Healing Chay

by Donna Fasano

  He placed all his concentration on the lovely bird… and it transformed yet again.

  The bird’s eyes turned a familiar sapphire-blue, its downy face became Tori’s milky complexion, her beautiful features smiling, and the snowy wings flowed into her long, wind-whipped hair. Chay drew in an awestruck breath.

  Then the image was gone.

  Many ancient Kolheek legends surrounded love. Tradition told of how one’s life partner would arrive in a dream as a totem, a special and revered symbol that would shapeshift into the face of the beloved.

  Chay sat in the lodge, his body relaxed, his mind at ease, and he realized that Tori had come as a dove because peace was what he’d needed most. Although she hadn’t forced him to face his fears, she had encouraged him in every way possible to confront his dream, to discover the truth behind it.

  He’d learned so many things tonight. About himself, his father, his grandfather, his past. But he smiled at the greatest revelation of all, the knowledge that surpassed all else, the wisdom that set his heart and mind free…

  Tori was his soul mate.

  Chapter Ten

  As Chay parked his truck outside his grandfather’s house, the sun was just cresting the mountaintop. Streaks of prismatic pink swathed the crystalline sky and tinted the jagged peaks with a radiant glow.

  Slipping around to the back door of the house, he found Grayson right where he expected—sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee between his gnarled hands. Chay knocked, then gently pushed open a door he knew would be unlocked. His heart warmed behind his ribs at the thought that some things don’t ever change.

  “Grandfather,” he greeted with a rueful smile.

  “My son. Come in.” Genuine joy lit the old man’s eyes. “This is a wonderful surprise. Have some coffee. There’s plenty.”

  Chay knew there would be. A Kolheek could always come home again.

  Shafts of morning light streamed into the kitchen as Chay sat across from his grandfather at the table.

  “I have some things I need to say to you.”

  “Nothing needs to be said, Chayton.” Grayson reached out, his touch gentle on the back of his grandson’s hand.

  “Please,” Chay insisted, “you have to let me speak my mind. My heart is heavy. It’s been heavy for a very long time.” His chin dipped momentarily. But before he spoke again, he leveled his eyes onto Grayson’s. His grandfather deserved the respect of direct and level gaze.

  “I haven’t been the kind of grandson you deserve.”

  Grayson rested his forearm on the edge of the tabletop. “You have always made me proud. You went out and boldly made your way in this world. You are successful. You are happy. That is all I ever wanted for you.”

  “But I haven’t been happy, Grandfather.”

  The admission made Grayson go quiet.

  Chay sighed. “How can a man be happy when he refuses to take responsibility for his own life? His own choices? When he insists on blaming someone else for his own inadequacies?”

  Grayson looked about to speak, but Chay rushed ahead. “I’ve been blaming you, Grandfather. I blamed you for taking my father away from me.”

  “You were just a boy, Chay. A child trying to survive.”

  “But now I’m a man,” he pointed out. “That excuse isn’t viable any longer.” After a moment he said, “I remember now. I was the one who came to you asking for help. Seeking shelter. From my father’s reckless behavior. I want you to know that I realize you only acted out of your love for me. That you sent Dad away because it was in my best interest.”

  Sadness slackened Grayson’s proud features. “Your father had a good heart, Chay. He simply couldn’t get over his grief for your mother. He tried to drown it and ended up killing himself.”

  Softly Chay asked, “Had you not fought with Dad… had you not forced him to leave me with you, I would have been in that vehicle with him that night, wouldn’t I?”

  Deep sentiment glistened in the old man’s eyes as he nodded silently.

  The men sat in the companionable quiet, each lost in the past.

  Finally Chay said, “At first I felt tremendously guilty that I had you send him away. And after Dad was killed, that guilt became too much for me to bear, so I allowed myself to believe a warped sense of reality. I blamed you for everything.” His throat swelled with emotion. “Can you ever forgive me?”

  “There is nothing to forgive, my son. I love you. I would have done anything for you.”

  “I know that,” Chay said, heartfelt honesty thickening his words. “And I want you to know that I love you. That I’m grateful for all you’ve done for me over the years.”

  He reached out and grasped his grandfather’s forearm. Grayson did the same, and for a long moment they basked in the poignant emotion passing between them.

  “I want you to know—”

  It was clear to Chay that the depth of his grandfather’s feelings made it difficult for the older man to speak.

  “—that I did everything I could to make your father see that he should not lose the blessing that was his life because he was unable to save the life of another.”

  Chay’s spine straightened. “That’s what I tried to explain to Tori. Well, my words weren’t quite as eloquent, but… in my own inept way, that’s the message I meant to convey to her.”

  When Tori’s name was mentioned, Grayson’s mouth pulled into a smile. “She is your peace.”

  Astonished, Chay leaned forward a fraction. “How did you know?” But even as he voiced the query, he realized his question didn’t need an answer. His grandfather had always been inordinately perceptive.

  “As much as you think she has given you,” Grayson said, “you, my son, have given to her, too. She’s had a huge obstacle she’s been trying to overcome. An obstacle she hadn’t even seen was in her way. You have helped to illuminate her path. The two of you make great harmony together.”

  Chay scrubbed his hand over his jaw as he grimaced. “I’m not so sure she would agree with you.” He shook his head. “Last night I attacked everything she holds dear. Her work, her life’s devotion, her integrity, even her common sense. I think my words may have ruined any chance the two of us may have had together.”

  “Nonsense, my son.” His grandfather chuckled then. “The Great Spirit Father knew what he was doing when he created us. He knew we would speak recklessly, act foolishly. That is why he created in each of us the immense ability to forgive.” Grayson’s gaze turned soft. “All you can do, Chayton, is go to her and confess all that you feel in your heart.”

  ~oOo~

  Tori stared out at the calm lake surface, hoping and praying the serenity of this place would still the riot of emotion churning through her like a turbulent storm. She had so many feelings roiling inside.

  She was happy that Brenda and Scotty were on their way to safety in another part of the country. Tori had contacted a woman in Albuquerque who was willing to offer them a place to stay until Brenda could find a job and get on her feet. It was impossible not to be filled with a great satisfaction knowing she was able to give two people in need a safe harbor.

  But try as she might to hold on to those good feelings after returning from the bus station, Tori had lost her grip on them again and again through the long, lonely night. She’d tossed and turned, and finally thrown back the sheet to rise and pace the rambling house.

  Wrapped in a thick wool blanket, she’d gone out on her deck to watch the sun rise over the mountain range. Usually the brilliant colors of dawn filled her with hope and optimism. But that hadn’t happened this morning.

  Desolation weighed her down like a mantle of heavy, wet cement, so she’d gotten dressed and come to the lake in search of some quiet.

  Turning away from Chay last night had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done in her life. Granted, he’d said some mean things. And his opinions of her, of her work, had hurt. Terribly.

  Yet she had realized that he’d been deeply affected
by Scotty’s presence. The boy had obviously stirred up memories of Chay’s own childhood. Tori had witnessed the anguish Chay had been reliving; however, she’d turned her back on him and walked away. Left him there by the banks of the lake to deal with his torment all alone.

  Her only consolation had been that she’d had two other people waiting for her… a mother and son who needed and depended on her. And Chay, in his distressed state of mind, wouldn’t have accepted her help anyway.

  It seemed that fate was intent on shoving a wedge between them.

  Chay.

  She would never forget the velvet touch of his fingertips on her face. Never forget the sweet taste of his kiss. Never forget the way he’d made her body blaze with an amazing need.

  As wonderful as all the physical sensations were, there were more important things she wouldn’t forget about him. The kindness and concern he’d shown her from their very first moments together. The way he’d so quickly offered a helping hand with the carriage house. He’d made her laugh. He’d made her think. He’d made her live.

  Whether he’d meant to or not, Chay had forced her see that she’d become so wrapped up in her work with the abused that she just might be missing out on life. And as much as she hated to admit it, she feared the assessment was correct.

  But changing her course now was impossible. Circumstances had forced her to choose a direction five long years ago, and as lonely as this road was, it was her destiny. Oh, Lord above, but that thought filled her with a bleakness that seemed unbearable. An unexpected tear trailed down her cheek.

  “Tori.”

  She started at the sound of Chay’s voice. Swiping fingers over her tearstained face, she turned her head.

  “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” He came closer.

  “Chay—” She turned her head away, unwilling to let him see that she’d been sitting here crying. “I’m not really up to any more arguments right now.” The exhaustion of being up all night suddenly made itself felt.

  “You’re upset,” he observed.

  Before she even realized it, he was seated next to her, his hands enveloping hers.

  “The woman and the boy? Are they okay? Did something happen to them?”

  Tori’s gaze flew to his face. His concern over Brenda and Scotty was candid. Even after he’d railed at her, after he’d questioned her good judgment in helping Brenda to get herself and her son out of town, he still expressed an open and frank apprehension for their safety.

  She realized in that very instant just how much she loved this man. He was like no one she’d ever met before. He intrigued her. Attracted her. Captivated her. Her chest felt constricted, as if there were an invisible band around her that was being tightened, notch by excruciating notch.

  “Did you ever reach a point in your life—” she was utterly amazed at how the words tumbled off her tongue before she could stop them “—where you wanted something so badly that it actually hurt, yet you knew you could never have it?”

  For the longest time he didn’t speak, just sat there studying her face. An awkwardness crept over Tori. Surely he would think she’d lost her mind.

  Softly he asked, “What is it, Tori? What has you so upset?”

  You, she wanted to admit. But how fruitless would that be? Hadn’t she already decided that fate itself was against her? Hadn’t she figured out long ago that her road into the future would be a lonely one?

  Instead of answering his question, she said, “Don’t worry. Brenda and Scotty are fine.” She sighed, her gaze stretching out across the glassy lake. “I’m just feeling a little blue. It happens once the B&B is empty. My pent-up stress needs release.”

  Leaves from the branches towering overhead fluttered through the chilly autumn air, landing helter-skelter around them.

  “Poor Tori,” he said, his tone holding no hint of condescension. “You put so much effort into saving those who can’t fend for themselves. But who is going to save you?”

  She pulled her hands from his. “I don’t need to be saved, Chay.”

  “Don’t be angry with me,” he said. “I didn’t mean to offend you. But I do have to disagree with you. Everyone needs saving every now and then. I know I did.”

  It was impossible for her to hide her bewilderment.

  “And you, Tori,” he continued, “are the person who saved me. You persuaded me to seek the truth. And I did.”

  He told her all that he’d learned about the images in his dream, about his childhood, about his misplaced blame.

  “I went to see my grandfather this morning,” he told her. “He forgave me. Our relationship is closer now than it’s ever been. I have you to thank for that.”

  She didn’t know how to respond.

  “No one could have succeeded in getting me to go hunting for the truth but you.” He reached out and took her hand again. “So you see, you really did save me.”

  He smiled, but she felt too overwhelmed to do more than simply look at him.

  His voice was as soft and sensual as black velvet when he suggested, “Let me save you, Tori. Let me take away all your loneliness.”

  An irrational fear welled up, straightened her spine, urged her to flee. She tried to tug her hand free, but he held tight.

  “You know that’s not possible, Chay.”

  “You don’t have to give up your own happiness for the sake of others,” he told her.

  Irritation flared. “Do you know what you’re asking? I tried to make you understand how important my work is. I can’t give it up. Ever.”

  “That’s not what I’m suggesting, Tori,” he said. “You’re not listening to me. Or else I’m not being clear. I want to be with you. I want to help you in your cause. Sweetheart, I truly believe that everything happens for a purpose. You and I were brought together for a reason. This was meant to be. I had lessons that you helped me to learn. And you have lessons that I can help you learn.”

  “That sounds so esoteric.”

  His smile only widened. “Life is a mystery, Tori. We’re not meant to understand everything. You said so yourself. But if fate hands you a gift, you’d best accept it.” He paused a moment. “I think fate is handing us the gift of each other. The question is… are we going to accept it?”

  Adoration shone in his eyes, in his handsome face. She couldn’t believe her ears. Couldn’t believe her eyes. Was he really saying that he thought they should be together?

  The hope and expectation emanating from him made her heart soar.

  “B-but… but,” she stammered, “I run a B&B in Vermont. You have a company to run in Boston. How can we possibly—”

  He laughed then, cupping both her hands in his and lifting them to his lips. His mouth felt warm against her skin.

  “Honey, those minor details will take care of themselves,” he told her. “I’ll try running my business from here. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll be more than happy to start over again. I’m that confident in my belief that you and I are meant to be together.”

  He was sure enough for both of them, and that just took her breath away.

  “Oh, Chay,” she whispered, “I think I’ve been in love with you all of my life.”

  His mesmerizing onyx eyes searched her face as his hand tenderly cradled her jaw.

  “And I’ve loved you forever, too, Tori.” He kissed her then, his mouth hot and deliciously possessive. “Forever.”

  Epilogue

  Tori’s nerves were jangling like a dozen bells as she turned to face her friends Julie and Lyssa and waited for their verdict.

  “You’re beautiful,” Lyssa breathed. Happy tears sprang to her eyes, and Tori had to smile at her friend’s emotional state. Lyssa’s very pregnant body was a deluge of rampant hormones, that much was evident.

  “You are beautiful, Tori,” Julie agreed. “That outfit is just gorgeous.”

  When Chay had told Tori that the ceremonial robe his mother had worn at her own wedding ceremony was in storage and offered it to Tori to wear at
their nuptials, Tori hadn’t been able to say yes fast enough.

  The doeskin robe was as supple as a whisper. The bodice of the dress was covered with tiny cylindrical shells that had been polished to a high sheen. A sash gathered the soft hide fabric just beneath her breasts, with what seemed a thousand narrow strips falling from the midriff over the skirt so that each step she took caused a sea of movement around her legs. The hem struck her midcalf, a length that accentuated the white beaded moccasins adorning her feet.

  A Kolheek hairdresser on the rez had agreed to style Tori’s hair in traditional fashion. Her flaxen tresses were parted on an angle and plaited into two fat braids, one falling over each shoulder. Petite freshwater pearls had been intertwined into the full length of each braid.

  “You don’t think it’s too much?” Tori asked.

  “You look like a golden goddess,” Lyssa said.

  Julie added, “An Indian princess. Chay is going to be amazed.”

  Lyssa sniffed and dabbed her nose with a tissue. “A Christmas Eve wedding. Could there be anything more romantic?”

  “Stop that crying,” Tori told her friend, “or you’re going to have me blubbering like a baby.”

  “Don’t you dare.” Julie wagged her finger at Tori. “You don’t want your mascara to run.”

  There was a knock on the door, and Dakota poked his head into the room. “It’s time,” he told them all. When he saw his wife’s tears, he hurried to her and wrapped her in his arms, kissed her gently on the temple. “Hey, sweetie, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Lyssa sniffed. “I’m just happy for Tori and Chay.”

  The sound of ceremonial drums filled the air. Dakota looked at each woman in turn. “It’s show time. The whole tribe is out there.”

  “Dakota!” Tori’s insides quivered. “Don’t remind me. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

  When Chay and Tori had gone to Grayson to ask him to perform a traditional Kolheek marriage ceremony for them, the elderly shaman had asked if they’d consider allowing the entire community the opportunity to attend. Tori had been happy to share her special day with the residents of the reservation, but now the thought of walking out there in front of all those people made her feel weak in the knees.