Welcome to the Apocalypse

by Cathy Gaitan

  She looked at me and with a small smile teasing her lips mimicked my actions. “Fighting,” she repeated. This sisterhood rocks!

  Grandma Roses and her group were waiting for us in the hotel dining room when we arrived. There were five burly males and three female Zombies with her. They were all dressed in leather with metal studs.

  I recognized Grandma Roses from Pink’s description of her tattoos but, I have to tell you, she did not look like anyone’s grandma. Her long hair was flame red with thin braids randomly interspersed.

  Her tattoos were even more awesome than I imagined. She had roses of every color around her neck and down her chest as far as we could see. It looks like roses bloomed on her. It’s got me thinking of adding a few rose tattoos as well. I need to think on this some more.

  “Well Pinkerton Floyd! Long time no see. I see you added some more metal to your face. You always loved the piercings didn’t you,” she grabbed his Mohawk and yanked hard. “This hair of yours is out of control,” she laughed when Pink winced.

  I was two seconds from yanking out one of her braids. I guess Pinkerton knew because he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side. “This is Mercy Mayhem,” he told her. “Behind her is Julia Caesar and Titus Remington.”

  “You have friends now? The Pinkerton I knew didn’t trust anybody enough to be friends,” she remarked. She leaned towards me and whispered loudly, “He couldn’t get along with anyone for long.”

  I don’t know how I’m going to break it to Pink but I don’t like his Grandma Roses at all. Not even a little bit. She’s rude. I can see how someone might have been tempted to slit her throat. I don’t think I’ll be getting that rose tattoo after all.

  Once we’re all seated at the table I pick up the menu. Everyone is just ordering drinks. Except for me of course. There is an all you can eat pie menu. So I order pie. All kinds of pie. I love pie. Pie is the best. It makes me smile!

  As I eat my pie Grandma Roses goes on a rant about Pink. “I hope he’s learned some things. There was a time when he couldn’t do the simplest things,” she complained.

  Pinkerton slides the pie closer to me a signal for me to eat not speak. So I do. Grandma Roses continues with more insults and I stuff my face with more pie. What she’s describing isn’t Pink. I keep waiting for him to say something but he doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I looked like a chipmunk after a while. My mouth was stuffed so full but I couldn’t swallow past my rage until I’d finally had enough.

  I felt bits of pie spewing from my mouth and frankly I didn’t care. “Shut up,” I found myself shouting at her. “You don’t even know him! He’s worth ten of you,” I yell. I’m pretty sure I had peaches on my chin. I wiped it with my hand and kept going.

  “You don’t deserve to have him call you grandma anything. He’s ours now! You can go back from where you came.,” I announce looking at Julia for support. I know she wanted the additional allies but we can’t let her speak about Pink like that. He’s our family.

  Pink was looking at me like I’d grown two heads. Julia stood up next to me, wiped my nose with a napkin, and coolly said, “Mercy’s right. Pinkerton’s ours. We take care of our own but in the interest of familial relations you should know we’re waging a revolutionary war. We plan on taking our kind to the top of the world order. If you want to participate you better learn to play nice.”

  Grandma Roses looked like she wanted to argue but was wary of Julia. She asked, “What makes you think you have the power to upset the current order?”

  That’s when Titus spoke up, “Just look at her!” He pointed at Julia, “That Zombie female is power personified,” he proudly proclaimed. I almost clapped but at the last minute reigned in my inner nerd. It’s not always easy. She’s stronger than you’d think.

  Julia was smiling wider than I’d ever seen. Titus obviously scored some major points with her today. Go Titus!

  Pinkerton stood up and smiled crookedly at us. He looked at Grandma Roses and winked at her. “I guess I’m with them. See you around G.R.”

  We left before Grandma Roses could ruin our exit.

  *****************************************************

  It may just be me but Pink seems a lot freer since our confrontation with Grandma Roses. I think he may have been as hungry for true family as I was. Don’t tell anyone I said that!!

  Julia and Titus have been glued to each other’s sides since we left the hotel four days ago. Titus’ support of Julia may have elevated their relationship. Lots of good vibes going on.

  This revolution is headed for a turnaround. I can feel it! We were caught by surprise but we’ll find our footing. If we stick together there is nothing we can’t do!

  “Mercy,” Julia shouted sounding exasperated. “Can you please get your head out of the clouds for a minute and focus? I was saying we need to make a statement. Something that will announce to the world who we are and what we stand for.”

  “It needs to be something big,” Pink agreed. “Not just a notification to Humans but also a call to arms to other Zombies.”

  “We should focus on the call to arms. You know direct our message to Zombies,” I suggested. “The Humans will get the message but we really want to reach out to our people.”

  “And how should we do that,” asked Julia of all of us.

  “An open letter,” was Titus’ suggestion. “We can send it to a reputable news agency. They love that stuff.”

  “Yes,” I shrieked. I don’t know why these things get me excited but they do. “Send it to the World Examiner,” I urged.

  They all looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “I said reputable,” said Titus. “We want people to believe it which they won’t if it’s sharing space with an alien cat baby and Bigfoot.”

  “Hold up, I haven’t heard about the alien cat baby but Bigfoot is real! There have been recorded sightings,” I felt compelled to argue because why not?

  Julia interrupted my rant, “It’s going to the New York Times.”

  “Fine, but for the record I think that might be a mistake. The World Examiner did a piece that opened people’s eyes about the Loch Ness Monster,” it had to be said.

  “Noted. Now can we move on,” Pinkerton asked. He doesn’t have patience for squabbling over details. Me, I exist for it. You could call it my specialty. Don’t tell Pink!

  “Okay, let’s move on,” I agreed. “But before we do I need to refuel.” I opened my bag and pulled out a box of Nerds. The root of all great inspiration. Really!

  Pinkerton rolled his eyes and pulled out a sheet of paper. “How should we start this thing,” he looked at us.

  Titus and I looked at one another and in unison said,” Calling all Zombies!” I’m not sure how I feel about being on the same wavelength as Titus.

  From there we threw ideas back and forth until words were just flowing like a fountain. Almost faster than Pink could write. It was awesome. I think Team Zombie is finally coming together! Tell everyone!!

  We thought about using a computer to type it out and print but decided we liked the personal touch of a handwritten letter. Also none of us wanted to do it. So, partly laziness but mostly the personal touch thing.

  Titus thought it would be cool if we included a picture of ourselves with the letter. Our images were still being flashed on the news and also America’s Most Wanted which was kind of awesome.

  We’ve been recognized by a few people but they usually only asked to take photographs with us so they could post it on Facebook and Instagram with ‘#ZombieAttack!’. It’s actually kind of funny. Pink says we’re trending whatever that means. A few times people have tried to call the police. Titus is really good at shutting that down quickly.

  We took the photo in the hotel room. Pinkerton is sitting in a chair with the letter resting on his chest. He has both hands raised on either side of the letter in a two-finger salute. The pose combined with his Mohawk and facial piercings looked so rock star.

  Julia stood behind Pink with her arms crossed
over her chest and a ‘don’t mess with me’ look on her face. Titus had one hand on Julia’s shoulder and the other pointing towards the open letter. His expression said ‘read it!’.

  I was going for Ninja Assassin and ended up looking more like the Mad Ninja that Pink calls me. My sapphire hair was standing in all directions. I tried doing the ‘fighting!’ pose but in a still photo it just looked like I was trying to take on the camera. So obviously cool is not my thing. That’s okay because I have other qualities mostly hidden but whatever. The important thing is the picture looked like us.

  Hopefully other Zombies will respond positively to our letter. And by ‘positively’ I mean I hope they decide to join the revolution.

  Yesterday, I sent my own letter to Happyville. I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided they may just need a little encouragement to venture outside the borders of their town. Maybe then they’ll realize there is nothing for them to fear. Sure some Humans want to hunt them down but most don’t. Most are too preoccupied with their own lives to worry about us.

  “Okay, let’s mail it off,” Julia grabbed the open letter and folded it into the envelope she’d already addressed. The envelope was bright pink. Titus had found it in the side table drawer in the hotel room. Pink decided it was good luck. I can’t argue it. I believe in signs too. Hey, don’t judge us!

  We all marched down to drop it in the mailbox. We didn’t need to but it just felt like we should do it together. Was it a nerd move? Maybe, but so what. Zombies do that!

  Once it was in we all smiled and I felt a little flutter of nervousness wondering how everyone was going to react to it. It will be great. I know it. How could it not?

  It felt like our world was about to change again. I’m not that big a fan of change. I’m working on it but I’m a long way from there yet. You either have to roll with it or get rolled over. I’ve been rolled over before and I don’t recommend it. Oh, and in case you were wondering:

  Calling all Zombies! Our time has come to rise up. Step into the sunlight. Our time in the shadows is done. For too long now our kind has been content to exist on the outskirts of Human society. We’ve allowed ourselves to be outcasts. We’ve asked for nothing and settled for less. That ends now!

  Human Society will try to tell us we are not meant to exist. That our differences make us lesser beings. They will try to pin labels on us and call it fact. We reject those labels and we reject any society that thinks a handful of words they handpicked from a dictionary can be used to define us.

  To Humans being a Zombie is to be imperfect. As Zombies we freely admit we are perfectly flawed in some very fundamental ways. We are not ashamed. We embrace our differences. We savor every unique trait. It is time to revolt against the chains that this world imposes on those who do not fit comfortably into uniform molds! Fellow Zombies we urge you to join us. Do not be afraid. The only ones who can stop us is us.

  Humans have owned this world long enough. It is our time now. Zombies are the future. If you feel as we do step forward. We can take our place in history together!

  The Zombie Club

  P.s. You can find us on all social media sites.

  6

  Chapter Six

  Humans look at Zombies and think ‘monster!’.

  Zombies look at Humans and think ‘munch meat!’.

  -from Titus Remington’s twisted Twitter feed

  Pinkerton Floyd

  A week after the ‘open letter’

  This is a strange world we live in and getting stranger every day. Since the New York Times posted that open letter things have gone bananas. Our social media sites have exploded and not just from Zombies. There were hundreds of responses from Humans wanting to ‘join’ our Zombie Club.

  Titus has been tweeting non-stop and more than a few posts, I guarantee, were not approved by Julia. She is ready to pull her hair out with him. That Zombie male might just be crazier than Mercy. Don’t tell Mercy I said that!

  We’ve received a ton of requests for interviews from multiple news organizations. Mercy was super stoked when she saw the request from Rolling Stone. The only one she was more excited about was K-Pop Magazine. She saw the request and announced, “It’s official. Zombies have now been legitimized!” I guess that does still keep her in the running for craziest Zombie.

  “I think I’m going to start a blog,” mused Mercy as she scrolled through our Facebook page.

  Julia was scanning Twitter and grinding her teeth loudly. When she heard Mercy’s comment she whipped her head and pinned Mercy with her gaze. “What kind of blog?”

  “A Zombie blog of course,” Mercy said, the word ‘duh’ hung in the space between them. She has moments of misplaced bravery.

  I think she may have earned another point for ‘craziest Zombie’. I’d tell her but she’s too competitive. I think she can win this legitimately.

  “Are you trying to make me angry,” growled Julia. “Because Titus already has me skating the edge. Trust me, you don’t want to tip me over. You won’t like what happens,” she warned.

  I believed her. I almost stepped away from Mercy to create distance but caught myself before I moved. I held my ground physically. Mentally I was across the room. Julia in a rage is no joke. Forget fearing the reaper. She is way scarier.

  Mercy paused her reading and looked at Julia. “If Titus is the one that got you there you need to set his ass on fire not mine. That’s my first strike. I should have two more before I’m lit up.”

  I felt my mouth drop open. Ding-ding-ding!! We have a winner! It’s now official. Mercy Mayhem is the craziest Zombie by a landslide.

  Julia grew dead silent. I think she was struck dumb with shock. I wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or really bad. When she threw back her head and laughed I drew a sigh of relief. Mercy is completely insane but she’s my best friend. If you know what’s good for you, you won’t tell her I said that!

  “You are getting braver, Mercy. Lucky for you, I like it,” was Julia’s comment.

  Mercy didn’t even blink an eye. She just nodded her head as though she expected that response but how could she? “So what do you think of me doing a blog,” Mercy asked us both.

  “Pink, you’re in charge of overseeing her blog,” was Julia’s response.

  Mercy was not thrilled with that idea. “Why Pink,” she complained.

  “Would you rather it be Titus,” Julia asked. As Mercy was nodding Julia shook her head. “Forget it! Either Pinker oversees it or no blog,” Julia insisted.

  “Fine, but he better not get in my way,” she sulked.

  “I’ll try my best not to hinder your ‘How to be a Mad Ninja Warrior’ blog,” I laughed.

  Mercy grinned at me not allowing herself to be drawn in which was just weird. “You think you’re so smart. I’m not going to tell you what my blog is about. I ‘m still working on the details.”

  I don’t like it when she’s secretive. It’s not like her at least not with me. Usually I can’t get her to shut up.

  When Julia looked worried Mercy tried to reassure her. “Don’t worry. I won’t post any gory photos.”

  If anything it made Julia even more anxious. She looked at me and ordered, “I am trusting you with this Pink. Don’t let me down!”

  Trust is a trigger word for me. It’s hard to give and even harder to receive. It makes me want to turn around and head in the other direction. I didn’t though.

  I nodded at Julia and mumbled something that apparently appeased her because she smiled as she walked away. What the hell did I say?

  “Do you think Carmony is okay,” asked Mercy from out of nowhere. She does that sometimes with thoughts she’s been stewing on awhile.

  “Sure, she is. Julia said she’d spoken to her a couple of days ago and everything was great.”

  “Carmony always says she’s fine but you know how anxious she gets. I bet she was freaking out about the letter,” Mercy sighed chewing on her lip and blindly scrolled through Facebook posts.

&n
bsp; I had to admit that sounded like Carmony. She was the most reluctant Zombie I know. To be thrust into the spotlight had to be a shock to the system. All this social media attention is probably the last thing she wanted. “I’m sure she hates it but she’ll get through. She’s tough.”

  “You’re right. She’ll be fine,” agreed Mercy with forced brightness. She was obviously still worried about Carmony.

  “Maybe you should call her,” I suggested. Talking to Carmony might alleviate her concerns. Unless Carmony sounded like a basket case.

  “I texted her. She sent me a thumbs up emoji.”

  “Just call her,” I said again. It didn’t take more than that to have her pulling out her flip phone and dialing. I walked away to give her privacy. When I returned she was just hanging up.

  “Well? What’s the verdict? Do we need to plan a rescue mission?”

  “Nope. According to Carmony they are having a blast,” Mercy replied. “Apparently they’ve gathered quite a collection of Zombies along the way. They’ve kind of got a caravan. Carmony sounds like she may just have found her place in the Zombie world.”

  She looked both happy and sad at the same time. “Then what’s wrong,” I asked. I didn’t know what to make of her reaction.

  “I don’t know. I guess I just miss us all being together. It feels like maybe that won’t happen again.”

  I didn’t know what to say to reassure her because the truth is I felt the same way. “No worries, Mercy. There’s nothing but blue skies and sunshine ahead. Trust me.” It slipped out before I could stop myself. I feel the weight of that word like a stone around my neck. Too late to take it back. I only hope it doesn’t drown me when the flood water rises again like it always does.

  Titus chose that moment to show up. He was grinning like a maniac which never bodes well. I almost didn’t want to know what he’d been up.

  “I think Julia might just kill me today,” he chuckled. I guess he wasn’t that concerned about it. Personally, I was pretty damned worried. Any time Titus dips his crazy in chaos we usually pay the price. Somehow Julia’s wrath finds Mercy and me in its path.