Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

  Lowering Matty and Kiki to the floor, Luke clenched his teeth and put on his big boy pants. It wouldn’t get any easier if he waited.

  “I have to tell you all something before dinner.”

  His mom was the first to look worried as she sidled near. In case he needed her support? He probably might, but would she still want to give it once she heard the news?

  Rip that bandage right off. “I’m going to be a father.” Wow, that sounded strange coming from his mouth.

  The room grew still. All eyes focused on him.

  Erik was the first to break the silence. “Holy shit, Luke. Of all the stupid—”

  Alex piped up next. “I knew your carousing would come back to bite you in the ass someday.”

  Tessa stood and gathered the children. “Let’s go and play a game in the other room.”

  Gina and TJ helped hustle the kids out of the room, and soon the sound of the piano drifted in. Maybe it would drown out the yelling. He looked back at his parents and siblings.

  Erik’s face was like stone. “When did this happen? You just got back yesterday.”

  “Before I left.”

  Alex quickly did the math. “So she’s at least six months along. I didn’t picture any of your lady friends as the mothering type. I’m surprised she didn’t get an abortion.”

  His dad had been quiet until now. “What do you plan to do about it, Lukas?”

  Yep, the full name came out when Pete Storm meant business.

  “You can’t possibly expect him to marry the woman.” Erik’s words exploded from him.

  Dad’s face hardened. “A man has to take responsibility for his actions.”

  Alex rolled his eyes. “Sure, be responsible. But you’ve seen the bimbos he dates, if you can even call it that. None of them want anything more than a good time.”

  “I have to agree,” Erik added. “Do you even know if the baby’s yours?”

  Heat coursed through Luke at the suggestion. “Of course, it is.”

  Alex crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. It’s just that the type of women you sleep with tend to enjoy that activity with just as many guys.”

  Luke could hardly argue that point. It was the reason he chose most of his past women. They hadn’t wanted anything more than sex either. But not Elle. She was different. He’d been different with her.

  “That isn’t the case here.” He glanced over at his mom. Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom. I know you’re disappointed in me.” That fact tore at his gut. Having his mother’s love and approval had always been high on his list.

  She reached out her hand and touched his arm lightly. “I was remembering the conversation we had on the ride home yesterday. I guess that won’t happen now.”

  A smile came to Luke’s face. “Actually, Mom, it will. The woman we’re talking about. It’s Ellie.”

  Mom’s eyes gleamed, and a corner of her lip curled up. “Ellie’s expecting your child?”

  As he nodded, Sara rubbed her belly. “Who’s Ellie?”

  Mom faced the others. “You remember Ellie Russell? The red-haired little girl who used to come over all the time to study with Luke in high school. They were in a bunch of classes together. Lab partners, if I recall.”

  Alex raised one eyebrow. “She’s like ten.”

  It was Luke’s turn to glare. “She’s four years younger than me. She skipped a bunch of grades, but she’s around twenty-four now with a master’s degree and a job as an engineer.” He assumed she’d finished her advanced degree. Hopefully, the pregnancy hadn’t kept her from her last classes this past fall. If he’d kept in touch with her, he’d know.

  “Where did you end up reconnecting with her?” Erik asked.

  “She was a bridesmaid at the wedding I went to in August. Her cousin, Nicole, was the bride.”

  Alex narrowed his eyes. “You mean the wedding where we couldn’t get in touch with you?”

  Guilt, strong and deep, stabbed him. Luke nodded. “Yeah, that one.”

  “Stop feeling guilty for that, sweetie.” Mom rubbed his arm soothingly. “I know it’s also the reason you didn’t keep in touch with Ellie. Where did you see her today?”

  “I went to her work. They do business with my company, so I’ve been there before.”

  “Bit of a shock when you saw her, I’m guessing,” Dad said. “Your mother said you’d been staring at pictures of her.”

  Luke dug his phone from his pocket and scrolled to the pictures of Elle. They all took a look and nodded.

  Alex snickered. “Was that before or after Junior was conceived?”

  Erik slapped their middle brother on the head. Luke had to bite his lip to stop the laughter. It was usually Alex slapping him for some ridiculous comment.

  “You should bring her here, so we can get to know her better,” Mom suggested.

  Remembering how skittish Elle was this afternoon, Luke wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. He wanted more than anything to get her installed into his family, nice and tight. Unfortunately, he had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy.

  Chapter Six

  Elle opened the door of her apartment, wondering who was stopping by unannounced. No one ever came to visit her. The few friends she had lived in Squamscott Falls or Stratham and always called if they wanted to go out. With her current condition, going out for drinks in town hadn’t happened often lately.

  Luke stood at the door, looking more handsome than she’d ever seen him. And that was saying something, since the man was drop dead gorgeous. Under his coat, he wore a button-down shirt that showed a tiny peek of the chest hair she’d greedily played with six months ago. Well-worn jeans hugged his long, muscular legs, legs she’d always ogled when he ran track in high school.

  “What are you doing here?” She’d forgotten about giving him her address. Apparently, he hadn’t.

  “I can’t stop in and say hi?” Those dimples almost sent her to her knees. They were a dangerous weapon.

  “You never have before.”

  “I didn’t know where you lived before.”

  “Like you couldn’t have found out if you really wanted to. Suddenly, you have an interest in me?” God, she was being catty, but she hated that he was only here because she was pregnant.

  “You’re carrying my baby, Ellie. Of course, I have an interest. Can I come in?”

  No. Having Luke in her space was not a good idea. What excuse could she give to make him leave? She was sick? No, he’d want to take care of her. For the baby’s sake, not hers.

  Since she couldn’t get her muddled mind to come up with a valid reason, she stepped back and waved him in. The apartment wasn’t big, but it was clean and in good shape. The furniture was from a secondhand store, but she’d gone to one near Rye hoping to get better quality from the wealthy citizens there. She’d struck gold with what she’d found.

  Luke shrugged out of his coat as he took in the living area and the archway into the kitchen. “Where do you plan to live when the baby’s born?”

  “Here. For a while, anyway. I can put the baby in the bedroom with me for a bit. That’ll give me more time to make decisions.”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I can help make them, too.”

  “Suddenly, you’re going to be making decisions in my life? When did you get permission to do this?”

  “When you started carrying my child inside you.”

  Elle closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Luke, I know this is a surprise and you haven’t had much time to get used to it, but let me suggest you think long and hard about being a dad. I don’t expect anything from you. You’re welcome to walk away and pretend this never happened. This is my responsibility, and I need to take care of it.”

  Luke stepped closer, and she stiffened. Would he touch her? Did she want him to? Yes. But what good would it accomplish, other than to remind her Luke Storm wasn’t hers. Not in the way she wanted him.

  His hand landed on her shoulder, gently
rubbing the fabric there. “I’m just as responsible as you, Ellie, and I don’t shirk my duties.”

  “Fine.” She strolled over to the window to look out at the bleak winter landscape. Mostly, she needed to get his hand off her. “You can send child support. I make a decent salary, but it would help pay for stuff I’ll need.”

  Luke followed her. This time he kept his hands to himself. “Of course, I’ll support my kid, but it won’t only be money that he gets from me. I plan to be part of this child’s life. You won’t take that from me, Ellie.”

  Spinning around, she noted the solemn expression on his face. “I don’t plan to keep you away from your child if you want to be with him. I’d love for you to take an active roll in your baby’s life. But I need to be realistic, too. You never asked to be a father and always did what you could to avoid it. Now that it’s happening, I’m the one that has to deal with the repercussions of our actions. Physically deal with them.”

  Elle plopped onto the couch and rested her head against the back. Maybe Luke would simply walk out and leave her alone. Miserable and alone. No, not miserable. Even though the situation wasn’t ideal, she was excited about this child. She would give this baby all the love she had and then even more. She’d never walk out on him or her, looking for a better life like her own parents had. This child would be her life. With or without Luke.

  Luke sat next to her and picked up her hand. She stared at it, wishing he was doing it because he wanted to. Not because she was pregnant. Sadness rolled through her.

  “I’d like you to come to my brother’s house tomorrow.”

  Throwing him a side glance, she asked, “Why?”

  “They’re having a welcome home party for me coming back from deployment.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure they want the bimbo you knocked up stopping by. What did they think when you told them?” Not that she really wanted to know. It couldn’t be good.

  Luke paused, still staring at their entwined hands. Okay, that wasn’t a positive sign.

  “My mom is actually excited.”

  “Because she wants grandkids? Or because she thinks it will make you settle down?” Like that would ever happen.

  “No, she already has three and Sara is expecting another one in June. So this little guy or girl will have lots of cousins.” He reached out and patted her belly. Elle froze, surprised at the expression of longing on Luke’s face. He seemed to realize what he was doing and snatched his hand away. “We talked about you when she picked me up the other day.”

  “You talked about me? You and your mother?”

  “Yeah, she saw me looking at the pictures of you on my phone from the wedding. She always liked you.”

  “Not anymore,” Elle mumbled. Luke had shared those pictures with his mother? What the heck did that mean?

  “She still likes you. Will you come?”

  “Isn’t it just for family?”

  His hand briefly returned to her belly. “You’re carrying my baby. That’s family.”

  “So I only get an invitation because I’m a vessel for a family member. Great.” Her head plopped back against the couch with the weight of her responsibilities.

  “I want you there, Ellie. I was hoping to ask you to come when I first saw you the other day. The surprise of your condition made me forget.”

  “Is that why you were at my work? You were looking for me?” Had he really come because he wanted to see her?

  “I couldn’t get you off my mind throughout my entire deployment.”

  How much could she believe? Luke had always been a smooth talker and full of charm. Was he directing it all her way now that he realized she was pregnant?

  “Yet you never wrote to me or made any attempt to acknowledge what happened at the wedding.”

  “I did. Kind of. Maybe not as much as I should have, and I’m sorry. I told you why.”

  Shifting on the couch, she faced him, her hands resting on her baby bump. “You have no idea how it made me feel when you didn’t show up for breakfast. Especially after all that talk of needing someone like me. You made me feel special for a short while. Then, I realized I was no different from any of the other sluts you have sex with. Except I was stupid enough to get pregnant.”

  “No, Ellie.” He took her hand again, his face twisted in agony. “You’re nothing like them. You are special and good, and the memory of our night together got me through some of the harder times while I was overseas.”

  “Because I was the last woman you had sex with, and it was fresh in your memory?”

  Luke reached out and ran his thumb down the side of her face. It took every ounce of control not to close her eyes and absorb the feelings.

  “You don’t get it, Ellie. The fact you are good and sweet is what drew me to you that night. I hadn’t planned on doing anything other than being by myself to think. When I saw you, all the times you supported me while in high school came rushing back. I needed your strength and comfort. What happened between us was a surprise. I wasn’t expecting the passion and desire to flare like it did. You felt it, too, didn’t you?”

  Staring at her extended belly, she nodded. “I don’t typically get carried away like that.”

  “Right, so let’s stop making it sound like you’re the type of woman who sleeps around.”

  What did Luke want from her? Why couldn’t she just ask him what his plan was for the future? She hated this dance they seemed to be doing right now.

  Tipping his head so his face was close enough for her to see the gray flecks in his blue eyes, he said, “You mentioned an ultrasound. Did they give you a picture to take home?”

  “They did.”

  Puppy dog eyes aimed her way. “Can I see it?”

  He was serious about this baby thing. She still couldn’t get over his interest and the fact he hadn’t freaked out yet.

  “Sure.” Elle moved to her desk and retrieved the envelope from the top drawer. Settling back on the couch, she handed it to him.

  Luke took a deep breath before he withdrew the prints. He squinted at first, then Elle saw when he made out the baby body parts. He tapped the picture. “This is the head, and this is a foot, right?”

  Nodding, she pointed out some of the other features. His head tilted, and he pressed his lips tightly together. “I’m not even sure what to say. This is so unbelievable. It’s my baby. And your baby. Our baby.”

  When he said those last words, Elle’s heart twisted. She’d had months to get used to the idea of having Luke’s baby, but with him saying it, the fact was so much more real.

  For ten long minutes, he stared at the pictures and stroked his fingers over the features. “Do you think there’s any way I can get copies of these?” He gazed at her like he was asking for a lung. Did he think she’d say no?

  “Of course. My printer does scans, too.” Plucking them from his hands, she crossed to her work area and flicked on her printer. She couldn’t look back at him while it warmed up. Didn’t want to see the expression on his face. The one he’d worn while checking out the ultrasound prints had gotten her emotions roaring, something that happened far too often these days.

  After making copies, she gave them to Luke, who stared at them again.

  “Thanks. How far along were you? When were these done?”

  “Twenty weeks. About a month ago, right before my last appointment.”

  His head flipped up. “Appointment. When’s your next appointment?”

  “My appointment with my OB-GYN?”

  “Whatever a baby doctor is. You do see one throughout the pregnancy, right? How often?”

  “Every month at this point. I think I’ll be going down to every few weeks in a month or so.”

  His eyes warmed as they flicked from the pictures up to her belly. “Do you think I could come to your next appointment?”

  He wanted to come with her? “Why?”

  “Isn’t that what dads do?”

  “Some dads.” She didn’t want to imply he shouldn’t. He alre
ady got upset whenever she suggested he didn’t need to stick around.

  Taking her hand, he tugged until she sat next to him again. “I want to be that kind of dad, Ellie. Please. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I’m excited about the thought of having a kid. I don’t ever want a child of mine to think I wasn’t around. Will you please allow me to go through this with you? Every step of the way?”

  God, did that mean he wanted to be in the delivery room with her? She’d never given that scenario any probability.

  “Most of the visits at this point aren’t much more than a belly check.”

  He glanced down and cocked his head. “What’s a belly check entail?”

  “They measure my belly to make sure it’s growing at a good rate. Then, they listen to the heartbeat. Not much else, aside from tons of questions and advice.”

  Luke’s brows rose. “You can hear the baby’s heartbeat? For real?” His voice cracked on the last word.

  This serious, emotional side of Luke was exactly what got her into this condition in the first place. She should stay as far away from him as possible for her own sanity. Yet when he tentatively pressed his fingers to her stomach, she couldn’t do it. Just then the baby rolled, letting Elle know Luke should be involved.

  “For real.” Placing his hand on the currently moving spot, she watched Luke’s face as he felt his child kick for the first time.

  “Oh. Oh, that was…the baby does this all the time?”

  “Not every second. Junior has certain times where he’s more active. Like after I drink something sweet. Especially if I’m on my back.”

  Luke placed his other hand next to the first, then his mouth opened wide when the baby practically did a cartwheel inside. Elle didn’t move. Didn’t want to break the spell Luke seemed to be under, just sitting there holding her tummy.

  Suddenly, he glanced up, concern on his face. “Does this hurt?”

  Elle laughed. “Not really. Though it can take me by surprise at times, especially now that the baby is getting bigger and stronger. It used to be merely a fluttering feeling, but lately the movement feels like this kid needs more room to stretch out. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like when it’s almost time for delivery.”