Mannies Incorporated

by Michael, Sean

  Drake grunted and came back, face stony. Somehow, it didn't make the bastard any less gorgeous.

  "What?"

  "Drake, don't growl…"

  Slayde headed to the other side of the house. He needed to clean up from lunch, make sure there were things for snack time, and make himself a Valium and Prozac sandwich.

  On gluten-free bread.

  ***

  Drake rolled his eyes and sat. What did Mindy expect from him? He'd quit his job and driven across the country to be here for her and her babies and so far, he wasn't feeling a whole lot of love. In fact, the message seemed pretty clear. Not only did they not need him, he wasn't even wanted.

  "Not growling," he told her.

  "Are too." She smiled at him. "You are the best older brother in the history of the earth."

  "Are you sure that isn't biggest idiot brother?"

  "Possibly, but you're still dear." God, she looked tired.

  "Are you sleeping?" he demanded. "You look like shit." And she still had more than eleven months left in this tour.

  "I am. This isn't the most fun thing in the world, you know."

  "I know, Minds. That's why I thought…" He sighed and rubbed his face. "Fuck it. I'll go, okay?"

  "Well, do you have to go today? Slayde is exhausted. He hasn't had a second's break in weeks now. I know him; he hasn't even let himself have a beer."

  "Then why the fuck has he made me feel anything but welcome for showing up to help?" He didn't need a fucking medal or anything, but he sure as hell didn't feel even a little bit welcome.

  "Drake, you were calling him nanny-boy just a minute ago and telling him he wasn't family."

  "I was pissed off! He wasn't even going to let me in the door."

  "He's never met you. You're a cop, Drake. Do you want him just letting people in the house with my children?"

  Oh. Okay, yeah. She had a point there.

  He wasn't quite ready to let go of his hurt, though. "He still seemed pretty put out to see me when I showed him my ID."

  "Did you warn him you were coming? Do you have any idea how hard he's working to keep everyone on schedule? Cut the man some slack, Drake. He's working twenty-four days a day for minimum wage."

  "Then wouldn't my help be welcome?" He got that Slayde was stressed and busy, but then why wouldn't he want any help? "I came to help."

  "Good. Be nice to him. I know you don't approve of him, but he's a good man. A truly decent guy and those kids need him."

  "When did I say I didn't approve?" He'd never said that. Okay, so he might have voiced an opinion that nannies were usually female…

  But not to Slayde's face, right?

  One of Mindy's blonde eyebrows went up. And up. And up.

  "Oh, fuck off."

  "You'll have to watch what you say, Uncle Drake, or I'll let Slayde wash your mouth out with soap."

  He stuck his tongue out at her, because she would. The bitch. God, he loved her. Which was why he'd dropped everything to help her out. "So, am I staying?"

  "Can you for a little while, at least? Give Slayde time to take a breath?"

  "I'm prepared to stay until you're back, honey." He'd quit his fucking job, for Christ's sake.

  "I love you, Drake." She sighed, rubbed her forehead. "I have to go. Can you get Slayde for me, please?"

  "Sure thing." He reached out and touched the screen. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

  "I will." He got a tired smile.

  "Love you, honey." He blew her a kiss and gave her wink before getting up and calling for Slayde. "Yo, Slayde! Minds wants you back."

  Slayde came out of the kitchen, long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, T-shirt dusted with flour, coffee in hand. "If you wake the kids up before two, I'm going to beat you with a skillet."

  "Sorry -- Mindy wants to talk to you now."

  "Cool." Slayde headed in. "Hey, you. You need to get to bed."

  Drake wasn't sure where to go, but he didn't want to be rude and listen in, so he headed for the kitchen, wondering what Slayde had been up to that he was all flour-y. There was what looked like cookie dough on the counter, along with a pile of bills, the man's phone playing music softly.

  This was Slayde's break? He really did need Drake if the break meant baking and paying bills and shit, so it was a good thing he was staying.

  He went over and stole a bit of cookie dough, tossing it in his mouth. Oh, man. So good.

  The sound of Slayde's footsteps were muted, but he heard them. "So, Mindy says you should take her bedroom. I don't go in there, but I imagine you'll want fresh sheets. I can help you make the bed, if you want."

  He shook his head. "Can do it," he muttered around another stolen bite. "Thif if weally goo'."

  "Yeah. You and Maggie. Leave enough for the beasties. Those are the last of my chocolate chips until I get to the store." Slayde took the bills, the checkbook, his phone, and the coffee cup and sat at the table.

  Drake couldn't keep himself from stealing another little bit of the cookie dough, but he made that it. "Why don't you make me a list and tell me where the store is and I'll do the shopping." See? He could help.

  "Sure, do you have Cozi on your phone?"

  "A what now?" He stared at Slayde blankly. It was like the man spoke a different language.

  "Cozi? It's an app."

  "That does what?" He pulled out his iPhone. He knew it did all sorts of shit, he'd just never really had the time to figure it all out. "I could have it." It had come with all sorts of shit included.

  "It lets me share lists with you. I have everything in there, so I know what brands Mindy wants."

  He handed his own over sheepishly. "I just use it for calls," he admitted.

  "Oh, I'm attached to mine. I have the kids' calendars, the grocery lists, medicines, everything. Do you have your app store set up with your password and stuff?"

  "Um… yes? Maybe." Tech had set it up for him. "I'm not a technophobe or anything. Really."

  "Well, we'll get you set up, huh? It's just easier." His phone was handed back to him, and Slayde offered him a half smile. "I'll probably have to do it tonight after bedtime. I need to get these bills paid for Mindy."

  "Well, can you write me a list then? I still want to do the shopping." He needed to prove he could be helpful.

  "Yeah. Yeah, I can possibly print from the Cozi. Just please, no gluten. Not any."

  "How do I know if there's gluten or not?"

  "You read the ingredients. I'll make you a list of nos."

  "Okay, that I can handle." It would probably take him forever, though, so he was going to stick pretty damn close to the list. "Are Doritos allowed?"

  "No, I'm sorry." Slayde actually looked sorry. "Or regular beer."

  "Seriously? Maggie's not going to be drinking beer." If she wasn't having it, it couldn't be a problem, right?

  "Those aren't my rules, Drake. Those are Mindy's."

  He raised his hands up. "I'm just trying to figure the logic on that one is all. Are there any munchies we're allowed? Popcorn? Cheetos?"

  "Popcorn, yes. Cheetos --there are gluten-free ones. Potato chips, yes. Maybe we should go together the first time?"

  "I was trying to take a load off you, man." He could pick up some fucking groceries without a chaperone.

  Slayde sighed. "Okay. I'll print the list and you can go and then I'll pay bills."

  "Okay…" Would it hurt the man to crack a smile? Slayde was pretty good-looking, but a little smile thrown in now and then would do wonders.

  The guy disappeared, leaving the stack of bills, the list of to dos in Mindy's backward script.

  "What the f--" He cut off the swear word. What had he said this time? Sensitive little shit. Mindy should have hired a woman. He went and got himself a glass of milk, and stole another bite of the cookie dough.

  It didn't take long before the guy came back with a handful of pages. "Here you go."

  He grabbed them and started reading through it. It was long. And the last
page was a list of ingredients he had to avoid. "Okay. Great. So where's the store and how did you want me to pay for this?" He didn't mind paying, but if he was meant to buy a list like this on a regular basis, he was going to have to find a job here because his savings were not going to last.

  "I--. I have an account. Let me give you some cash. I drive into Georgetown into the big HEB, usually."

  "Yeah? Okay. I mean I can cover it. I don't want to leave you hurting." Money was always so fucking awkward.

  "This is so weird. Mindy budgeted me a thousand dollars a month to feed them."

  "Is that enough for the four of you? I'll contribute for my share." He probably ate more than the four of them put together.

  "It's just enough. We'll have to plan."

  "Like I said, I can pay my way. I have money saved up for rainy days like these." He pulled his phone out again. "Okay, the GPS I do know how to use. You got an address for this store of yours?"

  "Williams Drive." He was handed some cash. "This should cover it."

  "Cool, thanks. I'll see you in a bit." He wasn't used to having someone to answer to, to leave when he went out.

  "We'll be here." Slayde followed him to the door. "Uh…you want the car keys?"

  He looked at the bike keys he'd just fished out of his pocket and chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess I do."

  "Yeah. The van's in the garage, but you might want to take Jerry's pickup."

  "Where's it at?" He hadn't seen it when he'd driven in.

  "Garage, too." A set of keys were handed over.

  "Thanks. I'll see you in a bit." He pocketed the list and the cash and headed out.

  This was the weirdest day in history.

  Chapter Two

  Slayde paid the bills, changed the sheets in Mindy's bedroom, and pondered having a meltdown before the kids woke up. Drake was the worst type of typical man -- loud, gruff, disrespectful, and, from what Mindy said, homophobic. Goodie.

  "You need to watch yourself a little, honey. He's a cop and very macho and not… friendly."

  No shit. Like he was flaming. Well, okay, he was a nanny and a cook and out in that totally out, go to Pride, take his boyfriend home for Christmas sort of way. Not that he had a boyfriend right now. Or even time for a trip to Austin and a good hard snuggle with Joey and Travis.

  Like Joey'd read his mind -- or the hysterical text he'd sent fifteen minutes ago -- his phone rang and he grabbed it. "Joey."

  "What happened?"

  "This Drake man showed up and ate the cookie dough and wants to bring Doritos in and told Christian they'd go to McDonald's!"

  "Okay, slow down, man. You're not making any sense. There's a man?" Trust that to be the only thing Joey had picked up on.

  "Yes. Mindy's brother. He quit his job and he's moving in and staying!" At least for a few weeks, Mindy'd said. He'll get bored and leave, she'd said.

  "And he ate cookie dough and likes Doritos and McDonald's… Is he hot?"

  "Yes!" He plopped down on the recliner. "He's like all penal and motorcycle jacket and studly and everything and totally not into guys in that calling me "nanny boy" sort of way and I have a headache, man. This was hard enough, not having another grown-up around, but he isn't interested in being friends."

  "Travis, Slayde has a mean cop leather daddy living with him and the kids."

  "I do not!" Well, not like that. Right?

  "But you said…"

  "Okay. Let me talk to Travis."

  "He has a client, honey. He's doing highlights. Sorry."

  Damn it.

  "So… he's what? Expecting you to wait on him hand and foot like you're his maid cum butler cum housekeeper as well as look after the kids? That's not fair, honey. You're working twenty-four seven looking after those babies; Mindy can't expect you to wait on her brother as well."

  "He's supposed to be helping, but… he's seen these kids, what? Christian maybe four times, the other two twice? He didn't even come for Jerry's funeral." To be fair, the man had been undercover saving California from God knew what, but still. Funeral.

  "So he's not helping? Then why did he come? What's he doing now?"

  "He's at the grocery store. I sent him to Georgetown."

  Joey snorted. "Christ, you should have sent him to Austin for the Whole Foods; you could have gotten another two hours of peace."

  "Yeah. I know. I'll have to go again, you know I will."

  "You want me to come up and flame him away, honey? Because I will."

  "I know. At least I should be able to get an evening off and come see you two. Have some wine."

  "There you go! Look on the positive, right? Hot stud to ogle, some time off, it could be worse, right? Travis, we need to go visit Slayde to give him hugs and drive the mean cop leather daddy away."

  Jenny started fussing upstairs, and he knew it wouldn't be five minutes before Christian was up and bothering Maggie. "I have to run, Joey. Love you both."

  "You need anything we're only an hour away, give or take, honey. You call. We'll help you hide the body."

  "You rock. Don't work too hard." He hung up, headed to get Jenny and shoo Christian out of Maggie's room. "Let her sleep."

  Christian followed him into the baby's room. "Where's Uncle Drake?"

  "Doing the groceries. He'll be back. Whoa, Jenny, chill out." She was trying to kill herself, climbed half out of her crib. "You need to potty, girl?"

  Her little face crumpled with tears about the same time the smell hit him. Thank God for Pull-Ups.

  "Ewww!" Christian held his nose and beelined it out of there.

  "No tears. Let's clean you up, chicken." He got her changed and on one hip, then peeked in at Maggie, who was sitting in the middle of her bed, playing with her baby dolls. "Hey, girlfriend. You okay or do you want to come downstairs and play in the playroom?"

  "Can I bring my dolls?"

  He nodded and she gathered them up, putting one on her hip like he was carrying Jenny.

  "What a good momma you are."

  Jenny tugged his collar. "Baby too."

  "Well, go fetch one of your own." He put Jenny down and she ran off, coming back with a naked baby, carrying it by the hair.

  He could hear Christian downstairs, playing pirates, loud exclamations of "Arrrr!" filling their air.

  Jenny put her arms up, baby doll and all. "Up. Up."

  "Up." He grabbed her and they headed down. Christian had his pirate hat and Nerf sword. "Excuse me, Mr. Pirate, but I have two recruits for the playroom."

  Christian tilted his head to one side. "Are they good sailors?"

  "I'm sure they will be."

  Maggie went right to the play kitchen, plopping her baby in the high chair, while Jenny tried to decide which sibling to copy.

  He frowned as he heard a truck pull up into the driveway, and it deepened as the front door opened. No way Drake could be done already. He went to look. He was already tired of unexpected shit.

  Drake had a bunch of bags he was setting by the door. "Hey. Found a closer place on the way." Giving him a grin, Drake turned and went out to get more bags out of the back of the truck.

  "Good deal." Damn it.

  "You'd better check. I was careful, but it's a lot of stuff to watch out for and I'd hate to have accidentally brought gluten in."

  "Oh, I will." He started carrying bags into the kitchen, unpacking.

  "Can I help, Uncle Slayde?" Christian grinned and grabbed a bag and started dragging it across the floor.

  He heard the front door close and Drake came in with the last bags, putting them on the kitchen table. "Look at those muscles. Way to go, Chris."

  "My name is Christ-ti-an."

  Slayde fought his chuckle with all he had. Drake was going to have to learn that one.

  "You don't like 'Chris'?"

  "My name isn't Chris, Uncle Drake."

  "Okay, buddy, not Chris. I've got it." Drake looked over at him, eyebrows up.

  He shrugged. Not his issue. The kid was his mother's so
n.

  "Well, Christian, nice muscles. You're a big help, huh?"

  "I am. I'm Uncle Slayde's helper."

  "Good for you. Even better for Uncle Slayde."

  "You know it. I'm a lucky man." He looked at Christian. "Can you peek on your sisters real quick? They're being awfully quiet."

  "Quiet is bad, huh?" Drake started taking stuff out of the bags he'd brought in.

  "It can be. Loud is usually safer."

  "So you want them to be quiet, except not too quiet." Drake piled everything he'd bought in the middle of the table, willy-nilly.

  "I don't mind the noise." He looked over the groceries. Drake hadn't done too bad, really. There were fifteen bags of chips and three bags of old Easter candy and the chicken breast was whole, not ground, but all-in-all, he wouldn't bitch. "Thanks for running out, man." See? See him be nice?

  "You're welcome. I'm here to help, yeah? I bet it's a pain in the a-- butt shopping with the rugrats."

  "It can be…entertaining."

  Maggie's scream rang out. "MY BABY!"

  "Christian!" he snapped. "You give your sister her doll."

  "That's pretty impressive, knowing what's going on in there without seeing it."

  "I've been doing this a long time." And he knew Christian and that scream.

  "So, you like it, huh? Being a nanny."

  "I do. I love these guys." He loved kids and hell, he wasn't going to have them around any other way.

  "Huh." That was all Drake said.

  He put food away, dealing with the kids as they came in. Jenny coming and sitting in the middle of everything with her baby and a stuffed cow.

  Drake crouched down by her. "What's this?"

  "Moo cow and baby."

  Slayde put out the cookies, got everyone milk.

  "That's pretty cool, Jen." Drake took the baby doll, hands just huge.

  "Don' hurt the baby."

  "I won't, sweetie." Drake gave her a smile, face softer than Slayde had seen it.

  It didn't take long before she was close, jabbering away, ninety to nothing, about everything and anything.

  It helped, gave him a chance to get everything put away and to check on the other two. "You two want cookies?"

  "Cookies!" Christian screamed it and Maggie copied him, the two of them swooping into the kitchen.