Mannies Incorporated

by Michael, Sean

  Jenny was in Drake's lap, at the table, having her cookies and milk. The other two stopped, stared, and then stared pouting.

  "Look," said Drake, "Uncle Slayde made cookies and they're really good."

  "Uh-huh."

  "Everyone up at the table for snack time."

  "If you don't hurry I'll eat them all." Drake reached a hand toward Christian's plate.

  Christian blinked, stared, then pounced, grabbing the cookie. "Mine!"

  Maggie frowned, came to him, arms up. "Unca Slayde?"

  "It's cool. He's just goofing off."

  "I wouldn't steal your cookies, Maggie. That wouldn't be right. Stealing is wrong and if I did it I'd have to arrest myself."

  The little girl frowned down at Drake, then started to tear up.

  "Hey. Hey, stop that, now. Uncle Drake is a nice man." He held Maggie, patting her while Jenny and Christian looked at their sister like she was crazy.

  Drake looked like he was facing down the worst thug imaginable.

  "We're a little sensitive."

  "About cookies or cops?"

  "Cookies. Spiders. Dogs. Cats. Birds. Balloons. Semi trucks. Caterpillars…"

  "Huh." Drake gave Maggie a smile. "I don't bite, honey. I swear."

  Maggie hid her face in Slayde's neck and he rolled his eyes. "Snack, and then we can have cartoons and playtime until supper."

  "Well, I guess two out of four's not bad." Drake bounced Jenny gently on his knee.

  Christian sat and ate, talking to Drake like the man was familiar. Maggie stayed with him, clinging, so he sat, got some milk in her.

  Drake just ignored him and Maggie, playing with Jenny and listening to Christian. He supposed that was better than upsetting her more by trying to interact with her.

  "Honey, do you want to go watch cartoons?"

  She shook her head and he sighed. It was hard to deal with her like this.

  "I could go lie down in the playroom and you could play on me like a jungle gym. Christian used to love to do that last time I came." Drake grinned at Christian. "Maybe you still do."

  "Let's go!" Christian bounced up, grabbed Drake's hand, almost upending Jenny.

  Drake lifted Jenny up out of harm's way in one arm. "Okay, okay."

  Slayde chuckled. "Have fun."

  As soon as everyone cleared out, Maggie relaxed, sat in her chair and ate her cookies, smoothing the hair of Jenny's left-behind baby.

  Soon there was the sound of laughing and shrieking and roaring. The occasional thump.

  "You want to go see?" he asked.

  Maggie shook her head.

  "Okay, you don't have to."

  There was a loud thump and an, "Ow."

  He waited, listening for crying. A moment later the roughhousing started up again, Jenny's happy giggles joining Christian's laughter. Oh, yay.

  "So, you want to watch SpongeBob in the living room while I clean up a little?"

  Maggie nodded, blonde curls bouncing.

  "Good deal." He took her hand and they went into the living room where he turned on the TV and started picking up.

  A while later, Drake came out from the family room. "Still not liking your Uncle Drake, kiddo?"

  She looked at him, so distrustful. "SpongeBob."

  "You like him? I like his friend Patrick."

  Maggie looked over at Drake, clearly not ready to accept him yet. "Uh-huh."

  Slayde held the chuckle back. It had taken three months before she would even look at Jenny when Mindy had brought the baby home.

  "I bet you like Sandy the squirrel."

  He had to give Drake points for trying.

  Maggie came to him, whispered in his ear and Slayde nodded. "Yes, baby girl. Sandy is a Texan, like you. Uncle Drake grew up in California with your momma."

  "I'm your Momma's brother, like Christian is your brother."

  Maggie frowned mightily. "Brothers are little."

  "Not when they grow up. Your momma used to be little like you and she grew up into your momma."

  She looked to him and Slayde nodded, sat and she climbed into his lap. "He's right. Momma was little once. A baby, like Jenny."

  "No."

  Drake laughed. "Yes."

  Jenny came in and crawled up onto the couch, butt in the air, eyes on the TV.

  "Hey, little one." Drake kissed the top of her head.

  Christian watched the TV for about two minutes, then wandered back off to the playroom. Slayde held Maggie, eyelids so fucking heavy.

  "You look three quarters asleep, man. Why don't you go have a nap or something? I should be able to handle the rugrats for an hour."

  "I'm…" He yawned as Maggie grabbed his shirt. "I'll just hang." The last thing they needed was a meltdown.

  Drake rolled his eyes. "Okay, whatever."

  "Uh-huh." He patted Maggie's butt. "You're okay, baby girl."

  Drake shook his head, but didn't say anything.

  He listened to the TV, dozing off to the sound of SpongeBob's horrible laugh. He really needed to get to Austin and get laid. Soon.

  ***

  Well, Jenny and Christian were happy he was here, Drake thought, anyway. Maggie clearly didn't trust him. Slayde even less so. He wasn't sure what he'd done to either of them.

  Slayde had fallen asleep with Maggie in his lap and she didn't look like was going to warm up to Drake any time soon. Sighing, he headed for the kitchen, feeling maybe like he'd made a mistake coming here. He opened the fridge, staring in it.

  Christian appeared under his arm. "Whatcha doing?"

  "I'm gonna make supper. You wanna help?"

  "Uh-huh. It's pizza night. We help every time. I know how."

  "Pizza night?" That sounded promising. "Where do we start?"

  "Crusts."

  "I didn't buy any." Shit, had they even been on the list?

  "No. We make them from the freezer."

  "Yeah?" Drake closed the fridge door and opened the one above it. "So, I'm looking for round flat things, right?"

  "Uh-huh."

  Christ, this freezer was insane. Everything was labeled and dated and in perfect containers. Man, talk about anal.

  The crusts, or at least what he assumed was crusts, were already rolled out flat rounds.

  "How many do we need?" Because he could eat one of these all on his own.

  "One for Uncle Slayde and Jenny. One for me and Maggie. One for…Who do you share with?"

  "I think I can probably eat the whole thing by myself." He patted his belly. "What do you think?"

  Christian looked at him. "You could prob'ly eat a whole elephant."

  "I bet I could!" He laughed and held up his hand to give Christian a high five.

  Christian slapped their palms together, bouncing.

  He laughed and pulled out three pizza crusts. "So, whadda we do now?"

  "We make sauce and put out all the yummy stuff for the top."

  "Sauce? I take it there's not a bottle for that?" Damn, was all the food from scratch?

  "A bottle?" Christian looked totally confused. "The baby doesn't take a bottle anymore."

  He chuckled. "Good job. So this sauce thing… Is there a recipe?" God help him.

  "I'll ask." Christian took off, running. "Uncle Slayde! Uncle Slayde, wake up! Is there a reepery for the sauce?"

  He heard a muffled. "A what?" Fuck a duck, he hadn't expected Christian to go and wake Slayde. He supposed he was going to get blamed for this, too.

  "Uncle Drake needs a reepery."

  "Ah…okay. I will make sure he gets one. No problem." The man had a happy laugh.

  He gave Slayde an apologetic look when the man came into the kitchen. "I was hoping to let you sleep, man."

  Shit, Slayde looked adorable, all sleep tousled.

  "Oh, it's cool. Sleep is a precious commodity." He got a wink. "What is a reepery?"

  Drake chuckled. "Recipe. Apparently it's pizza night and instead of ordering it or even dumping sauce out of a jar we have a magical recipe to
follow."

  "Oh. No. I mean, yes, but no." The fridge was opened -- again, everything was labeled and dated -- and a square container of sauce was pulled out. "I make sauce on Sunday, enough for the week."

  Seriously?

  He scratched his head. "Okay." Jesus. It was like Little House on the Prairie here. "So we sauce it and then let everyone dress theirs how they want?"

  "Within reason, yes. Everyone gets a bowl of their ingredients and they can put them on however they'd like."

  "Ah… so no jelly bean pizzas then." He winked.

  "No. Although we do make dessert pizza sometimes." Slayde chuckled, then turned as Jenny came in.

  "Have to potty."

  "Okay, baby girl. Let's go. Christian, can you please check on Maggie?"

  He watched Slayde walk out. God. Okay, he would admit it. The man worked his ass off. And it was a mighty fine ass, too.

  He shook himself. No. He wasn't going there. There was nothing but trouble with weird, flaming, queenie little homemakers. Even if they were sexy.

  Drake cleared his throat and told his dick to back the hell off before starting to unwrap the frozen pizza crusts. Did they go into the oven frozen like this?

  "Okay, everyone needs to wash their hands. Christian, sausage or pepperoni?"

  "Pepper-ponies!"

  "Pepperoni it is. Maggie, mushrooms or green peppers?"

  "Peppers."

  "Rock on." The three crusts were stuck in the oven as is. Bang. Bang. Bang. "Jenny, cheese or no cheese?"

  "CHEESE!"

  "Excellent choice. Aprons on!"

  Oh, God. This was hilarious.

  "Can I have everything on mine?"

  Slayde nodded, grinned at him. "You can. One day Mindy will be home and we'll be sharing a pepperoni and jalapeno again."

  "Oh, jalapeno. Are there other things you didn't mention that can go on it?" He liked a loaded pizza.

  "There's olives, onion, Canadian bacon, basil."

  "Yes, please." That all sounded good.

  Pepperoni and peppers and cheese were put in bowls, the kids aproned up and waiting.

  It was cute as hell. "Maggie, do you think you could help me with mine?" He was going to win her over. He was.

  Maggie stared at him with those big, distrustful eyes.

  "I have a lot of stuff to put on mine…" He gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

  She looked at Slayde, who nodded, smiled. "That would be very nice, to help."

  Christian looked at his sister. "Don't be a baby. He's nice. He can eat an elephant."

  Drake burst out laughing at Christian.

  "No elphans on pizza." Oh, she was so serious.

  "No, honey. There isn't. But I need help putting on what needs to go on. Maybe when you've finished yours?"

  She looked to Slayde again, who nodded again. "'kay."

  Drake beamed. "Excellent!"

  "I could help, too." Christian was pouting.

  "You all can."

  "Not the baby." Christian frowned. "She's messy."

  "I don't mind messy. It's all going to the same place, right?" He totally wasn't a picky eater. At all.

  "Not the baby."

  "Jenny can help me. We're sharing anyway." Slayde stared the little boy down, waiting for the nod.

  He opened his mouth to reiterate that he didn't mind messy, but Slayde shot him a glare that clearly told him to keep out of it. Drake closed his mouth again and grabbed a couple of pieces of pepperoni, popping them in so he couldn't say anything even if he was tempted.

  "Okay, the crusts are almost ready." They came out of the oven, were set aside. "I'll warm up the sauce and we'll start."

  "It smells great and I'm starving. How long before we eat?" He grabbed more pepperoni pieces, wagging his eyebrows at Christian and he stuffed them into his mouth.

  "Uncle Slayde! Uncle Drake ate some!"

  "Should I put him in time out?" Slayde asked.

  "Yes!" The little boy clapped. Traitor.

  He shook his head. "I'm too old for time outs. Besides, I'm starving." There had not been enough food at lunch, and a cookie and some milk was not enough to tide him over. He should have grabbed some McDonald's while he was out shopping.

  Slayde chuckled, put the crusts on the table and put sauce on all of them. "Okay. Top your pizzas."

  Drake made a show of watching everyone else work on theirs and then slowly began to put pepperoni and Canadian bacon all over his, he'd let the kids put the rest of it on.

  Slayde fluttered around the table like a damn bird, helping and cleaning and shit. Would it really kill them if the counter wasn't cleared the second it was messed up? He was going to see to it the kids got to play in the mud a bit.

  Christian put the mushrooms and olives on his pizza for him, while Maggie carefully arranged peppers around the outside.

  The pizzas went in the oven, Slayde making three little salads and two bowls of cut-up carrots. It was almost scary, how efficient the man was.

  He turned to Christian. "Show me where to find the plates and sh-- stuff."

  "The plates are above the dishwasher. Christian's is green, Jenny's is red, Maggie's is blue."

  He almost asked if Slayde's was pink, but bit the words back. He sighed and rubbed his face; he was so used to playing the macho stud, it was hard to rein that in. It certainly wasn't needed here; Slayde wasn't going to care who he liked in the sack.

  "You okay, man?" Slayde got out a glass bottle of salad dressing. The man made homemade ranch dressing?

  "Yeah, just tired. Where the hell do you find the time to do anything?"

  "They go to bed at eight-thirty."

  "Oh, that helps, doesn't it?" He chuckled and then had a thought. "And when do they get up in the morning?"

  "Jenny gets up at seven. Christian at seven-thirty. Maggie will sleep 'til nine if the other two let her."

  "Wow. That's better than I was anticipating." Still fucking early, but if he could sleep in like Maggie… "You and I have something in common, Mags. We both like to sleep in."

  Slayde pulled the pizzas out, made sure everyone had a piece, then ate his standing.

  It made Drake think Slayde was crazy, not wanting his help. The man was clearly run off his feet and sleep deprived to boot. He wondered why Slayde didn't sit, but about the time he opened his mouth to ask, Jenny dropped a piece of pepperoni, Maggie needed more milk, and Christian's fork fell on the floor. Jesus, how did the man do it?

  By the time that the pizza was done, and everyone got a tiny scoop of ice cream, the man was on to doing dishes. Then he announced it was bath time before movie time.

  Drake reminded himself that everyone went to bed at eight-thirty. Because, wow, this was just go and go and go. There was no time for…to be grown up.

  "If you want to watch the news or something, there's a TV in Mindy's room."

  He raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was bath time?"

  "It is."

  "Don't you want help with that?"

  "Sure. I was trying to be nice."

  "Well, so am I."

  "Okay." He got a look, then Slayde started moving. "Christian, you're first. Maggie, go take your clothes off. Jenny, it's time for you to go potty."

  "What do you want me to do?" he asked, following them up the stairs.

  "Make sure Christian washes. With soap. And rinses off."

  "Sounds easy enough." He followed Christian into the bathroom and helped the kid get the water going.

  Christian grabbed bubble bath, dumping the whole thing into the tub. The whole thing. Oh shit. He was pretty sure that was going to be a problem. And he had no idea how to fix it.

  "Um…"

  "Bubbles!" Christian clapped.

  "Oh, yeah." And how. Shit. He wasn't sure if he should call Slayde in or just hope it didn't get as bad as he was suspecting it might.

  "I like bubbles."

  He could hear the water running in what he assumed was the master bath.

  "Yeah, well, I
think we're going to have a whole bunch of them." Maybe he needed to turn off the water. He felt around in the tub -- there was only a few inches, though, so he let it keep going.

  Christian nodded and got in, splashing happily. "I need my boat!"

  "It could already be in there, Chris. I mean, those bubbles are legendary." And he was going to have to admit to them soon, get help from Slayde. Goddamn it.

  "Nuh-uh. It's in my bedroom."

  "Okay, where?" He'd make a quick run and then stop the water when he got back and deal with the bubbles if needed.

  "On the bed."

  "Okay. Be right back." He found Christian's bedroom but there was no boat on the bed. He poked around, taking far longer than he liked before finally finding it under the bed, and went back to the bathroom.

  The sound of splashing and squealing had him running the last few feet, and, as he feared, the tub was overflowing, bubbles covering the floor.

  "Oh fuck." He had no clue how to fix this. "Turn the water off! Chris! Turn the water off."

  "Huh? Look! Bubbles!" Christian splashed.

  He went for the tap, intent on turning it off. Halfway there his feet slipped out from under him and he went flying, landing on his back. The air whooshed out of his lungs in a rush.

  "Uncle Slayde! Uncle SLAYDE!"

  "Coming!"

  Slayde came in, sliding on the floor. "What the… Christian! Pull the plug, man! Pull the plug!"

  Drake groaned, trying to get up.

  "Just stay there for God's sake." Slayde stepped over him, pulled the plug. "Christian. You stay right there, do you understand?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "Don't you move." Slayde looked at him. "I need to get the babies; I'll be back with towels and help."

  "'m okay. Just winded." His head hurt like an S.O.B.

  "Just lay there."

  He heard the girls laughing, then two little girls in pajamas were sitting in a pack and play next to the door. Then about ten thousand towels landed everywhere.

  "Can you sit up, man?"

  "Shit, I have no idea."

  "Okay, then stay." Slayde stepped over him, lifted Christian, wrapped the little boy in a towel. "Pajamas."

  "I'm just winded. I just need a moment." He just needed to lie here for a second as it wasn't life and death if he did.

  "Okay." Slayde got the water up, piling one wet towel after another in the tub.