Elf Puncher

by Simon Archer

  “Just fight,” she said to me on her way out.

  Deity crossed paths with Opalid who came in as Deity left. “Five minutes until the fight,” she warned.

  Then I was left alone in the locker room.

  “Oh, Walden,” I cursed as I hung my head in my hands again. I rubbed them up and down my face a couple of times and then slapped my cheek.

  “Get a hold of yourself, Rico,” I said as I got to my feet.

  I paced about the room and itched for something to do. Really, I wanted someone to talk to. Even when I was alone on the farm, I hardly ever was alone because Graham was always there or one of the animals. I found myself talking to them all the time. But it seemed odd to talk to myself when no one was there to listen.

  Suddenly, I looked up at the ceiling and seemed to look beyond it. I had never been a big believer in Walden, but if what believers said was true, he was always listening. There had been that one time I prayed about a fight, and it turned out as I asked. Maybe, I wasn’t as alone as I thought.

  I knew I was supposed to bend my head, get on my knees, or something more official than just standing there, but it was all I could seem to do at the moment.

  “Hey, Walden,” I said lamely. Then I cleared my throat and started again. “Walden, it’s me, Rico. But you probably already know that. I just… oh, I don’t know. I’m scared to go into this fight. I guess, if you’ve got any sway up there, just… let the best creature win, okay? And if that’s not me, then so be it. But I’m gonna fight the best I can. I’m gonna leave it all out on the ring, and I hope that does it for me. ‘Cause that’s all I’ve got.”

  I paused. “And thank you, you know, for Nyah, Gerry, Barth, and Deity. Especially Deity. She’s a real blessing in my life, and if you had anything to do with that, well… thank you.”

  A knock interrupted my pseudo-prayer. Opalid stuck her head in. She placed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

  “It’s time, Rico,” she said. “It’s time.”

  30

  “In the red corner, we have a special competitor this evening,” Harvey’s voice boomed through the arena.

  I waited at the entrance for the announcers to call my name. Anticipation crawled up my arms as I listened to Harvey and Tenjer.

  “Making his official debut to the MFL as the world’s first human fighter, weighing in at two hundred and sixty pounds, it’s Rico the Resilient!”

  I walked out to deafening applause. Whistles and chants and shouts surrounded me. I didn’t dare look out into the crowd. I kept my head down and focused on my feet. I wanted to get into the ring. I didn’t want to look at the faces of hopeful creatures, wanting me to win. I had only just gotten rid of my anxieties, and I didn’t need them rushing back to me.

  I stepped into the red corner where Gerry and Barth waited for me.

  “You got this, Rico, you got this,” Gerry said as he bounced from foot to foot.

  “We’ve been training long and hard for this Rico,” Barth said, his head bent low and an arm on my shoulder to steady himself. “You’ve been getting better and better. Just remember to get in there and fight. Don’t think about it, just fight him like you’ve done before.”

  “And in the blue corner,” Tenjer’s voice boomed. “We have a history maker himself. Coming in at two-hundred and eighty-four pounds, winner of the North MFL Tournament, Warpin the Relentless!”

  If possible, the crowd got even louder when Warpin made his entrance. Unlike me, he held up his arms and greeted the crowd warmly. He made stops along the way to pose and grimace at the creatures. He hollered back, shouting, “I love you, too,” to various females and even doing a couple of air punches to complete the bit.

  He entered the ring and glared at me. His eyes flashed red for the briefest of seconds, making his hulking frame look all the more menacing.

  “Don’t worry about him,” Barth said, physically taking my chin in his hand and turning me away. “Look at me. This is like any other fight. You’ve been in this arena before. You know how this feels. It’s just another fight. Say that back to me.”

  “It’s just another fight,” I recited.

  “It’s just another fight,” Gerry echoed.

  “Fighters,” the elven referee called. “To the center.”

  Warpin and I made our way to the center of the ring. He had a bald head, so his pointed ears seemed to stick out farther than normal.

  “Alright, now you’ve both fought in here before, and the rules are the same,” the ref said. “Except in this fight, there’ll be no magic. No special moves of any kind, you got that?”

  Both Warpin and I nodded in agreement.

  “Now, tap your gloves, and let’s get started,” the ref commanded.

  Warpin shoved his gloves into mine and made me stumble back a bit. I caught myself and came back at him, but the ref waved his hands. The spell to shield us from one another went up instantly.

  “None of that, none of that,” the ref scolded. “Save it for after the bell.”

  We retreated to our corners to remove our robes. The cold air of the arena made goosebumps pop up along my arms. I wiggled my shoulders, elbows, and wrists to warm up and ward off the last of the jitters. I rolled both my arms into a windmill and cracked my neck from side to side.

  Warpin and I faced the center of the ring, our eyes on one another. The bell rang in the distance, and the fight began.

  It was like the bell had cast a spell on me. The minute that sound reached my ears, my vision narrowed. I focused entirely on Warpin. It was just him and me in the ring now. I had my gloves on, my legs wide, my shoulders hunched. My blood pumped in my ears and blocked out the audience’s cheers.

  It was time to fight.

  We circled one another, two predators on the hunt. Warpin offered the opening jab, but it was just a test as he was too far away from me to really connect. He did it twice more, both times with his right arm before I had enough of his teasing. I came back with a heavy side swipe up towards his head, which he managed to dodge. He bounced back away from me with a teasing grin on his face.

  I dodged another ineffective jab from him and then swiped at him once more but with my other arm this time. We continued to exchange blows, but nothing connected. We hopped and danced about, throwing meaningless punches.

  His jabs, while far from my face, were fast and precise. He held me to the dead center of the ring and circled around me, almost making me dizzy as we rotated. Finally, I threw a long jab at him that caused Warpin to turn out of the way. I took the opportunity to jump out of the center and be closer to the ropes. We changed places, and I took the advantage.

  Still, Warpin wasn’t phased. He continued to taunt me with wicked fast jabs until I growled and muttered, “Enough!” through my mouthguard.

  With one step forward, I dodged Warpin’s jab and closed the distance between us. Just then, I managed to uppercut him with my left hand, finally landing a blow.

  The half-giant tumbled backward and actually fell to the ground. I landed the first blow of the night, and the crowd cheered around me. I stepped aside to let the ref examine Warpin, though we both knew it wasn’t a knockout blow. It was just hard enough to get the crowd on my side and let my opponent know I was serious.

  The ref started the count, but there was no need. Warpin was up by five and shaking his head slowly. The half-giant was up, albeit a little glassy-eyed, but he was standing and still in it.

  The referee moved his hand down and commanded that we finish out the round. I bounced forward, intent on taking down the half-giant again. But when I got a little too close for comfort, Warpin jabbed me twice, one blow right after the other square in the nose. Pain exploded behind my eyes as my neck jilted backward.

  Rightly so, Warpin took the opportunity to slaughter me with a series of combinations. Right, left, right again. He swung at me, and I backed away from him the best I could until I felt the corner pole against my back. I had nowhere to go. I held up my forearms, unable to get
out from under his onslaught.

  The bell rang and signaled the end of the first round.

  I got a reprieve from Warpin’s fists and made my way back to my corner, where Gerry and Barth waited for me, with cold compresses.

  “You got a great blow in there, but that last bit was embarrassing,” Barth scolded as he dabbed at my nose.

  “If he gets one more good strike on your nose, it’ll break,” Gerry warned.

  I nodded in my agreement but felt the pain grow worse when I did so.

  “Try going low,” Barth suggested. “He keeps going for your face. He wants the knockout, but duck under him and go low.”

  And so I tried that. For the next four rounds, I tried to stay low and smack Warpin where I could. I managed to get a couple of solid strikes in, but his assault on my head continued. For a guy of his size, he was fast. Faster than I ever saw on the projections. Unfortunately, he kept me on the defensive for most of the round.

  At the top of round six, I managed to pop up and give Warpin the hardest punch I could. My gloved fist caught him on the left side of the jaw.

  Spit flew from his mouth in a wide spray like a rainstorm as he spun almost in a complete circle. I straightened my legs and sprang forward, determined not to let this opportunity pass me by. I pinned Warpin against the ropes and threw a quick one-two combination at him, left then right. I got in between his feeble blocks and punched him right in his jaw for the second time.

  Just as the bell had saved me in round one, it saved him as it rang to end round six.

  Exhaustion took its toll on my body as I slogged my way back to the red corner. My muscles ached not only from the blows I was taking but from the ones I was giving too. Warpin was a large creature, and it took a surprising amount of strength to land a punch that actually hurt him.

  “You gotta knock him down,” Barth coached. “You were so close that time.”

  “Try to pin him against the ropes sooner,” Gerry advised. “He’s too big to get out of that situation quickly.”

  I heard both the gnome and the elf, but I wasn’t listening. I gazed over at Warpin and watched as his coaches iced his forehead and cleaned up the blood around his nose. A sweet flare of satisfaction rose in my chest, knowing I had done that. That I had caused his eye to swell and his lip to bleed.

  I started round seven with a bang. I leapt at the sound of the bell and maneuvered Warpin into a corner. I dug out the bottom of my energy reserves and pressed him against the ropes. With a flurry of blows, I attacked. I ducked low and jabbed at his side, connecting with his ribs.

  Warpin wobbled back half a step, and as he did, I saw his eyes flashed red. It was for the briefest of moments, faster than a blink. But I knew I saw it. I had seen enough of his threatening gazes to know that Warpin had just used his x-ray vision. I was so taken aback by this blatant cheating that I paused. My hesitation was enough for Warpin to hunch low and punch me right in my lower back.

  The blow wasn’t technically below the belt, but it connected too close for comfort to my kidneys. I howled in pain and fell to my knees. The ref pushed Warpin away from me as I winced on the floor the ring. The ref slapped the ground, counting with each slap. I knew I had to get up, but I wasn’t sure my legs were working properly. The pain intensified when I moved them.

  The referee reached eight, and I needed to get to my feet. I started with my elbows and then dragged my knees to a kneeling position. I used the tops of my gloves to push myself up and onto my feet. The world swayed for a few seconds before I got my bearings.

  But I was upright and ready to fight. I snarled at Warpin as he circled me. He knew I saw him, and the half-giant didn’t care. He used his magic to find the most painful spot to hit me and managed to knock me to the ground for the first time during the whole fight.

  I threw a couple of quick jabs at Warpin, but nothing connected. He jabbed at me with a left, a left, and then left again. I was too busy dodging his left blows to see the right hook come up from the side. As his glove connected with the side of my head, I spun in a circle. Then I tripped over my own two feet and barely stayed standing.

  Bells rang again in my ears, and I stumbled to my corner. I could barely get my mouth guard out to say, “He’s cheating.”

  “What?” Barth and Gerry said together.

  “He’s cheating,” I repeated as I collapsed onto the stool. “I saw him. He used his x-ray vision to see where he could hit me.” I groaned as I leaned back, and a new wave of pain shot through me.

  Barth and Gerry looked at one another. “We gotta say something,” the gnome suggested.

  “And say what?” Barth argued. “It’ll be his word against Warpin’s. Everyone will think he’s doing it to stop the fight.”

  “Barth’s right,” I agreed. “We can’t say anything.”

  “Not if he’s cheating, though,” Gerry protested. “Rico doesn’t have magic. It’s not a fair fight.”

  “I’ll show him an unfair fight,” I grumbled.

  Barth shoved himself into my limited line of sight. “Don’t you go doing anything rash or illegal, you hear me? That’s not you. If he wins, you know he only won ‘cause he’s a cheater. But you will fight fair, you understand?”

  As much as my anger and my throbbing back wanted to argue, I knew what Barth was saying. My stakes were much higher than Warpin’s, and I needed to do everything by the book, whether he was or not.

  “I hear you,” I told Barth with as much honesty as I could muster.

  “Good,” Barth confirmed with a nod. “You gotta aim lower. Go for his ribs. That’s how you’ll get him.”

  “Alright, alright,” I grimaced.

  I got to my feet and stumbled out further into the ring to start the eighth and final round of the match. Warpin and I had been evenly matched so far, and we were ready to go the distance with one another. This fight had to come down to a knockout. Neither of us was going to settle for less.

  The bell rang.

  I stepped cautiously around Warpin. His eyes beckoned to me, dared me to make the first move. I held out. I wanted to see what he would do. I needed to watch his body, his feet, and his punches. But my body was slower than it had been at the beginning, so even though I saw the hard right coming for me, I didn’t manage to get out of the way fast enough.

  His blow threw me into the ropes which I used to bounce back up and get on my feet once more. Warpin threw out a left jab this time, but I surged past it with a grunt and slammed my right fist under his defenses and into his ribs. The half-giant doubled over, and I went for him again.

  As my fist connected with his ribs for the second time, I heard the wind fly from his lungs, and he sucked in a pained breath. That first jab had done something to his rib. We both knew it now.

  Warpin cradled his right side and hobbled over to me with a few weak swings from his left arm. I dodged one and ducked under the second. I stepped away and made him follow me to the other side of the ring. When he turned to face me, I caught him in the ribs with two more quick punches.

  The half-giant tucked his arms into himself and was now bent in two. He slowly got up and came at me once more. But when I dodged out of the way, I heard something that nearly stopped me altogether.

  “Rico! Rico! Rico!”

  The crowd chanted my name. They shouted it as one continuous wave of sound as I landed two more punches to Warpin’s damaged side. The chorus of their voices was its own spell as I rocketed forward.

  I aimed another series of blows, making each one harder than the one before, right at his stomach. Warpin was forced backward and teetered on his heels. I changed direction and swiped up at the side of his head.

  I matched the crowd’s chants, blow for blow.

  “Rico!”

  A one-two punch to the head.

  “Rico!”

  Two jabs from the right.

  “Rico!”

  An uppercut mirroring the first blow landed in the match.

  “Rico!”

&nbs
p; The half-giant’s head rocked backward as my opponent tumbled to the ground. His limbs went numb as he collapsed in a heap to the floor. Then the ref began to count.

  The chants changed from a chorus of my name to an indistinguishable roar as the ref reached ten and waved his arms to signal the end of the match. Creatures flooded the ring. It was pure chaos as the ref made his way over to me and grabbed my wrist. Not believing it to be possible, the crowd got even louder when he raised my arm into the air.

  I was officially the winner of the match against Warpin.

  Barth and Gerry launched themselves at me and hollered in my ear.

  “You did it! Rico, you did it!”

  Suddenly, Nyah and Deity were there too. I was surrounded by my favorite people in the center of a ring, in an arena full of people shouting my name.

  “Rico! Rico! Rico!”

  “Rico!” Nyah held up her hand for a high five, but I could barely raise my arm to meet hers. “You were amazing.”

  “How are you feeling? What do you need?” Deity shouted in my ear. Her voice was the only one I wanted to hear.

  I gazed about at my friends who blocked me from the onslaught of reporters and people who wanted to talk to me. Nearby torches flickered, and the crowd continued to shout my name.

  It was better than any dream I ever had as a child. I proved myself by going the distance with one of the best fighters in the MFL and then defeated with a knockout. The crowd was on my side, and my woman was in my arms.

  My heart swelled with pride as I looked at the four people surrounding me. My eyes landed on Deity, and she met my gaze with wide eyes filling with tears.

  “Wanna get outta here?” I asked her. Then I repeated the question to the rest of them. “Wanna get outta here?”

  “Yes,” Deity said enthusiastically. “We have to celebrate!”

  Barth and Gerry jumped out ahead of us and pushed the crowd out of our way. Nyah took up the rear, making sure no one surprised us. Deity and I stayed in one another’s arms as we climbed out of the ring and headed down the path back towards the locker rooms.