Chasing Paradise

by Cindy Patterson

  Paul forced himself to walk away. He stood at the bottom of the steps before he turned around. She looked at her feet, her cheeks a deep shade of pink.

  “I need to get back to work.” His voice was low, his throat suddenly hoarse.

  “Okay.” She wavered as she stood.

  Paul left before he could change his mind and go back to her. He would have to learn some control.

  No mistakes. He could make no mistakes.

  27

  Rachel's imagination had worked overtime since her talk with Paul yesterday. As she descended the stairs, something occurred to her—Paul had already come inside.

  Pulling her fingers through her hair, she treaded down the stairs. He stood at the bottom, just like yesterday, and smiled in a way he hadn't before. It was as if he'd been waiting hours to see her.

  “Hullo.”

  She pictured herself tumbling down the stairs and landing in his bulging arms, like on the cover of some cheesy romance novel. A soft chuckle escaped her lips. She shook the vision free not wanting to trip and say something stupid. She'd fallen enough in his presence.

  “What’s so funny?” Those eyes gripped her with their compelling gaze.

  Her tongue refused the truth. “Nothing.”

  “I don’t believe you.” He gave her a crooked grin.

  “I promise. It’s nothing.” She leaned against the banister content to stare at him.

  He frowned. “Okay, but it’s such a shame.”

  “What is?”

  “That it was nothing.”

  “What do you mean?” He was teasing her. And she liked it. She could stand here forever with him like this. His eyes were warm, filled with a strong energetic power that drew her in. An occasional urge would swell within her, and she’d have to look away.

  “I hoped I could make you smile like that again.”

  Heat flooded her face. How did he do that? She could be perfectly fine, but one glance from him sent her into another dimension. He was definitely flirting. It just didn’t make sense if he and Anna were together, unless Kelli was right? Could Kelli be right? This very minute it didn't matter. Nothing did. Only her and him. In this moment.

  “Are you off today?”

  She moved past him, deliberately brushing against him in the tight space and tipped her face up to look at him. “Yes.” She laughed, fighting the attraction drawing her closer. “Kelli and I are going school shopping in Philadelphia.”

  “Oh? That’s a long drive.” Rachel couldn't help but smile at his stern expression. “Will you be calling your mom when you arrive?”

  Her heart skittered against her chest at his protective tone. “Yes.”

  “And when you leave?”

  “I tell her where I am at all times.”

  “That’s good. I would be worried sick if you were traveling that far, and I had no way to know you were okay.”

  She could get used to this. Especially when she was the object of his consideration.

  Paul leaned against the banister and crossed his arms. “It's a good thing you have that little phone.”

  Kelli pulled down the path, altering their attention.

  “Have a nice time, and a safe trip.” He delivered his words slowly. And every muscle tightened as he pressed his way past her, leaving only inches between them. “And make sure you come back.”

  She followed every inch of his diminishing form. No one had ever made her feel the way Paul Fischer did.

  Rachel's thoughts were crowded with images of Paul with too much time to think on the long ride to Philadelphia. The way his fingers trailed down her cheek, the look in his eyes, that crazy sexy smile of his that could almost buckle her knees.

  “How are things with the handyman?”

  Rachel scanned the open road, heat burning her neck. “There's not much to tell. We're friends. At least when I'm trying not to avoid him.”

  Kelli rolled her eyes and head all while keeping her gaze on the road. “Why on earth would you do that?”

  “I don't want to make a fool out of myself. And I don't want to push myself on him. He might be engaged to that girl, what's-her-name.”

  “Anna?”

  Rachel knew the girl's name. She had it memorized. But hearing it out loud caused a knot to tighten in her middle. “I saw them together yesterday.”

  “Really? What were they doing?”

  “I don't know. She approached him.” And fell all over him. “I didn't stick around to watch.” She hadn't wanted to see his reaction to Anna—to see him take her into his arms. The thought made her sick.

  “I'll ask Belinda.”

  “No,” Rachel said, too quickly. Of course she wanted to know. She just wasn't ready to find out. Not yet. “You don't have to do that. I can ask his cousin, Mary.” But it wouldn't be any time soon. Maybe never.

  Rachel dialed her mom’s number as soon as they parked an hour later. “Hey mom, we’re here … he did … Okay, I’ll call you when we’re leaving. ... Love you, too. ... Bye.”

  “What did your mom say? Who is he?”

  She inhaled hard. Then blew the breath out in slow motion. “Paul has asked her twice if I called.”

  “You’re kidding me?” Kelli squealed. “He really likes you.”

  “It makes more sense for him to like Anna.”

  “I don’t think so. Anna’s just pushy.”

  Agonizing chills escalated through her body with each thought or mention of Paul. And Anna. “Do you know a guy named Kevin that works with him? He said we would be going to school together?”

  “Kevin Williams?”

  “That's him. I think Paul was trying to set me up with him?” It was impossible to not talk about him or think of him. Paul now occupied permanent residence in her mind, her heart.

  “Why in the world would he do that?”

  Rachel grabbed her purse from the back seat, desperate for a diversion. When Rachel finally faced forward, she caught Kelli's raised eyebrow still in place. “I don’t know. Because Kevin asked me out. It was just weird.”

  Kelli’s mouth dropped open. “Kevin asked you out? What did you say?”

  “I told him I had other plans.”

  “What? Kevin Williams asked you out and you told him no?” She cackled. “I probably wouldn’t tell anyone else about this. At least until you get to know everyone.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because he’s the hottest thing at Conestoga Creek High, and all the girls will instantly despise you.”

  Rachel definitely wasn’t planning to tell anyone. “But what's even weirder. Paul hasn’t brought him back to my house since that day.”

  “Paul wouldn't try to set you up with someone. Not when he's in love with you.”

  A panicked flutter skipped through her heart. “He's Amish, Kelli. He even told me we shouldn’t be friends.”

  “But he’s talking to you now. He took you to the singing and then on a buggy ride, so apparently he gave up on that.”

  “He’s just trying to be nice. He was with Anna yesterday. They’re together. I’m sure.” But memories of him flirting, their conversations, the alluring magnetism of his eyes roared above all other sensible thoughts. Make sure you come back. She nearly soared at the five little words playing havoc in her mind, her heart, her soul.

  Kelli pulled into a parking spot. “Does Paul know that Kevin asked you out?”

  “I didn't tell him, and he hasn’t said anything about it.” Rachel climbed from the car. “Let's have lunch first. Then we can walk off all those calories.”

  They found a corner table in the courtyard and ate their chow mien lunches.

  “I need some warmer things for fall. Things I didn't need in Florida.” The thought of home hadn't hurt so much. The pain was easing. “What kind of styles do you wear to school around here?”

  Kelli waved, shaking her head all at the same time. “I love your style. You have the coolest clothes. They scream confidence.”

  “Really? Thanks.” T
he compliment made Rachel feel good, and she glanced at her outfit. Jean capris with a blue and green dress that hung a couple of inches above her knees. “So I shouldn't buy a few Amish dresses.”

  “Only if you're planning to marry the handyman.”

  Yes! In my dreams.

  After lunch, they wandered through the mall.

  “Come on, this is my favorite store,” Kelli said, moving forward.

  Off one of the first racks, Rachel grabbed a light blue sweater and held it against her chest and studied her reflection in the mirror. Would Paul like this? Of course he wouldn’t. He liked plain clothes and plain girls.

  Two hours later, armed with a few bags from different shops, they headed to the parking lot.

  Kelli pulled onto the main highway heading back to Paradise. “You should come to church with me sometime?”

  She twisted in her seat to face Kelli. “Really? I would love to.”

  “We have a large youth group and an awesome drama program. We have so much fun.”

  “We did some drama. I miss that.” Rachel pulled her hair back.

  Kelli scanned her with a sweeping glance. “We perform at different venues. You should join our team. Your voice is amazing.”

  “Really? Thanks.” Rachel stretched and crossed her legs. A familiar joy leapt through her middle. It was almost like having Samantha here. Almost like being home.

  They arrived home an hour later. Rachel showered, put on her pajamas, and with her book in hand, settled on the bench inside the barn. That was the best way to learn about the Amish without asking too many questions. And the easiest way. Rachel was glad Paul had put the lantern out, it was already dark.

  Her bookmark guided her to her saved page and within the first paragraph she was transported into another world. One that wasn’t so complicated—one she dreamed of joining.

  The barn door woke Rachel with a start. She caught herself before falling off the bench. Mom. How long had she been sleeping?

  The ladder creaked, following the shuffling sound of footsteps climbing to the loft and coming to a stop near the top.

  “Paul?” She needed a moment to recover from her state of shock.

  He took the last step, bringing them only feet from each other. Whatever she was about to say stumbled to a halt. His sleeves were rolled to his forearms, his collar loosened at the base of his neck, his gaze raking over her and settling on her lips. She struggled to find the right words. “What are you doing here?”

  “I rode by and saw the lantern burning.”

  “Oh.” Her voice sounded childish even to her own ears.

  He covered the bottom area of his face with his hand. Rachel crossed her legs, her pajama pants riding up with the motion. She had already washed her face and pulled her hair back in a pony tail. It reminded her of the first time she'd met him.

  “How was your trip?” His voice rumbled with pleasure.

  “It was fun.” Was he really standing there? Or was she dreaming?

  He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “Were you planning to sleep out here tonight?” The teasing tone of his voice hurt only a little.

  How could she have come out here dressed like this? Never in a million years had she expected to see him tonight.

  “I’m sorry, would you rather that I didn’t come?”

  “No,” she said with a sharp staggering breath. “I’m just surprised to see you.”

  “I rode by to make sure you were home.” His voice sounded alluring, whether he meant for it to or not.

  “You wanted to make sure I made it home?” Rachel pressed her lips together to keep them from quivering.

  “Jah. And when I saw the lantern burning, I couldn't resist stopping.” His faint smile enthralled her as his stare returned to her pants.

  “If I had known you were coming, I would've kept my clothes on.” Searing heat burned her neck and rapidly expanded to her cheeks.

  He must think I'm an idiot.

  She loosened her hair from the pony tail holder allowing it to fall free, to cover her face.

  Paul took the seat next to her, leaving only inches between them. He leaned forward, his neck stiff, but then he faced her. “You have plans tomorrow night?”

  “No, I ... I don’t have any plans.” Her body trembled. Did he want to spend time with her, again? “Why do you ask?”

  “Kevin said he invited you to a concert at the theater, but you couldn't go. You had other plans.” His voice was low and bleak. “I just wondered what plans you had.”

  Had he really just said that? “I was going to clean my room. I thought I would rearrange it.”

  “That doesn’t sound as fun as a concert.” He cocked an eyebrow. His smile was mocking as he stared into her eyes.

  “You want me to go with him?”

  He leaned back, his gaze never leaving hers. “Jah, if you want to.”

  She swore she saw a battle fuming in his eyes—the same battle wrestling within her. But none of it made sense. “I would've accepted if I wanted to go, but I didn’t, so I turned him down.”

  “Oh.” Paul regarded her with a wistful smile.

  “Oh?” Rachel gulped air into her lungs. “There you go with that oh thing again.” She pretended none of this bothered her, but her pulse was racing, her lungs constricting, her skin tingling. “Are you trying to set me up with him?”

  He stood and leaned against the wall. “Not exactly.” He hesitated. “I just thought ... never mind, I don’t know what I thought.”

  Her throat closed and she couldn’t speak.

  “Could I see you tomorrow after you rearrange your room?”

  Rachel straightened, determined not to give in to his charm. “I have to work.”

  He studied her face. “But I thought you just said ...,” he whispered hoarsely. “What time will you be home then?”

  His question reverberated through her thoughts and she bit her lower lip. “I get off at three.”

  “Gut, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” An easy smile played across his mouth as he took her hand. He moved toward the ladder never taking his eyes from hers, and she inhaled a lungful of air. Their arms stretched in the distance between them until their fingers fell away with his last step.

  28

  Rachel awoke on Saturday morning weary from a sleepless night. As she waited tables, her conversation with Paul, the way he had taken her hand, replayed over and over in her mind.

  At the end of her shift, she started to walk through the restaurant to leave, but stopped mid-step at the unmistakable sound of Paul’s name, through Anna's distinctive, shrill voice.

  It beckoned her closer to the wall, separating her and Anna's table. She had to know what the girl was saying.

  “The other night Paul took me home ....” The last few words fell away as disappointment stopped Rachel from moving. She covered her mouth, the weight of Anna's words crushing against her chest.

  What did Anna mean, the other night? What night? In between all those times he spent flirting with her he had been courting Anna?

  Maybe there was some mistake. He couldn't be courting Anna. Yes, he could.

  The other girl's voice sharpened. “He kissed you?”

  Paul kissed Anna? The words battered the tender wound encasing her heart.

  “It's only a matter of time before he proposes. I can tell he's hinting around to it.”

  Biting back an unruly sob, Rachel hurried across the restaurant floor and sprinted to her car. Once safe inside, she grasped the steering wheel and pressed herself against the seat and drove home, instead of what she wanted to do–prop her head against the wheel and give in to the tormenting sobs welling in her chest.

  Rachel had conjured a complete scenario in her delirious mind of exactly what she wanted. Him wanting her as badly as she wanted him. But she had been wrong. About everything.

  Every flirtatious look, every unrelenting need to be near him, every daydream of him kissing her, holding her, loving her. There was no one
else to blame. She'd done this to herself.

  Paul pulled into the driveway moments after her, and she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Paul would not see her like this.

  Conflicting emotions tore through her middle. She'd seen him with Anna. Three times. She should've known better. He was one of those Amish guys only seeking a thrill.

  Paul met her at her car door. Every instinct screamed at her to run into the house. To never look back. But she couldn't.

  Heart thumping in her chest, she glanced up at him. “Hey.”

  “Hullo.” He opened her car door, and she stood. Appreciation shown in his eyes as he coveted her face, from her eyes to her nose to her lips. Rachel brushed past him. She couldn't help it. No matter how much it would hurt, she craved that connection she always felt when she touched him.

  “Can we walk to the creek?”

  “To the creek?” Her voice quivered with anger. “Okay.”

  Just don’t look at him.

  They walked quietly through the woods. This time, she kept a safe distance between them and concentrated on the trees around her. The sun’s rays fought against the deep shadows of the green brush hanging above them. The flutter of birds and other creatures moved deeper into the cover of the trees at the sound of their footsteps. But none of that bridged the gap between her anger and sting of disappointment.

  Once they reached the bridge, Paul leaned against a tree. When his gaze met hers, his brow crinkled. “How was work?”

  Horrible. Especially the last few minutes. “Good.” It seemed like days ago she'd been to the restaurant. Time warped in his presence. She took a step back, her mind reeling, her heart breaking.

  He moved closer. “Is something wrong, Rachel?”

  “No.” He'd made no promises to her. She could pretend he'd never made her feel this way. But he made it impossible looking at her that way? “Why would anything be wrong?”

  He advanced toward her. “You've been crying.”

  “I'm tired.” Hot fresh tears streamed down her cheeks, and she averted her face. He didn't move. And now they stood only inches from each other. Rachel took an involuntary step back, needing more distance. She shifted her focus. Anything other than him, his magnetism tugging at every natural desire she possessed.