Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  “You were in deep sleep there, didn’t think I would be able to wake you up.”

  I’m still groggy as I sit up and stretch out my arms, mostly to wake myself up but also to get him to remove his hand. “Sorry, took me

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  awhile to fall asleep yesterday.”

  “What? Scared to fall asleep at a stranger’s house? Makes no sense.” He winks at me and stands up, walking over to the small kitchen. “While you were in dreamland, I was out getting us some breakfast. Bread ok for you?”

  “Yes!” My answer comes out too enthusiastic and I can see that Morrick holds back a laugh. No matter in what situation carbs is likely to get me in a good mood.

  “I figured you might need something to take your mind off the bad news.” He turns around and faces me. “Trade day has been cancelled.”

  “Wait, what?!” Suddenly I’m wide awake, bouncing up from the mattress.

  “Yes, apparently there were something going on in the forest yesterday. The details are vague, but town is full of soldiers. They must be looking for someone or something. You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”

  Dread fills me, and I’m suddenly nauseous. “No, why would I?” I busy myself with putting on my jacket. Morrick’s eyes are on me, studying me to see if I’m lying.

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  “Fine,” he puts his hands up and turns around again, putting his focus back on breakfast, “if that’s how you want to play it, that’s fine by me. But your friends will not be in town today.” This isn’t good. I pace around the tent while I quickly run through my options. Staying in Hope is out of the question. If the army is here searching for rebels, they might also be searching for me. I need to get to Edward, he’s family, he will know what to do about the documents and he can tell me if the Rebellion is safe for me. I can trust him. But how do I get there, I haven’t been that far up in the City. Going in blind with only a description of his apartment is dangerous. Too dangerous. Morrick has saved me twice already but I can’t trust him to help me, plus he might not know much about the City and its structure anyway. But maybe Gilbert and Rufus would, I know that they sometimes go up there for trade.

  “Do you know when the next trade day will be?” Maybe I can wait it out here until they come to Hope.

  “Not until a couple of days.” Morrick exhales loudly, like he doesn’t want to continue onto his next sentence, “But I know where the friends of yours live, I have seen their farm once when I was out hunting.”

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  “Can you take me there?” I can see Morrick expected my question from the way his mouth sets in a firm line.

  “No, I can’t. And stop looking at me like that. I already saved you twice if you remember, I owe you nothing. Hell, you’re the one who owes me,” he crosses his arms and when I don’t reply he continues, “Why would I risk my safety and the good thing I have going on here to help you? I know you are not telling me the whole story, you must have had something to do with what happened yesterday. You running around scared in the city with nowhere to go can’t be a coincidence.” I open my mouth to defend myself, but he goes on without letting me have a word, “Don’t bother lying to me again and saying you had nothing to do with it. I’m not stupid Eddie. And if the army is looking for you, and they find you with me, I would be risking my life.”

  I know I’m treading on dangerous territory, but I need to convince him to help me. “Look, I used to live in the forest alone. I was like you, just minding my own business, surviving and taking care of myself. I don’t have any parents either, mine are both dead. And then one day I accidentally bumped into a group from the so-called-rebellion. Against my better judgement I helped them, like you helped

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  me from the Scullys’. And because I helped them, my house is now destroyed, my safety swept away from me in one instant. And if it wasn’t for you, who knows what would have happened to me last night. I’m not a bad person, and I’m surely not part of any Rebellion. I just need to get to my friends. That’s all I that I need right now. And I can’t do that without you.”

  Morrick’s face hasn’t changed, I can tell he doesn’t empathize with my story. How could he? He has seen so much horror in his life that this must sounds like a walk in the park.

  I take a step towards him and I place my hand on his. “I know you are a genuine good person and you don’t deserve for me to ask you to take this risk. I don’t know if anything I can say can convince you. So how about I pay you.” Morrick raises a quick eyebrow and the words stumble out from my mouth as I try to explain myself, “I mean, my friends can … Rufus and Gilbert will pay for me. I mean, they will pay you for helping me.”

  His smirk is back, and he takes my hand in his, my heart beats loud in my chest. Can he hear it too? He gently brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. His face is so close now that I can study it more careful. Is he going to kiss me? I have never been kissed before, should

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  I close my eyes? If he doesn’t kiss me and I stand with closed eyes, I’ll look like a total idiot. A panic totally new to me makes my body temperature feel like it has doubled and I’m aware of every move he makes.

  “How can I say no to you.” He puts his hand under my chin and runs his finger along my cheek. His touch is warm and comforting. I close my eyes and embrace the sensation. I’m not all alone in this. He will help me. I hold in the tears that are threatening to break through.

  He drops his hand suddenly and without a hesitation he walks past me, and I’m left standing alone, mortified. My emptiness and loneliness creep back into my heart as fast as they disappeared.

  “Can they pay me in sheep fur? It would be good to have some new ones for winter.”

  “Yeah, probably,” I say as I nervously play with my hands. What have I gotten myself into? How will Rufus and Gilbert react when I come to their house with a total stranger, asking not only for trading goods but for help?

  We don’t take a road to Rufus and Gilbert instead we walk in the forest, Morrick confidently leads the way, he doesn’t need a map to guide him.

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  He looks just as at home walking along the rocks and roots on the ground as he was jumping along the rooftops.

  Being around Morrick one day has busted my bubble of being a survivalist myself, my life has been a picnic next to his. My parents set me up to succeed, it’s like they gave me both the recipe and the ingredients to survive. Morrick didn’t have much more than a tent and quick hands.

  My eyes keep wandering to the big knife hanging on his hips. It gleams when the light catches its jagged blade.

  “You can stop starring at it, I promise it won’t bite.”

  I really need to work on my social skills, living in the woods by myself must have made me rusty. “Sorry, haven’t seen a knife quite like that before.”

  “It’s for hunting. And for protection if I would need it.”

  “But you can’t hunt with only a knife though, do you use traps?”

  “No, I have a crossbow. I’m a good tracker so when I need to hunt, I usually head out for a few days or weeks searching for any signs of wildlife that will make a good prey. Fumbling with traps and small squirrels or whatever game you might catch is not worth the trouble. That kind of meat won’t give you any leverage at a trade.”

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  “I couldn’t shoot a big animal, they have such kind eyes.”

  When he turns to look at me, he has a crease in-between his eyebrows that I haven’t seen before, “We all must do things if we want to survive, no one has the luxury to think twice about a big meal. What did you manage to live off if you didn’t hunt?”

  I have to learn to keep quiet, whenever I ask Morrick a question he returns the favor. “Well I use some traps if I have too, otherwise I collect a lot from the forest. You know, nuts and berries. That sort of thing.”

  He stops and turn to face me again, “You can’t survive on that, and you cannot do trading on them. You are lying aga
in.”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes, “Whatever lie detector you have must be broken! Just because I don’t explain everything in detail doesn’t mean I’m lying.”

  “What’s a lie detector?” Confusion covers his face and I can’t help but smile. Of course, there would be no need to know what a lie detector is if you have grown up in Hope. I remember my parents mentioning that the kids there don’t even learn how to read. No one has time to send their children to school when it’s hard to put food on the table.

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  “It’s a type of machine that can tell if you are lying or not.” I start walking, forcing him to move as well. Hopefully, it’s harder for him to notice my deceptions if he isn’t studying my face.

  “Why do people need that when it’s so easy to see if someone is lying? Makes no sense.” He passes me now, making sure to take the lead. “And how do you even know about these things?”

  “I like to read.”

  “Who has time for reading? That’s a totally worthless time to spend your day.”

  “Are you kidding me? Reading is great, you can learn so many different things. You can learn about plant life, about medicine and what you can eat from the forest to survive. All those things are valuable.”

  “Ok, so what good did they do you when you were in trouble yesterday or with the Scully’s earlier? How did your books help you then?”

  “Obviously books can’t solve physical altercations, but they have a purpose.”

  “And what purpose is that? In my world you fight for your place, you hunt for food or you take it. There are no benefits for us in

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  books. What? learn about plant life that no one can grow? And medicine, you have to be in another part of society to gain access to that. So sure, books might be good for the people that live in the city, that’s part of the dictator’s inner circle. I’m sure as hell aren’t part of that. Are you?”

  “No, I’m not.” I hurry to reply. “But it’s not like everyone in the City has chosen to work for the dictator. They might be forced. And it’s not a luxurious club.”

  “Eddie, do you believe that propaganda? I’ve visited that place, it’s like heaven compared to Hope.”

  I know now that the difference is severe between the two places. When I lived with my parents I never spent enough time in Hope to see the real struggle. We weren’t allowed in there.

  Like my parents, most people in the City were working for Tenebris before he became our leader. Back then they believed in the world he wanted to create. He was the leader of the Green Company that did good; that wanted to help others. When the world came crashing down, he kept a tight leash on the employees he valued. My parents were only allowed to leave the City to go on research endeavors. I know others were not given the same trust. If Tenebris

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  would have had intel about their treehouse who knows what would have happened.

  “What were you doing in the City anyway?” I ask. It’s strange that Morrick would know so much about a place in which he would never be allowed.

  He’s quiet, I can tell he’s contemplating how to answer. “Well, when I say ‘visit,’ I mean more that I picked up a few things there.”

  “So, you stole?”

  “It’s not like they’ll go poor there, trust me. You shouldn’t feel sorry for those people.”

  How would he feel about me if he knew I grew up there? Something tells me it’s better to keep that information to myself.

  “I guess it makes sense that you would have to take food, especially when your mother died when you were so young. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I’m scarred from my experience and what happened to me when I was sixteen.”

  Quiet fills the air and for a few minutes. All anyone could hear are our footsteps on the dried leaves that are starting to cover the ground. Fall is coming in much faster this year.

  “Erg, I did alright. Maybe losing someone when you are young

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  is easier. You are more resilient.”

  “I can’t believe that. When you are that young you need your parents, their safety and love.”

  “Drop it,” he warns. But I don’t hear the change in his voice. I’m too preoccupied with the thoughts of a homeless child in the middle of Hope, hungry and lonely.

  “Don’t be such a guy. It’s not a crime to admit that you were lonely when your mom passed away. You said you were only eight.”

  “SHUT UP!” His voice echoes through the trees, scaring birds from the branches above.

  I stop in my tracks, too scared to move. My mind is racing between apologizing for whatever I said that upset him or storming off because I just got yelled at. Before I can make up my mind, Morrick quickens his pace, clearly marking an end to our conversation. It doesn’t take long before he disappears in the forest. I curse to myself before following him, it’s not like I have an option, but I’m careful to keep the distance between us.

  The sun hasn’t shown its face since we started our walk, instead the sky is covered with white and grey clouds. It fits perfectly with my current mood. The past hour has been passed in silence, and I have done

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  nothing except brood over our conversation. Whatever I might have said didn’t deserve that response.

  Soon I hear the noise of pouring water nearby and I scan the area to locate its origin. Morrick points to our right as if reading my mind. “There is freshwater over there if you are thirsty.”

  I nod and follow the direction of his hand and soon find a small creek that runs along the forest. The vegetation around it making it hard to see. I crouch down on the soft moss and take a few sips of water. It’s refreshing and cold. I can sense Morrick next to me, watching me. His quiet gaze makes me uncomfortable. “Are you going to stare at me or are you going to drink as well?”

  “It might be my turn to apologize. I guess I’m not great at this social stuff either.”

  “Mmhmm … I get that it’s hard to talk about. But screaming at me like that was uncalled for.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. You hit a sore spot. My mom leaving me when I was so young is …” He looks around the forest, searching for words. “I try not to think about it, or her. It’s easier that way.”

  “I miss my parents too, I can’t not think about them; what they did for me and what it cost them. But, I was lucky. They prepared me

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  for surviving on my own. Without the provisions and skills, I know I wouldn’t have survived.” My mind races back to the memories of our happy family. The memories I loved to visit before going to bed, when I could pretend that everything was normal; that Mom and Dad were sleeping in their bed next to me in the treehouse.

  “Were your parents workers or were they just lucky farmers?” He asks.

  “I guess they were both,” a small smile plays on my lips at the memory. “They worked with biology. That’s a sort of farming, right?” I don’t hear the laugh I expect. Morrick is quiet; too quiet. I look up to see a blank expression on his face. I look behind me to make sure no one is standing there, but there are no enemies in sight. My stomach drops, what did I say? “Morrick … what’s wrong?”

  In a blink of an eye his whole expression changes, gone is the blank look an instead a smile covers his face. But it looks forced, not the easy smirk that I have grown used to.

  “Nothing,” he responds as he shakes his head. “I just thought that I heard something. Sorry. We should get going. I’m sure you are dying to see your friends.” He stands up and waits for me to follow. I can’t seem to shake the unease that is running through my body. It’s

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  like our whole dynamic changed within an instant. But why? What did I miss?

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  Chapter 10

  Morrick stays quiet on the rest of the walk. Something about him has changed, but I can’t put my finger on it. All I know is that he hasn’t smirked at me once since the creek or had that twinkle in his
eye that I have already gotten used to. When I try to start conversations, he mostly mumbles an answer, clearly not interested in what I’m saying. I don’t know if I offended him or made him upset. I have gone over our last conversation in my mind several times already. Was it that he found out that my parents had jobs or that he figured out I used to live in the City? I’m too distracted to see that he stops. Instead I walk right into him.

  “Urg, sorry.”

  He takes a step back, like he got burnt by fire. I scowl at his strange behavior. I’m about to ask him why he’s being so weird, but he turns and walks the other way. “The vegetation is too thick here. We have to walk up the road to get to their house. We’re almost there,” he says with a stern voice over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around to see if I’m following.

  I see what he means, the area has changed its structure from the

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  giant ancient trees to a younger-looking forest. Small and thin branches sprout up from the ground, growing so close to each other that they create a net structure. It would be extremely difficult to get through this way. A sigh escapes me; my legs burning from the walk now that I’m standing still. We have walked a full day, only stopping to eat a quick meal of drying berries and meat. I’m tempted to take a seat on the stub that’s to my right. It looks comfortable enough. But Morrick has already walked out from my view, suddenly in a hurry to reach our goal. My stomach twists when I think about meeting Rufus and Gilbert again. I don’t believe that they would turn me away. Paying Morrick for taking me here is a long shot. Morrick is already in a bad mood. I don’t know how he would react if he doesn’t get paid. I brush my hair from my face and put it up in a quick knot in the back and follow in his track.