Men In Control (Smith Brothers Complete Series)

by Brenda Ford

  “Think?” I sneer. “What is there to think of? I have been thinking and I don’t come up with any other conclusion. I can’t be around Alex anymore; it just won’t happen. Not after what he has done to me, and since you guys all want to remain around my darling fucking twin brother, then I need to leave. I mean, it’s probably for the best, isn’t it? That I get out of here. Some changes definitely need to be made around here. It can’t stay the way that it is. It’s tense enough as it is. The longer it goes on, the worse it becomes.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way though. We can just… we can talk about this.”

  I refuse to answer anyone else who suggests talking. I refuse to get dragged in to that anymore. It’s done, there isn’t anything else to say. Perhaps I am in an emotional state right now, there’s no telling if I’m doing the right thing here, but moving away from the family and getting myself some separation seems the only smart move. I’m going to struggle to get over this as it is but being in the middle of it will make it far worse.

  “I’m leaving, Nelson. I need to move away from here. I can’t take it anymore.”

  “Are you going to stay working with Brad? You’re not thinking about going completely, are you?”

  “Not for now, no. But there’s no telling where I will end up. If this situation has shown me anything it’s that I need to make some changes. The way that I have been living my life isn’t working.”

  “Just because one relationship didn’t work out…” Nelson starts, but I need to stop him.

  “No, it isn’t just one. It’s two. Things with me and Rachel are done now. It turns out that she knew about Alex and Mandy for a long time and she never told me, so we are over. I know that you all thought I moved too quickly anyway, and it seems that you were right. I jumped from one problematic relationship in to another without giving myself any time or space to heal properly and to get my judgement in order. Well, I can assure you all that I have felt my punishment fully. I sure as hell won’t be making the same mistake again.”

  Nelson widens his eyes in shock, staring at me like I have really just unleashed on him. Well, I guess I have. But he needs to know the full extent of my situation right now so he can understand my mood and why I need to leave so badly. I feel like Alex has taken two people that I love away from me, including himself. Okay, so Mandy and me weren’t in love towards the end, but we were at one point. We have been, I’m sure we were supposed to be during the time when he started to sleep with her. He has made me lose so much. Too much. This isn’t the sort of thing that I would wish on my worst enemy, never mind my twin brother!

  “So, yes, Nelson. Now you understand why I have to go. Just like I’m trying to understand why Alex is being so protected by all of you. It seems that we all have work to do. My work can’t be done here.”

  I finish packing as much as I can and zip my bag up. Then I turn to see Nelson to witness his mood. He looks stunned still, but accepting as well, which is confirmed when he steps aside to let me go. I stomp back down the stairs, glaring at Alex as I pass him which causes his eyes to rapidly fall downwards. Then I move towards the front door, swimming in the knowledge that Alex knows I’m leaving, and he hasn’t said a damn thing. He’s happy for me to just suffer in what he’s done all by myself. Wonderful, that’s just marvelous.

  “Angelo, are you actually leaving?” Wesley demands. “Can’t you just wait until Brad gets home?”

  I shake my head no. “Brad is my brother, not my father. Just because he’s raised us doesn’t mean I need to answer to him. He knows how I feel about all of this anyway. He will understand.”

  “But we don’t want to end up apart over this. It doesn’t seem right.” He shakes his head and I can almost see the cogs turning in his brain as he tries to think a way around this but there isn’t a way around this. If I leave it, in a moment, he will start suggesting that we can all be here because it’s such a big place. Not a chance.

  “It doesn’t matter, Wesley. I’m leaving. I can’t live here anymore. I just need to get away and to start my life again. I need a fresh clean break from all of this. I need to find a way to discover myself as well.”

  Wesley doesn’t look like he’s keen on this, but he nods and steps to the side to let me go. Not that he was going to stop me anyway. But I step out, a little glint of fear shooting through me, I get a strong sense of freedom as well. This is good, this is what I need to be. This is what I need to do. I might not know where I’m going to go, but I do know that going back isn’t the way anymore. I have to keep moving forwards. Away from Mandy, away from Alex, away from Rachel as well. Away from everything that has caused me all of this pain. In to a future unknown but hopefully with a lot more happiness in it. It can’t be worse anyway. Surely?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Rachel

  Three Months Later…

  I’ll give Gary his dues, that mini tour was a good one. He organized it really well. It might have been quick and come out of the blue, but to be honest it was perfect timing. It got me away from home and my real life just as everything was at its lowest, so it worked out well. I needed a break from my heart ache, and it was certainly a good distraction. I think the band has got a lot of good publicity from it as well. It will only further us.

  Only… being back makes me realize that I haven’t exactly recovered from everything. I’m still in pain. I sigh and drop my bags on my apartment floor, deflating like a balloon. Everything flows out of me, all the happiness that the crowds have given me, all the confidence that I have been riding on… it goes, and I remember everything.

  I still don’t have the love of my life anymore. He’s gone. Really gone. He made it very clear to me not to contact him and although I tried on one occasion, I got nothing back. He sure as hell hasn’t tried to contact me so I can only take that as confirmation that he doesn’t want me anymore. It’s done, over, finished.

  “At least I don’t have to wonder ‘what if?’,” I tell myself, trying my hardest to make it feel less shitty. “I know. We tried and it didn’t work out. It isn’t ever going to work out.”

  Although I suppose if I wanted to, I could wonder what would have happened if we did it properly and had a little break between his last relationship and this one, it could have been good. Like if the tour had happened and then we got together… but I can’t get hung up on things like that. It’s done. It’s over.

  My cell phone rings, and it takes every scrap of energy that I have to reach across and grab it. It’s only because I know who will be on the other end of the phone that I bother to answer at all.

  “Hello, Sheri. Yes, I am home now before you ask. I just got in. Literally about three seconds ago.”

  “You were supposed to call me the moment you got in! it’s been three long months since I last saw you which is ages. It might be all well and good for you living the rock star dream, but I miss you like crazy.”

  I let out a little laugh. “You know I missed you loads too. Why don’t you come over?”

  “Can I? Because I have so much to tell you and I need to tell you in person. It isn’t a phone conversation.”

  “Uh oh, that sounds like big news. Should I be worried? Is it something dramatic?”

  “It is dramatic, sure. But it isn’t something to worry about. You know what, I’ll come now.”

  She hangs up without even saying goodbye which suggests to me that she’s already out of the front door and on the way. A part of me wants to get up and straighten the place up. It looks like no one has been here for three months. I even have a dead flower sitting in the window sill that I totally forgot about, but I’m too shattered. I’m sure that Sheri will understand anyway. I doubt she’s going to judge me for not being perfect. She never has done before. In fact, what I might do is just close my eyes for a few seconds until she’s arrived…

  I jump up from the couch as a loud knocking sound rings through my apartment. I rub my eyes hard wondering at what moment I slipped from resting my eyes
to full on sleep. Shit, I probably look like hell.

  “Coming!” I cry out loudly. “Hold on, Sheri, I’m on the way.”

  As I swing the door open, I don’t see my friend’s face first of all. I see the giant ring sitting on her ring finger. A giant ring with a large diamond in it which can only mean one thing…

  “Oh my God!” I grab her hand and stare shocked in to her eyes. “Is this what I think it is?”

  “If you think that it’s an engagement ring, then yes. Yes, it is. Luke asked me to marry him.”

  “He proposed? Seriously? I mean… seriously?” I don’t know how to react to this news. Sheri looks happy, but it hasn’t exactly been long… not that I’m an authority on moving at the right speed. But I got burned badly… that doesn’t necessarily mean the same will happen to Sheri. Her situation with Luke is very different. “That’s amazing. When did that happen? I can’t believe I missed you getting engaged.”

  “I know, I never thought that would happen. But it did. It was a surprise. A big one.”

  I stare at her ring once more. “I can’t believe that you kept it from me. You’re usually such a big mouth.”

  “I know, I know. But I wanted to tell you in person. It’s such big news.”

  I let out a little scream of happiness and we jump together like crazy fools just cheering. I might have my worries about this, but Sheri is happy, and I trust her judgment. More than I judge my own actually, so if she’s pleased with this development then I will be happy for her. I’ll support anything she does.

  “Oh my God, I can’t believe it. You and Luke are so good together.”

  “I know, and now he’s going to be my husband. Can you believe it? I’m going to have a husband.” She laughs wildly. “I never would have imagined me settling down like this, but with Luke, it’s easy.”

  Easy. There it is. The word that me and Angelo never had. It was never easy and straight forward between us. It was complicated from the get go and only got worse. I guess that’s a sign it was never meant to be.

  “So, how was everything on tour?” Sheri asks while taking a seat on my couch where I was sleeping only moments before. “I have been keeping up to date with everything I can, and it seems like you drew bigger crowds than normal. A lot of people are talking about you guys online as well, which is exciting.”

  “It was awesome.” I grin, transporting myself back to the gigs for a moment with the crowds screaming with excitement around us, even joining in with some of our songs along the way. “The album sales have been good as well, so I can only see things getting better for us. It’s all very exciting. Even Gary is happy.”

  “Right, that’s good. And how were… you know, things with the band?”

  “You mean Alex?” I cock a knowing eyebrow. “Well, it was awkward after everything, obviously. Now he knows that I sent a picture to Angelo with him and Mandy in it ages ago, so it’s safe to say that he wasn’t best pleased about that… plus the fall out has made things very uncomfortable. But we decided to just give it a pass and ignore it for the time being. We put it behind us to focus on the music for the tour. I don’t know what will happen now, I don’t even want to think about it, but we avoided it while we were away.”

  “How the hell did you manage that?” Sheri exclaims in shock. “How did you manage to bypass that?”

  “Well, by basically avoiding each other. We were together on stage, but that was it.” I laugh at the absurdity of it. “I spent quite a lonely three months really, just to make things easy. Alex did the opposite. He spent most of his nights out and partying. Luckily, it didn’t affect the band, but it was a bit much.”

  “Was he hooking up with other girls?” I shrug, much to Sheri’s disappointment. “He might have been fucking Mandy out of his system. I mean, he’s going to have to now, isn’t he? He can’t go back to her after all of this.”

  “You think?” To be honest, I haven’t considered that. I assumed that this was what Alex wanted and now Mandy is finally available to him. I didn’t think about it being over. “But if he moves on then all of this has been for nothing. I thought that he was in love with Mandy. Why would he turn his back on her?”

  “To get Angelo back. He’s going to have to work hard to repair his family, isn’t he? And he might love Mandy, but I hope that all of this has shown him that love isn’t always enough.”

  That makes my heart sink sadly. I could crumble and fall apart because that’s a horrible lesson that I have had to experience myself. It isn’t nice. Love should be enough, when love comes in to the picture, that should be everything, but unfortunately, it isn’t. Love wasn’t enough for me and Angelo, and not Alex and Mandy either.

  “Now I feel bad for avoiding Alex so much! Maybe we could have helped one another.”

  “You had your own pain to deal with,” Sheri reassures me. “You wouldn’t have been much use to one another.”

  “Hmmm.” I nod slowly, knowing that now is the time to ask the one question that I have been trying to avoid. “So, I know this is a long shot since it isn’t like you really know each other, but have you heard anything of Angelo? He hasn’t been answering my calls and he hasn’t updated anything on social media. I hate to ask since I’m supposed to be in a much better place now, but I want to know how he’s doing.”

  Sheri shrugs hopelessly. “Sorry, I don’t know. Our paths don’t exactly cross, so I wouldn’t know.”

  “Yeah, I thought as much. Never mind, I suppose it’s for the best that I don’t know.”

  A thick silence hangs over us for a while. I can tell that Sheri doesn’t know what to say and I don’t either. I really didn’t want to be the girl coming back and still banging on about her ex, but it seems that’s what I’ve become anyway. Urgh, it’s bordering on pathetic now. I need to sort myself out.

  “Right, well me and you need to go out,” Sheri suddenly announces. “And don’t give me your tired bullshit. I know that you’re shattered. But it’s been three months and we need to celebrate my engagement. I haven’t had a party for it yet because I was waiting for you to come home. I could have had a party, but I waited, because I’m such a good friend and I couldn’t have done it without you… not that this is a guilt trip or anything…”

  “Well done, Sheri.” I roll my eyes and laugh. “You have made it impossible for me to say no.”

  “I know. I’m good like that.” She grins and sticks out her hand to me. “Come on, girl’s night. Dinner and a couple of drinks. It’ll be nice. We’ll have a good time. I will tell you all about the proposal.”

  I nod and agree with her. I’m not even going to bother changing because it isn’t going to be a wild night. Dinner and drinks with my best friend while talking about her love life… it’ll be awesome. My love life is nothing. It’s shitty and crashed to the ground. So, I might as well embrace and celebrate my friend.

  “Was it romantic?” I ask as we start to walk outside. “Did he go all out?”

  I try not to let a bitter snake of jealousy snake through me as I listen in. This isn’t about me, this isn’t about my issues, and thank God for that. I’m done with living inside my own problems.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Angelo

  “You look good,” Oliver declares while patting me on the back. “All fresh and happy.”

  “I am.” I shrug my suit jacket on further. “That’s what finishing an intense project does for you.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? It’s been building over the last few months. Since you moved out really. It’s like you’re shaking off whatever was weighing you down and stepping out of your shell.”

  I laugh at Oliver’s cheesy explanation of things. But at the same time, I know that he’s right as well. I have been finding myself and becoming a better version of me. The person I think I would have become if me and Mandy hadn’t ended up together. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but she was constantly chipping away at me, turning me in to something else, and I
was so in awe of her that I let her do it. But it didn’t feel good.

  Now, I feel much better. The last three months have been transformative for me.

  “Yeah, well maybe I have. I think I needed to move out to get some separation from everything.”

  It’s also helped because Alex has been away on tour. It’s allowed me to still see my family without the constant stress of seeing him as well. But he’s back now so I guess things will change all over again. Not that it matters, I’m strong enough to face anything. I’m the Angelo Smith that I was always meant to be without the shadows of other people hanging over my heads. It feels really awesome.

  “Hey, guys!” Brad spots me and Oliver chatting, and he comes to join in. My oldest brother can’t seem to shake off his fatherly role however old we all get, and he’s definitely been trying to keep a bit of an eye over me for the last few months, but I’m not mad about it. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. “Angelo, I have been meaning to catch you. Are you coming over for dinner tonight? We’re all getting together.”

  He carefully avoids mentioning that it’s a dinner because Angelo is back, but I already know. I’m no idiot. I shake my head quickly, shutting down any ideas of a family reunion. “I can’t I’m afraid.”

  “You can’t?” Brad doesn’t hide his disappointment. “That’s a real shame. It would be nice…”

  “I know, but I just can’t. I’m not going to make any excuses because you know why…”

  “You aren’t ready yet?” Oliver jumps in, trying to make things easier.

  “No and I don’t know if I ever will be. I have said that before and I repeat it now. I might be doing better now, but I don’t think talking to Alex is the best idea. I don’t know what we have to say to one another.”

  I don’t miss the look Brad and Oliver share, but it isn’t going to change my mind. I am sticking to my guns. During the last few months I have had a think about everything with a calmer and clearer mind, and I know that I’m still not ready. I haven’t come to terms if that will change over time or not yet.