more detached after Hailey passed. But I assure you, she does love you. She was just prevented from showing you in order to keep you alive. Her family is very powerful, and she couldn’t stand up to them on her own. Now she can try.”

  He stood up, buttoning up his suit jacket. “Regardless of what you decide, you’re welcomed in our family. You are family, and I’ll make sure everyone knows it. Your choice will never be used against you.” He started for the door but then stopped, pulling a folded piece of paper from his inner jacket pocket. “Walt found this in your room, it was left behind.” He placed it on the counter before giving me a nod and then leaving.

  22

  Perrie

  I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I just sat there existing. Hours went by and the next thing I knew when I finally turned my head to look at the stove clock, it was almost ten p.m. I finally dared a glance at my phone, seeing the multiple calls and texts from Ash, and also Claire. I didn’t bother with any of that. All I thought about was what Gerald said and also what Gerald left.

  Finally getting up, I walked to the counter where Gerald left the folded piece of paper. I knew exactly what it was without even opening it. I traced the edges of the folded lined yellow paper, before gently unfolding it and looking at the words I wrote so long ago to someone that no longer existed.

  You left the world today.

  I’m trying so hard to understand why. You always said you could do whatever you wanted and laughed and joked. I laughed it off when you said ‘you could leave anytime because you ran your own life.’

  You left the world today

  You took your own words to heart. You left because you wanted to. Did you think of me? Did you think of what this would do to me? Did you think of me at all?

  You left the world today

  You were all I had. You were all I fought for. Everything I did was for you.

  To make you proud. And why? Because I looked up to you.

  You left the world today

  And I’m still here.

  23

  Perrie

  “You look thoroughly satisfied.” I raised my head at the smirk Ash was giving me.

  I sighed, reaching for my phone to check the time. “Well, you lasted way longer than three minutes, so yes, I would definitely agree on the satisfaction part.” The boyish grin he gave me said it all. The smile slowly faded as he looked me over.

  “What do you think about when you look at me like that?” I whispered. He slowly made eye contact with me. After a minute he slowly shook his head. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be asking me some questions or something? You know because of the whole client thing.”

  He sat up, sighing. “Do you want me to ask you questions?”

  “Don’t you with your other clients?”

  “That’s different.” He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. “Okay, get up, wear something... small. You have one hour.”

  I scrambled to my room to get ready. I was oddly excited. I didn’t know if it was a date or what but it didn’t matter. I trusted him, and yet I was a little off guard when he took me to a club. That was when I realized I was overdressed in the simple sundress I was wearing. That is if you compare me to the woman at the next table completely nude if you don’t count the pasties on her breasts, and that’s all.

  I leaned toward Ash, as he waved to someone he knew. “Where the hell are we?”

  He pulled me closer. “Chicago’s biggest secret. One of them at least.”

  A woman came over and placed two glasses down—a small glass bowl of sugar cubes, and a bottle filled with green liquid. Ash went to work placing a cube in each glass before pouring the liquid over it and then handing it to me.

  “So, what’s this lesson all about?”

  “Confidence.” I looked at the girl dancing across the room. The guy she was with had his hands up her skirt. She surely had a lot of confidence. As the club filled, more people came over to Ash and I just watched. They knew him. They liked him. They respected him. He was king everywhere he went.

  We danced, we drank, we laughed. This was a new side of Ash I hadn’t quite seen before. We had just sat back down, and someone came over to whisper something in his ear. He slightly tensed. “I’ll be back,” he said, not even bothering to wait for my response. It was fine with me, I was tired.

  Suddenly, the stage I didn’t even know was there lit up. It took a moment before I realized they were about to do some sort of a skit. Kind of weird for a club but whatever. I watched as one of the characters danced with a woman in a historical garment and of course, they spoke French. I was following along, then jumped when Ash appeared beside me and pulled me into his lap.

  “Relax,” he whispered in my ear, and I took several deep breaths before finally leaning against him. The scene playing out in front of us was erotic. I closed my eyes as his hands went from kneading my shoulders to traveling down my arms until he reached my hands, placing his over mine. Together our hands moved up and down my sides before finally cupping my breasts. I swear, if being a sex therapist doesn’t pan out for him, he definitely should be a masseuse. The moment his thumbs brushed against my nipples, I gasped, which quickly turned into a moan.

  “Spread your legs,” I heard him whisper, at least I thought I did, but surely, he wouldn’t say something like that—and definitely not here, in public. I also had to remind myself this was Ash who made me get myself off in a public bathroom. “Spread your legs,” he said again. My eyes snapped open, ready to end this little game but one of his arms went around my waist holding me still. I looked out at the crowd. No one was paying attention to us, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t see what we were doing. I heard him sigh, as both of his legs hooked both of my ankles, jerking my legs apart.

  “No one’s watching,” he whispered to me. His hands, now back on mine, went to the hem of my skirt but he didn’t go up further. Instead, he took my hand and guided it up and down my own thigh until he directed my hand up past the seam of my skirt. I felt him move my panties to the side. “Tell me how wet you are.” At first I hesitated as I looked out to the crowd but shut my eyes as I touched mys
elf. “Show me,” he whispered as he kissed the side of my neck. I brought my hand out from under my skirt and held it up, the light making my fingers glisten. I heard him moan behind me as he shifted. The feeling of his hard cock against my back didn’t go unnoticed. “Continue,” he whispered in my ear, and I didn’t need any more prompting after that. He still had that one hand under my skirt, keeping my panties to the side but he never touched me. I wanted him to touch me.

  I thought about him touching me and pretended it was him doing it. I squeezed my eyes tighter as I increased the rubbing of my clit. “Make me proud,” he whispered in my ear, and that voice alone set me off as I trembled in his arms. I covered my own mouth, afraid someone would hear me, even though I knew it wasn’t possible with the music blaring and the skit still playing out in front of us. I finally slumped against him, legs still spread, not giving a damn who could see me now.

  His tongue slowly trailed my neck before reaching my ear and lightly biting. “Good girl,” he whispered in my ear. He moaned as I rocked against him, his hardened cock between us making itself known.

  His arm wrapped around my waist keeping me still. “This isn’t about me.”

  I looked over my shoulder at him and whispered against his lips, “But it can be.” Even though the music was loud, he heard me. He hissed as my hand moved to cup him over his jeans.

  “Perrie,” he growled but made no move to stop me as I unbuckled his jeans and wrapped my hand around his cock. His head fell back against the seat as he started to move his hips against me. He leaned over me, turning off the lamp on the side of our booth as he moved us closer to the middle section. It didn’t offer much privacy, but it was enough to where we were slightly hidden. His mouth claimed mine hard, to the point we were practically breathing each other in.

  He leaned back, his lips swollen, mine most likely too. “Put your mouth on me,” he whispered against my lips. I quickly looked behind me before lowering myself to the floor. I was partly covered under the table but he could still see me. I circled the tip of his cock slowly with my tongue, his breathing hitched as I swallowed his precum. Taking my right hand, I licked my palm before putting my hand between my legs. I watched him watch me rub myself before I removed my hand and rubbed his cock up and down with my wetness.

  He practically jumped out his seat as I swallowed him down. His hands went to my head to push me down, but he didn’t need to. I happily took him in. I stiffened when I heard him talking and started to pull back but his hands on my head stopped me and pushed me further down his cock.

  “Keep the change,” I hear him struggle to say as his hips buck up, forcing me deeper. He gripped both sides of my head to hold me still as he fucks my mouth. I’m struggling to breathe as I choke and gag. I want to push him off me but I don’t. After a few more thrusts, he stilled while pushing all the way in my mouth. His cum fills my mouth and I struggle to swallow, but I do.

  Finally, I feel his grip around my head loosen, and he pulls me up.

  “Fuck, Perrie,” he whispers before kissing me hard. He smiles against my lips. “Good fucking girl.”

  24

  Ash

  Walking in the kitchen, Perrie was already there with a faint smile on her lips, which was the exact opposite of where I needed her to be. Mostly because I liked her like this, and that was the very last thing I needed from her—feelings. She glanced up at me as I entered the kitchen. “Morning,” she said a little too damn eagerly. I nodded at her as I poured myself a coffee. “Last night was... adventurous,” she said as she hid behind her mug.

  “How did you feel?”

  “Fine.” Even though she was trying to hide behind her mug, it didn’t stop the blush that crept over her body. She shrugged, trying to not make it into a big deal when she knew damn well getting herself off in a room filled with people was way more than just fine.

  “Good,” I said as I placed my cup in the sink. “Then you’ll have no problem for what’s next.” She paled as her eyes widened. I brushed against her as I left the kitchen. She wasn’t hard to read at all. Her words said she was unaffected but her body said otherwise. Fortunately, that wasn’t a problem at all. I had time.

  “So, this is where you work?” Perrie looked up at me surprised as I walked toward her desk.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I was in the area.” She narrowed her eyes at me as if she didn’t believe me. She would be correct.

  “I’m the receptionist today since Barb is out sick, so today’s job is to sit in this lovely chair here and be cute,” she said as she twirled a piece of her hair while batting her eyes.

  I nodded looking around the office space. It was pretty scarce but sufferable, I suppose. “Show me around.”

  She hesitated briefly before agreeing. “I actually have a video meeting in a few minutes. So this will be a bit quick.”

  I gestured toward her. “Lead the way.”

  Perrie took me into the studio where she explained what everything was as well as the extensive editing process she did during the day. “So, that’s basically it. I wear these ridiculous outfits so we can give a review while we do our podcast.”

  I looked at the closet she had open and grabbed one of the garments. “You actually wear the lingerie?” She rolled her eyes, nodding.

  “I hate it. I don’t really see the point of it, but Frank said they’re the sponsor, and they want genuine feedback.”

  “Sounds sketchy as hell, does everyone do this?”

  “Unfortunately, no, since I’m the main presenter.” She closed the closet door. Absolutely nothing of what she said made any kind of sense. I mean I guess it was legit… almost. Sketchy, nonetheless. She checked her watch. “The meeting is starting. It shouldn’t be no more than ten minutes.” I followed her back to the receptionist area as she logged into her laptop and prepared to do whatever people do.

  Although I had not a single care of what they were talking about, it was clear she was getting frustrated. I decided to rectify that. Dropping to my knees, I crawled under her desk. She looked at me questioningly until I grabbed her hips and scooted her to the edge of the chair.

  No panties, just like I told her. Such a good girl. She hit mute. “What are you—” she didn’t finish as her head fell back the moment my tongue circled her clit. She tried pushing and pulling me from her at the same time.

  “Answer them, Perrie.” Her eyes popped open before she looked at the screen.

  “I’m sorry, Frank, can you repeat that?” she asked, her voice a little high pitched.

  I continued to trace every crease of her as she practically creamed in my mouth. Holding her clit in place with my teeth, I slid two fingers as deep as I could go and watched her reaction as she almost jumped out of her chair. Reaching up, I tilted her laptop screen further back to where it’s focused on just her face before grabbing onto her tit and pinching her nipple hard. She yelped.

  They noticed.

  I chuckled, and most definitely didn’t stop what I was doing.

  “Yeah, everything is fine, there’s just some noise outside,” she said almost too breathily. I smiled at how she struggled to say just those words. I moaned at how wet she was, the vibrations doing nothing but setting her off more. I sucked her gently before sucking hard. She was still talking, or at least trying to. I buried my tongue as far as I could go, while pinching her clit at the same time. She leaned forward, clutching my head to her, pulling me as deep as possible.

  I heard the laptop slam shut followed by a long moan as she came in my mouth. I feathered light licks until she came down completely before standing up and straightening my pants, my own erection ready to burst through. She stared up at me, breathing heavily, legs still spread. I leaned down and kissed her on the lips, making sure she tasted herself.

  “Thanks for the tour.”

  Her eyes widened as I turned and left.

  25

  Perrie

  Our two weeks were coming to an end. I didn’t want it
to. I was hoping this experience would make me get him out of my system but it did the exact opposite. I developed feelings. Feelings I certainly didn’t need to have. Ignoring them, I went to the front desk of where I needed to be, and signed in.

  “You’re a bit early. She’s not scheduled for another half hour but I can take you to where she’s assigned.” I nodded, following behind the nurse who led me to a small yet cozy room. I looked at all the machines and wiring around me. It was enough to intimidate anyone and yet it was all familiar.

  Twenty minutes later, the door opened followed by voices, which suddenly stopped when she saw me. Jacqueline blinked several times, clearly stunned to see me.

  “Hi,” she whispered. I nodded in return as the nurse led her over to the reclining chair and hooked Jacqueline up to a bunch of wires. Ten minutes later, the nurse left, closing the door softly behind her. It was just me and Jacqueline. Probably the only time we had ever been alone together.

  I stared at my hands, wondering if I was making the right decision, hell, even wondering if I should even be here. I finally cleared my throat to say something, but she cut me off before I could start.

  “No. Let me go first. Please?”

  I slowly nodded letting her have her chance. “I never should have given my family that power. But I was young and scared. They convinced me they would harm you and I couldn’t let that happen. I could have tried. I could have tried harder to fight for you, but with my family, it’s doing what you’re told or…” she didn’t finish that sentence but I suppose she didn’t need to.

  Even though Gerald explained things to me and Jacqueline basically echoed what he said, it was moot. “My father died. I had no one, and I went to you, and you treated me like I was exactly that. Like I was no one. Like I didn’t mean shit to you. I didn’t ask for much, I just asked for a family. I don’t understand how you can sit here and say how bad your family is when you are literally exactly like them. You gave me up for a status.” I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear fell on my hand. “And yet I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you never once apologized. You didn’t care. You didn’t ever care about me.”